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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469">I'm lighting matches just to swallow up the flame</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuffiehighwind/pseuds/yuffiehighwind'>yuffiehighwind</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Some Kind of Madness [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Once Upon a Time (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cursed Storybrooke, Explicit Language, F/M, Family Drama, Grief/Mourning, Identity Issues, M/M, Magic, Mental Health Issues, Multiple Personalities, Non-Explicit Sex, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Multiple, Post-Curse Storybrooke, Post-Series, Pre-Curse FTL, Pre-Series, Season 1, Season 2, Secret Relationship, Shorts, Some Detours to Azeroth and Discworld, The Origins of the Portal Hat (sort of), Time Loop, Unhealthy Relationships, season 5, season 6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 21:20:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>103,714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuffiehighwind/pseuds/yuffiehighwind</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In Storybrooke, Jefferson remembers the jagged fragments of a broken past.</p><p>---</p><p>This fanfic is a series of different snapshots from Jefferson's life, alternating between Fairytale Land and Storybrooke. There is no thread of plot, chapter to chapter, because I'm posting my ideas as I think of them. I don't have any plan for how many chapters this will be. Mad Queen, Mad Whale, and Jefferson/Priscilla, with some Gen thrown in.</p><p>There are word counts and summaries at the top of each chapter after Chapter 7. Much of this fanfic is non-linear, so you can skip around if you want.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Background Grace/OMC, Background Regina/Leopold, Background Victor/Ruby and Regina/Graham, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Mad Hatter | Jefferson, Mad Hatter | Jefferson/Original Female Character(s), Mad Hatter | Jefferson/Priscilla, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Victor Frankenstein | Dr. Whale/Mad Hatter | Jefferson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Some Kind of Madness [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/30855</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Opposites (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>All of this takes place in roughly the same universe as the rest of my old fanfiction series "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/30855">Some Kind of Madness</a>," with a few changes. This also now draws upon and retells events from Once Upon a Time's tie-in graphic novel "Out of the Past," which I hadn't read when I wrote my fanfics back in the day. Makes some references to events from my old 2012 fanfic "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/554793/chapters/989209">Only Sometimes</a>." </p><p>The title is a slightly altered lyric from the song "<a href="https://youtu.be/zRHNi3QfFlE">Gasoline</a>," by Halsey.</p><p>Chapters 1-6, 18-19, 21-23, 26, 31, 33-35, 38-45, and 47-48 are Mad Queen<br/>Chapters 7, 10, 16-17, 20, 24, 27-29, and 49-50 are Gen<br/>Chapters 8-9, 11-15, 46, and 51-52 are Mad Whale<br/>Chapters 25, 30 and 37 are Jefferson/Priscilla<br/>Chapters 32 and 36 are Jefferson/OFC</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>“But it’s no use now,” thought poor Alice, “to pretend to be two people! Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!” </i>
</p><p>- Chapter 1, Down the Rabbit-Hole, Alice in Wonderland</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a surprise every time he brings it up, but Jefferson tells Dr. Hopper anyway. The doctor’s confused reaction is another (self-inflicted) twist of Regina’s knife. Nobody remembers anything because it’s always the same...day? Week? Year?</p><p>What year is it, anyway?</p><p>“I’ve been fucking the Mayor,” Jefferson says, and Dr. Hopper looks a little stunned when Jefferson’s reply to his question “How long have you been seeing her?” gets longer and longer. A few days. Weeks, months, years. How could he have kept it a secret for so long, Jefferson’s therapist asks. Why didn’t Jefferson tell him? </p><p>“It must have slipped my mind.”</p><p>Dr. Hopper looks concerned. </p><p>“You can’t tell her I told you,” Jefferson says sometimes, embarrassed and ashamed he’s been spilling his guts out, getting emotional over the cruel sorceress who ruined his life. He should be channeling that into rage, into killing her, but instead he regurgitates poetic self-pitying bullshit. </p><p>He finally mentions Priscilla. Dr. Hopper can’t be surprised she exists, because he really doesn’t know Jefferson or his masked self at all. Jefferson has false memories planted by the Curse of an ex-wife, but no fabricated ghost of the past can compare to the real one haunting him.</p><p>He tells Dr. Hopper all about her red hair, how beautiful she looked when they met, but because Hopper gives Jefferson a hard time when he recounts his real stories, he can’t tell his therapist he met Priscilla in the middle of a heist. Jefferson has to work extra hard to mentally juggle different realities with the lies he’s concocting. They met at a party. <em> Yes</em>, a party. It just happened to be occurring down the hall while they were busy robbing the place.</p><p>She was so very different from Regina, Jefferson tells him. Vibrantly alive, fiercely loyal, kind and loving, and funny as hell. He describes her with a smile on his face. A real one, not one of his sardonic grins.</p><p>He also tells Dr. Hopper that Priscilla died, but not that an arrow pierced her heart while she was courageously rescuing him from his tormentors.</p><p>Regina is his late wife’s polar opposite, Jefferson notes. Why, then, does he feel drawn to her? Why can’t he tell Regina to stop? Jefferson remembers what Hopper told him after the first time he fucked the Mayor.</p><p><em> “It’s not abnormal to feel infatuation,” </em>the therapist had (unhelpfully) said, because Jefferson was crying and spouting nonsense like Regina knows him better than anyone. Dr. Hopper doesn’t remember ever saying this. He hasn’t said anything quite as stupid since. </p><p>But sometimes Hopper asks if Jefferson has fallen in love with her. </p><p>“Never,” he replies. “I could never.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Loop (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>“Who are you?” said the Caterpillar.</i>
</p><p> <i>This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I hardly know, Sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”</i></p><p>  <i>“What do you mean by that?” said the Caterpillar, sternly. “Explain yourself!”</i></p><p>  <i>“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, Sir,” said Alice, “because I am not myself, you see.”</i></p><p>- Chapter 5, Advice from a Caterpillar, Alice in Wonderland</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Get out of here, now.”</p><p>Regina opens the door, holding an infant. She was probably expecting Graham. </p><p>Like a mother lion, she has her teeth bared and is ready to fight. She doesn’t shout. Regina keeps her tone level, so she doesn’t startle the baby. Jefferson’s heart sinks when he realizes Regina is <em> afraid </em> that he will hurt the child. </p><p>Jefferson wants her to explain whose baby she’s caring for, but Regina shuts the door in his face. There’s no point demanding anything. It’s someone’s child, and they shouldn’t be dragged into the middle of a fight that has nothing to do with them. </p><p>He’ll use his telescope to spy on them instead. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s been a few weeks and Regina still has the baby. Nobody comes to retrieve it, so Regina…? Stole someone’s baby? Another monstrous play by the despicable sorceress! Whose family did she force apart this time?</p><p>Jefferson asks Rumplestiltskin - Mr. Gold - what’s going on. </p><p>“I noticed the Mayor has a child now. Do you know anything about that?”</p><p>Mr. Gold appears reluctant to reveal anything personal about the Mayor. He doesn’t remember the many, many times Jefferson has spoken with him over the years. Rumplestiltskin is not immune to Regina’s curse. </p><p>“The Mayor adopted him,” is Gold’s simple reply.</p><p>“From within Storybrooke?”</p><p>“From without. Though it’s not really any of your business.”</p><p>“She adopted a child from outside Storybrooke?” Jefferson asks in disbelief, because this is monumental. Regina is pulling a human from this planet into their time looping bubble. A horrified shiver runs down Jefferson’s spine. How would that even work? </p><p>Eventually, the child will get old enough to find it odd, and what sort of life will that be, with friends who don’t age with him, and can’t remember any of the experiences they’ve shared? Will Regina just keep him isolated and lonely? Feed him constant lies about why his world is so strange? </p><p>“What’s his name?” Jefferson asks over text message. He receives no reply. </p><p>Jefferson is a very patient man, so it’s some time before he follows that up with, “Will you keep him from the truth like your mother kept you?”</p><p>He doesn’t have to wait long for Regina to show up at his house and silently, angrily fuck him. She makes one comment before leaving.</p><p>“I am nothing like my mother.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The unfairness is infuriating. Jefferson watches over his daughter Grace and her own adoptive parents through his telescope. He can’t feel any malice for them - they have the faces of his old friends, the ones who took in Grace when he left with Regina for Wonderland. When he abandoned her, his child, who had already lost one parent. Jefferson left her wondering if he would ever come back. The only blessing of this vile enchantment is that Grace doesn’t remember.</p><p>No, it’s Regina’s happiness that is unfair. Even though she has shared with him in the dark, in the light, sober and over drinks, just how miserable this whole experience turned out to be, Regina is still the winner. She is powerless to the time loop, but still has power over the town. That power isn’t memory - Jefferson has it and hates it. That power is knowing who she is, what’s real and what isn’t. Every day Jefferson struggles with the overwhelming sense that everything is wrong, that he truly has imagined the existence of magic, and the existence of a happy life that never happened. </p><p>“You know what really sucks, Cricket?”</p><p>Dr. Hopper squints at him. He doesn’t like the nickname. </p><p>“She didn’t even give me a new name.” </p><p>Hopper tilts his head and has that incredulous look he gets whenever Jefferson talks like the Hatter. </p><p>“Did you know Jefferson is my real name? That it’s always been my name?” </p><p>Dr. Hopper looks uncomfortable and says, “Yes, we’ve established that.”</p><p>“But the Queen gave me a new identity when she cast the Curse,” Jefferson says, and speaks quickly before Hopper can interrupt. “It’s very different - very, <em> very </em> different. I don’t know how she cooked it up or how any of this works, but it’s a cruel punishment, making me wealthy. Making my Storybrooke persona come from money and care about little else.” </p><p>Dr. Hopper sighs and looks at him with that combination of sympathy and exasperation that Jefferson has come to know well. </p><p>“But the fucked up thing is this - <em> she didn’t change my name."</em> Jefferson gives him a sardonic grin and laughs. “It’s genius!”</p><p>He could explain why it’s such an incredible method of torture, but the reason should be obvious. When you’re two people in one body, but both use the same name, it makes it impossible to untangle reality from fiction.</p><p>“Why do you think Regina has such power?” Dr. Hopper asks, probably trying to get through to Storybrooke’s Jefferson, who wouldn’t have an adequate answer anyway. </p><p>“Why else would I be here?”</p><p>“You wouldn’t be in therapy?” </p><p>“I wouldn’t be in Storybrooke.”</p><p>“I thought you moved here to heal,” Hopper says, because that was Storybrooke Jefferson’s reason.</p><p>“<em>Jefferson </em> moved here to heal. <em> I </em> didn’t choose this place.”</p><p>“And who are you?” Hopper asks. “Who is speaking to me right now?”</p><p>After an awkward pause, the Hatter replies, “Jefferson.”</p><p>Dr. Hopper’s sympathetic expression melts into pity. He was never a very good therapist. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Regina’s child has grown older, while Grace stays the same. She looks a little older than the last time Jefferson saw her, but she didn’t age in Storybrooke - she aged while he was trapped in Wonderland. Many years passed there, or so it seemed, but it couldn’t have been more than two in the Enchanted Forest. Regina rescued her father not long before casting the Curse. And then she killed him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“This isn’t my first time being tortured temporally,” Jefferson tells Regina one day, long before she adopts the Earth child, when they spend a long hot summer in his air conditioned bedroom.</p><p>“That’s right,” Regina says seriously. “Time passes differently in Wonderland.”</p><p>“Of course,” Jefferson replies. “But I was talking about something a bit more sinister than relativity.”</p><p>“More sinister than this?” Regina asks, meaning Storybrooke. She lays her head on his chest like they’re in love, listening to the heart he used to fear she would rip out. </p><p>“I was captured by the March Hare while trying to steal from him the Clock of Evermore,” he explains, though Jefferson thinks surely he’s told her this before. “Using the Clock, he trapped me in a one-hour time loop that lasted six months.”</p><p>Regina takes a long pause before asking gently, “How much time passed in the real world?” </p><p>“Days? A week, maybe. Long enough for people to notice me missing.” </p><p>“How did you escape?”</p><p>“With the White Rabbit’s help, my wife Priscilla rescued me. She was shot in the back by an arrow as we made our escape. She died in my arms, but I had to leave her body behind. I guess that’s what I do. Leave people behind.”</p><p>Regina takes an even longer pause before replying, “I didn’t know.”</p><p>Jefferson covers her hand with his own, then digs his nails into her skin until she winces. </p><p>“You didn’t ask.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hats (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>"The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday — but never jam to-day."</i>
</p><p>  <i>"It MUST come sometimes to ‘jam to-day,'" Alice objected.</i></p><p>  <i>"No, it can't," said the Queen. "It's jam every OTHER day: to-day isn't any OTHER day, you know."</i></p><p>  <i>"I don't understand you," said Alice. "It's dreadfully confusing!"</i></p><p>  <i>"That's the effect of living backwards," the Queen said kindly: "it always makes one a little giddy at first."</i></p><p>  <i>"Living backwards!" Alice repeated in great astonishment. "I never heard of such a thing!"</i></p><p>  <i>"—but there's one great advantage in it, that one's memory works both ways."</i></p><p>  <i>"I'm sure MINE only works one way," Alice remarked. "I can't remember things before they happen."</i></p><p>  <i>"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards," the Queen remarked.</i></p><p>  <i>"What sort of things do YOU remember best?" Alice ventured to ask.</i></p><p>  <i>"Oh, things that happened the week after next," the Queen replied in a careless tone.</i></p><p>- Chapter 5, Wool and Water, Through the Looking Glass</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The dialogue exchange between David and Jefferson comes from S2E2, “We Are Both.” Jefferson and Priscilla’s dialogue when they meet in the treasure room in Camelot comes from the graphic novel “Out of the Past.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Years passed slowly and quickly at the same time. The days crawled, as Jefferson sewed hat after hat, but somehow months had gone by without him realizing. </p><p>“Like Vegas,” he said to himself. “No clocks.”</p><p>Jefferson didn’t like clocks, and he hated mirrors. He loathed gold pocket watches because of the grim memories that came with them, but found a case of them in a drawer.</p><p><em> Jefferson </em> appreciated them - the gears, the craftsmanship, the feel of the metal under his fingertips - so Jefferson was stuck with them. </p><p>“Michelle gave you this watch,” he said aloud, holding one up to the light, and he was grateful her name had not been Priscilla. </p><p>“Open it,” he told himself, then replied, “No, it will only remind you of things you hoped to forget.”</p><p>Jefferson repeated, “Open it.” Michelle was not dead, she was back in New York, safe and sound and judging him. But Priscilla was dead. She died on a filthy pantry floor. </p><p>Jefferson sighed, with no choice but to obey his other self’s command. </p><p>“What am I looking for?” he asked himself, examining the watch. His gut twisted, and it looked far too much like the Clock of Evermore.</p><p>Regina’s Curse made no sense. Perhaps it manipulated minds on its own, torturing Storybrooke’s citizens in such a way that they could never be truly happy, but also in ways Regina never considered and had never intended. More people in the town would be miserable, and most were getting by. Some were even happy. The Queen had only punished the people closest to her. </p><p>Jefferson couldn’t understand why he was the only one awake - not even Rumplestilskin was aware of what had happened. Was it because he was in Wonderland when Regina cast the curse? This oddity nagged at Jefferson, but it didn’t really matter. Michelle’s final gift was in Jefferson’s palm. So was the reason for Priscilla’s demise. </p><p>“It’s all your fault,” Jefferson told himself, and it was. Had he not gone to Wonderland in search of the Clock, and had he not betrayed Michelle…</p><p>Had he not done this, or that, and every one of Jefferson’s regrets were doubled, stacked on top of each other. Michelle and Priscilla faded into each other, because they had the exact same face and the same green eyes, but blessedly, <em> blessedly</em>, they did not share the same name.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Can you get me through?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Can you get them back? Can you get it to work?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If you only knew." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay, you had a little girl's tea set in your car and a stuffed rabbit toy, so I'm thinking you have a daughter you love. Well, I do, too, and a wife, and they're out there somewhere, in the Enchanted Forest or a void. I don't even know, but I'm going to get them back.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “They're in the Enchanted Forest. That's for sure. I just can't get there.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It still exists?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It exists. I don't know if that matters since we can't go there.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So you won't help me?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I'm a Portal Jumper, and you destroyed my portal, so you're out of luck.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Well, I'm the closest thing left to a sheriff here, so I could just throw you in a cell until you figure out a way.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Then all we'll do is both sit, stuck. Two lives in our heads, cursed worse than ever. Two lives forever at odds. Double the pain, double the suffering.” </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They met at a party in Camelot, trying to steal the same treasure. </p><p>Two shrewd venture capitalists targeting the same company? Talk about a competition! Maybe that’s why things never worked out with Michelle, while falling in step with Priscilla was easy as breathing. </p><p>It didn’t concern Jefferson until later how well-informed Priscilla was about realm hopping.</p><p>“This is when I’d reach for my Hat,” he told her, as the heavy tread of castle guards grew closer. </p><p>“Wait, you’re a Portal Jumper?” Priscilla asked.</p><p>“Yes. But sadly there’s only room for one on this trip.” Jefferson removed the Hat from his head and looked at it with a frown. He wished the magical artifact didn’t have such strict rules. “I hate to think of what those guards would do to you if they found you in here.”</p><p>Priscilla grasped his sleeve and pointed to a grate at the back of the vault. </p><p>“How about we both leave the way I intended? Not as fancy as your hat, but this way we can both keep our heads. I have a feeling I wouldn’t like freefalling through a portal anyway.”</p><p>“It’s not that bad. Perhaps I can show you one day. That is, if you’d like.”</p><p>Priscilla had disguised herself as a noblewoman with a puffy lime-green dress and long white gloves. Michelle stuck to basic black, or so he could recall. Everything from Jefferson’s past came to him in shades of gray, while his mad fantasies of a world with magic were brightly colored. Kind of like in The Wizard of Oz, he thought. </p><p>Priscilla was also a thief, with a poor childhood as traumatic as Jefferson’s own, and a yearning to be more than just a wife and mother. She was fascinated by stories of other worlds as a child, and was determined to meet a Jumper herself as an adult. Priscilla made a list of all the methods of travel rumored to exist. </p><p>Marrying and having a child turned out to be exactly what the couple wanted, but they had all sorts of adventures traveling the multiverse before settling down and peacefully retiring young. Of course, nothing could ever be that easy. Nothing the couple did made enough gold to sustain their lavish lifestyle. Thieving was all they knew. </p><p>But that would come later.</p><p>“I’m Michelle,” the red-haired beauty introduced herself, her black-gloved hand outstretched for Jefferson to shake. “Tell me you’re here for pleasure and not for work.”</p><p>“Recognize a shark when you see one?”</p><p>“Your reputation precedes you.”</p><p>“Damn. I try so hard to keep my face out of the papers.”</p><p>“I read the trades.”</p><p>“Caught me then,” Jefferson said, and Michelle smiled, but in a way that seemed fake. </p><p>Competition, cooperation. Money, family. Lust, love. </p><p>Failure, failure. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“I’m not crazy,” Jefferson insists. “I’m not sick.” But Michelle was around when he received his diagnosis, and refuses to believe him. She pushes him towards Maine, to leave everything behind, and he goes, because that’s what Jefferson does. He leaves people behind.</p><p>“Move down!” he shouts, before snapping back to the conference room table, and there is no tea, no talking animals, and he is testily snapping at his company’s CEO and not the Dormouse. </p><p>“Excuse yourself, Jefferson,” he’s sternly told, and Jefferson shamefully slinks out. He smokes several cigarettes on the balcony, and next he’s back in Wonderland, wondering what just happened. </p><p>But none of this is happening presently, they’re all just memories. Jefferson is in his Storybrooke mansion, working on another hat. He got good at dissociating while in the midst of a project back in Wonderland, without losing a beat. </p><p>“Get it to work,” he whispers fervently, then sighs and drops the thread. “Get it to work,” he repeats, less urgently, more wearily. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Miss me?”</p><p>Jefferson kisses the back of Regina’s neck.</p><p>“Hardly,” she says. Turning around, she adds, “You can’t be here.”</p><p>“Lucky I brought your taxi, my Queen.” Jefferson takes the Hat off his head and holds it out to her. “Go on. Touch it.”</p><p>Regina tentatively touches the brim for the first time.</p><p>“It’s not going to hurt you,” Jefferson teases.</p><p>Regina holds the Hat up to the light. Her hands roam across the fabric – inside, out – caressing each of its threads.</p><p>She scrunches her nose and asks, “It only activates when it spins?” </p><p>“Yes. Every time. So I’d be careful with it if I were you.”</p><p>Regina suddenly throws it across the room. It spins the distance and wobbles to a stop, landing on its side. Nothing happens. Jefferson picks it up and brushes it off. Realization dawns on Regina.</p><p>“The Hat only allows its owner to activate it.”</p><p>“Something like that.”</p><p>“But you have no magic of your own. It was always the Hat.”</p><p>Jefferson puts the Hat on his head – the safest place for it, other than its case, which is too cumbersome to carry.</p><p>“I can’t tell you why it only obeys me. I don’t know why.”</p><p>“You are a liar. I could get it to work. So could anyone.”</p><p>Jefferson holds it out to her.</p><p>“Want to try again?”</p><p>“Why are you here, anyway?”</p><p>“To see you, Regina. Why else?”</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“You, of course.”</p><p>The petulant young Queen crosses her arms and turns around, saying, “Well, I do not want <em>you</em>.” </p><p>Jefferson presses himself against her back and leans down to whisper in her ear, “Are you sure about that?” </p><p>Regina stubbornly does not turn around, but allows Jefferson to wrap his arms around her waist and hold her from behind.</p><p>“My husband is downstairs,” she says, in weak protest. </p><p>“Then come away with me,” Jefferson says. “Take my hand.” </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“It’s magnificent,” Regina says later, turning slowly to marvel at the Chamber of Doors. </p><p>“I’m glad you like it.”</p><p>“What’s this?” she asks, pointing towards a large mirror. He thinks it must go to Wonderland.</p><p>“I wouldn’t go there if I were you. It’s a strange and dangerous place.”</p><p>“What is it called?”</p><p>“Wonderland.”</p><p>Regina exhales a laugh.</p><p>“Believe me,” he tells her, “the name sounds whimsical, but it’s a real world with real problems, and locals who possess very deadly magic.” </p><p>He embellishes this last bit, making it sound a bit more sinister. The true danger in Wonderland is that someone can quite easily kill themselves by accident. </p><p>“Let me show you the Discworld,” he says, and they go on their way.</p><p>“Where do you want to go first?” Jefferson asks Priscilla years later. Excitedly, she names many places. Jefferson chuckles kindly and asks her to slow down. “Maybe we can start with Azeroth,” he suggests. “You would like that world.”</p><p>The timing is poor - as it always is when a person risks their life venturing to Azeroth - but they do it together, and that’s all that really matters. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Heartbreaker (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>“She generally gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.”</i>
</p><p>- Chapter 1, Down the Rabbit-Hole, Alice in Wonderland</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The scene and dialogue in the heart vault is from S2E5, “The Doctor.” The vault’s booby-trap almost kills them in a deleted scene. This chapter makes even more references to my old 2012 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/554793/chapters/989182">Only Sometimes</a>.” It retells the forest scene from <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/554793/chapters/989193#workskin">Chapter 4</a> with the same dialogue, but from Jefferson’s point of view, and some of their discussion about his scar from <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/554793/chapters/989199#workskin">Chapter 6</a>. The very end of this chapter is vaguely dubcon.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jefferson can’t say Regina is a better lover than any other partner he’s had. If Jefferson were ever forced to pick a favorite, he’d say Priscilla every time. Priscilla had made him feel safe and understood. Cherished. They were true partners. Priscilla had his back, and he had hers, to the very end. The sex was relaxed and joyful. Finding Priscilla was like finding his other half.</p><p>No, Regina is not a better lover, but she will forever be more memorable. Even before Wonderland, before Storybrooke, Jefferson would think back on his tragically short time with Priscilla fondly, but no real details of their lovemaking stood out. The <em> way </em> Priscilla touched him - <em> that </em> he remembered far more clearly than what, exactly, her hands had been doing to his body. But Regina...</p><p>
  <em> Tha-thump, tha-thump. </em>
</p><p>Those five hot fingers over his heart? He can still see them. Still<em> feel </em>them.</p><p>These days, Regina’s touch makes his heart race, but at least she can’t pluck it from between his ribs.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson didn’t know what to expect when Regina led him and Victor to retrieve the magic heart they were stealing - and pretending to use to revive her dead fiancé. He was not expecting a large underground vault made of heavy stone filled with a hundred beating hearts. The hearts had been stored in boxes, shelved in holes carved in each wall. They were so bright, they were visible through the wood.</p><p>“These are all,” Victor started to say, hesitating. He appeared stunned and disbelieving. “Hearts?”</p><p>Regina replied, “My mother was a collector.”</p><p>Jefferson bit his lip, looking around wide-eyed at the eerie disembodied parts. They illuminated the room with a red glow.</p><p>“Whose hearts are these?” he asked.</p><p>The young queen had a mild reaction to the gruesome sight. Jefferson inspected one of the boxes, but felt sick and looked away. Victor appeared fascinated, like he had walked into a treasure trove.</p><p>“I have no idea,” Regina replied. “She took so many, caused so much pain. It was impossible to keep track.” With disgust, Regina said, “She was a monster.”</p><p>Victor removed a heart at random from the wall, marveling at its...beauty? Jefferson watched him warily.</p><p>Jefferson thought that was it and they could leave this haunting place, but no, the vault had been booby-trapped. The walls closed in to crush them, and after several terrifying minutes, the girl teleported them out. </p><p>He turned around, slightly disoriented. They were safe upstairs again.</p><p>Pointing at Regina, he exclaimed, “You did it!”</p><p>An obvious observation, but he had been yelling at her to hurry up, and not in a very encouraging way.</p><p>“Indeed I did,” Regina replied proudly, looking down at her hands with a smile. </p><p>She handed the boxed heart to Victor. The scam was on.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson’s first time with Regina was an undignified romp in the woods, though he could hardly be blamed for that. “I want you now,” she told him, and Regina didn’t say please, but pleaded with the firm press of her lips.</p><p>“Not bad,” she said afterwards, breathless, which was a fine joke. No words could more adequately convey how much pleasure he gave her than the girl’s wanton moans earlier.  </p><p>“Damn good, I’d say,” Jefferson replied, kissing her. He felt her smiling against his mouth. Jefferson ignored her dreamy expression and got dressed. This wasn’t that kind of sex.</p><p>She lingered there, in no rush to make herself decent. Normally he’d be flattered, but Jefferson had spread his coat beneath them like a blanket, and had a pressing reason for her to move. Jefferson crudely and matter-of-factly explained why. </p><p>The girl stood up - allowing Jefferson to pick up the coat and inspect it for stains - but angrily responded, "You do not get to talk to me that way, you--!”</p><p>Jefferson interrupted, "I don't want to have a talk, or start a fuss.” And though she hadn’t asked, or even implied she thought otherwise, he clarified, “It's not a relationship, it's a business transaction, but--”</p><p>Regina slapped him.</p><p>"I don't need to fuck some country conman to pay my debts. You owe <em> me</em>. I am a <em> queen</em>!"</p><p>Jefferson winced and rubbed his cheek.</p><p>"A <em> married </em> queen,” he replied with a frown. “I tend to get into trouble with married women."</p><p>"Yes," Regina whispered threateningly, "but this time what you've done is punishable by death."</p><p>"Then I throw myself at your mercy, your Majesty," Jefferson said, in a casual tone he never used to beg for his life, but he had no fear Regina would follow through on her threat. "I was <em> about </em> to say that I would appreciate your <em> discretion</em>."</p><p>"And I would appreciate yours, <em> peasant</em>,” she spat.</p><p>How very different things between them had become, in such a short amount of time. </p><p>Regina had cried on Jefferson’s shoulder when Victor gave them the bad news - giving Daniel’s body a new heart did not revive him. In fact, Victor had not tried at all - the heart remained secure in its original wooden box. Victor took it home with him - to do whatever strange science experiment he needed it for - while Regina mourned her fiancé What’s-His-Face a second time, for whatever strange social experiment Rumplestiltskin was conducting.</p><p>Regina had become disillusioned and bitter - though time would tell whether or not this would shape the girl into a “monster” - and apparently she had harnessed this darkness to finally learn how to take hearts. </p><p>In the present, Jefferson teased the young queen about how easily he made her come, and she responded by magically choking his neck. </p><p>“Silence,” she said. Jefferson couldn’t breathe, and the most disturbing thing was not the assault, but the pleased look on the girl’s face. </p><p>Once she released him, he doubled over. Catching his breath, Jefferson said, "You wouldn't really kill me, Regina."</p><p>"And why is that?"</p><p>Jefferson took a gamble that being the queen’s personal courier - one who could retrieve magical artifacts for her - was something she didn’t want to lose.</p><p>"You need me."</p><p>"I can have any man I want,” Regina said haughtily.</p><p>"You need the Hat."</p><p>Eyes averted and keeping his distance from the girl - who had been struck quiet by this statement - Jefferson picked up his Hat from where he’d laid it beside their makeshift bed. </p><p>"And I'm the only man who can make it work."</p><p>"You never told me how--”</p><p>“Self-preservation, Regina,” he interjected. “I wouldn't tell <em> anybody. </em>"</p><p>Jefferson’s darkened gaze furtively met her own, then shifted focus away again. </p><p>"Even if I had you tortured?” she asked. Regina was trying to sound menacing, but she was still new to this. “Even if I ripped out your heart?"</p><p>The girl touched his chest and Jefferson backed away.</p><p>"I'm guessing it wouldn't work anymore.” Jefferson was lying, but only half. He still didn’t understand how the Hat worked - that much was true. “I don't know why. Never did."</p><p>To his surprise - and disappointment - Regina believed him. She was too used to believing other magic users’ lies. Rumplestiltskin was a worse manipulator, he thought. Jefferson was just a thief. But then again, he had stolen the magic heart, stolen her hope, and stolen her innocence - though honestly, Leopold had done that first.</p><p>Jefferson had stolen her words, too, because Regina was not responding to his vague explanation for why the Hat would not activate with her touch.</p><p>"May I go, now?" he asked, when the silence had stretched too long. "I have an errand to run."</p><p>The young queen nodded, and Jefferson took that as a yes, throwing down the Hat with a spin to open a portal to somewhere - anywhere - else. </p><p>Regina scowled down at him as he disappeared, but she wouldn’t be the death of him today.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sometimes during their changeless cursed decades in Storybrooke, Jefferson and Regina would have charged, rough, <em> angry </em> sex…</p><p>...and then completely ruin it with grim pillow-talk about scars - both physical and mental - and all the things that happened when they were apart.</p><p>Regina hadn’t seen him with his shirt off since before his marriage to Priscilla. They were both much younger then. Looking back, they were just kids, really. They were older now - much older than even their faces showed. </p><p>She opened Jefferson’s shirt and placed those five hot fingers over his heart, scratching his skin with her nails. He knew she was powerless in this world, so Jefferson relaxed and allowed it. He wouldn’t let her touch his neck, though. </p><p>“Don’t,” he said. “I mean it.” </p><p>Regina withheld her touch, but did not hide her stare. </p><p>Eventually, Regina asked where the scar circling his neck came from and he told her. She admired the artistry, of course, and kissed his collarbone, then his lips. Jefferson wondered if she knew that was the only way to make this difficult conversation bearable. Or maybe she was just sicker than he thought, getting off on his suffering. </p><p>Regina asked morbid questions like, “Did they do it more than once?” and “Was it quick or slow?” and he hated her curiosity almost as much as he hated that it was her fault.</p><p>“Why did you come back so damaged?” she asked, rocking her pelvis against his own, making him hard.</p><p><em> I hate her, </em> he thought. <em> I hate her, I hate her. </em></p><p>"I couldn't stop making hats."</p><p>Regina smiled slightly when she replied, "Like your old one."</p><p>"I made so many I lost count. Couldn't sleep. Only slept if I passed out. Stopped working only to eat and ate barely anything."</p><p>Regina stopped rocking her hips. She frowned, asking, "Why are you telling me this?"</p><p>“I don't have anyone else to tell."</p><p>Regina rolled off Jefferson and lay beside him on the bed, not touching and not saying anything either. </p><p>“Are you leaving?” he asked her, and he wanted to say goodbye to her forever, but he also didn’t want to be alone. </p><p>“Regina?” he prodded.</p><p>She sat up and said, “Uh, yes, it’s probably best if I go.”</p><p>“You’re trying to avoid facing the repercussions of your actions.” Jefferson pointed to his scar. “This was your fault, Regina. You left me in Wonderland and this is what happened.”</p><p>“I didn’t know,” she said. “I didn’t think--”</p><p>“No, you didn’t. You don’t think about anyone but yourself.”</p><p>“So you keep reminding me.”</p><p>“This,” he said, gesturing aggressively to their surroundings, to the house her curse created, “should be your reminder. Storybrooke. The faces of all the people you captured with your vile spell. Seeing Snow White every day. Isn’t that the point? A whole world that revolves around Regina?”</p><p>“I didn’t think you would be trapped in Wonderland forever. There are some magic-users there. Those portal jumping rabbits.”</p><p>“We stole from the Queen of Hearts, you dense witch!” Jefferson shouted. “She was never gonna let me go after that!” </p><p>“I don’t know what I thought!” Regina yelled defensively. The two of them stood up, half-dressed, on either side of the bed, glaring at each other. And the only reason Jefferson didn’t force Regina to leave, was because this was the sort of rage that, shamefully, would often turn to pleasure.</p><p>“If you’re going to apologize,” Jefferson said, “I won’t accept it. Fucking me doesn’t count as atonement.”</p><p>“Atonement?” Regina repeated incredulously. “I come here for me and my needs alone. I am not here to keep you company.”</p><p>“And I’m here to keep yours? What happened to Graham?”</p><p>“It’s not the same.”</p><p>“Because he doesn’t know? Because you have to constantly lie to his face about what a good person you are?" Sarcastically, Jefferson said, "You can just unload all your worst sins on me, and I’ll obediently sit here and listen, because I have nothing else to do and nobody else who wants me.”</p><p>“Your words, Jefferson, not mine.”</p><p>“Fuck you. Get out of my house.”</p><p>“Do you really want that?” Regina asked, walking around to his side of the bed and pressing her disgusting palm against his cheek.</p><p>“I hate you.”</p><p>“I know. But you know who doesn’t hate me?”</p><p><em> No, </em> Jefferson thought. <em> Oh, no, no, no... </em></p><p>“Jefferson,” Regina said gently, and it was the same name, but she wasn’t speaking to him.</p><p>“Regina,” he heard his voice say. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I’m here to keep you company,” she said. “You seem upset. Did you take your meds today?”</p><p>Jefferson scoffed. Regina made an expression that looked almost like tender concern, which looked alien on the Queen’s face, but the Mayor smiled at him like that often. </p><p>“Yes,” Jefferson heard himself say. “Of course I did.” </p><p>“Good,” Regina said, still faking that smile. “That’s good.”</p><p>She looped her arms around his neck, and everything went fuzzy. The Mayor was in his arms, kissing the scar on his neck from his car accident, but what harm was there in that? Graham would never find out. The Mayor chose to be here, with him, instead. She lov--</p><p>Jefferson could imagine Michelle shaking her head at him in disappointment. </p><p>“Regina,” Jefferson said. “Do you like me? Despite my history?”</p><p>Regina’s tender concern morphed into gentle surprise. </p><p>“Of course I like you,” she reassured him. “It doesn’t matter. You’re sick, and there’s no shame in that.”</p><p>“Sometimes I have these delusions,” Jefferson said. </p><p>“I know,” said Regina. “It’s fine. You’re managing it.”</p><p>“It’s not fine.” Jefferson sighed. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be at war with your own mind. To have two realities constantly battling each other, both seeming so vividly real.”</p><p>“This is real. This is the real world.” </p><p>“And the mood swings…”</p><p>“I get it.”</p><p>“You don’t get it.”</p><p>“Jefferson.” Regina was a good liar. “I get it,” she said comfortingly, and took his hand to lead Jefferson back to bed, and the Hatter was helpless to stop her. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Walrus and the Carpenter (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>"I like the Walrus best," said Alice: "because you see he was a little sorry for the poor oysters."</i>
</p><p> <i>"He ate more than the Carpenter, though," said Tweedledee. "You see he held his handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't count how many he took: contrariwise."</i></p><p>  <i>"That was mean!" Alice said indignantly. "Then I like the Carpenter best—if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus."</i></p><p>  <i>"But he ate as many as he could get," said Tweedledum.</i></p><p>  <i>This was a puzzler. After a pause, Alice began, "Well! They were both very unpleasant characters."</i></p><p>Chapter 4 - Tweedledum and Tweedledee - Through the Looking Glass</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter contradicts the events of my old 2012 fanfic "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/562963">Fifty Years Late</a>," but I was on a roll, so now there are two versions of this conversation.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victor Frankenstein had not made any monsters yet, but Rumplestiltskin had a way of nudging mortals towards their destinies. Jefferson had a way of helping.</p><p>On his travels, Jefferson discovered the Land Without Color. It was a sight as jarring as the Emerald City of Oz or the massive, flowered gardens in Wonderland, because while they overwhelmed his senses with dazzling hues, this land was somehow entirely gray. At first Jefferson feared something happened to his eyesight, but upon returning to the Chamber of Doors, his colored sight returned. There was something about that universe that sapped all color, so that was what he called it. </p><p>“How original,” Rumplestiltskin said sarcastically.</p><p>“There’s a man there who wants to bring back the dead,” Jefferson told him, ignoring the slight at his naming skills. “I think he missed the notice there are vampires a few hundred miles away.”</p><p>Rumplestiltskin made a disappointed noise. </p><p>“Is this a man who won’t believe in magic?”</p><p>“His world is a world of ‘science,’ not magic.”</p><p>“Which has creatures of the night roaming it?”</p><p>Jefferson grinned. “Yes, that it does. And I have to add, most people there aren’t in denial, just the ‘smart’ ones.”</p><p>Rumplestiltskin chuckled. “I have a marvelous idea. Take me to this world. I wish to speak to this...what did you call him? Practitioner of ‘science?’”</p><p>“Scientist,” Jefferson said. “Why? I thought ‘dead was dead’? <em> You </em> taught me that.”</p><p>“I have a student who has been mourning her lost love, and it is becoming bothersome getting her to move past it.” </p><p>Puzzled, Jefferson asked, “So...you want to resurrect her lost love?”</p><p>Raising his voice, Rumplestiltskin said, “No! I want her to see it is impossible.” </p><p>“Oh,” said Jefferson. “Why do you need this ‘scientist’ just for that? Who knows, the man may succeed.”</p><p>“Not if we <em> fake </em> a resurrection,” said Rumplestiltskin. “How scrupulous are you, boy?”</p><p>“What are scruples?” Jefferson joked. </p><p>“I need you to gain this girl’s trust, talk up this man’s skills, and promise her that he will revive her dead lover.”</p><p>“Oh, just that?” said Jefferson dryly. “That’s not a big ask at all.”</p><p>“I have faith in you,” said Rumplestiltskin with a grin. “And that pretty face.” He stroked Jefferson’s cheek with one of his talons. “Her hopes will be dashed when the scientist fails, and then she will be a better student.”</p><p>“It wouldn’t be more of a distraction? Her heart being broken a second time?”</p><p>Rumplestiltskin smiled deviously. “It would be the perfect motivation.”</p><p>“There’s something seriously wrong with you.” </p><p>“Don’t speak out of turn, boy!” Rumplestiltskin snapped, grasping Jefferson’s face with his whole hand and jerking his chin up. Jefferson gasped. A sharp nail lightly cut into the skin of his neck. More quietly, Rumplestiltskin said, “Just take me to him. What is his name?”</p><p>Rumplestiltskin released his grip, and Jefferson felt his throat to check if the sorcerer had punctured his skin.</p><p>“Doctor Frankenstein,” Jefferson said. “Doctor Victor Frankenstein.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“I’m Doctor James Whale,” he introduced himself, and it was the first truly recognizable face Jefferson had seen in this town. </p><p>“Like the director?” Jefferson asked, because every other question he wanted to ask would sound crazy. Victor tilted his head and shrugged. </p><p>“I’m not much of a cinephile.”</p><p>“Frankenstein.”</p><p>“He...directed ‘Frankenstein’?”</p><p>“I mean <em> you </em> are...not...a fan. Never mind.”</p><p>“I know the name Boris Karloff and that’s it. But I can tell you all about Mel Brooks’ version.”</p><p>“I could tell you an even stranger one.” Jefferson huffed a laugh. “Another time.”</p><p>“Yes,” said Victor. “There’s a more pressing matter. We don’t have a whole lot of space, but Mayor Mills suggested that you--”</p><p>“Commit myself.”</p><p>“Spend a couple days here at the hospital. You might be a danger to yourself, she said.” </p><p>“She’s not my keeper.”</p><p>“She said she was your friend.”</p><p>Jefferson barked a laugh. Victor frowned.</p><p>“My ‘friend.’ Oh yes, we’re all old friends.”</p><p>“It would be only for a short time.”</p><p>“I’m trapped here, anyway. Why not be trapped in a smaller, padded room?”</p><p>Victor shook his head. </p><p>“That’s not what we do here,” he said. After a pause, he added, “If it’s not necessary.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“If you were a danger to others, that would be different.”</p><p>“Why are you talking to me, anyway? I thought you were a surgeon, or something. You’re always so busy.”</p><p>Victor’s brow furrowed. He looked like he was remembering something, almost. He wore that expression someone gets when they have a word on the tip of their tongue that they can’t quite recall. Or a name.</p><p>“Do you recognize me?” Jefferson asked hopefully. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Victor said, “but I don’t.”</p><p>“That’s a pity,” Jefferson said. “Because I’m pretty sure I’m the reason you’re here.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“He’s going to help us in exchange for one enchanted heart.”</p><p>“How’s this going to work?” Jefferson asked. </p><p>“For a start, in exchange for some form of payment, you will offer my student Regina the services of a wizard who can bring back the dead.”</p><p>“What could one of your witches-in-training possibly give me that would be an equal exchange of such a feat?”</p><p>“Did I fail to mention she is King Leopold’s new wife?”</p><p><em>“What?”</em> Jefferson exclaimed. “That means--”</p><p>“Your legal troubles are at an end, dearie.”</p><p>“A passport,” said Jefferson, pumping his fist. “I can get a royal passport!”</p><p>“Indeed. Don’t get too excited just yet.”</p><p>“When do I get to meet her?”</p><p>“It needs to seem like a coincidence. Her next lesson isn’t for a few days, so in the meantime, I’ve got another job for you.”</p><p>“Will it be as easy as pretending to bring a man back to life?”</p><p>“No, it’s going to be harder. I’m sending you to Oz.”</p><p>“You <em> know </em> the Wizard there has a serious hoarding problem, right?”</p><p>“That’s why I’m sending the best thief I know.”</p><p>“As in, there will be lots and lots of heavily armed guards.”</p><p>“When has that ever stopped you before?” said Rumplestiltskin. He pointed to the Hat, which Jefferson kept tucked under one arm. The old sorcerer seemed to reach for it, so Jefferson put it on his head. “I need a pair of silver slippers. Special ones, that you may be familiar with.”</p><p>“Slippers?” Jefferson asked incredulously. Rumplestiltskin made a hand gesture indicating Jefferson should think harder. “Oh! Right. The Silver Slippers.”</p><p>“Are you dense, boy? I thought you were an expert on traversing worlds.”</p><p>“And if I can’t get them?”</p><p>“I suppose a crystal ball shall suffice.”</p><p>“Any particular ball?”</p><p>Rumplestiltskin shook his head. “Witches use them for scrying. One such witch I know has one.”</p><p>“Who is she and how do I steal it?”</p><p>“Do not seek <em> her. </em> She is called the Witch of the West, and is not to be trifled with. Try robbing one of the others.”</p><p>“Got it. Stay clear of the Wicked Witch of the West.” Jefferson removed his Hat, and before throwing it, he asked, “So when I get back, I just...wait until the Queen is around?”</p><p>“Yes, then just casually introduce yourself, and we’ll work from there.”</p><p>“She can’t be so naive to believe raising the dead is a real possibility,” said Jefferson. “Surely?”</p><p>“Hope,” said Rumplestiltskin, “is a very powerful thing, and will get a person to believe in anything.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“You must end this.”</p><p>Regina entered Jefferson’s hospital room - Victor kept his promise and did not subject him to the indignity of a locked cell - and looked around.</p><p>“They took away any sharp objects, I hope.” Regina shut the door behind her. “I’m not ending your suffering, Jefferson. That would be counterproductive.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean kill me.”</p><p>“Didn’t you?”</p><p>Regina sat on Jefferson’s bed, and it was no wonder people assumed they meant more to each other, because the woman invaded his personal space as often as she could.</p><p>“Take one of these minds away from me,” Jefferson said softly. He almost added “please,” but begging the Evil Queen for mercy was humiliating enough without being polite.</p><p>“And why should I do that?” Regina asked, a small, evil smirk tugging at her lip. </p><p>“What did I do to you?” Jefferson asked miserably. “What did I do to deserve this torment?”</p><p>“Hmm.” Regina pretended to muse on this, though he could tell she had an answer that did not require much thought. “That wizard out there,” she said, nodding her head towards the hallway. “What was it you said? If he can’t do it, no one can?”</p><p>“What the hell are you talking about?”</p><p>Regina frowned.</p><p>“Stop acting stupid,” she growled. “You know what you did.”</p><p>“I really don’t!” Jefferson protested. “I don’t know any wizards, other than our mutual acquaintance, who really did a number on you.”</p><p>“He sure did,” Regina said in disgust. “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>Jefferson watched her swiftly, angrily exit the room. Pulling up his legs, he wrapped his arms around them and laid his head on his knees. A few minutes later, the door opened. He looked up, and Regina brought Victor back with her. Jefferson’s stomach dropped. </p><p>“Oh, Regina,” he said, looking between her and a confused Victor. He swallowed thickly and said, “I forgot.”</p><p><em>“You forgot?”</em> she exclaimed. She laughed mirthlessly. “I never forgot, and I never forgave.”</p><p>Victor looked even more confused, not understanding the unspoken argument.</p><p>“How did you even find out?” Jefferson asked. </p><p>“<em>That’s </em> your response? You’re not groveling in apology, begging for my forgiveness?”</p><p>“What is going on?” Victor asked. “Are you--is he your--?”</p><p>It seemed to dawn on Victor that he had been dragged into a vicious lover’s quarrel, which was only partially true. </p><p>“Why didn’t you punish <em> him? </em> ” Jefferson demanded, but made sure not to gesture at Victor directly. “<em>He’s </em> the one who did it. Or didn’t do it. Or whatever the hell happened that night.”</p><p>“He’s not the one who promised me--”</p><p>“Yes, he did! Your memory is as screwed up as mine! He faked the whole thing. The lights, the electricity.” Sarcastically, Jefferson said, “The sad reveal that he failed you.”</p><p>“You promised me!” Regina yelled. “And that wasn’t the only time.”</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“Your wife.”</p><p>“I’m out of my depth here,” said Victor, backing away towards the door, “and I’m going to leave you two alone to work things out.”</p><p>“Wait,” said Regina. “You really don’t know this man?” she asked Victor. </p><p>“I met him today,” he replied.</p><p>“Watch this,” Regina told Jefferson, with a devious grin that he wanted to punch off her face. “You know this isn’t real, right?” she asked Victor with a chuckle. “James Whale is not your name, I’m not a mayor, and he’s not a nutcase. Everything Jefferson says is true.”</p><p>“Mayor Mills,” Victor said in concern, “I would never use the pejorative ‘nutcase,’ and Jefferson hasn’t given any reason to be worried about paranoia or delusions. He’s depressed.”</p><p>“Oh,” said Regina with a smile. “So he <em> didn’t </em> tell you that I’m the Evil Queen from the fairy tale ‘Snow White’ who cast a curse on our land that dragged all of my subjects to Maine, created the land of Storybrooke, fabricated new identities for every resident, and started an endless time loop that only Jefferson and I experience happening? He didn’t tell you any of that this time?”</p><p>Instead of astonishment at what Regina had just revealed, Victor’s first response was, “<em>This </em> time?”</p><p>“What are you doing?” Jefferson asked her, though it was obvious. Time would loop and Dr. Whale would forget this day, so right now, Regina could play with his mind all she wanted. </p><p>But Dr. Whale had a strong sense of self and only one set of memories, so messing with his brain was easier said than done. In fact, Regina spouting nonsense would only inhibit her own freedom. Then again, she could always call Graham to get her out.</p><p>“A long time ago, when we were young and <em> he </em> was an even bigger idiot,” Regina said, gesturing to Jefferson, who was the idiot, “the two of you decided to pretend you could resurrect my late fiance, all so <em>you</em>, Dr. Frankenstein, could steal from me an enchanted heart, and <em> he </em> could...Well, I don’t know what you really wanted, Jefferson.”</p><p>“I just wanted to get paid.”</p><p>“The point is, my teacher, a sorcerer called Rumplestiltskin, wanted the two of you to break my heart and destroy my hope, all so he could make me the queen I am today.”</p><p>“And what did you do to him, Regina?” said Jefferson. “You left him in charge of the damn town!”</p><p>Victor stammered, “Who--what--?”</p><p>“Mr. Gold,” Jefferson said. “Her teacher - the sorcerer - he’s Mr. Gold.”</p><p>“That doesn’t--” Victor started to say.</p><p>“So I admit it,” Jefferson told Regina. “I screwed you over. Is that why you cursed me? Or did you want to drag my wife into it too? Because that’s a different discussion which doesn’t concern him.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Victor. “This sounds like...It sounds like you both need a lot of help.”</p><p>“This woman needs all the help she can get.”</p><p>“Mayor Mills, would you mind staying and speaking with one of our other--our other doctors--about, uh, about all of this?”</p><p>“Oh, Dr. Frankenstein,” Regina said. “That’s not going to happen.”</p><p>“She’s lying,” said Jefferson. “About everything.”</p><p>“It’s true,” said Regina. “All of it.”</p><p>“Even if all that were true,” said Victor, “what does it matter now? You said it yourself, you’re stuck in the same loop.”</p><p>Regina looked at Jefferson, her pleased expression darkening as her stomach surely sunk deeper. Because Victor was right. She had cursed herself as well. </p><p>“If the two of you are the only ones who know what’s real and what isn’t…” Victor trailed off, then shrugged. “If this isn’t some prank, or shared hallucination. If that...<em> stuff </em> is actually true? Mayor Mills, I don’t know if you succeeded when the people you are punishing don’t even know they’re being punished.” Victor frowned. Sympathetically, he said to Jefferson, “And I’m sorry that you do.” </p><p>“Leave us,” Regina snapped, waving Victor out. Reluctantly, the doctor left. </p><p>“What was the point of that?” Jefferson asked her. “Now you’re the crazy one.”</p><p>“For a day or two. He’ll forget.”</p><p>“And what about me?”</p><p>Regina stroked Jefferson’s cheek with two sharp-nailed fingers, and said, “My dear Jefferson, I’ll make certain that from now on, you never do.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Crowded (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The very start of this chapter picks up where Chapter 5 left off, in Storybrooke's hospital.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dr. Whale did not forget Regina’s words as quickly as she assumed. Time worked about as oddly in Storybrooke as it did back in Wonderland. Jefferson tried to check out of the hospital the following morning, but the day had not reset. He had another 48 hours left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson didn’t see Dr. Whale for the rest of his stay - it made more sense to use Victor’s new name - and he was pretty sure his old accomplice would avoid the psych ward anyway. The overworked doctor wore many hats in this land, but psychiatrist was not one of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another oddity he noticed - and another unfair change - was that Whale seemed happier in Storybrooke than in the Land Without Color. Perhaps, before Regina’s curse dragged all her past enemies to this world, his experiment with the enchanted heart had been successful. Maybe the doctor faked a pleasant facade, but the man seemed much more relaxed and laid back than his former self. But who knows what could have happened in the years they’d been apart?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Victor was a straight-laced, somber man fixated on his work back in the day. To Jefferson’s amusement, he was a womanizer now, and maybe that was his punishment, though True Love was never something Victor seemed to crave. Many years passed before they spoke again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” Dr. Whale asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Flatly, Jefferson answered, “Like shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr. Whale chuckled, but with a sympathetic smile that would have never crossed Victor’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>For most of those cursed 28 years, Jefferson remained secluded in his mansion, unless his other self took over. Sometimes he felt like a passenger in his own body. Other times, the Hatter was the unwelcome guest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem well today,” Hopper said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel well.” Jefferson sat on the therapist’s couch, but did not remove his long coat. He kept his hands fisted in his pockets. “Uh, I wanted to--there’s something I need to--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never mind,” Jefferson said, standing up. “I shouldn’t be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I have no other patients waiting. You can say what’s on your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson sat back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the Mayor,” he began to say, and Jefferson had a sense of deja vu, because part of him knew he was obsessing over nothing again. The Hatter, meanwhile, wondered if Hopper would remember having this conversation the same time last year. Or the year before. Or whenever it was Jefferson had last stepped out his door and made his way into Storybrooke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about her?” Hopper asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw her again,” Jefferson said hesitantly. “She came to my house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopper sighed and seemed disappointed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cautioned you about continuing this relationship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a relationship,” said Jefferson defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” said Hopper. “I mean to say, continuing these encounters with her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson nodded, having heard this all before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last time we talked, you said she was still in a relationship with the Sheriff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Hatter looked up and asked, “When did I tell you that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three months ago,” the cricket said. “At our last appointment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remembered that?” the Hatter asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cricket nodded, his expression saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>“of course I did,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>and the Hatter filed that detail away for later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve only been coming in to renew your prescription.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” said Jefferson, looking back down at his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can make weekly visits, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopper didn’t push. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, has she told him about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson frowned. “What business is that of mine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a small town,” said Hopper, as if that explained everything. Jefferson had a distressing thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t dare!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no!” Hopper reassured him. “I would never repeat what you’ve told me! Anything you say is confidential.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what’s the problem?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Secrets have a way of revealing themselves in places like this. I used to live in Portland,” said Hopper, and with a slight smile, he continued, “and one thing you discover moving to a hamlet in northern Maine is that everybody here knows everybody else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The only ones who know are you, me and Regina.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re only making me more paranoid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t my intention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the harm, anyway?” Jefferson asked. Sighing, he leaned back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling. “I’ve fucked other men’s girlfriends before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how did that turn out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson looked at Hopper and narrowed his eyes at the therapist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it you want?” the doctor asked him. “If you could have anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s too embarrassing,” said Jefferson.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regina,” he blurted. Jefferson covered his face with his hands and groaned. “She’s not even my type! What the hell is wrong with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopper didn’t answer, which was fine, because the question was rhetorical. Though honestly, Jefferson had wondered the answer to that question for years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Jefferson struggled for the right words, the Hatter managed to elbow that consciousness aside and speak to the cricket himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I tell you something, cricket?” he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopper nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know exactly what’s wrong, but I fear you’re not going to believe me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The therapist braced himself for another wild claim about magic and curses. The Hatter went a different route. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I met Regina when we were only twenty,” he explained. “Suffice it to say, I broke her heart.” After a pause, he continued, “But it didn’t stop there. We were together for a little while, behind her husband’s back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Jefferson’s comment about bedding other people’s lovers, Hopper did not appear surprised by this reveal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was young, arrogant, and she was...cute,” the Hatter said, for lack of any better word. “She still had some light in her, but I helped blacken her soul anyway.” Struck by a pang of guilt, he frowned, but another memory brought on a slight grin, and he added, “Then she grew into the sexiest damn woman I’d ever seen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could still picture Regina at 22, writhing in his lap and glowing with violet power. His mind flashed forward to an older, more evil queen - black feathers stepping through a portal, taking his freedom with her, throwing his own words about abandonment in his face as she left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then she ruined my life.” He couldn’t think of any details to fabricate, so he left it at that. “The point is,” the Hatter continued, “I think it may just be nostalgia.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For a simpler time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not looking Hopper in the eye, the Hatter nodded, his unfocused eyes staring past the doctor’s shoulder. He could see teenage Regina, hopeful and gullible. Behind her stood the shadow of the terrifying sorceress she would become.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you met in college,” Hopper said. “Is that why you came to Storybrooke? To relive the past?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson furrowed his brow and said, “No, no. I didn’t…” Confused, he asked, “What was I just saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That you’re drawn to Regina out of nostalgia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nostalgia for what?” Jefferson asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reliving your youth,” Hopper said, and that sounded about right, though Jefferson didn’t understand where such an answer came from. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” said Jefferson. “Sneaking around?” He huffed a mirthless laugh. “I guess old habits die hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What will you do about Graham?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Jefferson asked. “Do you want to watch the show when this all goes down in flames?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t have to happen. You can have a mature discussion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With the Sheriff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With </span>
  <em>
    <span>Regina.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah. Right.” Jefferson clucked his tongue. “Like that’s possible,” he muttered sarcastically. “The woman is a puzzle.” He snapped his fingers. “No, she’s like a riddle. Tell me, Doctor, why is a raven like a writing desk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopper’s lip quirked in amusement. “Um, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I've got no fucking idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you see it?” Jefferson asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Octarine, the color of magic. I thought all magic-users could. And cats.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” Regina asked, stepping into the center of the Chamber of Doors and readying herself for their return to her castle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m told it’s like a greenish, yellowish purple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought that was just the fog around the University,” she said. “Some kind of pollution of the air.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, pretty sure that was magic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson shut the door to the Discworld and approached the young sorceress. Settling his hands on her hips, he pulled her closer to him. He leaned down to kiss the girl, whose mouth opened welcomely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little too much tongue,” he commented, when they parted to breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have so much to learn,” she said with a smirk, and let herself be kissed, allowing Jefferson to lead. He slid his palms up her sides, then reached around to squeeze her buttocks. Regina wrapped her arms around his neck. She tried to take control of the kiss with her tongue again, so Jefferson stopped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regina, have patience.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl made a frustrated sound. She looked around the chamber, then up at the endless ceiling above that was no ceiling at all, just an empty void. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do we return?” she asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Already?” Jefferson said in disappointment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To the Enchanted Forest,” Regina said. “Anywhere with a bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson smiled. “Is your bedroom not private enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl frowned, and reminded him, “My bedroom is a prison.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded in understanding. Jefferson took her hand and kissed it, saying, “I know just the place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rush of magic was nothing to him, and it shouldn’t feel strange to Regina, whose own ability to teleport could be disorienting. The girl stumbled when they re-materialized anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson chuckled. “As a woman who can teleport herself with no assistance, it’s funny you walk like you stepped off a boat that spent weeks at sea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina looked insulted, but took the remark good-naturedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we?” she asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My house,” Jefferson said. “Sort of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened the unlocked door to the wooden two-story house, and stepped inside. Regina followed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys!” he hollered. “Anybody home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we breaking and entering?” Regina asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s just...This is a little embarrassing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You live with your parents?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I live with roommates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A man with bountiful riches such as yourself does not have his own home?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m saving up for a mansion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson led Regina down a short hall into the kitchen, where a halfling and an orc were fighting for use of the hearth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not eating lentil casserole again,” the orc rumbled, grabbing the halfling by the shirt and lifting him up and away from the fire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vyvyan!” Jefferson snapped. “Put him down!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vyvyan dropped the struggling halfling, who grunted in pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My elbow landed on the stones!” he cried. “You brute!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson looked at Regina, who was stifling a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Re--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reyla,” the young queen interjected. She wanted to keep her identity hidden, which was smart, and Jefferson wished he had thought of that first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reyla,” he said, pointing to each of his roommates, “that’s Vyvyan and that’s Neil. Gentlemen, this is my friend Reyla.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil sat up, rubbing his elbow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said. Vyvyan waved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s very nice to meet you!” Regina said with a bright smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was a thing Jefferson sometimes forgot, that Regina could be </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not just cordial, but sweet. She used this skill to mask her resentment for Snow White especially well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rick wandered into the kitchen carrying a freshly plucked chicken.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not lentils again!” he said bitterly, dropping the dead bird on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina’s eyes widened. She appeared stunned by the sight of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s rude to stare,” Jefferson whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A pleasure to meet you,” she said, gathering her bearings. “My name is Reyla.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The feline-looking man nodded curtly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a Khajiit,” Jefferson said, before Regina could ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rick had a humanoid body, but the features of a cat. His fur was similar to a light-brown mountain lion, but he wore a man’s clothes in the style of most commoners in the Enchanted Forest. Jefferson always dressed the most ostentatiously in the group. Everybody else was half-dressed, apparently settling in for the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before you say anything too offensive,” Jefferson said to Regina, and the girl made a disapproving noise at the accusation, “Neil is a halfling from Krynn…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a Kender, Jefferson. Stop being speciest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vyvyan is an orc from Azeroth, and Rick…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I come from Skyrim,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does that satisfy your curiosity?” Jefferson asked the girl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t going to ask,” Regina said. “Do not assume all are as closed-minded as yourself, my dear Jefferson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other men laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lentil casserole, huh?” Regina asked Neil. “May I make a suggestion?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Kender arched an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Add some hot pepper. I believe all the men here would love to try your casserole if you gave it a little kick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rick and Vyvyan nodded in agreement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for the tip,” Neil said, and Jefferson tugged on Regina’s arm to guide her upstairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see you’re not the only Portal Jumper in the land,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at that, Regina,” he said. “You know three new Jumpers and you barely had to network.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I confess, this is still awkward,” she said, sitting on Jefferson’s bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More awkward than the forest?” he asked, shutting the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson sat beside her and kissed her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The best thing about this place is nobody cares that you’re here.” Regina pouted. “You know what I mean,” he said, with another kiss to her neck. “I care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson caressed Regina’s cheek, and she turned to meet his gaze. Her skin was already flush with arousal, moist lips slightly parted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With your husband none the wiser, I get to keep my head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For now,” she said, kissing him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson paid this foreboding statement no mind. He wanted to teach her every step, every touch that made him shiver with ecstasy, but they were both impatient, and joined their bodies once they’d stripped off enough clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it,” he murmured in her ear. He repeated this each time she moaned, with gentle encouragement, then a more commanding inflection as her cries became louder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me see,” he begged, but she wouldn’t allow him to see her face as she fell apart, and crashed their lips together instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometime later, Jefferson returned home after dropping the queen off at her castle. He stepped into the kitchen expecting the other men to be asleep, only to have three pairs of eyes staring at him, with three amused grins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard all that,” Jefferson said, and there was no question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Humans,” Rick said distastefully, shaking his head. “You’re awfully loud when you mate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t loud,” said Vyvyan. “The walls didn’t shake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please stop,” said Jefferson. “I’m tired and I’ve had a long day. I don’t need this right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re only teasing,” said Neil. “You can bring back whoever you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She won’t be back,” said Jefferson. “There is a spell that can muffle sound in her own chambers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you will continue to bed her?” asked Rick. “King Leopold’s wife?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other men gasped in shock. Jefferson pressed his lips in a thin line. He pointed at the cat and said threateningly, “You will not speak those words again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rick crossed his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want no trouble brought upon this house. You either stop seeing the queen, or stop living with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson clenched his fist. Angrily, he turned and stomped upstairs. He could hear Neil and Vyvyan protesting that Rick had been too harsh, but Jefferson was grateful the cat had said something. Jefferson never really considered the outcomes of his actions until it was too late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He undressed a second time that night and went to bed, dreaming of Regina.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Neil, Vyvyan and Rick are the names of three characters in the British 1982 sitcom The Young Ones. One running joke is Neil cooking lentils and nobody else wanting to eat it.</p><p>Kender and halflings are fantasy races from the Dragonlance Novels, Khajiit are from The Elder Scrolls games, and Orcs are from the game World of Warcraft. </p><p>The Discworld is the setting of the book series of the same name by Terry Pratchett.</p><p>"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" comes from an exchange between the Hatter and Alice in the novel Alice in Wonderland. The Hatter's answer is, "I haven't the slightest idea."</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Hairpin Trigger (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>It was all very well to say “Drink me,” but the wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. “No, I’ll look first,” she said, “and see whether it’s marked ‘poison’ or not.”</i>
</p><p>- Chapter 1, Down the Rabbit-Hole, Alice in Wonderland</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cylindrical orange bottle reads, in small type, “chlorpromazine,” which is supposed to make him “better.” </p><p>The Hatter hesitates putting it in his mouth, but it’s probably not real and is a trick of the curse. An empty sugar pill, maybe, his body and his brain never changing. His hair never grows, either. Which is just as well, because it got shaggy towards the end -  greasy and tangled, messily sticking out from under one of his useless hats. </p><p>The Queen of Hearts provided the Hatter with supplies - what seemed like miles of fabric, filling an entire large warehouse - and he made one after the other, in an endless manic episode that was not unlike the ones Jefferson experienced in New York. </p><p>“You swing from one extreme to the next,” Michelle had pointed out stupidly, as if he hadn’t been living with it all his life and didn’t already know.</p><p>All of Jefferson’s problems seem so petty to the Hatter, whose motivation is fueled by his crushing desperation to reunite with his daughter. Whenever the Hatter sits down and lets the curse’s fabricated memories wash over him, he finds the link between his two selves is stronger than he thought.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“I can’t get this fucking thing to work!”</p><p>“Let me try,” said Michelle, reaching for his smartphone, but Jefferson slapped her hand away, hard. Michelle made a pained noise. He turned away, to pace in the opposite direction, stabbing at touch-screen buttons that wouldn’t respond.</p><p>“Fuck!” he yelled, throwing the phone to the floor and shattering its screen.</p><p>“Jesus!” Michelle exclaimed. “What the hell happened?”</p><p>Breathing shallowly, Jefferson crossed his arms, so he wouldn’t do anything else he’d regret.</p><p>“It’s the account. I lost the account.”</p><p>Michelle frowned and furrowed her brow, appearing sympathetic. </p><p>“Shit,” she said. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I thought you’d be happy,” he said bitterly.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Now your <em> own </em> company can snatch it up.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t let that happen,” she said, stepping closer, reaching out to pat his upper arm, but he pulled away.</p><p>“I’ve been paying close attention,” Jefferson said, the gears turning, all the signs adding up to this inevitable outcome. “You want me to fail, don’t you?”</p><p>Michelle faked being confused, saying, “That’s not true.”</p><p>“Liar,” he spat. “Wipe that shocked look off your face. You’re a great actress, but I’m not buying it.”</p><p>They argued for what seemed like hours, Jefferson laying out all the evidence of her numerous betrayals - her angling for his job and conspiring to take his money - before Michelle called him crazy and left. </p><p>Jefferson picked up the cracked smartphone, examining it. The screen was black now, but had frozen in his mail app when he threw it. Jefferson booted up his laptop to re-read the email that had triggered him. Scrolling down, there was more text he hadn’t noticed - something that disproved the accusations he just launched at Michelle - and his heart sunk. He had vomited so many insults at her he immediately regretted, and the rage that made him shake spiraled into nauseating guilt. </p><p>He wouldn't let himself cry, but the thought of Michelle never forgiving him suddenly made it hard to breathe. His only alternative to crying was smashing the computer, and the former was a lot easier to clean. So he rubbed his eyes, sniffling, sucking in ragged breaths through his mouth. It was like his head and chest had swollen <em> full </em>of...something. Everything. He should call her, right now, to beg - but his phone was broken, because Jefferson destroyed everything he touched. </p><p>Episodes like this passed relatively quickly, or lasted a long enough time that there was room to make devastating choices. Jefferson turned off his computer, because in his line of work, a single message to the wrong person could unmake his whole world. A rambling email to Michelle had smaller stakes - other than fueling the conflict he had created - and would have no worse outcome than his own humiliation. But he had a long contact list, and right now he could probably type anything to anyone, and not register a single word he had said until morning. </p><p>Drugs and alcohol might help - and he had plenty of that on hand - or Jefferson could just clutch and punch a pillow, digging his fingers tightly into the fabric. They had suggested that at rehab - to let himself feel all his swirling emotions instead of stuffing them down deeper. But it <em>hurt</em> - he knew the despair that sapped all your interest and left you numb and staring, but this was the other kind, the kind that physically pained you. Like a knife to the gut, with the urge to scream and moan. Ugly crying was therapeutic - and maybe that was more acceptable when you were alone and didn’t have to fake being a functional adult. Nobody was around and no one could see, so Jefferson might as well let himself break down and sob.</p><p>This turned out to be a short one - the pain subsided, his overwhelming feelings evaporated, and his paranoia faded as well. Those were the worst kinds of episodes, he thought. Well, not really, but they <em>were</em> the most embarrassing. Waking to reality days later was not as shameful as snapping back in a couple hours. It wasn’t an exaggeration - Jefferson could do a lot of damage in as brief a time as that.</p><p>Michelle forgave him, again, but it was 2010 and things were changing. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The Hatter looked Jefferson in the mirror and asked him, “Was all of that true?” He knew it never happened - it was a memory created by Regina’s curse - but what was factual and what was true could be two different things. </p><p>“Yes,” Jefferson replied sadly, and everything clicked. </p><p>Regina cursed him with two sets of memories, and she cursed him with the presence of his daughter, and she cursed him with changeless, repetitive days, but she had also cursed him to share his body with a man who had already been stricken with madness. That may not have been her intention, but it made a sick sort of sense, that the curse would marry two minds that were broken, gluing them together sloppily.</p><p>“Was this?” Jefferson asked, gesturing to their neck, and the Hatter shivered at the real memory. Or was it? Surely, it had to be, because how else would Jefferson bear the same scar? Unless their eyes lied to them too.</p><p>“I guess we've both lost our heads,” the Hatter told him. Then they wrapped a scarf around their neck, sat down and got back to work.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've never been sure if writing Curse!Jefferson with a mental illness was offensive or ableist, but I explain where the idea came from in my endnotes <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/76941221#work_endnotes">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Re-Introductions (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Meeting Dr. Whale is easy. Getting to know him better, not so much. (919 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’ve decided that some version of the events in my old fanfic “One Night” happened, so this fanfic now includes the pairing of Jefferson/Dr. Whale. After writing this chapter, I decided to write a new, PG-rated version of that tale in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/68559087#workskin">Chapter 9</a> of this fic.</p><p>It's unrequited in Cursed Storybrooke, however. After all, this fanfic is about shitty things happening to Jefferson, and in this particular case, good things not happening.</p><p>If you've skipped ahead and this chapter is the first piece from my series <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/30855">Some Kind of Madness</a> you've read, Jefferson's mind is split in half between his Cursed Storybrooke identity and his "real" one. His Storybrooke self shares the name "Jefferson," so if they ever disagree on something, original Jefferson is called "The Hatter." I don't write it like this very often, only occasionally.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You can call me Jonathan,” Dr. Whale says, and Jefferson isn’t sure why this multi-purpose physician is examining some headcase after an ordinary panic attack, when he’s supposed to be doing surgeries or something, but he’s grateful because he has Victor’s hands, which the Hatter vaguely remembers felt amazing on his skin.</p><p>“Take off your shirt,” he says, and the Hatter blushes, because he’s an old man still embarrassed by a hazy, drunken lay from when he was twenty.</p><p>“Isn’t that a little unprofessional?” Jefferson asks, as he follows the doctor’s order. “Me calling you by your first name?” </p><p>“Everybody calls me Dr. Whale,” he says, listening to Jefferson’s heart. The stethoscope is cold on his chest. The physician chuckles. “I’ve almost forgotten my own first name.”</p><p>Jefferson huffs a laugh. If the man knew the truth, the joke wouldn’t be very funny.</p><p>Dr. Whale doesn’t touch him more than necessary, but it still feels nice when he does, because Jefferson is starving for it, and his only human contact is the Devil incarnate. And when he instructs Jefferson to breathe a certain way, or tilt back his head and open his mouth, Jefferson files the sound of his voice away for later. It’s not the same as Victor’s - who spoke German but had an English accent, for some reason to do with magic the Hatter never understood - but both men are sexy, and Jefferson knows from enough nights with Regina that he likes being told what to do.</p><p>It isn’t his heart, Dr. Whale reassures him, as if Jefferson hasn’t had other panic attacks and people at the hospital haven't forgotten because of a time loop. </p><p>“You don’t have a primary care physician?” Dr. Whale asks. “Let’s set you up with one.”</p><p>The Hatter’s done this all before and can’t wait to go home and never call them, but Jefferson has a nasty thought -  staring at Dr. Whale’s handsome face - of propositioning the doctor and ruining everything. </p><p>The Hatter has stalked everyone by now at some point, so Jefferson knows Dr. Whale’s schedule and when he goes to The Rabbit Hole. It would be easy to bump into him - maybe he could wait until Whale’s forgotten he was ever a patient - and have a drink, and see if his cursed self might swing his way. Jefferson only ever sees him with women, so probably not. But it would still be nice to get liquored up with a friend who isn’t torturing him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>He almost succeeds, but Jefferson is off-putting on the best of days, and Dr. Whale is a man who only shows sympathy to the broken people he’s treating. He - like anybody else - is uncomfortable when a madman sits down in his booth without asking. </p><p>The Hatter wants those hands on him again, so he lets Jefferson do the talking, which isn’t a wise decision, because Jefferson these days is really bad at flirting. It doesn’t go well, because while Jefferson is manic he feels like he can do anything, that doesn’t translate to actually being a pleasant conversationalist. </p><p>The interaction is so embarrassing that the Hatter waits months for another loop, so Dr. Whale will have forgotten it. </p><p>Jefferson lets the Hatter speak this time instead - they’re reluctant partners by this point -  and he and Dr. Whale have a nice time, but the doctor still thinks he’s weird. Not quite as weird as Jefferson, which strikes the Hatter as ironic. </p><p>“Can I get your number?” Jefferson asks at the end of the night, because it’s something the Hatter wouldn’t say. If he’d had control of their body earlier, Jefferson would have asked Whale almost immediately. </p><p>“Oh,” Dr. Whale says, realization dawning. “I’m not…”</p><p>It’s perfectly fine if he says he’s not interested or not gay - the Hatter wants a friend more than anything - but the doctor trails off, like he was about to lie, then changed his mind mid-sentence. The doctor licks his lips, and both Jefferson and the Hatter quash the urge to laugh. </p><p>“I don’t really have a lot of free time,” the doctor whispers.</p><p>Dr. Whale’s eyes dart towards the people at the next table meaningfully. </p><p>The year is 1989.</p><p>“You can just say no,” Jefferson tells him with a smile. </p><p>Dr. Whale smiles back.</p><p>“It’s not a good time in general, up here.” The doctor lifts his beer to gesture broadly to the whole bar. “In Maine.”</p><p>“I’ve got a mansion in the woods,” Jefferson says, too loudly, and the Hatter wants to punch him for ruining everything again. “Nobody would even know.”</p><p>“Shh!" Dr. Whale hisses, looking around to see if anybody heard him. "Lower your voice! What are you, crazy?”</p><p>“Certifiable,” Jefferson replies glibly.</p><p>Dr. Whale sighs. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the Hatter whispers. “Please, I didn’t mean to offend you.” </p><p>“Even if I wanted to, you seem a little...much for me.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I get it. You’re from New York, and it’s different down there.”</p><p>“I’m not--” The Hatter almost says he’s not from New York, but things are uncomfortable enough. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I didn’t mean--” Jefferson starts to panic and stands up, grabbing their coat off the booth’s rack. “I gotta go.”</p><p>Jefferson and the Hatter pull on their coat as they’re walking, and rush out of the bar without looking back.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The year is 1999. </p><p>“Can I get your number?”</p><p>This time Dr. Whale smiles flirtatiously and writes it on a cocktail napkin with no hesitation.</p><p>Regina throws Jefferson's napkin in the trash.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Only Once, Unexpectedly, Then Never Again (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A young Jefferson meets Dr. Victor Frankenstein. (5,058 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This takes place during the flashback in S2E5, "The Doctor," in between the scenes witnessed in the episode. (Which I don't retell here, so hopefully you're familiar with them.) It also references the deleted scene in which Victor, Jefferson, and Regina triggered a booby-trap when they took a heart from Cora's vault. The interactions Victor had with Rumplestiltskin in the flashback from S2E12, "In the Name of the Brother,” are also referenced.</p><p>William is a character from the graphic novel "Out of the Past" who Jefferson used to work with.</p><p>Much of the Hat's physics mentioned here come from the world-building in my old 2013 fanfic "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1103974">Jump In</a>."</p><p>The chapter title comes from this quote from the novel "Boy, Snow, Bird" by Helen Oyeyemi: “That's the ideal meeting - once upon a time, only once, unexpectedly, then never again.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Only Once, Unexpectedly, </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Then Never Again</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The year is 1990-something, and a combination of curiosity and pathetic neediness compels Jefferson towards Storybrooke’s hospital to watch Dr. Whale work. Pretending to be a patient is much easier than actually being one, and pretending to be an orderly even easier. Someday, knowing his way around the hospital will come in handy, but right now Jefferson dons scrubs just to be near his crush.</p><p>Jefferson is much quieter now - like a ghost - while the doctor is more open and talkative. The portal jumper had a motormouth when they met what feels like a lifetime ago. He tried to teach the jumper the value of stillness, but Jefferson was a restless young man. The scientist took a drawing pad with him to kill time while Jefferson set things up with Regina, which was a wise choice, because he was captivated by everything he saw, and wanted to record as much of it as possible. </p><p>“Remarkable,” was a word he muttered the most often on their trip. Today Jefferson registers the scientist’s accent as British - specifically English - though he seems to remember his home being Germany. Of course, at the time, all of those names meant different things, and Jefferson spent so much time jumping, that he took his ability to understand any language for granted. </p><p>One day, Storybrooke blesses its captives with warm weather, everyone donning sunglasses, including the good doctor. Whale’s glasses don’t look quite the same as his old ones - they’re not round and they’re not red - but Jefferson is still launched into a memory, and re-lives their fateful meeting. The one that cursed the whole town.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson approaches an ordinary castle that looks spookier in monochrome. Everything around him is black and white and shades of grey. The jumper has been to stranger worlds - even at this early point in his life - but none so strange as one entirely devoid of color. </p><p>Jefferson dresses extravagantly, both emboldened by his accumulating wealth, and trying hard to look much older. But it otherwise draws no attention. Black pants with a long black coat, dark brown travel bag, and his black Hat. Jefferson doesn’t stand out much if he keeps his coat closed, but he’s always looked best in red. He doesn’t bother hiding his colored garments from the scientist, who’s already had the shock of meeting a striking figure like Rumple. </p><p>When someone from the Enchanted Forest enters the Land Without Color, they take their color with them, and when someone from that land goes to the Forest, they take on their new world’s hue. It’s another strange quirk that delights an explorer like Jefferson, who is determined to go everywhere he possibly can, even if it takes him his whole life.</p><p>This time Fate has taken Jefferson to a mad scientist’s estate - a brand new experience that might even be fun - though he won’t know how significant this job is or how destructive its repercussions will be for many years to come.</p><p>The moment hasn’t arrived yet, because a lord with a house like this has a servant who answers the door. But the servant introduces Jefferson to a tall light-haired man in his mid-twenties whose posture, clothes and classy demeanor indicate this is the person he’s been hired to ferry.</p><p>“Doctor Frankenstein, I presume. It’s an honor to meet you. My name is Jefferson. I’ve been sent by our mutual acquaintance to provide my services.” </p><p>Receiving a slightly puzzled look, Jefferson adds, “Rumplestiltskin.” He gestures to his own face. “The menacing fellow with the golden complexion. If you can see the color of gold. I’m still not sure how this works.”</p><p>“<em>You’re </em> the ‘Master of the Hat?’” Dr. Frankenstein says incredulously.</p><p>“Is that what Rumplestiltskin called me? That’s a good one. He’s given me a few names. Hatter, Jumper, some less flattering ones…”</p><p>“Where is he?”</p><p>“Oh, he’s back in our world. I came here with my human partner. He’ll remain here while we’re gone and see if he can’t pick up some work of his own. Our job is to get you where you need to go. Normally we work in acquisitions, ferrying travelers on the side. It can be dangerous, stepping into another world. You never know what to expect. I thought there was something wrong with my eyes when I first came to your colorless land.”</p><p>Jefferson casually opens his coat, showing off his ruby scarf. Dr. Frankenstein’s eyes are drawn to it. So the people here <em> can </em> see in color. Interesting. Rumplestiltskin must have given him a fright. </p><p>“Just so you know, we’re not partners in love, merely partners in crime,” Jefferson says. Something he usually wouldn’t clarify about William. He’s not sure why he’s saying it now. It’s probably to do with how the handsome scientist is looking at his body, fascinated by his clothes. </p><p>“I’ve got my eye on the queen we’re conning,” Jefferson continues, which isn’t untrue. “She’s a pretty young thing. A little too gullible, though. I thought sorceresses were smarter.”</p><p>“You talk a lot.”</p><p>Jefferson smiles, ignoring the veiled insult.</p><p>“Intelligent doctors are far more attractive.”</p><p>“How old are you?”</p><p>“Old enough.”</p><p>“For the business of interdimensional travel?”</p><p>“For that too.”</p><p>Doctor Frankenstein doesn’t look amused or intrigued, and certainly not attracted. He looks somewhat annoyed, and tired already. Jefferson has a feeling that irritating him will be rather entertaining. </p><p>Rumplestiltskin has never moodily questioned Jefferson’s age, probably because anyone under two hundred is a child to him. He calls him “boy,” but doesn’t question his maturity. At least not to Jefferson’s face. </p><p>“Relax,” Jefferson says, because Doctor Frankenstein is as tense as a steel rod. Jefferson takes off his Hat and spins it in his hands. He’ll never let it drop, never let another person hold it, not even William, who he trusts more than anyone. But he likes playing with the thing, flipping it up his arm onto his head. </p><p>“You’re in the best of hands,” Jefferson assures him, smiling at the doctor, who doesn’t smile back. </p><p>Doctor Frankenstein leads Jefferson to a room where he’s already packed equipment they’ll need to fake a resurrection. Looking around, Jefferson says, “I take it Rumplestiltskin has already briefed you on the details?”</p><p>“Yes. I have everything we need to make this look convincing. All I require is your assistance transporting it. What sort of vessel do you use to travel between worlds?”</p><p>Jefferson grins. It’s showtime. </p><p>“Do you have some empty floor space that’s at least, umm, ten feet by ten feet?”</p><p>Jefferson doesn’t know what measurements they use in Dr. Frankenstein’s world, but like every land he’s been to, somehow the locals know exactly what he means. They’re going to have to go outside. </p><p>The jumper helps Dr. Frankenstein load all his equipment onto a cart. They find an empty space on the property and Jefferson says, “Okay, this is how it’s gonna work. You keep one hand on that cart, and take my hand with the other when I say.”</p><p>“What are we doing? You still haven’t explained to me how you travel.”</p><p>Jefferson shrugs.</p><p>“That’s because I like to surprise people. I love the shocked look on their faces.”</p><p>He takes off the Hat. </p><p>“You’re joking,” says Dr. Frankenstein, and there’s that amusingly annoyed expression again.</p><p>The jumper laughs. “This is gonna be great!”</p><p>Jefferson has had five years of practice opening and closing portals, finding and unlocking interdimensional doorways, and good old-fashioned teleporting. The safest and surest method of opening a portal is setting the Hat down on an open, flat surface and turning it with his fingers three times. But Jefferson enjoys being dramatic, so he’s mastered a stylish, fluid throw that twirls the artifact just enough times mid-air to open that purple vortex beneath it in a dazzling cloud of magic, before sinking down, down, down into a black void. A hole in the earth, a hole in reality, a tunnel, a chasm, a terrifying leap into the unknown. </p><p>Jefferson would have been scared witless had his first experience been that drop, but he first made his acquaintance with the Hat at 15 years old running through a wooden door he thought was to a shed, not to a space between worlds. It didn’t turn into a hat until he’d wished himself home, and it didn’t turn into a vortex until he tried to get back there, to that chamber, the Portal of Doors. He knew what was at the bottom of that drop, then. It wasn’t death, it wasn’t eternity, it was a drop into that room. A space between universes he could retreat to if necessary. </p><p>But anybody else looking down into that pit doesn’t see the floor of a comfy room Jefferson associates with safety. They just think they’re gonna die. </p><p>Dr. Frankenstein screams, Jefferson makes a whooping noise, and their drop isn’t actually very far. In fact, they don’t land as though they’ve fallen or jumped, they reappear standing still in the peaceful center of that room. Dr. Frankenstein is still clutching both the cart and Jefferson’s hand, and the jumper has to shake him off. </p><p>“Open your eyes, Doctor.”</p><p>Dr. Frankenstein does. He looks around, appearing more stunned than anyone else Jefferson’s ever taken here. Probably because Jefferson’s other friends, lovers, and clients have all come from worlds with magic. They are impressed by the room, but never disbelieving. Dr. Frankenstein looks more human than he has all night. He pinches himself, somehow convinced he’s dreaming. </p><p>“You must explain this to me. Everything.”</p><p>“I thought you were a busy man. Also, we’re on a tight schedule.” </p><p>Jefferson takes out his pocket watch - not to actually check it, because it’s a normal timepiece he will have to manually readjust - but holds it up meaningfully, tapping it. </p><p>“There’s an inn we’ll be staying at for the next two nights. Once we arrive and check in, I will tell you all you want to know about jumping.”</p><p>Dr. Frankenstein turns around and around, captivated by the colors, patterns and shapes that adorn the 17 doors currently visible. Then he looks down at himself. </p><p>“My clothes,” he says in wonder. </p><p>Jefferson smirks. “Huh. They’re grey. Who would’ve guessed? Hang on, what are those?”</p><p>Dr. Frankenstein has glasses tucked in one coat pocket, sticking out slightly. They seem to have some hue to them that catches Jefferson’s eye. Frankenstein takes them out completely. They’re red. </p><p>“Hey, nice taste,” Jefferson says with a smile, pointing to his own red garments.</p><p>“Which door do we pass through to reach your land?” </p><p>“Okay, so, this is the tricky part,” Jefferson says. “It’s one that I never quite understood, but I think it might be because the Hat was created in that world. I could be wrong, but who knows. Anyway, here goes nothing.”</p><p>Jefferson snaps his fingers, and suddenly they’re in the Enchanted Forest in front of an inn. Dr. Frankenstein stumbles forward, dizzy and disoriented. </p><p>“Give a man some warning next time!” </p><p>Jefferson laughs. </p><p>“I don’t get why teleporting here makes people so nauseous. You’d think the fall would do it, but no, it’s the snap.”</p><p>Dr. Frankenstein realizes the cart has traveled with them, and holds onto it for balance. </p><p>“Is this where we’ll be staying?” he asks. He still looks wonderstruck by the colors all around him.</p><p>“Yes. I spoke to our mark this morning and told her I’ll bring you to her castle tomorrow.”</p><p>“Our ‘mark.’ This all seemed a bit beneath me, but--”</p><p>“Well you’re in the game now, Doc. Can I call you ‘Doc?’”</p><p>“I prefer ‘Doctor.’”</p><p>“Not a mad scientist, then? Someone in your city called you that. I’m the one who tipped Rumplestiltskin off, by the way. Told him I had heard of a man who wanted to raise the dead.”</p><p>“Is that how he found me?”</p><p>“Metallic-sheened sorcerers aren’t clairvoyant, ya know. I get my information from the common people. And the common people in <em> your </em> city? Do <em> not </em> like what you’re doing.”</p><p>Rather than defiant or determined, or even angry, this comment instead makes the doctor look sad. Jefferson isn’t sure why Frankenstein needs an enchanted heart - he thinks it’s to prove all his detractors wrong - and doesn’t learn the grim truth until decades later. For now, they get settled in and put their coats away in their room. In the tavern downstairs, the pair have some dinner, and Jefferson orders the doctor a drink. </p><p>“No, thank you.”</p><p>“Come on. The first thing I do in every new world is try the food and drinks. Here’s some food,” Jefferson says, nudging a plate of mashed potatoes towards the doctor. “And here’s a drink.” He pushes a mug of ale into his hand. Frankenstein’s lip curls in subtle disgust and Jefferson rolls his eyes. </p><p>“I’ll get us some wine,” he says, and fetches some. The doctor is more amenable to trying this, and comments it’s not very different from his own. </p><p>“The nature of humanity,” Jefferson says, “is that somebody always invents wine.”</p><p>Nothing much happens that night - nothing interesting to Jefferson, at least - but Dr. Frankenstein asks question after question about portal jumping, which to Jefferson’s embarrassment, he has to confess he doesn’t know enough about. </p><p>“Our scientific methods are different, Doc. Your research is conducted in a lab, while mine must all be in the field. I gather all the knowledge I can about artifacts, methods and spells used by past and present Jumpers. I explore places, map them - or buy maps. I trade for things. I talk to people. I observe them and eavesdrop when I can, especially on mages. You want to learn something new, eavesdrop on a mage. You want to learn arcane secrets, get one drunk.”</p><p>“But this is all how you conduct your business, is it not? ‘Acquisitions,’ you said. You’re a thief.”</p><p>Jefferson smiles. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not genuinely curious about the multiverse.”</p><p>“Multiverse?”</p><p>“Multiple universes. Multiverse.” Frankenstein’s expression is inscrutable, so Jefferson says, “Look, I know it sounds weird.”</p><p>“It’s not,” Frankenstein says. “It’s remarkable.”</p><p>The doctor smiles at him, genuinely and warmly, blue eyes and a face that is still too damn handsome for the person Jefferson expected to be working with.</p><p>“You’re younger than I thought you’d be,” Jefferson says. “Those stories people told, I pictured some old wizard like Rumple. By the way, I told Regina that you’re a wizard.”</p><p>“You are <em> much </em> younger than I expected.”</p><p>Jefferson pouts. </p><p>“There you go again. What is it? I know it’s not my looks.”</p><p>“It’s the way you carry yourself. The way you speak.” </p><p>Indignantly, Jefferson asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“You come across as a bit...immature.”</p><p>“Immature?” Jefferson frowns. “You know how fast I’ve had to grow up? Let me take a guess - you had rich parents, a fancy education, and all the funding you needed until you decided to play with dead things. Am I wrong?”</p><p>“You have no idea what I’ve gone through.”</p><p>“Am I wrong?”</p><p>After a pause, Frankenstein answers, "You’re not wrong.”</p><p>“I’ve been on my own since I was twelve years old, and I’ve been jumping since I was fifteen.” Jefferson scoffs. “‘Immature.’”</p><p>“Let’s amend that to ‘a bit too carefree.’”</p><p>Calming, Jefferson shrugs and pours himself some more wine. </p><p>“I’ll take that as a fair criticism.” </p><p>“Last call!” announces the bartender. </p><p>“Want anything?” Jefferson asks. </p><p>“I think it’s time we went to bed.”</p><p>Jefferson grins. “I like the sound of that.”</p><p>“To sleep.”</p><p>Jefferson makes an exaggerated pout. </p><p>“You’re too young for me,” Frankenstein says, and Jefferson bursts into laughter. </p><p>“I thought I wasn’t being obvious enough.”</p><p>“You’re about as subtle as a brick through a window.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Suffice it to say, the con goes as planned - mostly, with one terrifying brush with death in the booby-trapped heart vault - and the two men leave a devastated Regina to her sorrow, pack up and head back to the inn. </p><p>Despite pulling off their scam, Frankenstein is more serious than ever, with a bristling impatience to return home. </p><p>He isn’t pleased that Jefferson won’t let him keep the heart on his side of their room. He’s even more upset when the jumper informs him, “I forgot to tell you, the deal’s not done until Rumplestiltskin says it’s done.”</p><p>
  <em> “What?” </em>
</p><p>Jefferson makes a defensive gesture. “He needs to see Regina’s reaction to her heartbreak. See if the plan really worked.”</p><p>“What the hell are you talking about?”</p><p>“I don’t know, he wants this to push her towards evil, or something.” </p><p>“You don’t even know?”</p><p>“Look, Doc, I don’t ask him questions he doesn’t want to answer. Rumplestiltskin is a powerful sorcerer who pays well. In our world, you don’t cross a man like that. We call him the Dark One.”</p><p>“Hang on,” says Frankenstein. “The Dark One? What is that, some kind of...demon?”</p><p>Jefferson nods his head, saying, “That’s a pretty good word for it.”</p><p>“So I’ve made a deal with the Devil, is that it?”</p><p>“I deal with that devil all the time, and so far I’ve kept my head. I’m not starting to question a man like that now.”</p><p>Anger isn’t attractive on Frankenstein’s face, but it’s not unattractive either. This might be their last night or the first of several tense ones, but Jefferson’s instinct is to grab a bottle of wine and drink the entire thing with him. </p><p>“You need to relax. I’ll get you home.”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“Well that’s unacceptable.”</p><p>Jefferson throws up his hands. Sighing, he says, “That’s just how it is.”</p><p>The two men have rented a single room with two beds - Jefferson’s money got them the largest one, but it’s still a small space. They sit on each bed across from each other, because Frankenstein has his feet on the floor seeming ready for a fight, and Jefferson has his feet on the floor ready to go down to the damn kitchen and get that wine. The doctor’s blue eyes dart towards the Hat on Jefferson’s side of the room. The jumper chuckles softly. </p><p>“You can’t open it. It...it only allows its owner to activate it. I don’t know why.”</p><p>“Another thing your research hasn’t discovered?”</p><p>“I don’t let magic-users touch it to examine it. I don’t let anyone touch it at all.” Jefferson purses his lips. “I want to try something.” He stands up and gets the Hat, then holds it out to Frankenstein.</p><p>“You can’t use magic, can you?” Jefferson’s question is rhetorical. The whole point of Frankenstein’s mission was to travel to this world and take some for himself.</p><p>Frankenstein accepts the Hat from Jefferson’s hands. The doctor holds it gingerly, like it will explode any second. </p><p>“I don’t even let William do this. I mean, he’ll hold it for me sometimes, but…” Jefferson licks his lips, staring at the artifact. “But we were born here, where anyone can have magic in their blood. I didn’t want to risk it, and he understood why.”</p><p>“What are you saying?” Frankenstein watches Jefferson with some fascination. He seems to have forgotten his anger about being kept here. </p><p>“I tell everyone I meet that only I can activate the portal, but I’m lying. I lie to everyone, because I’m afraid of what would happen if someone took it.”</p><p>Frankenstein, still holding the Hat by his fingertips, asks, “Is it dangerous to always keep it on your person? Top hats aren’t the fashion in every world, I expect.”</p><p>“That’s why I use doors. They’re shockingly secure, too. You can only enter one if you already know that it’s there.”</p><p>“Those doors in the chamber. They each lead to…”</p><p>“...an already existing tear in the fabric of reality.”</p><p>“I was going to say ‘a different world,’ but that’s an interesting way of putting it.”</p><p>“Yes, uh, I think…” Jefferson sits right beside Frankenstein on his bed, and the doctor doesn’t move. “The doors lead to specific places in each world that have the most highly concentrated amounts of magic. For example, the energy in the Crystalsong Forest is astounding. You can feel it all around you!”</p><p>“The Crystalsong Forest is a world?”</p><p>“No, it’s a specific valley on the northern-most continent in Azeroth.” Jefferson smiles. “That’s my favorite world.” </p><p>“Can you go anywhere in a world, or just where the door takes you?”</p><p>Excitedly, Jefferson replies, “That’s the amazing thing about it! There are these...not different door knobs, uh, but like, switches or something. Dials.” Jefferson makes twisting motions with his hands, but finds the gesture insufficient for describing the method of swapping destinations. “But they’re invisible. Intangible. I know how to do it myself, but it’s hard to describe.”</p><p>“I understand exactly what you mean.”</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“I think so.” Frankenstein sighs. “I’d ask you to show me, but I need to get home.”</p><p>“I can’t take you home yet.” Frankenstein frowns, his indignation returning. Jefferson says, “Try throwing it.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Throw the Hat. Over there. Across the room.”</p><p>“There’s not enough space.”</p><p>“Just do it.”</p><p>Frankenstein exhales, annoyed, and chucks the Hat. </p><p>It spins three times in the air, lands on the opposite bed, rolls off it onto the floor, and nothing happens. </p><p>Jefferson leaps up shouting, “Yes!” Pumping his fist, the jumper says, “It didn’t work!”</p><p>Frankenstein smiles slightly. “I’ve never seen anyone so happy about failure.”</p><p>Jefferson grasps his shoulders and says delightedly, “Don’t you get it? I was right. I was right! It won’t work!” He runs over to pick up the Hat.</p><p>“Don’t throw it yourself,” Frankenstein says. “There’s not enough room for a portal.”</p><p>“I know that,” the jumper says, putting the Hat on his head. He can’t stop smiling. </p><p>“Could it not have worked because of the constricted space? You said it wouldn’t work back in the heart vault.”</p><p>Jefferson waves his hand dismissively and replies, “Something would have happened, but it wouldn’t have been pretty. A smaller portal might chop off our limbs or something. I honestly don’t know, and I’m not going to risk finding out. Besides, I knew Regina would teleport us, so everything turned out fine.” Jefferson gestures to their bedroom. “This is more than ten by ten feet. The only problem is the portal would suck down all the furniture. That’s why I prefer empty spaces. It’s just like opening a hole in the floor. Everything falls into the vortex.”</p><p>“I see.”</p><p>“So the reason it didn’t work,” Jefferson says, taking off the Hat and playfully putting it on Frankenstein’s head instead, “is because you’re not me.”</p><p>“I thought it was because I have no magic. So you do?”</p><p>Jefferson shrugs. “If I ever lose that thing - and pray to the gods that I don’t - I guess I’ll find out.” Jefferson smiles at the doctor and says, “You’re quite handsome, you know.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“I’m going to go get that wine. Don’t open any portals.”</p><p>Jefferson returns to find - unsurprisingly - the doctor repeatedly throwing the Hat to try and open a portal home. The jumper shuts the door behind him, holding up the bottle and two cups. Looking guilty and embarrassed, Frankenstein sets the Hat down on Jefferson’s bed.</p><p>“I’m loving this.”</p><p>The doctor gives him a sour look.</p><p>“You’re trapped here,” Jefferson says, pouring wine in each cup and handing one to Frankenstein. “You’re my handsome captive.” He holds up his cup, saying, “Cheers.” The doctor reluctantly taps his cup to Jefferson’s and takes a drink. </p><p>“So, you don’t like being called ‘Doc,’ and ‘Frankenstein’ is kinda long.”</p><p>“Call me Doctor.”</p><p>“Do you have a first name?”</p><p>“Victor.”</p><p>Jefferson smiles. “Victor. I like it. I’m gonna call you that.”</p><p>“Please, I’d prefer--”</p><p>“Whoever you are, drink up, because we’re celebrating.”</p><p>“What are we celebrating, again?”</p><p>“We ripped off a queen, you’re getting a magic heart, I’ve learned something about my powers. It’s been a good day!”</p><p>Victor still looks miserable, but drinks anyway. </p><p>“How fast can we polish off this bottle, do you think?”</p><p>Victor rolls his eyes. Jefferson sits down next to him, rather than across from him, so their shoulders touch. </p><p>“How old are you?” Jefferson asks. “Out of curiosity.”</p><p>“I’ve finished medical school.”</p><p>“That doesn’t answer my question.”</p><p>“Twenty-six.”</p><p>Jefferson smiles slyly. </p><p>“What?” Victor asks. </p><p>“That’s not much of a difference.”</p><p>“Hm,” Victor says neutrally.</p><p>“We should play a game.”</p><p>“A game?”</p><p>“Truth or Dare.”</p><p>Victor huffs a laugh.</p><p>“You know it already, I take it?” Jefferson asks. </p><p>“That’s a game for children,” the doctor replies. </p><p>“What else is there for us to do?”</p><p>“Go to bed?”</p><p>Jefferson’s eyes light up. “That sounds like a marvelous idea.”</p><p>“I meant--”</p><p>“I’m kidding,” Jefferson says. “I can take a hint.”</p><p>“Can you really?” Victor says doubtfully. </p><p>“Watch me,” the jumper says, returning to his own bed. He keeps the wine bottle. “You’ll have to come over here for more wine, however.”</p><p>“That’s fine. I’m having the one glass, then calling it a night.”</p><p>“Suit yourself.”</p><p>Some quiet moments pass, and Jefferson is so unused to sharing silence with another person - anyone other than William, at least - that the jumper says, “Truth or Dare. Are we playing it, or not?”</p><p>“Truth.”</p><p>“Why do you want an enchanted heart?”</p><p>Victor takes a long pause. He doesn’t meet Jefferson’s eyes when the jumper looks at him expectantly. </p><p>“You can be as vague as necessary,” he says, noting the doctor’s discomfort. </p><p>“For my experiments. Now you.”</p><p>“Dare.”</p><p>Victor exhales, seeming annoyed he’s being asked to come up with one, but Jefferson has shared enough truths tonight. </p><p>“I dare you to…” </p><p>“Make it as boring or as interesting as you like. No pressure.”</p><p>Victor’s brow furrows, thinking.</p><p>“I dare you to yell curses out that window.”</p><p>“Magical curses, or just ordinary swears?”</p><p>“Ordinary swears. As loud as you can.”</p><p>Jefferson does it, making Victor laugh. </p><p>“I can’t believe you did that!”</p><p>“Now you.”</p><p>“Truth.”</p><p>Jefferson scoffs. “What <em> is </em> truth anyway?”</p><p>“Like the sun,” Victor says, draining his cup. He holds it out to Jefferson. “More wine?”</p><p>“Only if you pick dare.”</p><p>Victor frowns. </p><p>“I can see the wheels turning inside that spiky-haired head of yours, Jumper.”</p><p>Jefferson laughs, pouring wine into the doctor’s cup. </p><p>“I dare you to kiss me.”</p><p>“See? I knew you were going to say that.”</p><p>“You can kiss me anywhere.”</p><p>Victor sighs in relief, takes Jefferson’s hand, and gives the back of it a peck. </p><p>“There. Now you.”</p><p>“Dare.”</p><p>“I dare you to be quiet for ten blessed minutes.”</p><p>He does it. </p><p>“Can I talk now?” Jefferson asks, but Victor has his eyes closed, peacefully dozing. “Are you asleep?”</p><p>“No,” the doctor says, but doesn’t open his eyes. “Just enjoying the silence.”</p><p>“You pick now.”</p><p>“Dare.”</p><p>“I dare you to kiss me on the lips.”</p><p>Victor opens his eyes and smiles slightly, and Jefferson can tell the man’s been drinking. His expression is of amusement, not arousal, like Jefferson is that kid the doctor teased for being immature. </p><p>“Come here,” he says, and Jefferson gets up, sitting next to the doctor on his bed. “Stay very still,” he says softly, in that accent, in a commanding tone that turns Jefferson on despite usually bristling at people telling him what to do. “Close your eyes,” he says. </p><p>“You’re doing that on purpose,” Jefferson says, shutting them.</p><p>“Doing what on purpose?”</p><p>“That doctor thing. Giving me instructions.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Jefferson swallows, but keeps his eyes closed. </p><p>“I like it,” he says.</p><p>“I’m going to kiss you now,” Victor says, and Jefferson takes a breath, his heart beating a little faster. </p><p>Another soft peck Jefferson can barely feel, and the doctor is gone again, no longer touching him. </p><p>“Can I open my eyes now?” he asks, disappointed. </p><p>There is a silent pause, Victor not replying, then Jefferson feels the doctor’s hand on his thigh. </p><p>“No.”</p><p>Jefferson lets out a shaky breath, and although Victor hasn’t asked, he says, “Dare.”</p><p>With the barest hesitation, the doctor says, “I dare you to kiss me back,” and Jefferson doesn’t need to be told twice. </p><p>“Instruct me,” he asks between kisses. “Doctor.” </p><p>“I’m not good at this."</p><p>Jefferson cups the doctor’s cheek, looks him in those blue eyes and replies, “Whatever you’re doing, it’s working.” He smirks. “Pretend I’m a patient. A living one.”</p><p>“What is your ailment?”</p><p>“That’s why I need an exam. A thorough one,” he says, kissing him. “A really thorough examination.”</p><p>“I’ve never--”</p><p>Jefferson thinks he’s about to get the “never been with a man” talk, but instead the doctor says, “I’ve never talked like that. In bed.”</p><p>“It’s fun,” Jefferson says. “Don’t think about it too hard.” Victor stops kissing him, so Jefferson says, “Look, we can do whatever you want to do. I just enjoy hearing your voice.”</p><p>With the most professional, clinical tone, Victor instructs him, “Take off your clothes.”</p><p>Jefferson grins. “Yes, Doctor.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>In the light of the morning, Victor is colder and more withdrawn, and Jefferson realizes the fun is over. </p><p>“Look, we had some wine and made each other feel good. It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>Victor frowns. </p><p>“I never said it was.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“It’s not happening again, though,” the doctor says.</p><p>Jefferson looks away, feeling embarrassed and more disappointed by rejection than usual. </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Regina still doesn’t turn evil or whatever, so the doctor is stuck in the Enchanted Forest for a third night. The men have no wine, and Victor seems to have forgotten their tryst already. The perfect partner, Jefferson should think, who displays no awkwardness about a drunken tumble. Yet there’s that nagging disappointment deep within him for some reason. Jefferson intensifies his eccentric public persona to quash it. Victor is annoyed Rumplestiltskin hasn’t contacted them yet, and it’s all just as well. </p><p>This whole job was one of his better ones, Jefferson tells himself. He got a royal passport, he scammed a cute queen, he learned more about the Hat, had sex with a handsome stranger, Rumplestiltskin probably owes him for life, and Jefferson barely did any work. </p><p>He and the doctor part ways amicably. Jefferson bids Victor farewell and good luck, and figures he’ll never see the man ever again. </p><p>“I’m Dr. Whale,” he introduces himself many years later - for the first of many, many first times -  and Jefferson’s stomach drops, because he remembers why they’re both here, jailed, in this nightmarish, looping amnesiac town. </p><p>And it’s all his fault. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Split (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This takes place between Jefferson’s reunion with Grace in S2E3, “Lady of the Lake,” and my old 2012 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/562963">Fifty Years Late</a>.” References events from S1E17, “Hat Trick,” and later in Season 1. (650 words.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jefferson was used to living on the fringes - he’d had 36 years of practice. In his cottage in the woods, raising Grace alone. In Wonderland, in his workshop. In Storybrooke…</p><p>In Storybrooke. </p><p>Jefferson didn’t need to remain on the fringes anymore. Paige knew him now. She knew she was his daughter Grace, and Paige’s parents knew she wasn’t Paige, and together they navigated the complexities of a residual dual life. </p><p>It was much easier said than done, handing over Grace. The family’s minds - like most of the uncursed residents in town - recalled their previous lives fairly quickly, so it wasn’t as difficult as it could have been. Paige’s parents cared for her, but they also remembered Jefferson. They had watched Grace for two years before the Dark Curse came, while her father was trapped in Wonderland. It was hard, that was for sure, but all three knew who they were. They knew who they were now, and Grace welcomed her lost father with open arms. Henry had been right - she was more grateful than angry. They all were. The only person torturing himself was Jefferson, as any parent would. He’d made mistakes and suffered for them. Everyone understood. </p><p>But...</p><p>(There was always a “but.”)</p><p>One early day, while Grace was at school, the portal jumper knew he and her parents had to have a Talk. He told his friends about his experience in Wonderland and they were sympathetic. He told them what Regina had done and they were understanding. Then he told them about Jefferson.</p><p>This raised some concerns.</p><p>Explaining the situation as coherently as he could, the portal jumper cried ugly tears, pulling at his hair, and his friends were forced to awkwardly comfort him. </p><p>Days passed, and Paige’s family forgot their Storybrooke selves, but the former jumper couldn’t. He feared that perhaps he never would. Grace wanted to go with him, to live in the home her father spent 28 years wishing he could share with her, but her guardians wouldn’t let her. Not all the time, just for now. Just for the time being. When could she move in, Grace asked. And Paige understood why she couldn’t, though the jumper’s daughter didn’t. </p><p>Jefferson appealed to the rapidly fading Paige - please, understand your parents are just thinking about what’s best for everyone. But Grace was back and she insisted, and the Hatter couldn’t say no. </p><p>The portal jumper and her parents had another Talk. He let Jefferson chime in with his opinion this time, while the Hatter listened, supervising. </p><p>“I have Bipolar Disorder,” he said, biting on his fingernails, tapping his foot. The Hatter was still, with steady hands, the better to sew his useless hats - the better to point handguns at princesses. But the other man was getting agitated, and when he was agitated, he twitched restlessly.  “And I’m afraid she won’t be safe.” </p><p>The jumper remembered that gun again, of aiming it at Emma’s head. The way he punched her and wrestled Snow.</p><p>That’s absurd, they told him. You’re her father. Of course she will be safe. </p><p>He didn’t tell them about the gun or about the fight. Not about kidnapping and tying Snow, not about drugging Emma’s tea, not about holding her at gunpoint or Snow kicking him out a window.  All he did was fix them with an anguished ice-blue stare, tears starting to blur his vision, and they got the picture. </p><p>He wasn’t a violent man, not really, and he couldn’t really blame Jefferson’s madness. That was unfair to sick people. The Hatter was madder - the man really desperate for escape. The Hatter conspired to kill Emma, helping Regina retrieve the poison apple. He nearly orchestrated a neat revenge, releasing Belle to motivate Rumple. The Hatter’s hands were far dirtier than Jefferson’s could ever be. Grace was perfectly safe with the broken man on meds. She was unsafe with the man who was her father. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've never been sure if writing Curse!Jefferson with a mental illness was offensive or ableist, but I explain where the idea came from in my endnotes <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/76941221#work_endnotes">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Catch-Up (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After Emma breaks the Curse and all that happens after, Jefferson has a chat with Dr. Whale. (3,147 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter takes place during Season 2, after Anton's attack on Storybrooke in S2E13, “Tiny,” but before Cora kills Johanna in S2E15, “The Queen is Dead.”</p><p>This also takes place after my old 2012 fanfics “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/562963">Fifty Years Late</a>” and “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/595081">The Scent of Apples</a>.” Regina and Jefferson got drunk and had sex in The Scent of Apples, which took place the night Emma and Snow returned from the Enchanted Forest in S2E9, “Queen of Hearts.” The last time Jefferson spoke to Dr. Whale was the final scene of Fifty Years Late, in which they had an unpleasant conversation about Whale’s choice to resurrect Daniel in S2E5, “The Doctor.” (Fifty Years Late was also when Jefferson met Ruby.) This also references <a href="#section0009">Chapter 9</a> of <i>this</i> fanfic, in which Jefferson and Dr. Frankenstein had sex in the Enchanted Forest, when they first met.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After sleeping with Regina the night that Snow and Emma returned, Jefferson skillfully stayed on the fringes. He fell into a routine with Grace and her other parents. Telling Regina it felt like torture was no lie - but it was, at the same time, a great relief. Raising a child alone in the countryside was easier than raising one in a town as dysfunctional and disruptive as Storybrooke, where he welcomed the extra help. (Raising her alongside her mother would be even better, but Jefferson didn’t talk about Priscilla these days.) </p><p>The drama in Storybrooke never ceased, and while Grace and her guardians were good at staying out of it, his night with Regina raised his concern he’d be pulled back in. But that didn’t happen. Regina kept her promise to stay away, and everyone else just forgot. The last he heard, the Hat had been thrown in a fire and completely destroyed, so the two things tying Jefferson to the royal family no longer held him.</p><p>Granny’s Diner seemed to be the nexus for whatever trouble happened next, but it was also the most convenient lunch spot in town, so Jefferson entered the diner hungry for a bite before picking Grace up from school. </p><p>For once, the restaurant was empty, with the exception of Ruby and Dr. Whale, who stood at the far end of the counter talking. Their faces were close, like they were whispering, despite the lack of customers. Smiles on their faces, the two of them looked happy, which filled Jefferson with his own happiness. Two people who greatly deserved a respite from all the madness, Ruby and Dr. Whale had seized a quiet moment. Jefferson felt a little bad about interrupting, but he was hungry and on a schedule. </p><p>Jefferson triggered the bell above the door upon his entry, and Ruby looked up. He held up a hand in a gesture not to rush, but she hurried to his end of the counter anyway. </p><p>“Hey, Jefferson, it’s been a while. How’ve you been?”</p><p>Jefferson smiled at her - he did that now - and replied, “Good. You?” </p><p>Ruby smiled widely. “Great!” she said. “Hot black tea, right?”</p><p>Jefferson nodded. “That’s right.”</p><p>“Coming right up!”</p><p>Ruby didn’t need to leave the counter to prepare it, but she turned around to focus on her task. Dr. Whale slowly approached Jefferson, who waited beside the counter but did not sit.</p><p>“Hey,” Dr. Whale said, somewhat hesitantly, in a soft voice that reminded Jefferson of someone approaching a wild animal.</p><p>“Hey,” Jefferson replied, equally soft, thinking of their previous fight. Dr. Whale seemed to have something to say, but was unsure how to say it. “How’s your arm?” Jefferson asked. </p><p>“Better,” the doctor replied. Jefferson couldn’t recall which arm it was he’d lost, but judging by the way Dr. Whale subtly rolled his left shoulder, it had to be that one. </p><p>The two men stared at each other, and Ruby interrupted the awkward silence by placing Jefferson’s teacup on the counter. </p><p>“Here ya go!” she said. “Anything else?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah, can I get a turkey club?”</p><p>“Sure thing,” Ruby said, disappearing into the kitchen.</p><p>“Can we talk?” Dr. Whale asked. </p><p>Jefferson didn’t look at him, instead focusing on stirring sugar into his tea. Properly mixed, Jefferson took the cup and saucer to a booth and nodded his head for Dr. Whale to follow him. </p><p>“So, Dr. Whale, what do you want to talk about?”</p><p>“I’m going by Victor, now. Everyone still calls me Whale, but...my Curse name never felt right. I’m not even sure what it was.”</p><p>“It was either Jonathan or James, but that hardly matters now.” </p><p>Victor remained standing. He loomed over Jefferson, yet also looked like a kid waiting to be asked to sit at the popular table. </p><p>“You can sit down,” Jefferson said, taking a sip of tea.</p><p>“I can’t remember your surname anymore,” Victor said, sitting across from him. “I probably read it off a chart at some point.”</p><p>“Perhaps I never had one. I didn’t have a family name in the Enchanted Forest either.”</p><p>Looking surprised, Victor said, “Oh really?” </p><p>“That’s why they called me ‘Hatter.’ It suited me well enough.”</p><p>“I just thought you were being mysterious.”</p><p>“It caught <em> your </em> interest.”</p><p>“Gold did that.”</p><p>“The man or the metal?”</p><p>“Both.”</p><p>Jefferson huffed a laugh. Victor smiled, but his face fell when Jefferson sternly asked, “You want to get to the point before your girlfriend gets back?”</p><p>Victor started to say, “She’s not my--” </p><p>“You might want to keep the rest of that sentence to yourself. Trust me.”</p><p>Jefferson knew both Ruby and Dr. Whale well after 28 years, and had come to the conclusion that Ruby, despite the impression given off by her attire, wanted a relationship. She didn’t seem to approve of Whale’s womanizing, and Jefferson figured overhearing the man defensively protest the harmless moniker of “girlfriend” wouldn’t land well. </p><p>“We understand each other,” Victor said instead. </p><p>“Good. Everyone needs a partner like that,” Jefferson said seriously. But he had an amusing thought, and with Ruby out of earshot, figured he’d tease,  “It’s funny you picked a werewolf, though.”</p><p>Indignantly, Victor asked, “What’s wrong with dating a werewolf?” </p><p>“Nothing. It’s just...There were werewolves back in your world. I had a run-in with a werewolf there once, and let me tell you, it was nothing like her. Just as deadly, but not nearly as nice. And they don’t look like our werewolves. Ruby's kind are indistinguishable from real wolves. Yours are two-legged canine hybrids with five-fingered claws, their bodies twisted, half-formed. As painful to look at as it must be to live as one.”</p><p>“What a nice image,” Victor said dryly.</p><p>“I miss telling people such stories. You live like you’re trying to forget.”</p><p>“I am. I was nothing but a failure back home,” Victor said bitterly, “and here my family name is a horror movie monster.”</p><p>“Is that why you’re sticking with ‘Whale?’”</p><p>“Until I feel like myself again.”</p><p>“I’ll just call you Victor. I was doing that already.” Jefferson smiled slightly. “It used to bug you.”</p><p>“That wasn’t annoyance, that was me concerned for my patient.”</p><p>Jefferson made a face like <em> Sure it was, </em> and took another sip of tea. </p><p>Miserably, Victor asked, “How did you do it, Jefferson?”</p><p>“You saw how well I handled it,” Jefferson said, looking into his cup, at the blurry reflection within it.</p><p>“I’ve known you for a year,” said Victor. “You’ve known me for <em> decades.</em>”</p><p>“Ask Ruby how she’s doing.”</p><p>“Ruby has Mary Margaret, and David, and all the rest. She was Snow White’s best friend, and there’s no doubt in her mind who she is, or who she was. We have some pain in common, but I feel like she still can’t comprehend how lonely this is. How badly it hurts.”</p><p>Jefferson sighed. </p><p>“I’d offer to help, but I’m barely holding it together myself if I don’t move on. I look to the future. How to keep my daughter safe and give her the childhood she deserves. But you’re in the thick of it, Victor. You <em> and </em> your girlfriend. Storybrooke needs you both, and you’re just gonna have to suck it up.”</p><p>“That’s cold.”</p><p>“It’s the truth.”</p><p>“What <em> is </em> truth, anyway? I think you asked me that once.”</p><p>“You remember that?”</p><p>“Yes, and that you were...” Victor started to say, looking embarrassed. “Too ‘young’ for me.”</p><p>Jefferson laughed.</p><p>“Oh my God, you remember <em> that?</em>”</p><p>“Granted, six years isn’t a lot, but you’ve always looked young for your age.”</p><p>“Thanks?” Jefferson said, amused. </p><p>“I mean, the details are a little hazy now, but--”</p><p>“Sorry ‘bout the wait!” Ruby said, appearing unexpectedly, and placing Jefferson’s sandwich on the table. </p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” said Jefferson. “It looks delicious. Thank you.”</p><p>“No problem,” she replied. “You want anything, Victor?”</p><p>Looking somewhat flustered, Victor replied, “Nothing, thanks.”</p><p>“Alright,” said Ruby, oblivious to the exchange she had just interrupted. “You just let me know if you change your mind. I have some other customers to take care of. Enjoy your meal!”</p><p>Some people had entered and sat at the diner’s counter - ordinary folk Jefferson could probably name if he saw their faces, but nobody from Snow White’s gang of heroes or Regina’s posse of villains. Ruby, still extroverted and bubbly, took their orders. </p><p>“I see what you meant before,” Jefferson said, shifting the topic back to Victor’s relationship with Ruby. “About the difference between you.”</p><p>“That’s her customer service voice,” Victor said. “It doesn’t mean she’s not suffering.”</p><p>“But we suffer differently?”</p><p>Victor nodded. “<em>Our </em> suffering is significantly worse.”</p><p>“Is that why you resurrected Daniel?” Jefferson asked. Victor cringed. “It’s the elephant in the room, Victor.”</p><p>“I wanted to apologize.” Jefferson stared expectantly at the doctor, waiting to hear it.  “I’m sorry I did that. It was--”</p><p>“Unconscionable,” Jefferson said coldly.</p><p>Looking ashamed, Victor agreed, “Yes.”</p><p>“I’d suggest apologizing to the woman you hurt, but she’s got a lot going on right now. I can’t tell one week to the next if she’s Snow White’s enemy or her friend.”</p><p>“It’s complicated.”</p><p>“I’ll bet.”</p><p>“I just…I wanted her to hurt so much. I think part of me hoped Daniel would kill her.”</p><p>“And instead you lost your arm.”</p><p>“<em>And </em> my dignity. Gold was real smug when I asked for his help.”</p><p>“Rumple loves nothing more than being proven right.” Jefferson sighed, looking at his sandwich. He almost brought it to his mouth, but his appetite was gone. “So that’s the only reason you did it?” he asked, looking at Victor. “Or did you still want to know if you could?”</p><p>Victor looked guilty, like he’d been caught committing a shameful crime, and Jefferson continued, “I think you wanted to see if it would work this time. You can’t resist an experiment.”</p><p>Seeing the pain in Victor’s eyes and wanting to soothe it, Jefferson added lightly, “Though I’m kinda surprised you remembered ours.”</p><p>With this comment, Victor’s shame turned into an entirely different sort. He blushed - an expression Jefferson never saw cross Whale's face.</p><p>“The details of <em> that </em> are a bit hazy through the wine.” Earnestly, Victor continued, “But the rest of it? Traveling with you to a parallel universe full of colors I’d never seen and couldn’t have imagined? Aside from Dark Curses, I don’t know how I could ever forget.”</p><p>“That’s very sweet,” Jefferson said, smiling fondly at Victor, who returned the smile. Then Jefferson asked him in an annoyed tone, “But can I eat my sandwich now? We could talk for hours, but neither of us have the time for that, now that the clock moves.”</p><p>“Let’s have a drink sometime, before one of us gets turned into a toad or something equally insane.”</p><p>“I’m busy raising a kid. You’re busy keeping everyone alive. Spend your nights with Ruby, while you have each other. Don’t ever take her for granted. Girlfriend, friend, whatever she is - you’ll want a wolf in your corner. Things are gonna get rough. As soon as I finish this sandwich, I’m picking Grace up at school and taking her home. I heard the woman who cut off my head is in town.”</p><p>Victor took in these facts and advice with subtle nods, then Jefferson’s final comment startled him. His eyes widened - a flash of frightened worry. With a resigned sigh, Jefferson tugged his scarf down, enough to expose his throat and reveal a small portion of his scar. Realization crossed Victor’s face, and a sort of stunned sadness.</p><p>“How is that possible?" </p><p>Victor felt his left arm, answering his own question.</p><p>Jefferson smirked. “There’s that Frankenstein curiosity.” </p><p>With an air of annoyance, Jefferson said blithely, “I’m not sharing the second most traumatic thing that's ever happened to me with you, sober, in public, with the psycho who did it walking around.”</p><p>“Who--?”</p><p>“Regina’s mother Cora. She was the Queen of Hearts back in Wonderland.” Jefferson made a quick slicing gesture across his throat. “It was fucked up,” he said, then tapped the side of his head. “Though not as fucked up as what Regina did to my mind.” </p><p>Victor leaned across the table, straining to see the faint mark. Jefferson tucked up his scarf, concealing it again.</p><p>“You’ve already seen it. You don’t remember, but you saw it the last time I was hospitalized. Jefferson told you it was from a car accident.”</p><p>“‘Jefferson’ told me?”</p><p>“I don’t know what else to call him.” Victor gave him a puzzled look. Jefferson sighed. In frustration, he told the doctor, “I didn’t get a new name, Victor. I’d be luckier if I had. Be grateful for yours.”</p><p>Angered by this suggestion, Victor snapped, “‘Grateful?’ It’s torture!”</p><p>“I know. But at least now everyone believes us. <em> You </em> believe me. It was sad seeing the recognition leave your eyes whenever time looped.”</p><p>Victor’s anger drained away, replaced by sympathy.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s Regina’s fault,” Jefferson said matter-of-factly. “I can understand why you tried to kill her. So did I. I thought Rumple would do it for me, once he saw the state that Belle was in.”</p><p>Victor huffed a mirthless laugh. “Cowards, the two of us.”</p><p>“I don’t want Regina dead anymore, I want her to get better. She promised to leave me and Grace alone, and she’s kept that promise so far.”</p><p>Surprised, Victor asked, “You still talk to her?”</p><p>“The last time we spoke was when Emma and Snow got back from the Enchanted Forest.”</p><p>“So much has happened since then,” Victor said, looking faintly amazed, “and it’s only been what? Weeks?”</p><p>“Not a dull moment in this town,” said Jefferson dryly. After a beat, he said, “I’m not having a drink with you.”</p><p>“Someday,” said Victor hopefully. “When there’s a dull moment.”</p><p>“What are you so anxious to talk about?” asked Jefferson, with some amusement.</p><p>Victor licked his lips and tilted his head. </p><p>“I don’t know,” he said. “Just thought it might be fun.” </p><p>Something in Victor’s tone suggested to Jefferson that he was hiding something. After a moment, he realized the doctor wanted to sleep with him.</p><p>“Huh,” Jefferson said.</p><p>“What is it?” Victor asked innocently. His brow furrowed in concern, while Jefferson’s own lip quirked in amusement.</p><p>“I have dull moments on weekday nights,” Jefferson explained. “You see, Grace’s Curse parents...We still sort of...We share dual custody.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Jefferson made a twirling motion next to his temple with his finger.</p><p>Frowning, Victor protested, “You’re not crazy.”</p><p>“<em>He </em> is.”</p><p>Victor looked puzzled for a moment, before responding, “Oh.”</p><p>“Bipolar. On top of my own PTSD.”</p><p>“That...sucks. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Be sorry for what you did to Regina and leave the self-pitying to me.” Jefferson looked in his coat pockets for a pen - he usually kept at least one - and scribbled his phone number on a napkin. “I’ll give you my number, but you’re better off with the werewolf. She’s kind. And I’m not that kid you met fifty years ago.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean--”</p><p>“Sure you didn’t.” </p><p>Jefferson winked, handing Victor the napkin. The doctor looked at him with some combination of mild annoyance and a resigned <em> How did you know? </em>He took the napkin and put it in his pocket. </p><p>“Don’t text me unless she's okay with it, because I can’t promise the other Jefferson would care.”</p><p>“I’ll keep that in mind.”</p><p>“I mean it<em>. </em> I can see Dr. Whale behind your eyes considering it anyway.” Looking offended, Victor’s mouth opened, but he didn’t deny it. “Victor wouldn’t break that girl’s heart.”</p><p>Sadly, Victor replied, “Wouldn’t he? He’s broken everything else.”</p><p>Jefferson shrugged. </p><p>“I don’t know. I only met him once. I’ve met Dr. Whale many more times than that.”</p><p>Victor’s brow furrowed, thinking.</p><p>“Did the two of you ever--?”</p><p>“No,” Jefferson interjected curtly. </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Jefferson wanted to. He tried to get your number a few times. Dr. Whale had nice hands. He was very gentle. We didn’t mind the hospital when Dr. Whale was our physician.” </p><p>“That would have been <em> extremely </em> inappropriate,” Victor said, despite appearing flattered. </p><p>“I hope you and I have that ‘drink’ someday, because my last partner was Regina, and it was the worst sex of my life.”</p><p>Victor laughed. </p><p>“<em>What? </em> When did that happen?"</p><p>“The night Emma and Snow got back from the Enchanted Forest.”</p><p>Victor’s amusement faded as he realized Jefferson was being serious.</p><p>“I see how that could be bad.”</p><p>“You’re not disgusted?” Jefferson asked, when Victor’s reaction was mild.</p><p>“Honestly, I’m not surprised.”</p><p>“I don’t know whether to feel insulted.”</p><p>Victor sighed. “Look, I don’t know you very well, but Dr. Whale has slept with every woman in town - and quite possibly Regina herself - so I’m not one to judge.”</p><p>Reassuringly, Jefferson replied, “You’re not that man.”</p><p>“Then who am I?” he asked. After a beat, Victor asked, as he had earlier, “How did you do it?”</p><p>“For twenty-eight years, I had a focus. My daughter Grace. And Regina could have played with my mind and never once called me Hatter, but she did, because she wanted someone to remember. My past was in my face, reminding me all the time who I had once been. The two of them anchored me to our shared history, to our former home.” </p><p>Jefferson wasn’t speaking all that softly, but Victor leaned across the table anyway, listening with rapt attention.</p><p>“But I get it. Because when they weren’t around, or Regina decided to torture me by pretending I was crazy, I couldn’t tell where my cursed identity ended and I began.”</p><p>Victor nodded in understanding.</p><p>“You’re at a disadvantage, Victor. All of the people around you have friends who knew them before. Regina ripped you from your home and dropped you into a land filled with people who didn’t know you. The only you they know is Dr. Whale.”</p><p>“It really fucking sucks."</p><p>“I know,” said Jefferson sympathetically. “I know, but you’re gonna have to deal with it, because I don’t think the drama in this town is ending anytime soon.”</p><p>“I hope you’re wrong.”</p><p>“I’m not.” </p><p>Standing up, Jefferson said, “I gotta go. Grace gets out of school soon.”</p><p>Jefferson had not touched any of his food, so he asked Ruby for a to-go box. Victor remained seated at their booth, staring down at Jefferson’s half-drunk tea, perhaps at his own reflection. Jefferson returned to box up his sandwich himself, then back to the counter to pay, and asked Ruby if she had a plastic bag to carry it. Victor still hadn’t moved.</p><p>“See you around, Dr. Frankenstein,” Jefferson said, and the doctor looked up. Having been lost in thought, he blinked in slight confusion, taking a second to register Jefferson’s goodbye. </p><p>“See you,” Victor said, without much feeling. He still looked sad, but Jefferson could see through the window as Ruby approached him and affectionately touched the doctor’s shoulder. Victor’s expression brightened with her presence, and Jefferson knew they’d be alright. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Connection (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson seeks out Dr. Whale in his garage lab to catch up on things they’ve missed, and makes a proposition. (2,713 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Spoiler - this is a friendly dialogue that I only wrote as a lead-in to sex, though I also wanted to address how much crap Storybrooke’s townspeople go through because of the main characters. I did not write any actual sex, although they discuss doing it. I might write that later and post it separately, or we’ll just all use our imaginations. (Never mind. I immediately wrote <a href="#section0013">Chapter 13</a> after this, so there ya go.)</p><p>I know I’ve said you can mostly read my content out of order, but this chapter is a direct continuation from <a href="#section0011">Chapter 11</a>, and also references <a href="#section0009">Chapter 9</a>.</p><p>This chapter takes place in Season 5, between S5E18, “Ruby Slippers,” and S5E21, “Last Rites.”</p><p>Episode References:</p><p>S3E11 - “Going Home” - All of Storybrooke’s citizens were magically sent back to the Enchanted Forest, then returned to Storybrooke one year later without their memories. In S3E19, “A Curious Thing,” their memories of that lost year returned. In Season 5, Hook casts a curse that messes with characters’ memories, but I’m uncertain what specific episodes it spanned.</p><p>S5E8 - "Birth" - Zelena's baby is born. Emma flings Whale against a wall with her magic, then kidnaps Zelena. The last time Whale delivered a baby was in S3E20, "Kansas," in which Zelena threw Whale across the room as well, then kidnapped Mary Margaret's baby. </p><p>S5E18 - "Ruby Slippers" - Ruby and Dorothy Gale fall in love and remain in Oz.</p><p>S5E21 - "Last Rites" - The episode in which Robin dies. As far as I remember, this was the last time anything was calm in Storybrooke.</p><p>S6E3 - "The Other Shoe" - Dr. Jekyll takes over Whale's garage lab. This is the first time the lab is seen in the series.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It isn’t a far drive to Victor’s house, but it is a scenic walk, past the heroes scrambling to save themselves in the name of every faceless resident stuck with them. Jefferson has never been here, but did learn where it used to be, before Emma came to town and the clock passed 8:15. </p><p>His old friend has a wide open garage - spacious, with large, hanging copper lights and a makeshift laboratory. It has been filled with tables of glasses and beakers, so Victor parks his car outside instead. Jefferson chuckles when he sees the license plate says “THE DOCTOR.” </p><p>Jefferson considers making a joke about “Doctor Who” his opening line, but if Frankenstein picked the plate and not Whale, he may have done it without irony. </p><p>“Dr. Frankenstein, I presume,” Jefferson announces loudly, to call Victor’s attention. The doctor has his back turned to him, focusing on pouring some kind of liquid into another. </p><p>Victor stops and looks over his shoulder. His serious expression turns into a wide grin. </p><p>“Why if it isn’t the Mad Hatter,” he replies, turning around. He’s wearing a full-length grey lab coat not unlike his old one, closed with large silver buttons along one side. How it got here, Jefferson doesn’t know. Maybe it always has been.</p><p>“It’s been a long time,” Jefferson says, approaching Victor and looking around the cluttered room. He can’t begin to place what each item is for, or what his friend is doing, but it’s probably to do with his old work. </p><p>“Too long,” Victor replies, and he means it, because his sense of “a long time” nowhere near matches Jefferson’s own.</p><p>“A couple of curses and a few mind-wipes later,” Jefferson says, keeping his tone light, despite the fact that none of what they’ve gone through is funny. “And you never called.”</p><p>Victor takes off his gloves and unbuttons his coat, gesturing for Jefferson to follow him outside. The garage has a chemical stench that curls the nose, and a faint breeze wafts it away when they lean on Victor’s car, side by side.</p><p>“I was a little busy,” Victor says.</p><p>“Oh, I know,” Jefferson replies. “My family remained on the fringes, trying to stay alive while you heroes and villains battled whatever crazy shit was thrown at you next.” He smiles at Victor, and nudges the doctor’s arm with his elbow. “Thanks for that. It couldn’t have been easy.”</p><p>“It never is,” Victor says with a sigh. </p><p>“I see you’re hiding out. Your patients must miss you.”</p><p>“Well, once you become the town’s only obstetrician and people keep slamming you against walls for delivering babies, you start rethinking your career choices.” Victor frowns. “I never really had a choice, but now I do. I asked my colleagues at the hospital to take over, and they understood why.”</p><p>“That’s good,” Jefferson says. “We extras have to look out for each other, because nobody else will.”</p><p>“Mm.”</p><p>Victor runs his fingers through his short hair, and Jefferson notices the bleached color. </p><p>“Let me guess,” Jefferson says. “Desperate times.”</p><p>“I needed a change,” Victor responds moodily. </p><p>“Keen symbolism. I grew my own hair out.”</p><p>Victor really looks at him now, at Jefferson’s shaggier hair. </p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>“Fading into the background. Last time I did that was after Priscilla died.”</p><p>Victor furrows his brow, not registering the name. After a second, he understands from context. </p><p>“Grace’s mother.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Another thing you never talked about.”</p><p>Jefferson shrugs, smiling slightly at Victor. </p><p>“I never had the chance.”</p><p>“No dull moments.”</p><p>“No phone call,” Jefferson says teasingly. “But it looks like you have a free moment now.”</p><p>“How’s Grace?”</p><p>“She’s doing well. As well as she can in a place like this.”</p><p>“Tell me about it.”</p><p>Jefferson thinks Victor is making an ironic statement, but then he repeats sincerely, “No, really. Tell me about it.”</p><p>He starts walking towards the house, indicating Jefferson should follow him. </p><p>“I’ll make you a cup of tea,” Victor says, “and we can catch up on all the insanity.”</p><p>“I’m intimately familiar with insanity.”</p><p>“Poor choice of words,” Victor says apologetically. </p><p>Jefferson waves his hand dismissively. </p><p>“Bad joke.”</p><p>He follows Victor inside, and the house is as cluttered as the doctor’s garage.</p><p>“Forgive the mess,” Victor says, looking embarrassed. “I got a little carried away, uh, once I had the free time.” </p><p>The living room is covered in books and journals and ink-scrawled scraps of paper, and it isn’t dirty so much as disorganized, which is surprising coming from Frankenstein but understandable for Whale. Jefferson removes his long coat and drapes it over an armchair beside the coffee table. It isn’t cold outside, but he never lost the habit of wearing one. For warmth, then style, then comfort and emotional armor. Jefferson has shorter jackets and some fine tailored suits, but prefers the length, and he still wears the colorful vests and scarves he’s always loved, because jeans and a T-shirt feel <em> wrong. </em></p><p>Frankenstein, however, wears Whale’s clothes comfortably enough, after he hangs up the lab coat. Then he starts clearing papers off the coffee table. </p><p>“You don’t have to do that,” Jefferson says. </p><p>“It’s fine.”</p><p>Jefferson allows him to briskly clean up, leaning back in his chair and watching the man work. He smiles. </p><p>“Victor, seriously, I don’t care how messy your place is, I’m just happy to be here.”</p><p>The doctor stops, looking embarrassed. </p><p>“Yeah, me too.” Not looking Jefferson in the eye, he says, “I’ll go make that tea.”</p><p>“How about a beer?” Jefferson asks. </p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Victor nods, leaves for the kitchen, then comes back with two bottles of beer. He hands one to Jefferson, then sits down on the couch. The bottles are screw-tops, and Jefferson easily opens his. </p><p>“Cheers,” he says, holding it up to clink against Victor’s. After a moment’s hesitation, the doctor does it, and they both drink. </p><p>“You seem tense,” Jefferson says. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”</p><p>The doctor looks seriously at the drink in his hand, saying, “Kind of early, isn’t it?”</p><p>“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” Jefferson replies, taking a swig.</p><p>“That doesn’t sound like you.”</p><p>“You still don’t know me very well.” Jefferson smiles. “I came here to change that.”</p><p>“Better late than never,” Victor replies. “Am I right?” </p><p>“Mm.”</p><p>“So what do you want to talk about?” </p><p>“Let me ask you, where did you go during our lost year?” When Victor frowns, Jefferson asks, “Were you sent home?”</p><p>Victor shakes his head. </p><p>“No, uh, I got sent to the Enchanted Forest with the rest of you.”</p><p>“I wonder how that worked.”</p><p>“I think it’s because I was holding Ruby’s hand when that green cloud came.”</p><p>Jefferson remembers how terrifying it was to see that magic engulf the town. He was profoundly grateful to have had Grace by his side, to still be holding her in his arms when they woke up. He cried, clutching her to him, happy that a spell hadn’t separated them again. It was fortunate that others could grab on to the people they loved, because no explanation came from the town’s heroes for what the hell was happening. </p><p>“I thought maybe you were sent to the Land Without Color,” Jefferson says, and he can’t imagine such a sorrowful experience - Victor finally returned to his homeworld, with one big difference. “Twenty-eight years would have passed.”</p><p>“Yes,” Victor says, staring sadly past Jefferson at the wall, remembering. “With my whole family gone.” He takes a swig of beer. </p><p>“I wondered what happened to you, but I figured you were either zapped back home, or--”</p><p>Victor scoffs. “Serving as Snow White’s personal physician, like I do in this miserable place?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I took Grace and stayed out of it. Best case, I figured you were with Ruby.”</p><p>Victor nods. Gratefully, he says, “That werewolf saved my life more than once that year.”</p><p>“‘That’ werewolf?” Jefferson asks with a slight smile. “Where is she now?”</p><p>“Gone,” Victor says, but not sadly. “She’s in Oz now. I heard she fell in love with Dorothy Gale.”</p><p>Jefferson grins. </p><p>“Really? I’ve never met the real Dorothy, but if she’s anything like the one in Baum’s books, I think those two would make a good match.” Wonderingly, he says, “Wow, so Oz still exists? I hope they’ll be happy there.”</p><p>Victor nods, agreeing. </p><p>“Yeah, me too.” He takes another swig of beer. “So, is there anyone in <em> your </em> life?”</p><p>Jefferson shakes his head. </p><p>“I haven’t had the time or the opportunity. I’m a full-time single Dad again.”</p><p>Victor huffs a laugh. “I can’t imagine.”</p><p>“It’s rewarding, being a parent.”</p><p>“I’ll take your word for it.”</p><p>“Gets lonely, though,” Jefferson says. “So I’ve started looking.”</p><p>“I’d look fast, if I were you. Before the next crisis hits.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jefferson says, giving Victor a meaningful look the doctor seems too dense to translate. “You never know what will happen next.”</p><p>Victor leans back against the couch, Jefferson in his chair, and the two men sit for a moment in companionable silence, before Jefferson decides he needs to make his intentions clearer. </p><p>“It’s been a long time.” Bitterly, but with a tinge of amusement, he says, “Like, a <em> really </em> long time since I’ve had sex I’ve actually <em> enjoyed.</em>”</p><p>Victor laughs. “Oh no.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I think you’re looking for Dr. Whale,” Victor says. “Because Frankenstein isn’t that easy.”</p><p>“I’m just throwing it out there,” Jefferson says defensively. “Friend to friend.”</p><p>“With benefits?” </p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>Victor looks more amused than uncomfortable, which is a great relief, because Jefferson didn’t know what response to expect.</p><p>“It’s tempting,” he says, looking away. He licks his lips, and appears to be considering the pros and cons. In Jefferson’s opinion, the only con would be an awkward lack of chemistry, and they’re both old enough to maturely navigate that. </p><p>“Think of it like playing 'Doctor,'” Jefferson jokes. Victor looks at him disapprovingly, but with that same tinge of amusement. “I could use some relief for my…” Jefferson takes a swig of beer, suggestively sucking on the bottle. “...tension.”</p><p>Victor laughs. </p><p>“I can’t tell if you’re making a ‘Rocky Horror’ reference.”</p><p>“I was thinking of roleplay that’s a little less musical. Unless moaning counts.”</p><p>“You’re shameless,” Victor says. “You sound just like--”</p><p>“That flirty brat you met back in simpler times?”</p><p>“Simpler for you, maybe. My brother had just died.”</p><p>Both men frown, and Jefferson feels guilty. </p><p>After a moment of tense silence, Jefferson says, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I was a kid, and it was just another job. I should have known how important that heart was to you.”</p><p>“How could you?” Victor says. “I would never have revealed it.”</p><p>Sympathetically, Jefferson says, “You revealed enough on that trip, I suppose.” More lightly, he continues, “It was a long time ago, but I kind of remember you <em>liked</em> playing ‘Doctor.’”</p><p>Victor covers his face in embarrassment. Sounding annoyed, he replies, “Do you have any idea how many women have used that line on Dr. Whale?”</p><p>“He never used it himself? It’s a classic.”</p><p>“The thing about being a doctor people don’t get is this - that sort of roleplay makes us <em> really </em> uncomfortable. There is nothing fun or sexy about being a doctor. We see oozing cuts and dilated cervixes, and every body part blurs together. And all we can do is make sure everyone is comfortable and healthy, and then go home and drink until we forget what the beep of a heart monitor sounds like.”</p><p>Jefferson chuckles. </p><p>“And now that you’ve quit practicing?” he asks. </p><p>Victor shrugs. </p><p>“I wouldn’t be a real patient,” Jefferson says, shifting from the armchair to the couch, to sit closer to him. “And you’re no longer a real doctor. So what’s the harm in it?”</p><p>“There’s no harm at all. I just don’t think it would be fun.”</p><p>“So let’s try it,” Jefferson says. “Worst case scenario is the sex is bad and we laugh about it later. Low stakes.”</p><p>Victor, looking resigned, sighs and sets his beer on the table. </p><p>“Don’t look so thrilled,” Jefferson says dryly. </p><p>“What seems to be the problem?” he asks, sounding disinterested, and this is Jefferson’s hint the man has gone into character with the most half-assed transformation possible. </p><p>Honestly, Jefferson replies, “Thirty years of anxiety, with no relief for my tension, which has been building and building. No matter how hard I try, I can’t find a way to release it.”</p><p>“Have you tried medication?” Jefferson nods. “Meditation? Yoga?” </p><p>Victor rattles off the same recommendations real doctors would, before Jefferson inches closer to his friend on the couch, so close their thighs touch. He half expects the doctor to ask for a referral from his primary care physician, his tone is that clinical. </p><p>“I was thinking it’s a problem of a more sexual nature,” Jefferson says, trying heavily to hint where Victor should be going with this. The doctor seems to be emphasizing how un-fun such roleplay can be when played straight. </p><p>“There are some sex therapists I can recommend,” Victor says. “If you need some advice.”</p><p>“I wonder if perhaps I require an examination,” Jefferson says, and this interaction is becoming more amusing than sexy. Despite it killing the realism, both men take swigs of their beer. </p><p>Victor says, “Stand up,” the first order he’s given so far. Jefferson does so, slowly, setting his beer down on the coffee table. </p><p>“You look fine,” Victor says brusquely. Then he yells behind Jefferson to no one, “Next patient!”</p><p>Jefferson laughs. </p><p>“Come on,” he says, holding out his hand. The doctor allows him to pull Victor to his feet. They’re the same height, and Jefferson leans close, asking, “May I kiss you?” </p><p>“Yes,” Victor whispers. </p><p>It’s nice kissing him, and takes Jefferson back to that simpler time he dared the man into doing so, unaware the doctor was torn up inside, anxious to get home to resurrect his dead brother. </p><p>“Victor,” Jefferson says, interrupting. The doctor groans - not in arousal but in frustration. “I think it really is a medical issue.”</p><p>“What is?” Victor asks, trying to kiss him again, but Jefferson pulls back. </p><p>“I can’t come.”</p><p>Victor smiles, then realizes Jefferson is being serious. </p><p>“And I don’t mean I don’t have the time. Grace spends hours at school, or at her friend’s house. A couple nights a week, Thomas and Gillian still watch her. She's with them right now.” Two people Victor doesn’t know, but can piece together were Paige’s parents. “I’ve tried, believe me. I think I really do need help.”</p><p>Victor presses his forehead to Jefferson’s and says sympathetically, “I’m sorry. I thought you were playing around.”</p><p>“I was,” Jefferson says. “I just thought that maybe--” He makes a frustrated noise. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Victor leans back, gently cups Jefferson’s face, and says, “Hey, it’s okay. Look at me, don’t be embarrassed.”</p><p>“I can get hard, I just can’t get <em> there.</em>”</p><p>Victor nods, saying, “So it could be psychological.”</p><p>“Big surprise,” Jefferson says ruefully. </p><p>“What can I do?” Victor asks. “For real?”</p><p>“What would <em> you </em> do?”</p><p>Victor steps back, thinking. </p><p>“Your prostate,” he says. “I could--” He struggles to say it. “God, if I was Dr. Whale, I wouldn’t get hung up about this stuff.”</p><p>“So be Dr. Whale for a night,” Jefferson says, and the statement sounds horribly wrong as soon as it’s out of his mouth, because it’s something Regina would say to fuck with him. Thankfully, Victor seems to find the suggestion funny and not disturbing. </p><p>“I can massage your prostate,” he says matter-of-factly. “I think that might help. It’s something different.” Stepping closer and placing his hands on Jefferson’s hips, Victor whispers in his ear, “You can lie back and relax, and I’ll do all the work.”</p><p>“Can we--?”</p><p>“Sure, but only if you have health insurance,” Victor jokes, somehow predicting Jefferson was going to make another request to roleplay. “Though I suppose we can figure out an alternate form of payment later.”</p><p>Jefferson smiles. </p><p>“I can think of one.”</p><p>Victor kisses his cheek, then a change comes over him, and Jefferson isn’t sure if he’s talking to Dr. Whale or Dr. Frankenstein, but whoever he is, the man is unbearably sexy.</p><p>With an air of professionalism, he says, “Follow me to the bedroom and we’ll get started.” </p><p>“Yes, Doctor.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note 12/25/20:</b>
</p><p>After I wrote and posted this, I realized it's commonly accepted - though never stated outright in canon - that Victor spent the lost year from Season 3 back in the Land Without Color. The logic follows that just like Regina's curse brought all her enemies from every realm, the reverse curse would just send them, as it is phrased in the show, "back where they came from." As for why Snow would be able to pull Victor from his world back to Storybrooke with her own curse - since Regina was able to pull her enemies, Snow was able to pull her friends. </p><p>I hand waived it because, like Jefferson and Victor say in this chapter, it is goddamn depressing. All Victor wanted that day the first curse broke was to go home, but over the course of the series, he realized he wanted to stay in Storybrooke. Well he got his wish. The problem being not just that 28 years had passed, but Victor didn't even want to go back there anymore. </p><p>Just like in canon, in my fanfiction, I have put Jefferson through <i>so. much. pain.</i> Why the hell did I give Victor a pass? I feel guilty, even though this is me overthinking the lives of fictional characters. </p><p>I can't really go back and rewrite this, but let's just rewrite that exchange about Victor's lost year to him telling Jefferson that no, physical proximity to an Enchanted Forest native would not have brought Victor with them.</p><p>I read a bittersweet fanfic about this, which is what got me thinking about it. In it, before the reverse curse - green cloud - comes to engulf the town, Ruby realizes what's happening and immediately goes to Victor's house to have sex with him. They fall asleep holding each other, then Victor wakes up alone in the Land Without Color. He does stuff, looking for his brother, finds out he's dead, tries to move on, then after a year passes wakes up back in Storybrooke and goes straight to Ruby. That fanfic has a sequel about their relationship after the lost year, and Ruby notices that every morning the first thing Victor does is check if his alarm clock is still red.</p><p>The point is, Victor going back to the Land Without Color? There's no way holding onto Ruby would have kept him with her, so just mentally rewrite that line in this chapter.</p><p>-----</p><p> <b>Author's Note 01/07/21:</b></p><p>This doesn't contradict anything I've written in this chapter, since Victor doesn't mention <i>when</i> Ruby left, only that she is currently with Dorothy, but in S5E9, "The Bear King," it is revealed that Ruby used a magic bean to return to the Enchanted Forest immediately after the events of S3E22, "There's No Place Like Home," to seek other werewolves. </p><p>This was added to explain why Ruby had been absent for the entirety of Season 4, due to the actress leaving OUAT to work on a different TV series. She returned for three appearances in S5. The actor playing Victor left at the same time to star in his own show. He was also absent during S4, but made two quick cameos in S5 and S6.</p><p>Those two Frankenwolf fanfics I mentioned in my  previous notes were written before it was confirmed this was when Ruby left Storybrooke. </p><p>I also want to remove Jefferson's line, "Oz still exists?" He should know better. But if anyone is aware of the shit Zelena caused in S3, they might be surprised she didn't blow it up.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Release (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Picks up immediately after <a href="#section0012">Chapter 12</a>. Jefferson and Dr. Whale get intimate, and I try to write sex acts as vaguely as possible. (Praise kink, because I always end up writing praise kink.) 1,509 words.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>How did this all turn into a Mad Whale 'fic?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His appointment with Dr. Whale - (or Dr. Frankenstein, he isn’t sure, or if it even matters who is who anymore) - is a blur of ecstatic sensation and positive reinforcement that seamlessly paints over every torrid, furious night with Regina that Jefferson wants to forget. He can’t ever - Jefferson and the Evil Queen will always be entwined - but his new old friend with the thick fingers and a physician’s steady hand is doing a pretty damn good job.</p><p>He should be embarrassed by how vocal he gets, and how desperate for release he sounds, but it’s a relief after so many agonizing years to just <em> relax </em> and be himself in someone’s bed. Jefferson’s glad he confessed his difficulty orgasming beforehand, because Whale is showering him with praise and encouragement. Dr. Whale’s a damn <em> saint</em>, because it’s not just the physical sensation Jefferson’s body needed - it’s his <em> words. </em></p><p>“This is all about you,” Whale tells him, as Jefferson lays down on the bed. “Okay? Don’t think, just feel. Breathe.”</p><p>Victor is the scientist who tinkers with enchanted hearts and dead things, and Dr. Whale is the man notoriously more open to sex, who knows exactly how to touch a person and how to make them come, so Jefferson is probably lying in Whale’s bed right now, but he’s going to scream Victor’s name.</p><p><em> Don’t overthink it, </em>Jefferson tells himself, and Whale echoes the thought, or maybe he says it first. </p><p>“Get out of your head,” he tells Jefferson. “Don’t worry, I’m going to make you come.”</p><p>He says it reassuringly, like a friend would. He hasn’t even touched Jefferson yet. Then he gets the gloves. </p><p>“Um,” he says, hesitantly, rubbing lubricant on his fingers. Jefferson smiles at him. “Did you still want me to--?”</p><p>“Talk? Yeah. I think it would help if you talk me through it.”</p><p>“I’m not very good at this,” Victor says, like he did fifty years ago, and Jefferson scoffs, because Victor’s totally wrong. “I can joke about insurance charges,” Whale adds, “but--”</p><p>“Just talk,” Jefferson says. “You don’t have to be in character.” </p><p>“I want to make it good for you.”</p><p>Jefferson licks his lips. He closes his eyes and feels Whale touch him - just his leg at first, then somewhere more sensitive. Dr. Whale explains what he’s going to do in graphic detail that is somehow both clinical and pornographic.</p><p>“Spread your legs a little wider,” Whale instructs him. “Good. Plant your feet flat on the bed, just like that.” </p><p>Whale decides it’s best if they put a pillow under Jefferson’s hips. Making Jefferson comfortable is the first, most important step, he says. If his body isn’t relaxed, his ass won’t be either. And with all of him tensed, he won’t be able to let his thoughts go. </p><p>“Lay back, arms at your sides,” Whale says, gripping him in his hand. “I’ll take care of this, you just focus on how it feels.”</p><p>The noise Jefferson makes with just a hand on his dick - they haven’t gone any further than a simple touch yet, so he’ll be making even more noise later - is embarrassingly loud, and he blushes when he hears Whale huff a laugh. </p><p>“Sorry,” Whale says. Jefferson opens his eyes and frowns at him indignantly. “I’m not laughing, I’m just glad it feels good.”</p><p>“I haven’t--”</p><p>“I know, you told me,” Whale says. “It’s been a while.” </p><p>Jefferson covers his face with his hands in exaggerated shame, but also subtly thrusts his pelvis into each slow pump of Whale’s closed fist. </p><p>“That feels good,” he says, swallowing. “I could probably come just from that.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t be getting the full treatment,” Whale says, “and your prescription calls for total release.”</p><p>Jefferson laughs. </p><p>“I can’t believe I’m asking you to talk like that.”</p><p>“It’s okay. As long as someone’s having fun.”</p><p>They smile at each other, then Whale increases the speed of his strokes.</p><p>“Oh God,” Jefferson moans. “Stop, wait, stop!”</p><p>Whale removes his hand and creates some space between them.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“I want the full treatment,” he says, “and I’m afraid I’m gonna come just thrusting into that hot palm of yours.”</p><p>“Whatever works,” Whale says. </p><p>“No, seriously. I want it,” Jefferson says hungrily. “I want--”</p><p>“I’ll give you whatever you need.”</p><p>“I want you to--”</p><p>“I’m gonna need some enthusiastic consent, Jefferson.”</p><p>“Massage my prostate.”</p><p>“I can do that.”</p><p>“I still think it’s a good idea.”</p><p>“I agree. I’m the one who thought of it.”</p><p>Some time later, after slow preparation, Whale fingers him with a steady rhythm. He instructs Jefferson to relax, and stop tensing his pelvis and holding his breath. Jefferson is afraid his orgasm may feel too powerful, but Whale tells him to give in to the feeling.</p><p>“That’s it,” he says reassuringly. “You’re doing good.”</p><p>He repeats these phrases, praising him. All he’s praising is Jefferson’s ability to lie back and take it, but that’s encouraging, because the real roadblock to orgasm has been Jefferson telling himself he doesn’t deserve it. </p><p>Jefferson tenses, and Whale fingers him with one hand, while stroking his dick with the other. </p><p>“Let it happen,” he tells him. “Just let it happen,” he says, stroking faster. </p><p>Jefferson writhes and struggles, and yet he still can’t get <em> there.</em></p><p>“Victor--”</p><p>“I’m here.”</p><p>“Please--”</p><p>“What do you need?”</p><p>“I can’t--”</p><p>“You can. I know you can. I know it’s intense, but it’ll feel so good. You can make it. That’s it, you’re almost there.”</p><p>And then it happens. The relief is beyond anything Jefferson’s felt in years, but as he comes, his eyes are screwed shut so tight that Whale’s face looks like Regina’s. It’s sad that he thought of her, Jefferson thinks, but then again, there’s always next time. </p><p>When Jefferson opens his eyes, there’s his <em> real </em>friend, looking down at him with an expression that could be pride in Jefferson’s achievement of ecstasy, or his own achievement of making a guy come that hard with just two latex-gloved hands.</p><p>“You back among the living?” Whale jokes. “Because I think you just died for a second.”</p><p>Jefferson laughs, and the doctor laughs with him. </p><p>“I’ll get you a towel. God, you’re fucking sexy.” </p><p>Whale disappears from view, and Jefferson thinks he must be a sweaty, flushed, trembling wreck. He’s covered in his own ejaculate, and is pretty sure he just made the sound of a slaughtered dolphin. What could possibly be sexy about that?</p><p>Whale returns with a dampened towel and cleans him off. </p><p>“I can do that,” Jefferson says, taking the towel. </p><p>“You just lie there and relax,” Whale says. Again, the man’s a saint, because when Jefferson glances down, he can see the outline of the doctor’s erection. </p><p>“Once I catch my breath,” Jefferson says, “I’m paying my bill.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Whale says, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I can just send you an invoice.”</p><p>Jefferson gets up, kneels behind the doctor, and drapes his arms around him. </p><p>“No, no, I insist,” he says, kissing the back of Whale’s neck. The doctor sighs in pleasure. </p><p>“Would you like to make out a check, or…?”</p><p>“I was thinking I could just suck your cock,” Jefferson says. “If that would be accepted payment.”</p><p>“I think that could work,” Whale says. More seriously, he asks, “How would you like to do it? With me standing and you kneeling, or should I lie down on the bed?”</p><p>“It’s up to you,” Jefferson says, but Whale shakes his head. </p><p>“We’re not done with your fantasy, yet,” he tells him. “This whole doctor-patient thing.”</p><p>Jefferson nods. “Good point. Okay, you standing, me kneeling. Begging for you to accept my out-of-network health insurance, but you’ll only accept my mouth.”</p><p>“That’s really fucked up.”</p><p>“Don’t think too hard about it.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Whale,” Jefferson says later, when they’ve moved from the bed to the couch, from sex to TV and coffee. He’s about to ask for something - beer, sugar, tea, or a specific DVD, he’s not sure, because the doctor automatically replies without even looking at him.</p><p>“I’d prefer if you called me Victor.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jefferson says guiltily. “I dunno what I was thinking.”</p><p>“I’m both, you know,” not-Whale says. “Not one or the other.” He frowns. “It probably would have helped if I <em> did </em> have just one name.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t have wanted that, believe me.”</p><p>“Maybe not.” He looks at Jefferson curiously. “What was it you needed? Just now?”</p><p>“Oh, I was going to ask if you wanted to watch this,” Jefferson says, holding up a DVD for some film he’s never seen, but Victor not-Whale Frankenstein probably liked at some point, or Regina decided that he did.</p><p>“Yeah, put it in,” the doctor says. “Uh, did you want to spend the night?” he asks. Jefferson’s heart beats faster - that innocent invitation is more affecting than any sex act. </p><p>“Yeah, if that’s alright with you,” Jefferson replies. “I can take the couch.”</p><p>Victor scoffs, saying, “You’re getting back in that bed as soon as this movie’s over.” </p><p>“Well okay then,” Jefferson says with a smirk. “Doctor.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Sunrise (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The morning after Dr. Whale and Jefferson hook up in Storybrooke, this becomes a full-blown Mad Whale ‘fic, with relationship discussions and everything. Sorry not sorry. (3,119 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the morning after Victor and Jefferson hooked up in <a href="#section0013">Chapter 13</a>, which means it takes place during Season 5, between S5E18, “Ruby Slippers,” and S5E21, “Last Rites.”</p><p>Content Warning: There are brief, but not detailed, mentions of Jefferson being raped in the past and Victor attempting suicide in the past. </p><p>In this chapter, they talk about what happened to Victor in S2E12, “In the Name of the Brother." They also reference S3E19, “A Curious Thing,” in which it was revealed that Snow White was the one who cast the curse that brought everyone back to Storybrooke in Season 3. </p><p>If you’re skipping ahead, Michelle is an OC from previous chapters of this fanfic, most notably <a href="#section0007">Chapter 7</a>. </p><p>There is a short, funny sexual scene at the very end of this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jefferson thought nothing new could ever surprise him, then opened his eyes to find his body pressed against Dr. Frankenstein’s.</p><p>He smiled and touched the doctor’s arm. </p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Victor stirred, and after a moment, opened one eye. Looking at him blearily, Victor said, “Hey.”</p><p>People never looked happy to be woken, and Victor didn’t return his smile. Jefferson would have allowed him to sleep longer, but Storybrooke’s clock tower ticked ever forward, and Jefferson wanted to make every second count.</p><p>“I--” he started to say. <em> I don’t want to seem too needy</em>, Jefferson thought, and replaced that with, “Want some coffee?”</p><p>Victor closed his eyes and nodded, with a slight smile, grunting approvingly.</p><p>Jefferson got up and headed for the kitchen. He wasn’t nude, wearing black boxer-briefs and a white cotton undershirt, but he still felt exposed. Jefferson threw on his dress shirt but left it unbuttoned, and pulled on grey sweatpants that Victor had lent him. The kitchen floor was cold, so he went back to get socks, and tied a navy blue scarf around his neck.</p><p>The sound of the coffee machine beeping drew Victor into the kitchen, and the man was totally naked but for a pair of blue boxers dotted with small lightning bolts. Jefferson choked back a laugh, because the man was undeniably sexy, but the choice of underwear was comical. </p><p>“Ruby got me these,” Victor said, with a hint of defensiveness. “Ya know, ‘cause of the whole…”</p><p>“Frankenstein thing. I get it.”</p><p>Victor shrugged, pouring himself a cup of coffee.</p><p>“I didn’t know they sold stuff like that in Storybrooke,” Jefferson said. </p><p>“I think the enchantment still supplies things residents want.” Furrowing his brow, Victor said, “I don’t understand why.”</p><p>“‘Theirs are not to reason why, theirs are but to do and die,’” Jefferson quoted. He took a sip of coffee. “Hopefully without the dying part.”</p><p>Victor huffed a laugh. “Amen, brother.”</p><p>“You still talk to our resident band of ‘heroes?’”</p><p>Victor sighed. “I get text messages from the hospital, and then I ignore them.” He made a face that said, <em> I’m done with all that shit</em>, and asked Jefferson, “What would you like for breakfast?”</p><p>Jefferson looked at the clock on Victor’s microwave. </p><p>“I should probably go pick up Grace.”</p><p>“No, stay with me. Relax.” </p><p>To Jefferson’s relief, Victor sounded like the needy one. Pouting, the doctor reached for Jefferson’s hands, and the portal jumper placed his cup on the counter to take them. Victor pulled Jefferson close, kissing him on the cheek. </p><p>“Stay,” Victor whispered. “Please.” </p><p>Jefferson responded by kissing Victor on the lips. Victor deepened it, and the kiss grew more passionate - Victor becoming short of breath and embracing him tightly. He pushed Jefferson back, crowding him towards the refrigerator. Jefferson firmly bumped against it, and something about the interaction felt <em> wrong </em> and <em> familiar</em>. As lightly as he could, Jefferson pushed the doctor away. </p><p>“Victor--”</p><p>“What is it?” </p><p>Jefferson closed his eyes, remembering Regina. The Regina from their 28 cursed years, roughly shoving him around his beautiful prison as she pleased, using his body however she liked, whether he wanted it or not. </p><p><em> No, I can’t tell him that stuff</em>, Jefferson thought.</p><p>“It’s stupid.”</p><p>“No, tell me,” Victor said, looking worried. He stepped away further to give Jefferson some space. </p><p>Jefferson crossed his arms and looked down at his feet. </p><p>“Remember how I told you, uh, that I had sex with Regina?”</p><p>“Kinda, yeah. What about it?”</p><p>“It wasn’t just the one time.”</p><p>Looking away, Jefferson couldn’t see Victor’s reaction. The doctor didn’t respond - <em>probably too disgusted with me, </em>Jefferson thought - and he was forced to continue, “And remember how I said I was ‘awake’ all those years? She knew. Um, she knew and we, uh…”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Victor said. “I get it.” </p><p>Jefferson glanced up to see if Victor was telling the truth. He couldn’t tell, because the doctor looked uncomfortable, but he also didn’t seem disgusted.</p><p>Victor said, “Regina wanted someone who remembered her - the Evil Queen.” He scoffed. “What a piece of work.”</p><p>“So you’re not ashamed of me?” </p><p>“What? Of course not! She <em> used you</em>.”</p><p>Victor reached for Jefferson’s arm - probably to pat it comfortingly - but withdrew his hand when he noticed Jefferson tense his muscles and inch away. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Victor said. “I won’t do it again.”</p><p>“Do what?” Jefferson asked, not to be dense, but to hear somebody else say it. </p><p>“I won’t be rough with you,” Victor said soberly. “I won’t do anything that reminds you of her.”</p><p>Jefferson nodded. He gave Victor a tight, fake smile. </p><p>“Thanks for understanding.”</p><p>“No problem.” Somehow knowing there was still more left unsaid, Victor added, “If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.” He held up his palms and said, “No pressure, of course.”</p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>Jefferson faked another smile, and Victor looked relieved - to be of help and to be of comfort. He couldn’t possibly understand what one enthusiastic kiss had triggered.</p><p>Jefferson kept his arms crossed, still feeling awkward, and like he had ruined something good. Negative, self-hating thoughts crossed his mind, picking up speed in a rambling-together of phrases and words like <em> you’re a worthless disgusting pathetic failure you’ll never find love again you don’t deserve it he hates you people hate you you’re nothing you’re nobody you’re fucked up you’re such a fuck up why do you even try? </em></p><p>“Jefferson?” Victor asked. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Jefferson swallowed thickly, keeping his eyes shut tight. His breath was becoming shallow and he could feel himself spiraling - something he never wanted anyone but Regina to ever see. Because Regina understood. Not in a smug way, but because it happened to herself sometimes. Two fuck-ups, trapped together alone in a Hell of her own creation. Regina’s “happy ending.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Do you want a hug?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Do you want a glass of water?”</p><p>Jefferson nodded sharply, and Victor poured him one. Jefferson heard him set it on the counter, but didn’t reach for it. </p><p>“Jefferson, can you open your eyes, look down at the kitchen tiles, and count how many you see for me? Tell me how many tiles there are.”</p><p>Jefferson was launched into a memory. </p><p>“Dialectical behavioral therapy?” Jefferson slapped the pamphlet on the coffee table and gave his wife Michelle an incredulous look. “What kind of nonsense is this?”</p><p>“It can help,” Michelle said.</p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p>“You’re not fine. Look, they’ve got methods they can teach you, for how to get through your--”</p><p>“If you say the word ‘episode’ one more time…”</p><p>Michelle rolled her eyes. </p><p>“Face the facts, Jefferson. You need help sometimes. Everybody does. It’s called being human.”</p><p>“I don’t get, like, panic attacks.”</p><p>“You spiral. Stuck in a loop of negative thoughts.”</p><p>“This stuff is bullshit.”</p><p>“It’s just words,” Michelle said.</p><p>“That’s my point.”</p><p>“Words.” Michelle touched Jefferson’s forearm, gripping it firmly but comfortingly, and held his angry gaze with confident green eyes. “Words have power.”</p><p>In the present, Victor asked, “Have you counted them?” </p><p>“You sound just like Michelle,” Jefferson said. </p><p>Wisely, Victor didn’t ask who that was. Then again, Michelle could be just about anybody. Storybrooke was a big place - bigger than its ‘heroes’ realized, sometimes. </p><p>Victor said some more stuff, and they softly spoke together - counting objects, counting breaths, calming Jefferson down. Jefferson wished Michelle was there so he could tell her she was right, and that he was grateful. </p><p>Jefferson was sad sometimes that Michelle didn’t exist. He would wonder how she was doing, and pictured her back home in New York, in an office in the sky. </p><p>“Thanks,” Jefferson said. “Look, uh…”</p><p>“You don’t have to explain,” Victor said. “Do you still want to pick up Grace?”</p><p>Jefferson didn’t want to leave. There was so much more to be said, and so much more to do, while the two of them still had the chance. Before more clouds of magic came to curse them again, or to kill them. </p><p>“Grace is at Thomas and Gillian’s, but I get nervous when I’m gone too long. She would understand, but I’m still afraid of her thinking that I left her again.”</p><p>“So call her,” Victor said. “Tell her where you are.”</p><p>Jefferson looked at him uncertainly. </p><p>“Surely they know and trust Storybrooke’s chief physician,” Victor said, reheating his coffee in the microwave. “You can brag you bagged a doctor.”</p><p>“‘Bagged’ a doctor?” the portal jumper repeated, and this finally drew from Jefferson a genuine smile.</p><p>Victor shrugged. </p><p>“Friends with benefits, dating, whatever you want to call it. The next deadly cloud of God-knows-what is coming any day now, and I’d prefer to spend my remaining days with you.”</p><p>“Spend your days?” Jefferson asked incredulously, with a hint of amusement. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”</p><p>“Yes,” said Victor, sipping his coffee.</p><p>“We’ve slept together once,” Jefferson said. “Hell, we didn’t even have sex.”</p><p>“All the better. I get to romance you properly.”</p><p>Jefferson laughed. </p><p>“Properly? You had your hand up my ass last night.”</p><p>“Alright, so we might have skipped a couple bases.” </p><p>“I’ll make that call,” Jefferson said. “Then you’re making me breakfast.”</p><p>Victor smiled.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Having a friend to hang out with felt more satisfying than any orgasm, though Victor made Jefferson anxious with every reference to the crises happening across town. </p><p>“Can you stop that, please?” Jefferson asked seriously. “It makes me worry about Grace.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” said Victor with a sigh. “I’m a bit on edge.”</p><p>“I noticed that you keep looking at your phone.”</p><p>“Part of me wants to know what’s going on, while part of me wants to never speak to them again.”</p><p>“I get it,” said Jefferson.</p><p>“No, you really don’t. Whether I like it or not, I’m backup for their stupid team. Your family was smart,” the doctor said, because Victor looped Thomas and Gillian under that umbrella. “You stayed out of it. It’s unfortunate that Snow White’s spell brought you back here.”</p><p>Jefferson shrugged. “Things are easier here than in the Enchanted Forest. Did I ever tell you what I was doing before Regina tricked me into going to Wonderland?”</p><p>“No. What?”</p><p>“Selling mushrooms.” Jefferson chuckled. “Yeah, after Priscilla died, my thieving days were done. I moved Grace to a little cottage in the woods. Figured I’d get some chickens, maybe grow some vegetables. But I knew nothing about farming, so I collected mushrooms instead.” He shook his head. “I was so busy with that, I never did get those chickens.”</p><p>Victor listened with a slight smile on his face. </p><p>“May I ask what Priscilla thought of your former profession?”</p><p>Jefferson gave Victor an even bigger smile. </p><p>“She was a thief too.” He beamed at Victor, thinking of her. “And she was <em> good </em> at it. <em> God</em>, we had such fun, and made <em> a lot </em> of money. When she got pregnant, we had this <em> huge </em> mansion built, but we were just kids, ya know? We had no idea how much work went into a house like that.”</p><p>“Tell me about it. Your adventures.”</p><p>Jefferson looked at the clock. </p><p>“I have enough stories to fill a book, and I need to get back.”</p><p>“We’ve still got time,” said Victor. “Unless you want to use that time differently.”</p><p>The men relaxed on Victor’s couch - Jefferson laying down with his feet in the good doctor’s lap. It was afternoon, one breakfast and a partial lunch later. Jefferson had called Grace to explain where he was and when he would return, but Grace seemed to pick up on Jefferson’s motives for being there and didn’t set a time. She didn’t know about the sex, of course, but had known that her father needed a friend.</p><p>Victor wore plaid pajama bottoms and a black T-shirt, but neither men had bothered to properly dress. Both were used to wearing suits - and looked damn good in them - but the occasional day in comfy clothing was nice.</p><p>It also made it easier for Victor’s hands to do what they did best. </p><p>“You don’t have to,” Jefferson said, when Victor started rubbing his thigh.</p><p>“I want to.”</p><p>Jefferson gave him an embarrassed grin.</p><p>“I don’t need you to ‘relieve my tension.’”</p><p>“I like watching you,” Victor said, his hand moving higher. </p><p>“You’ve watched me once,” Jefferson replied, “and I doubt it looked sexy.”</p><p>“Let’s make it twice, and I’ll compare.”  </p><p>“If you want,” Jefferson said. Victor stopped touching him.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said, frowning and apologetic. “I didn't mean to force you.”</p><p>Jefferson laughed, and received a confused look. </p><p>“I appreciate the respectful request for consent,” he told the doctor. “But this isn’t something Regina’s prone to do. No bad memories associated. I just feel guilty. Lazy.”</p><p>Victor looked relieved. </p><p>Jefferson said, “If you ever do something that makes me uncomfortable, I’ll tell you. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“I just…” he started to say. Sighing, Jefferson said, “This is too nice. My life has been shit for so long, I forgot how comfort felt.”</p><p>Victor resumed rubbing Jefferson’s thigh. </p><p>“So can I?”</p><p>Incredulously, Jefferson said, “You’re asking me if it’s okay to give me a handjob?”</p><p>“Yes,” said Victor seriously. “I think it’s important that I ask.”</p><p>Jefferson nodded.</p><p>“I’d like a verbal answer,” Victor said. </p><p>Jefferson made a frustrated noise. With a tinge of sarcasm, he said flatly, “Yes, please, give me a handjob.”</p><p>“Just relax,” said Victor.</p><p>“You’re something,” said Jefferson moodily.</p><p>“I care about you,” he replied sincerely. “I want you to be happy.”</p><p>“That’s sweet,” said Jefferson. “But--”</p><p>The other Jefferson almost said something sarcastic, while the Hatter admonished him for throwing every nice thing that people did for them into their mental trash can. </p><p>“Stop.”</p><p>Victor withdrew his hands, and gave Jefferson a friendly, sympathetic look that Jefferson never recalled Frankenstein making, but Dr. Whale had given him many times. </p><p>Jefferson sat up. “It’s not because of Regina,” he said, with a resigned sigh. “It’s Jefferson. He refuses to believe we deserve anything good, ever.”</p><p>Victor nodded. “I’ve been there,” he said, brushing past the two personalities to the self-esteem issue. “To the deepest pit.” He swallowed, looking sorrowfully down at his lap. “I didn’t tell you this before, but I almost killed myself last year.” </p><p>“Oh my God.” </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“It was sometime after I brought Daniel back. That stranger, uh, Greg was dying after his car crash. I asked Gold to use his magic to help him, but Gold told me to just let him die. I almost did it, too. Let him die. The others debated it, then asked me to save him, but I had already been having...a really bad time, let’s say. I was drunk that night. I kept thinking about my brother. How I got him killed, how I made him a monster, how he killed our father. How it all went to shit. How much of a failure I am.” Tears pooled in Victor’s eyes. He wiped them, sniffling. “Then Ruby stopped me.” He smiled slightly. “Like I said, she’s saved my life more than once.”</p><p>Jefferson rubbed Victor’s arm comfortingly. “And you saved that man,” he said. “You’re not a total failure.”</p><p>“Not a ‘total’ failure?” Victor asked. “Thanks,” he said sarcastically.</p><p>Jefferson chuckled.</p><p>“Well, that killed the mood,” Victor said.</p><p>Jefferson took Victor’s hand and entwined their fingers. </p><p>“Not completely.”</p><p>He leaned forward and kissed the doctor once - gently, with closed lips. Victor cupped Jefferson’s cheek with his other hand and kissed him again more deeply. They kissed some more, gradually getting more excited, and Victor ran his fingers through Jefferson’s hair.</p><p>“God, you’re sexy,” he said. </p><p>“You flatter me.”</p><p>“Don’t you ever doubt it.”</p><p>Tilting his head to kiss Jefferson’s neck, but finding his scarf in the way, Victor reached to remove it. Jefferson gripped his wrist, stopping him. </p><p>“One last thing,” he said, “before we go further.”</p><p>Victor nodded. </p><p>“I took off all my clothes last night, but I prefer to keep this covered,” Jefferson said, touching the scarf. “For now.” </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“You can take off all my other clothes - rip them off, if you’d like - but just...leave this on until I ask.”</p><p>“Okay,” Victor repeated. “Whatever you say.” </p><p>“I know it’s weird.”</p><p>“It’s not weird. Stop putting yourself down like that.” </p><p>Jefferson smiled ruefully. "Wecan’t help it.” </p><p>Victor didn’t react to his use of a plural pronoun. He did, however, caress Jefferson’s cheek, looking at him tenderly, and the cynical Jefferson wanted to laugh in the man’s face rather than accept such affection. </p><p>“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jefferson asked.</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Like I’m worth your time.”</p><p>“Jefferson,” Victor said, sounding annoyed. “If you won’t believe I actually like you, pretend I’m just trying to get laid.”</p><p>In amusement, Jefferson asked, “What?”</p><p>“Time is short,” Victor said. “I want to enjoy it. I want to live. We deserve a slim shred of happiness in this nightmare town, before the next supervillain shows up and Storybrooke explodes.”</p><p>Jefferson laughed. </p><p>“See?” Victor asked. “Our lives are so absurd, what else do we have to lose?”</p><p>Agreeing, Jefferson nodded. “Good point.” He licked his lips. “Alright, what are you thinking?”</p><p>“I’m thinking of making you come again,” Victor said. “Not to have a one track mind, or anything.”</p><p>“I don’t think any less of you,” said Jefferson, with a tinge of amusement. “You’re just a very thorough doctor.”</p><p>“I try to give my patients the best treatment.”</p><p>Jefferson smiled.</p><p>“Are we really doing this?”</p><p>“Why not?” said Victor. </p><p>“Because…” </p><p>“You can’t think of a reason. Lie down. Like before, feet in my lap.” </p><p>The portal jumper lay down, blushing - both feeling and looking embarrassed - and let Victor massage his legs. This simple touch was making Jefferson hard, and he noticed Victor’s smug expression looking at his erection. The doctor pressed his hand against it, rubbing it with one hand while continuing to rub Jefferson’s thigh with the other. </p><p>“I hate you,” Jefferson said dryly. “I hate that you’re so good at this.”</p><p>“I’ve barely touched you.”</p><p>“Exactly why I hate you.”</p><p>Looking annoyed, Victor pulled down Jefferson’s sweat pants and gripped his erection directly. </p><p>“You might want to lift your shirt up,” the doctor said casually. “Because you’re going to be coming on it.”</p><p>His pleasure building rapidly with each firm pump of Victor’s fist, Jefferson followed his suggestion. He and the doctor looked at each other - Jefferson watching Victor watch him. The doctor never took his eyes off Jefferson’s face, so Jefferson turned his attention to the sight of his own dick in Victor’s hand. </p><p>“This shouldn’t be this hot,” Jefferson said, transfixed by it. </p><p>“Shhh,” Victor said. “Don’t overthink everything, Jefferson. Just enjoy it.”</p><p>It didn’t take very long to come, and Victor was right about the shirt. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've never been sure if writing Curse!Jefferson with a mental illness was offensive or ableist, but I explain where the idea came from in my endnotes <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/76883603#work_endnotes">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Counting Seconds (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After Jefferson and Dr. Whale hook up in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/68916861#workskin">Chapter 14</a>, tragedy befalls Storybrooke. To process this event, they hook up again. (1,689 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter takes place after the events of S5E21, “Last Rites.” It contains sexual content, but it’s not explicit. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time. </p><p>Time was Jefferson’s enemy. </p><p>Not the Clock of Evermore or the Dark Curse, or any endless, tortuous loop he’d been subjected to before. No, <em> this </em>was the worst enemy of all. </p><p>Time that could run out. </p><p>“I’ve got two hours,” Jefferson said, kissing Victor. Jefferson was barely through the doctor’s front door when he launched himself at the man, because he had plans later with Grace and couldn’t be late. </p><p>“More like one,” he amended. </p><p>Victor laughed, shutting the door and ushering Jefferson inside. </p><p>“So you came here?” he asked. “Now?”</p><p>“I want to make every second count while I still can.”</p><p>He tried to kiss Victor again, but the doctor held up his hands.</p><p>“Whoah, hang on. Is there something going on that you’re not telling me?” </p><p>Bluntly, Jefferson answered, “Robin Hood is dead.”</p><p>The blood drained from Victor’s face. He looked stunned and a little horrified. </p><p>“What? How?”</p><p>“Hades killed him.”</p><p>“<em>What?” </em>Victor exclaimed. “Where’s Hades now?”</p><p>“Zelena killed <em> him.</em>”</p><p>Victor sat on the couch, dumbfounded. Jefferson remained standing and made no move to comfort him. </p><p>“Were you and Robin close?” Jefferson asked. </p><p>“What kind of question is that?”</p><p>Jefferson shrugged, a gesture that only angered Victor.</p><p>“I know Zelena and Regina,” Victor said. “And I know they’re probably hurting right now.” He glowered at Jefferson judgmentally. “What the hell is wrong with you?” </p><p>“Nothing’s wrong with me,” Jefferson said defensively. “This is a moment of clarity.” He gestured forcefully out the window, to the miserable drama happening downtown. Raising his voice, he asked, “How many more people have to die? Ten? Twenty?” Jefferson knelt in front of Victor, who wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Two witches lost their lovers today, and I’m sorry they’re in pain, but it makes me crave mine even more.” </p><p>Victor frowned at him, and Jefferson said, “I lost the love of my life because of magic. I don’t want to lose another.”</p><p>“You won’t <em> lose </em> me,” Victor said, frustrated. “I’m right <em> here.</em>”</p><p>“For how long? Until they beg for your help again and you’re back in the crossfire?”</p><p>Victor didn’t answer. The two men stared at each other, and the doctor looked sad and still a bit angry, but calmer and more understanding than before. Jefferson couldn’t imagine what his own expression must be. Probably some kind of wild, desperate gaze - needy and imploring. </p><p>“Don’t go,” said Jefferson. “Please.”</p><p>Victor furrowed his brow. </p><p>“What? I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>“I mean to the hospital.”</p><p>“So do I,” he said. “If they need me, they’ll call. If they don’t, I’m staying out of it.”</p><p>Jefferson’s eyes teared up in relief. </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“I’m not doing it for <em> you</em>,” Victor said sharply, standing up and heading for the kitchen. </p><p>Instead of feeling hurt by this, Victor’s response faintly amused him.</p><p>“Fair enough,” Jefferson muttered to himself. He heard the sound of glass clinking.  </p><p>“If that’s whiskey you’re pouring,” Jefferson called to him, “I know a better way to blow off steam.”</p><p>Victor came back, predictably, holding a bottle. Jefferson held up a finger. </p><p>“Give me one hour of your time.”</p><p>“You’re kidding.”</p><p>Jefferson slowly approached the doctor, who let him remove the whiskey bottle from his hand. </p><p>“One hour.”</p><p>“This might be the worst motivation for sex I’ve ever had,” said Victor, still frowning. </p><p>“There are much worse,” Jefferson said soberly. “Believe me.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“We only have one hour?” Victor asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Jefferson said, sitting on the doctor’s bed and taking off his shoes, because undressing themselves took less time than trying to passionately tear unfamiliar clothing off each other. </p><p>On the way over, Jefferson had pictured kissing Victor to organically turn into lovemaking, but the doctor was slowly disrobing without enthusiasm, glancing at Jefferson with uncertainty. </p><p>“We haven’t had sex yet,” Victor commented. </p><p>“Why does that matter?” Jefferson asked. </p><p>“I think our first time together should take more than an hour.” Victor sounded annoyed, but the sentiment was so romantic it made Jefferson’s heart swell. </p><p>“Then I’ll just suck your cock,” Jefferson said matter-of-factly. </p><p>“No,” said Victor. “I have a better idea.”</p><p>“If you say the word ‘reschedule,’ we’re done,” Jefferson said moodily, though he didn’t really mean it.</p><p>“I’ll suck yours,” Victor said. He knelt on the floor in front of Jefferson, and in a breathy voice, Victor repeated, “I’ll suck <em> your </em> cock.” </p><p>“What? You don’t--"</p><p>“Don’t say I don’t have to,” said Victor. “I want to. It will calm you down.”</p><p>“How romantic,” Jefferson said dryly, though every nice thing Victor did really felt like that. </p><p>“Seriously. An orgasm will relieve your stress.”</p><p>“I thought we were past playing ‘doctor.’” </p><p>“This isn’t roleplay, this is science.”</p><p>Jefferson nodded. “Good to know.”</p><p>“I’ll do it on one condition.”</p><p>“Oh, there’s conditions now?”</p><p>“No talking,” Victor said seriously. “You can moan, but I don’t want you to talk. Can you do that?”</p><p>“Yes,” said Jefferson. He put a finger over his lips in a <em> Shhh </em> gesture. “I won’t make a sound.”</p><p>“I like your sounds,” Victor said. “Don’t hold back, just don’t...Don’t talk.”</p><p>It started out like an average blow job, but Jefferson watched as Victor’s expression changed from humdrum to <em> hungry</em>. The news of Robin’s death that had rattled Jefferson so much seemed to have transformed Victor as well. He pleasured Jefferson like time was running out, and Jefferson knew Victor had the same desperate drive that he did - to do and feel and live as much as possible in the short time they still had. There were no guarantees in Storybrooke - no guarantee anywhere - that people like them, with lives like theirs, would ever truly be safe. </p><p>Jefferson bit back curses - (Did <em> Fuck </em> and <em> Jesus </em> count as talking?) - and didn’t touch Victor either. He dug his fingers into the sheets, gripping the edge of the bed, and after recognizing Victor wanted this as much as he did, allowed himself to close his eyes and <em> feel</em>. </p><p>Though Victor had said not to hold back other noises, Jefferson still muffled his moans, challenging himself to be as quiet as possible. What was Victor thinking, he wondered. What <em> had </em> he been thinking when he made that request? That Jefferson would go on some unsexy rant? </p><p>“Victor,” he said. Moaning the man’s name didn’t count as speaking, surely? “Victor, Victor, Victor…”</p><p>Then he came. </p><p>“<em>Fuck,” </em> Jefferson moaned, sighing in relief. Breathlessly, he asked, “Your name didn’t count as talking, right?”</p><p>Victor wiped his lips.</p><p>“It’s fine.”</p><p>“You were right,” Jefferson said, as Victor got to his feet. “I feel much better.”</p><p>“Lie down,” Victor said.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Victor shook his head and said guiltily, “Shit, sorry. I need to ask up front.”</p><p>“Your rule, not mine,” said Jefferson. Since he had told Victor about Regina, the doctor was insistent on getting explicit consent. </p><p>“I want to jerk off onto your chest,” Victor said. “Can I do that? You’d need to lie down and I’d straddle your hips.”</p><p>“I’m aware of the logistics,” said Jefferson, with wry amusement. “Yeah, sure. I’d like that.”</p><p>“Good,” Victor said, hard and flushed and looking wrecked already. </p><p>“Can I talk now?” Jefferson asked.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“So just lie here and look pretty?” he joked. </p><p>Victor didn’t laugh or smile. </p><p>“Just watch me,” he said. “Okay?” </p><p>“I can do that.”</p><p>The doctor’s expression was inscrutable at first - Jefferson couldn’t begin to guess what he was thinking. After a while, as he stroked faster, Victor looked agonized. His eyes started to tear, and Jefferson would have worried more about his friend crying if he hadn’t had it happen to himself. Crying while beating off was not unheard of to a man as sad and lonely as Jefferson. </p><p><em> But I’m not lonely anymore</em>, Jefferson thought, and it was gratifying to know Victor felt safe enough to share this with him.</p><p>Victor was vocal - grunting and panting - and when he finally came, he wasn’t <em> quite </em> on target, and the masturbator’s anguish turned to awkward embarrassment. </p><p>“Aw shit, sorry!” Victor said, fetching tissues, but his voice was also lighter, like a weight had been lifted. Jefferson wiped himself clean, laughing.</p><p>“Feel better?” the portal jumper asked him with a grin.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“See? I’m not a total lunatic.” </p><p>Victor sat beside him.</p><p>“I get it now,” Victor said. “Why you came.” He held up his hand before Jefferson could make an orgasm joke. “Just call me first next time, okay?” he asked. “Please?” </p><p>“I will,” said Jefferson. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry, just don’t do it again.”</p><p>Jefferson sat up, saying, “Now, I’ve got somewhere else to be. There’s another person I need to see, before the next tragedy befalls this town.”</p><p>“Tell Grace I said hi,” Victor said. “The three of us should have lunch sometime. I’d like to meet her.”</p><p>Getting dressed, Jefferson said, “Sounds good.” He smiled at Victor. “I’ll call you and we can schedule a time.”</p><p>Victor nodded. </p><p>“Um…” Jefferson said. </p><p>Victor still sat on the bed, making no move to kiss him or walk him out.</p><p>“Are we okay?” Jefferson asked uncertainly. “Or are things weird now?”</p><p>Victor shook his head. </p><p>“We’re okay. Why?”</p><p>Something about Victor’s behavior seemed odd to Jefferson, and a flurry of possibilities crossed his mind. </p><p>“We’re friends, right?” Jefferson asked.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“<em>Just </em> friends?”</p><p>“If that’s what you want,” said Victor.</p><p>“Because I said some stuff earlier about Priscilla, and I’m worried you think I’m too clingy.”</p><p>Victor smiled.</p><p>“I was worried you thought that about <em>me</em>, after that first morning.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, you didn’t charge into my house with bad news and try to kiss me.”</p><p>“I’ll let it slide this one time.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“I’ll walk you out,” Victor said, putting on pants. </p><p>Jefferson was unsure whether to kiss him at the door, and Victor seemed unsure as well. The men casually parted without one. But time was short, and there was no point in living any longer with regrets, so Jefferson turned around, knocked on the door and asked, “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Victor smiled, saying, “Yes.”</p><p>It wasn’t as passionate as Jefferson’s initial whirlwind of affection - merely a quick peck - but it filled Jefferson’s heart with happiness, and a small degree of hope.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Digging Holes (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A 15-year-old Jefferson finds a mentor in Wonderland. (1,614 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter features Percy Rabbit from OUAT’s spin-off series “Once Upon a Time in Wonderland.” Him calling the Portal of Doors “a foyer” is something I totally made up for this fanfic. I thought it was something an experienced portal jumper like Percy would know about, so he would have a specific name for it. </p><p>In OUATIW, Alice refers to Percy's ability to create portals as "digging holes." My headcanon is that any Wonderland rabbit can be born with the same ability as Percy's.</p><p>S3E6 of OUAT, "Ariel," introduces mermaids and their ability to travel between worlds underwater. The Giants mentioned, and their fate, are from S2E13, “Tiny.”</p><p>In S1E17, "Hat Trick," Jefferson uses a door to get in and out of Wonderland, but in the graphic novel "Out of the Past," Jefferson carries the Hat on his head everywhere he goes, even while traveling in Wonderland. I presume he must have some way to close doors behind him, but it isn't illustrated, so I don't know what that looks like.</p><p>In my endnotes, I talk about my headcanons about the nature of the Portal of Doors and the Hat, and what things from canon might support them.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Show me how you dig.”</p><p>“You’re too young for that stuff,” Percy Rabbit replied. “Go home to your mother, and stop trying to learn such dangerous magic.”</p><p>“I don’t have a mother, and I own an even more dangerous artifact than a claw capable of cutting.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Percy said sympathetically. “But it’s not an ability I share with strangers, least of all children.”</p><p>“I’m fifteen,” Jefferson protested petulantly. </p><p>“Still a little young for a top hat as big as that one,” Percy teased.</p><p>Jefferson self-consciously readjusted the Hat so it would stop falling down his forehead. </p><p>“I didn’t make it this big, it came like this.”</p><p>“Look, I need to be going,” Percy said, tapping his gold pocket watch. “I will be late for tea.”</p><p>“Please don’t go!” Jefferson said, removing the Hat and holding it out to Percy. “I need an expert to tell me more about this.”</p><p>“It’s very stylish,” the rabbit said. </p><p>“It’s not a normal hat, it’s...it’s magic! It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen, and I need your help explaining it.”</p><p>Percy sighed. </p><p>“What’s so incredible about it?”</p><p>“You’d tell me it was all just a dream, but I used it to get here, to your world. I heard stories as a child about world hopping rabbits, but we don’t have them at home. I didn’t know if you went extinct, or were just travelers, or--”</p><p>“We keep to ourselves,” Percy said. “We try to stay hidden. That is why I cannot teach you. It is as dangerous for our people as it is for our passengers.”</p><p>“Please, I don’t know any other...uh...hoppers?” </p><p>“They call us Jumpers. Mermaids are the only other natural Jumpers, at least in my experience. Everyone else, well.” Percy shrugged. “You require portals.”</p><p>Jefferson smiled. </p><p>“That’s what this does,” he said. “It creates a portal!”</p><p>Percy sighed. </p><p>“Are you <em>sure</em> that you did not dream it?”</p><p>“I can show you. Uh, but it’s kind of scary.” </p><p>Percy huffed a laugh. “A portal to a rabbit is just like any other hole. We can always dig ourselves out.”</p><p>“So you’ll do it? You’ll come with me?”</p><p>Percy sighed. </p><p>“I’m going to be late,” he said. “Let’s make this quick.”</p><p>Jefferson smiled gratefully.</p><p>“Thank you!”</p><p>Percy waved his hand dismissively. </p><p>“Show me how this hat of yours works.”</p><p>Jefferson placed the Hat on the ground, open-side up, and carefully turned it three times. Then he stepped back a few feet. He stepped back a little further, gesturing for Percy to step back as well.</p><p>“What’s supposed to happen?” Percy asked. </p><p>“You’ll see,” said Jefferson, as the Hat began to rotate on its own. </p><p>Gradually, a black space started to open around and beneath it, widening, and the air around the Hat started to blow, whipping faster and faster into a purple tornado. The chasm grew wider, until it was a pitch-black hole in the earth about ten feet around, and the tornado was not so much above them, than it was below. Jefferson didn’t yet know the word “vortex,” but that is what it was - one created out of magic - and it started pulling Jefferson and Percy towards it. </p><p>“What have you done?” Percy asked, sounding somewhat both angry and afraid. </p><p>“I was going to ask you the same question,” Jefferson replied, yelling over the noise. </p><p>For some reason, seeing an experienced, natural-born Jumper look frightened by the portal made Jefferson feel ten times braver. He grinned smugly at the rabbit, stepped forward, and allowed himself to drop. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Open your eyes,” Jefferson said. </p><p>Percy opened his eyes, looking first up at the seemingly endless void above them, then down at the chamber’s black marble floor, interlaced with the gold outlines of geometric shapes. He looked around at red velvet walls and seventeen doors of varying patterns surrounding them, and a flicker of recognition crossed the rabbit’s face. </p><p>The boy happily twirled in the center of the room, gleefully asking the rabbit, “So, what do you think?”</p><p>“A foyer,” the rabbit muttered. </p><p>“What’s that?” Jefferson asked, stepping closer to the rabbit so he could hear him better. </p><p>“It’s a foyer,” the rabbit repeated, more loudly. “The biggest I’ve ever seen. And the fanciest, I might add.”</p><p>“Impressive, right?” Jefferson asked, smiling. “I’m so happy I didn’t imagine it!”</p><p>Percy nodded. “No, you did not. I see there are multiple doors here. I sense there are many more behind them.”</p><p>“There are seventeen,” Jefferson said. </p><p>“Twelve more, I think,” said Percy. “There must be some way to rotate them.”</p><p>“How can you tell there are more?” </p><p>“Call it a feeling. You’ll develop one too, in time.”</p><p>“Can I call myself a Jumper, now?” Jefferson asked, puffing up his chest proudly. </p><p>Percy looked at him with concern and disapproval. </p><p>“You are too young,” he said. “How did you even procure such an artifact?” </p><p>“Well, technically I didn’t. I found a door.”</p><p>“You entered this space on your own?” the rabbit asked wonderingly. </p><p> Percy looked him up and down as though he was hiding a pair of paws or a mermaid tail. </p><p>“Perhaps its previous owner left one open,” Jefferson said. “Whoever made it.”</p><p>Percy nodded. “That is a possibility.”</p><p>“Is it?” </p><p>“Anything is possible,” said the rabbit. He sighed. “Let us go to my home and talk about this further. I’m guessing that large mirror is the door you took to Wonderland? You said you were from one of these others.”</p><p>Jefferson nodded. </p><p>“Let’s go,” said the rabbit. He gestured for Jefferson to enter first, but the boy did not move. </p><p>“You first,” Jefferson said, very seriously, and the rabbit nodded in approval. </p><p>“Smart. Never let anybody lock you out of this place. You may never get back.”</p><p>“I won’t ever let anyone else use the Hat,” said Jefferson defiantly. “It’s mine now.”</p><p>“There is one thing I must make clear,” said Percy. “This location exists outside space and time. This room is not <em> inside </em> this artifact. This hat merely allows a person to access it.”</p><p>Jefferson nodded in understanding, though he did not fully understand it. </p><p>“Come with me, and I will show you the way natural Jumpers do it,” said the rabbit, disappearing through the mirror. Jefferson followed him. </p><p>They stepped into a garden full of giant flowers, underneath a mushroom upon which sat a caterpillar the size of a human. He squinted, and asked them, “Who are you?”</p><p>“It’s me,” said Percy. “Remember? Just relax and smoke your pipe.”</p><p>Jefferson turned around to look at the mirrored door behind them, examining the golden edges of it. </p><p>“I take it you already know how to close one?” Percy asked. </p><p>Jefferson was not holding the Hat, and looked startled for a moment before he remembered why. He swallowed and licked his lips, holding up his hand, pressing it against the liquid glass, then closed his eyes. The mirror shimmered and disappeared, and the Hat reappeared between his fingers. Jefferson opened his eyes and gripped the artifact tighter, laughing in relief.</p><p>“You won’t always be able to do that,” Percy commented. </p><p>“Why not?” Jefferson asked. </p><p>The rabbit shrugged. “Top hats aren’t the fashion everywhere.” He gestured for Jefferson to follow him some way further down the path from the caterpillar. “Come, let me show you how I dig.” </p><p>Percy reached out his hands - holding his left up while making circular movements in front of him with his right. Gradually, a hole in space started to open, and as Percy moved his right hand faster, it widened rapidly, until it was Jefferson’s height. Jefferson looked inside. It looked like a tunnel with walls of blinding white and blue light. He couldn’t tell how long the tunnel was, but could faintly see a small house at the end of it. </p><p>“Get in, Jumper,” Percy said, so he did. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The house was a tight fit for a human, but Percy insisted that Jefferson crawl inside. When the boy protested it was too cramped, the rabbit told him that discussing portal jumping out in the open was unsafe and unwise. </p><p>“People covet our power, Jefferson,” Percy said. “You must keep it secret.”</p><p>The boy pouted. </p><p>“Why must I?”</p><p>“Because access to foyers like that,” Percy said, gesturing to the Hat, “can have dire consequences. Have you ever heard of the Giants?”</p><p>“Yeah,” said Jefferson. “They’re monsters!”</p><p>“They’re <em> farmers</em>,” said Percy. “They shared their most precious crops with people - beans that could open portals to any and everywhere - and the multiverse suffered for it.”</p><p>“Multiverse?”</p><p>“Multiple universes. There are many more than the seventeen in that chamber, believe me!” </p><p>“You think the Hat can access more than that?”</p><p>“At least twelve more, I believe, if not infinitely more.”</p><p>“You can access infinite worlds?” Jefferson said in wonder. </p><p>“If I can imagine it, I can go there. But the beauty of a foyer like <em> that </em> is you can step through a door into any of those worlds without first knowing it. That’s the remarkable thing about such rooms. Convenient, too. I’m sure I sound like every old teacher, Jefferson, but someone with evil intentions getting a hold of an artifact like yours? There’s no telling what might happen. The Giants destroyed their crops because they allowed so many people to travel between worlds - stealing, pillaging and starting wars. In retaliation, the humans killed them all.”</p><p>“That’s horrible!”</p><p>“As for that hat, well…” Percy shook his head. “I suppose you’re stuck with it.”</p><p>“I’ve been stuck with worse.”</p><p>“It’s a great responsibility,” said the rabbit. “One that you must take very seriously.”</p><p>Jefferson smiled. </p><p>“As long as I have a head to wear it,” he said. “I think I can do that.”<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My thoughts about the Hat in relation to Once Upon a Time’s canon:</p><p>In S6E21, “The Final Battle Part 1,” Zelena reveals that she is in possession of a second magic Hat, commenting, “Well he <i>was</i> a hatter. He had multiples.” Zelena had it with her in Oz, which allowed her to escape Oz when she was in danger, and the second Hat has a few different properties from the first Hat - twelve entirely different doors and a different interior design, and most significantly, no limit on passengers. Like the first Hat, the second Hat only provides doors to worlds with magic and not the Land Without Magic. During “The Final Battle,” doors within the second Hat begin to disappear as worlds disappear. In the episode it is revealed the worlds and their doors are disappearing via the same rules as in the film ‘The Neverending Story’ - Emma Swan is losing her belief in those worlds’ existence. People begin entering the Portal of Doors through their own worlds’ doors - which these people are able to access <i>without</i> using artifacts like the Hat, I might add - fleeing the destruction of their worlds. Then Regina is able to teleport everybody out of the Portal of Doors back to the Enchanted Forest. </p><p>I was gradually adding more to my old headcanons about the nature of the Hat as I wrote this fanfic, and I knew that I had to check the OUAT wiki to see what actually happens in canon. Interestingly - and to my relief/delight/surprise - the properties of the second Hat don’t actually contradict my headcanon - (with the exception of the mystery of who made it and why is it in Oz?) - they actually reinforce it. My headcanon is that the rooms aren’t inside these Hats. I think the room just...exists somewhere, and I think both Hats access the same location.</p><p>Now of course, the characters refer to the room(s) as being “inside” the Hat(s), and the writers do too. However, Jefferson was absolutely certain he could recreate the same artifact, and obsessively tried doing it in a variety of ways and styles, thousands of times. But...why did he think he was capable of doing this? I added more in <a href="#section0009">Chapter 9</a> of this fanfic to my old headcanons from <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1103974">Jump In</a>, because who cares what’s canon anymore? But I think Zelena’s Hat actually supports it. I think the Portal of Doors is still there, regardless of whether a Hat exists, and Jefferson was desperately trying to get back to <i>that</i> room. The Hat was the only way Jefferson knew how. </p><p>But wait, how can there be a second Hat? (Or even a first one?) Who made it, and when? I have no idea, and I still haven’t invented a cool answer. All we know is in S2E5, “The Doctor,” <i>Jefferson</i> is just some punk the same age as Regina, and he already has the Hat at that point. My long-time headcanon that Jefferson just <i>found</i> it - not made it, not even given it or stolen it, but <i>found</i> it - has even more support now. I decided a long time ago that somebody else made that artifact, and interestingly, somebody made multiples! Was it Jefferson? I still don’t think so. Which is why he didn't know how to make another one. </p><p>Also, he endearingly refers to the Hat multiple times in “Out of the Past” as “old friend.” That doesn’t sound like it means anything, because we all anthropomorphize stuff, but it sort of colors his relationship with the Hat in a way.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. An Impossible Thing (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson just needs to get one portal to work. (1,706 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Teenage Jefferson’s conversation with the White Rabbit continues directly from <a href="#section0016">Chapter 16</a>. The scene with adult Jefferson takes place after he's captured by the Queen of Hearts in S1E17, “Hat Trick.”</p><p>The dialogue at the beginning is from S1E17, “Hat Trick.”</p><p>Jefferson going to the Discworld - (the location from the books of the same name, by Terry Pratchett) - and almost getting stuck there comes from my old 2013 fanfic <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526">Jump In</a>. Rincewind is, of course, the good samaritan that Jefferson meets.</p><p>We’re going full steam ahead into fanfiction-land headcanons. Just roll with it. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “Her Majesty says she knows you're responsible for helping to steal from her.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “The Queen, she tricked--” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That woman's name is Regina. There is only one Queen. The Queen of Hearts.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yes, of course. My apologies. Now, please--” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Her Majesty wishes to know how you got to this world. How did you come to Wonderland?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If I tell you, will you let me go home to my daughter?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Off with his head.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm alive? I'm alive!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If you wish your body back, then answer. How did you get here?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “The...the hat. My hat. We used my hat.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Where's the hat now?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “She took it. Regina.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If all you require to travel to your homeland is this magic hat, then surely, you could make another.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I can't. A hat without magic is just a hat. It won't work.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Then there's your task. Get it to work.” </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Do you know how it works?” Jefferson asked, repeatedly trying to flip the Hat up his arm onto his head in a fluid motion. He had seen a magician do it once, but couldn’t get it right.</p><p>“You’ve shown me how,” Percy Rabbit replied.</p><p>The rabbit’s house was too cramped for a human, even for one so young, so Jefferson convinced Percy to sit with him just outside its front door. </p><p>“I know how to open a portal with the Hat, and you told me what that room is, but what connects one to the other?”</p><p>“Magic.”</p><p>“That’s not an answer. How do you dig your holes? Wait, let me put it this way. How does it feel when you’re digging?”</p><p>“How does it feel when you’re closing a door?”</p><p>“Um…It’s like...Like I’m touching the space between spaces. Wait, no, that isn’t right. Uh, it feels sort of warm and tingly, and I kinda...I have to stop thinking for a second, or the door won’t close and turn back into a hat.”</p><p>“What happened to you the day you found the Hat?”</p><p>“Well, I’d just been caught pick-pocketing, so I was running from a watchman. They could have cut my hands off, or something, so I ran as fast as I could. I ran down this alley that had a door at the end of it. Just a normal-looking door. I opened it, went inside, and slammed it shut behind me. Then I looked around and I was in that big, red room.”</p><p>“You entered a portal.”</p><p>“Yeah. But when I turned around, the door I had come through was gone. There were all those other doors, though.”</p><p>“Did you enter one?”</p><p>“I was so scared, I couldn’t think. It’s shocking, suddenly finding yourself trapped in a room like that.” </p><p>“So what did you do?”</p><p>“I dunno if it was instinct or what, but the first thing I pictured in my mind was my home, and suddenly I was there.”</p><p>“Interesting.”</p><p>“What’s interesting about that?”</p><p>“It’s interesting that you didn’t have to use one of the doors. What happened next?”</p><p>“My parents died three years ago, so I’ve been living in an orphanage. I’ve kind of aged out, though. I was in the city making ends meet stealing, but they still let me sleep there sometimes. I woke up in their garden.”</p><p>“Woke up?”</p><p>“Well, I was lying down, so I thought it had been a dream. This hat was just lying next to me. I thought that was kind of weird. We don’t have these styles of hats where I live. But it didn’t feel magical in my hands or anything. It just felt like normal cloth.” </p><p>Jefferson held the Hat up to Percy so he could see more closely, rubbing the felted brim between his fingers. </p><p>“See? Totally normal, right? So I left it on my bed and went about my day. I thought it had something to do with my dream, though. I kept looking inside it, half-expecting to see that room of doors at the bottom.”</p><p>Jefferson rubbed his palm around the inside of the Hat, feeling its silky interior. </p><p>“I don’t know why I turned it ‘round and ‘round. I think I was just kind of playing with it. Then that purple smoke started coming out of it. I ran outside to the garden and threw it away from me, like it was on fire, and more smoke came. Then it started spinning on its own. The next thing I knew, whoosh! I had a tornado in my yard! It was frightening, but then I thought, I wonder if jumping into it will take me back to that room.”</p><p>“And it did.”</p><p>“After that, I was so excited, I had to pick a door and see where it went. I picked the one with a turtle on it, with four elephants and an island on top.”</p><p>“The Discworld.”</p><p>“That’s what they told me when I asked around. I thought I was stuck there, because the door disappeared behind me.”</p><p>“But the door didn’t turn back into a hat?”</p><p>“Let’s just say there’s been some trial and error. I was lucky the door brought me straight to Unseen University. I managed to find some help from an expert. Well, more like an <em> ex</em>-expert. I found him in a bar getting drunk at noon. He had tattered robes and a hat that spelled ‘wizard’ wrong, but I was desperate. He was shockingly knowledgeable about the arcane. I think he got kicked out of school for doing something bad, ‘cause it definitely wasn’t his smarts.”</p><p>“This wizard reopened the door?”</p><p>“No, he just told me to place my hands where I thought the edges were and turn off my thoughts. Then the doorknob reappeared.”</p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>“Is that weird?”</p><p>“No, no, I think it makes sense.”</p><p>“Does it mean I have magic powers?” Jefferson asked brightly. </p><p>“Can you create a door that hasn’t already been opened?”</p><p>Jefferson shook his head.</p><p>“No, I don’t think it works like that. I’m not making a new door, I’m just making the one there visible.”</p><p>“What did this wizard say when you parted ways?” Percy asked.</p><p>“He wished me good luck, but I think he was being sarcastic.”</p><p>Percy chuckled. “I have some idea who that good samaritan you met was.”</p><p>“What’s a good samaritan?”</p><p>Smiling, the rabbit replied, “Someone who helps you out when they probably shouldn’t.”</p><p>“Like you?” Jefferson asked, with a slight smile. “Some kid shows up with a magic hat and harasses you with questions?”</p><p>“This artifact is new to me, and I thought I’d seen everything. So, how did you learn how to close a door?”</p><p>“I wanted the Hat back in my hands, so it was.”</p><p>“Sounds to me like you’re simplifying it.”</p><p>With an air of annoyance, Jefferson said, “I wished really hard.” He sighed. “Tell me how it feels when you open your portals.”</p><p>“Let's just say, cutting through space feels like chopping down a tree with a spoon.”</p><p>“It’s that difficult?”</p><p>“Mermaids have it easier. They slip right through the cracks.”</p><p>“You make it look easy.”</p><p>“I’ve had a lot of practice.” Percy sighed. “I don’t think you have the natural ability to create portals, Jefferson. I think your powers come from that Hat.”</p><p>“I was afraid you were gonna say that,” Jefferson said in disappointment. “Guess I’ll hang on to it, then.” He smiled slightly at the rabbit. “Thanks for your help.”</p><p>“Thank you for sharing this with me. It took a great deal of trust.”</p><p>“Say, you don’t know if there are more of these, do you?”</p><p>Percy shrugged. “Perhaps there’s a hatter out there creating more portals to foyers. One in every style.”</p><p>“How does one make such a thing, I wonder?” Jefferson asked. </p><p>Percy looked thoughtful. </p><p>“That foyer exists somewhere,” he said. “A place accessible from the other side of those closed doors, like the one you first stumbled through.”</p><p>“So this Hat just helps you get back there?”</p><p>“It would seem so.”</p><p>“So it’s like...cutting a hole in space, then leaving it open at the bottom of the Hat? So you can just drop straight down into that room?”</p><p>“Could be. That’s what makes this artifact so dangerous.”</p><p>“Hm.”</p><p>With a wry smile, Percy asked, “Are you planning on becoming a hatter and trying to duplicate it?”</p><p>“No,” said Jefferson. “Just curious.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson stared blankly at the table of tools, fabric and thread on the work bench in front of him. </p><p>“What else do you require to get started?”</p><p>Jefferson - still dazed, aching, grieving and angry - looked up at his new assistant and asked blearily, “What?”</p><p>“I asked what other materials you might need to sew this hat you’re making.”</p><p>“I’ve never made a hat before,” he hoarsely whispered in reply.</p><p>“Oh, well, I suppose we can create some practice ones first. A little bit of trial and error. We certainly have enough fabric.”</p><p>Jefferson stared down at the workbench, at some scratches in the wood, counting them to quash his rising panic. He glanced up, at the giant warehouse full of piles of cloth. Miles of cloth, or so it seemed. Plenty of materials for “trial and error.” Enough for a factory manned by hundreds. More than enough for an experienced hatter, who knew what he was doing, who could probably create one on his very first try. </p><p>Jefferson held back his tears. He shouldn’t waste a single second doing anything other than try to get home to Grace.</p><p>“Um, I guess we could start with, uh…” </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>Jefferson took a deep breath and thrust out his hand. His assistant watched curiously but said nothing. Jefferson rotated his arm like the White Rabbit would, cutting a hole in the air, like he had showed Jefferson when he was fifteen and stupid and <em> trusted </em> him. </p><p>Noticing his distress - was Jefferson crying again? - his assistant abruptly said, “Let’s take a quick break, okay? Then back to work.”</p><p>Jefferson nodded in reply, but too sharply, aggravating the soreness in his neck. He winced and hissed in pain. His assistant walked away casually, like this was a normal factory and not a sick, twisted prison. </p><p>“You can do this,” Jefferson thought. “You can cut a hole back into that room. All you need is one portal to work.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Almost Midnight (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson kisses Mayor Mills for the first time on New Year's Eve, year unspecified. (3,099 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a word-for-word rewrite of <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612546/chapters/1104021#workskin">Chapter 2</a> of my old 2013 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612546">One Year</a>,” with the exact same dialogue, but told from the point of view of Curse!Jefferson, the fabricated Storybrooke identity. </p><p>The original version was narrated by Regina. What the Hatter was thinking at the time, we can only speculate.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mayor Mills was little more than a name in small black print at first, then a fakely smiling face on the cover of The Storybrooke Daily Mirror. Dark-haired, beautiful, and surprisingly young. Always smartly dressed in the latest fashions - either conservative pant-suits or teasingly short dresses, depending on the season. Jefferson was about twenty years too-old for crushes, but there wasn’t much else to do in this nowhere town except for slowly go mad with the boredom. </p><p>The Mayor commanded deference, maybe a little bit of fear. He began to make up stories about the official based on local chatter. Nobody questioned her, and she had always been Storybrooke’s mayor. No one could remember a time when she wasn’t, like she was royalty. </p><p>It wasn’t difficult to avoid her - even in a town as small as this - because Jefferson rarely left his house. He would lose track of long swathes of time, and chalked this up to every day being dully similar. It would be morning and then it would be night, and that was probably better than counting every brutally slow second. The sun rose and set. Clocks didn’t seem to function correctly. He’d wind them, then they’d stop. The clock tower in the town center was frozen at 8:15, and nobody ever bothered to call a repairman. </p><p>Storybrooke’s newspaper was published daily, but the date was a nebulous thing. The temperature was Jefferson’s only clue what time of year it was. It felt like months of the same overcast October afternoon, until one day it wasn’t - the day after he locked eyes with the Mayor at the grocery store for the first time. She froze for a second, looking at him with startled recognition, then seemed to relax when he returned her stare impassively. She turned her head and continued shopping, and Jefferson dismissed the interaction. He would have greeted her if they stood closer, or were in line together at the register. But it was far too long a walk just to meet a minor celebrity, even one as pretty as Mayor Mills. </p><p>It was warm and sunny the following morning. It might have been July.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Their first kiss was on New Year’s Eve 1990-something-or-other. Newspapers still served no guidance, and the clock tower still read 8:15. But Jefferson had been encouraged to make friends here, so he couldn’t ignore the big New Year’s bash at The Rabbit Hole - a bar he usually avoided. Jefferson avoided most restaurants in Storybrooke. He vaguely remembered stepping into Granny’s Diner once and receiving so many uncomfortable stares that he fled and never went back.</p><p>But parties like that involved dense crowds of people. Jefferson used to like crowds, especially the faceless nature of raves. The higher he was and the louder the music, the more effective the distraction. Nothing mattered beyond the dance floor - no judgement, no responsibilities. Only the sound and the gyration of bodies. He was getting too old for that shit now, but could still remember it with nostalgia. Excising all the worst bits, like puking and passing out in bathrooms.</p><p>Crowds made Jefferson anxious now - even the small ones, no larger than a booked-up restaurant - so he figured he’d dip his toe in the water and visit on a normal December night first.</p><p>Psyching himself up to enter, Jefferson leaned against the brick wall by the bar’s entrance, smoking one last cigarette. He looked up at the bar’s red, hanging rectangular sign. Its name - “The Rabbit Hole” - was written in gold lettering, around a simple black-and-white sketch of a white rabbit peeking its head out of a hole. He thought it was cute, but half of him wanted to punch the rabbit in the face, then keep punching.</p><p>The outside of the building was deceptively basic, because downstairs was a shockingly upscale establishment for a bar in middle-of-nowhere Maine. The Rabbit Hole had the usual fixtures - a pool table, jukebox, dartboards, some round tables and a couple of booths - but also a fireplace by the pool table, and a beautiful mirrored bar lined with rows of different liquors. The atmosphere was nothing too exciting back home - (Where was home, again? New York City?) - but far classier than Jefferson expected to find in someplace like Storybrooke. </p><p>The place was modestly decorated for Christmas, with white lights, and was somewhat busy. Not knowing what day it was, Jefferson must have wandered into town on a weekend. Even better, because this gave him a chance to get used to being around people. It would be easier with a glass of whiskey.</p><p>Never too concerned with inconveniencing others, Jefferson inserted himself between a couple sitting at the bar chatting. </p><p>"Hey, pal, we were talking!" </p><p>"My apologies. I didn't realize.”</p><p>Jefferson walked around the man’s date, to approach the bar from her left side instead.</p><p>"Bourbon, please. Neat."</p><p>"I'll have what he's having,” he heard the woman say.</p><p>"You like Maker's Mark, too?" Jefferson asked her, then turned his head. It was Mayor Mills. </p><p>A rush of strong, complex feelings flooded through his body - he took a breath and tried very hard not to panic. A deep, irrational part of himself wanted to kiss the woman so hard it killed her. She reminded him of someone - a person who had broken his heart in another life. The following words out of his mouth came from that half of himself, the one whose directionless rage frequently bewildered him.</p><p>"I didn't think you'd be a fan,” he heard himself say calmly, smoothly. He saw flashes of the woman in an elegant peach gown, politely sipping wine from a clear crystal goblet. “I'd assume red wine was more to your taste, Madame Mayor."</p><p>The bartender handed them both their drinks, and Jefferson watched himself have an entire conversation with the woman. The words came from somewhere else, like he hadn’t even thought of them.</p><p>The Mayor held up her glass, saying, “Cheers.” </p><p>They clinked their glasses and took sips of their drinks. Her nose scrunched in subtle disgust, which was kind of cute.</p><p>"I've never been to Town Meeting, so I don't believe we've ever met. My name is Jefferson."</p><p>They shook hands.</p><p>"Regina,” she said with a smile.</p><p>"Your date seems to have run off."</p><p>Regina looked at the empty stool behind her. </p><p>"So he has,” she said, seeming pleased.</p><p>"I have that effect on people,” Jefferson said, self-deprecatingly. </p><p>Regina looked skeptical.</p><p>"A handsome man like you?" she asked doubtfully.</p><p>Jefferson chuckled, though it wasn’t very funny. Then again, maybe it was. Maybe it was fucking hilarious. Jefferson’s suave exterior put people at ease until he looked them in the eye or opened his mouth. </p><p>"Yeah, even a handsome man like me."</p><p>Regina seemed to know him, examining his face closely in a way that was unnerving. Like she hadn’t seen him in a long time and was trying to discern what was the same and what had changed. There was no way they could have met, however, other than the nagging feeling he had that he’d forgotten.</p><p> With a friendly smile, Regina asked, "So, Jefferson, tell me about yourself."</p><p>He paused, unable to think of an answer, when half of Jefferson started speaking for him. </p><p>"Hmm,” he heard himself say. “Well, I like fine whiskey, fine wine. I live on the edge of town and I'm very good with my hands." </p><p>He gave Regina a flirtatious smirk, and the mayor actually blushed.</p><p>Blithely, he added, sipping his bourbon, “Oh, and I didn't vote for you in the last election."</p><p>Regina pursed her lips and shook her head disapprovingly.</p><p>"You're really bad at this."</p><p>"At what?" </p><p>"Flirting."</p><p>Whatever half of Jefferson had his shit together was also a very good liar. </p><p>"Oh, I wasn't. Believe me, you'd know if I was."</p><p>"Try me,” she said, and then things went dark.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jefferson opened his eyes to find himself leaned against the brick wall outside the bar, smoking a cigarette with the Mayor. </p><p>Blowing out smoke, she said, "That was much better. A-plus."</p><p>Jefferson panicked a little bit, then remembered they had been sitting at the bar touching each other - in a manner he had charmed women before. Yet he also knew her skin specifically, intimately. Regina. She wasn’t a mayor, but she wasn’t royalty either, she was just a girl. He remembered resting his hand on her lower back and smoothly selling her lies. Long ago, just a flicker of memory. Young, the both of them. A couple of stupid kids, all their regrets far ahead of them.</p><p>"It's difficult," Jefferson said. "Being around people."</p><p>"Why'd you come out tonight, then?"</p><p>"It gets lonely without them." He took a drag of his cigarette. "It's a catch 22."</p><p>Regina linked her arm in his, and his body couldn’t help but flinch. These days, he didn’t like other people touching him first, without warning.</p><p>"Why'd <em> you </em> come?" he asked.</p><p>"My friend's husband left her. I was helping her forget."</p><p>"You good at that?” Jefferson heard himself say. “Helping people forget?" His question had a bitter edge to it, sharp and accusatory. "You seemed a little eager to ditch her."</p><p>"Maybe I needed a distraction, too.”</p><p>"Ah,” said Jefferson in understanding. He knew what it was like to seek out distractions. “I'm flattered, but--”</p><p>“You’re not married,” Regina said, gesturing to his left hand. </p><p>The observation stung - every killed relationship his own (tragic) fault. </p><p>"No,” he said, taking another bitter drag of his cigarette. “No, not anymore."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Regina softly said, sympathetically. "Seeing someone?"</p><p>Jefferson huffed a mirthless laugh. </p><p>"I don't really get out much. Besides, I just moved here from..." </p><p>He paused, almost certain he’d just signed a lease and hadn’t always been living in Storybrooke, in his eerily lonely mansion. But his reasons for coming here - the details of why, how, and when - were hazy. They were continuously morphing with each dreary October. Something to do with his ex-wife, probably. Or banished by family for his inconvenient madness.</p><p>Furrowing his brow, Jefferson repeated, "I just moved here."</p><p>"Welcome to Storybrooke, Jefferson,” Regina said, with a friendly smile that also seemed disappointed, like she had expected some more dramatic reveal. </p><p>Jefferson unlinked their arms, threw his cigarette down and ground it under his foot. Then he silently headed back to his car. </p><p>"Thanks," he said. "I've got to get going. Goodnight."</p><p>"Wait!" she called out. </p><p>He stopped, and felt somehow - again - like he was watching the scene unfold without him.</p><p>"I can't let you drive intoxicated,” Regina said, sounding genuinely concerned. She pulled out her keys and gestured towards her own car. "I'm parked right over there.”</p><p>"You've been drinking more than I have.”</p><p>"No I haven't,” she protested. “And I insist. It's no trouble."</p><p>"And my car?"</p><p>"You can come get it tomorrow."</p><p>Regina clearly didn’t want the night to end, seeking that distraction she had mentioned. Jefferson would have gladly served as one, if <em> he </em> had been the one speaking.</p><p>"I don't live anywhere near here, Regina,” he said, and that name felt so familiar on his tongue, like he’d said it hundreds of times with every kind of inflection. He said it teasingly, now. “So it's a bit of a hike. Unless you're implying something I'm not getting."</p><p>He saw himself approach her, and Regina allowed him into her personal space - so close they could share their winter-clouded breaths. </p><p>"You want to come home with me tonight,” he said.</p><p>Standing this near to him, Regina couldn’t hide her intentions. She didn’t even bother. Her gaze flickered to his lips, then back up to his eyes.</p><p>With a slight smile, she asked, "Am I being that obvious?"</p><p>Jefferson leaned down, to whisper by her ear, "Transparently." </p><p>Then Regina actually <em> licked her lips</em>. Jefferson hadn’t even <em> tried </em> to seduce her, unless something more had happened during his blackout in the bar. He was having those far too often these days. </p><p>"I'm going home,” he said. “Alone. Goodnight, Regina."</p><p>"Goodnight."</p><p>Jefferson left, partly wishing he had asked for her number, partly relieved he’d dodged a bullet. He felt a surge of pride he hadn’t fucked their meeting up and hadn’t shown his hand, whatever <em> that </em> meant. </p><p><em> Meet her again</em>, the voice in Jefferson’s head said. <em> Find out more. </em></p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Which brought Jefferson back to The Rabbit Hole on New Year’s Eve, unspecified year. </p><p><em> Sit somewhere she will see you</em>, the voice said. Their conversations were distressingly frequent. Jefferson ordered one drink, then another, to get him to shut the fuck up. </p><p>To spite him, Jefferson sat in the furthest, most difficult-to-find location of the bar. He arrived early and acted crazy to scare off any people trying to share his booth. But silently observing the crowd from his corner didn’t hide him from Mayor Mills, because she zeroed in on his location like a missile. Or maybe she had searched for him all night, going from shadowed corner to shadowed corner, asking if anyone had seen him.</p><p>"May I join you?" she asked. </p><p>Jefferson nodded, but didn’t smile. He had spread out, claiming the center of the rounded booth, so Regina slid in next to him.</p><p>"I don't like New Year's either," she said conversationally, "but here we both are."</p><p>He didn’t respond, silently sipping his drink. Half of Jefferson had shut down all instincts to reply. Be mysterious, it said. Or just be an asshole. </p><p>Regina didn’t take the hint, just watched him finish his whiskey. </p><p>"Can I buy you another?" she asked.</p><p>Jefferson shrugged, and the Mayor flagged down a waitress.</p><p>"Another…” Regina said. “What is it?” she asked him. “Maker's Mark? Neat?" </p><p>He nodded.</p><p>"And I'll have a glass of champagne,” she added.</p><p>The waitress’ eyes widened and she hesitantly stammered, "We've...we've run out, Ma’am."</p><p>There was a dangerous flicker of anger in Regina’s eyes, but she smiled at the waitress and said, "Then I'll have a glass of the house white."</p><p>"You could have used your powers to get us an entire bottle, you know,” Jefferson heard himself say. Apparently he was in for another dissociated conversation half out of his control.</p><p>Regina arched an eyebrow, and said, "I didn't think you'd be a fan."</p><p>"Everyone drinks champagne on New Year's Eve. Even single Mayors, I expect. I bet you always open up your own bottle, at home. Sip it and muse over every miserable year."</p><p>"Watch it!" she snapped.</p><p>The bitter, sarcastic edge to Jefferson’s words seemed to spring from that deep place within him that knew her - that <em> knew </em> something about Regina Mills had been blocked from his conscious mind. It sounded crazy. It <em> was </em>crazy. But he kept talking.</p><p>"Don't you wonder when it's going to be different?” he heard himself continue. “We all make promises to ourselves that it will, that we'll change. But life here in Storybrooke is changeless. Everyone's stuck. Some don't want to be."</p><p>Before Storybrooke, Jefferson’s life had always been shifting and was infrequently dull - a constant shitshow. But in some ways, his life <em> never </em> changed, because he made little effort to make the improvements he promised every year. Resolutions he consistently broke.</p><p>But the voice in Jefferson’s head seemed to know something Jefferson didn’t. Storybrooke was changeless and it had trapped its citizens somehow, everyone frozen in place at 8:15.</p><p>"Are you saying you're stuck here?” Regina asked. “You moved here, though, didn't you?  You chose this place."</p><p>"I realized that solitude has its disadvantages."</p><p>The waitress returned with their drinks. Regina handed her a fifty dollar bill, and she started counting change from her apron. The Mayor shook her head and the waitress smiled gratefully, leaving to serve another customer.</p><p>"Generous,” Jefferson said.</p><p>"You sound surprised. You speak as if you know me."</p><p>Jefferson didn’t have a good response to that.</p><p>At least this time his mind remained awake and allowed him to observe her. It was almost midnight, and Regina was either transfixed by the music or the television, or was merely pretending not to notice Jefferson watching her. They drank in silence as the crowd grew more excited, counting down to the big moment.</p><p>Regina was smiling sadly - there was no hiding her furrowed brow of dissatisfaction. She was probably considering that Jefferson had been right, every year of her life had been wasted. She had a lot more to show for it than he did, though. Storybrooke could be in worse hands. </p><p>Jefferson slid closer to Regina while she was still distracted, as the countdown finished and Auld Lang Syne blasted from the speakers. When she turned her head, they were close enough to kiss. </p><p>He kissed her softly, with a closed mouth. Jefferson mentally prepared an excuse for his actions. It was tradition - a kiss at midnight was as mandatory as a kiss under the mistletoe. But she didn’t pull away. (Why would she, after trying to sleep with him two weeks earlier?) Regina kissed him again more deeply. She placed her hand on his thigh, and he would have let Regina slide her palm higher, if that nagging voice in the back of his head - the one that had commanded him to seek her out in the first place - wasn’t telling him to stop. </p><p>"Happy New Year," he whispered.</p><p>"Happy New Year.”</p><p>Regina’s face juggled a range of emotions Jefferson couldn’t parse. All he could pick out were her desire for him and a lingering sadness about Storybrooke’s upcoming year of limited possibilities. </p><p>She knows me, he thought. There’s something more here.</p><p><em> She broke me</em>, the voice in his head said. <em> She’ll only break you too. </em></p><p>He closed his eyes. </p><p>“I gotta go.”</p><p>Jefferson slid out of the booth, picking up his coat, which he had left on the seat beside him. Regina touched his hand to stop him from leaving.</p><p>“Stay with me,” she implored. </p><p>“I can’t,” he said, putting on the coat.</p><p><em> Run</em>, said the voice.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jefferson said, sincerely. He wanted to ask her a million questions. He wanted to see her dress on his floor.</p><p><em>Run</em> <em>now,</em> it repeated.</p><p>“Jefferson,” she said, disappointed.</p><p>“Goodnight, Regina.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The next day, Jefferson picked up the latest edition of The Daily Mirror. There was a story about Mayor Mills, with a photograph.</p><p>Dark-haired, beautiful, and surprisingly young, Mayor Mills was always smartly dressed in the latest fashions. Jefferson had a bit of a crush on her. No one ever seemed to question her, and she had always been Storybrooke’s mayor. No one could remember a time when she wasn’t, like she was royalty. </p><p>Maybe someday he would get to meet her.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note 01/12/21:</b>
</p><p>I don't know when I will be updating this, but I have some ideas for more shorts. My ideas include:</p><p>-The moments after Priscilla is killed in the graphic novel "Out of the Past," and what happens when Jefferson gets home. This needs the most work put into it, to get it right.</p><p>-An alternate version of Regina and Jefferson's initial courtship, in which they traveled in the Hat <i>before</i> sleeping together.</p><p>-Regina and Jefferson, inter-cut with Jefferson and Priscilla, traveling in the Hat, in <i>this</i> series' version of events. </p><p>-These travel stories take the characters to Azeroth, the setting from the game World of Warcraft.</p><p>-Victor moving in with Jefferson and Grace after Hyde and the Evil Queen trash his and Dr. Jekyll's lab in S6E4, "Strange Case." </p><p>-Victor and Jefferson having sex for the first time, either during or following the events of Season 6.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Aggregation (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In Cursed Storybrooke, Jefferson takes a break from creating portal hats to design hats for each of his personalities. (And a crown for Regina, as well.) Gen turned into sentimental Mad Queen, plus more stuff blatantly about my own mental health. (2,368 words.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The year is 1980-something, and the Hatter falls into his old habit of making different style hats instead of detailed replicas of the original. </p><p>Back in Wonderland, after his first hundred or so, one of those talking playing cards (un)helpfully pointed out all the inactive ones could be sold to Wonderland’s stylish populace. He was getting pretty good at it, they told him, and customers would pay. But the Hatter hoarded them - the Queen of Hearts had provided plenty of room, after all - <em> just in case </em> a portal sprang open. The Hatter would watch the growing pile for that familiar purple smoke, before he eventually lost awareness of his surroundings and worked solely from the compulsion to create. </p><p>Summoning up whatever latent magic <em> had </em> to still be inside of him - <em> twenty years </em> with that wretched Hat, and its portal had never failed to open with his touch - fell by the wayside after his first five hundred. They were just ordinary articles of clothing, then. Hats he would scream at maybe once or twice before throwing in a haphazard pile. In the beginning, he stacked them neatly. Later, his assistants - the ones who thought he might be able to sell them - would try and organize the hats by style, size, and color, but it didn’t matter to him. After his first thousand, he forgot why he was even doing it.</p><p>The sole benefit of living in Storybrooke and sharing his body with a stranger is his access to drugs that can help him sleep and stop obsessing. The Dormouse - habitually high as a kite - had tried to be helpful in this regard, but the Hatter’s terror that his daughter Grace could be hurt or in danger or <em> dead </em> had made him reluctant to spend a single second unfocused on finding his way back to her. The hardest drug he ingested in that land of magic plants and talking animals was <em> tea.  </em></p><p>The Hatter had nearly lost his mind back in Wonderland. If the Dark Curse hadn’t swept him away when it did, he would likely have forgotten his old self entirely. In Storybrooke he’s saddled with an extra one. It’s difficult to decide which fate is worse. </p><p>The year is 1980-something, and Jefferson is standing in his Storybrooke mansion staring thoughtfully at six different hats - one hat for each “self.” He is only two people, strictly speaking, but they’ve gone through so many different experiences it feels like more.</p><p>Manic Jefferson, Depressed Jefferson, and Stable Jefferson. The Mad Hatter, the Portal Jumper, and the Father.</p><p>The Portal Jumper had been a selfish, amoral <em>criminal. </em>But he was also the first man to own…</p><p>(No, not <em> own</em>. Jefferson never really owned it, did he? It owned <em> him</em>.)</p><p>He was the first Jefferson to<em> travel </em> in the Hat, so <em> his </em> hat is a top hat that’s the closest approximation to the original. Jefferson has replicated it so many times that he has probably forgotten the original’s true form. This is just like every other replica Jefferson has made, the exact way he always makes them. Tall, black and wide with a red satin lining - the same design he has been making for...a few years here, plus however long he was trapped in Wonderland. It probably never worked because it wasn’t exactly the same as the original. Though honestly, it never worked because Jefferson didn’t have innate magic. He never did. <em> The Hat </em> had lent him its power. Then Regina walked through their portal home - and the door closed and vanished - stealing the Hat for herself. That was the key, Jefferson realized. The Hat couldn’t be given. Someone had to <em> take </em> it. </p><p>The second hat is the Father’s hat. It is a cozy wool one with ear flaps and chin straps good for harsh winters. It is simple, brown and thick. It’s made for cold days and nights in the Enchanted Forest gathering mushrooms. Jefferson makes gloves to match with the extra fabric. He can picture playfully putting it on his daughter Grace’s head and it being too large, sliding down over her eyes. Then they laugh and he gives her one that fits. The thought is bittersweet, with pangs of heartbreak. He moves on to the next one.</p><p>The third hat is the Mad Hatter’s. A tall top hat made from copper-colored velvet, with an extra long, orange satin band that's half-falling off. Jefferson replicates the one he was wearing his last day in that waking nightmare Wonderland, so it has a rectangular white card tucked in the band reading “In this style, 10/6” in black cursive, as if he was going to actually sell it for 10 shillings and 6 pence. One of the talking cards probably tried to, but Jefferson snatched the hat from them and put it on his head to cover his greasy, tangled hair, then never took it off again. </p><p>The next three hats represent Storybrooke’s Jefferson - his Curse identity he sometimes thinks is the real one. Maybe the <em> portal jumper </em> is the fabrication, his world-hopping past a delusion, but Jefferson isn’t having a manic episode right now, so that doesn’t make much sense. The portal jumper’s presence feels unwelcome, and Jefferson doesn’t want to think it’s the real him, but then again, his past is fuzzy sometimes, as if someone has written the story of his life with repetitions of lorem ipsum. But that’s how memory works, isn’t it? He’s thirty-seven years old. Not everything from his youth would be as vivid anymore. </p><p>Stable Jefferson’s hat is a boring gray fedora with a black band. That’s not to say being stable is a bore. This state of mind is reliable. It’s <em> preferable</em>. Jefferson can remember being confident, clear-headed and professional. He can remember being content. <em> Happy</em>. It’s fuzzy, but at some point he must have been happy, right? This Jefferson is sober, too. Without the alcohol and drugs, he’s a person that people actually like to be around. His life isn’t nearly as interesting, but then again, it also isn’t as painful.</p><p>Jefferson gets creative with the Manic hat. Something straight out of his nightmares of that world from “Alice in Wonderland.” Based on ladies’ fashions, because this is about a state of <em>mind</em>, not something he’d actually <em>wear</em>. Large, with a wide floppy brim. Too wide and too large to be practical, covered in shapes Jefferson cut randomly from a rainbow of fabric and glued to the top, with no real order or design. He should add flowers to it, he thinks, or feathers. Yes, <em>feathers!</em> Like a peacock’s! He’ll cover it with so many items it will be too heavy to actually wear without its pieces falling off. But this isn’t about fashion, no - (did he think this already?) - this represents a state of mind. So the hat ends up furry and feathered, with multi-colored flowers. The flowers are cut-outs made of felt, until Jefferson realizes he can just put <em>real</em> flowers on the thing. Yes, a whole <em>garden</em> of feathers and furs and pastel petals! Tragically, his beautifully crafted creation is an ugly pile of trash once he’s done, so Jefferson is tempted to rip the thing to shreds and start over. He wonders how the Mad Hatter’s designs remained so conservative. Perhaps because you can’t spin this monstrosity. Jefferson decides <em>not</em> to destroy it. He can submit it to a pretentious art museum instead. Does Storybrooke have any art museums?</p><p>Jefferson is stumped by the Depressed hat. He crafts a black beanie. That should do. </p><p>Six hats for six Jefferson’s and the maddest one doesn’t even belong to the Mad Hatter. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The year is 1990-something and Jefferson wanders his mansion one day to find a room with the six hats. He never destroyed them, which comes as a surprise, because Jefferson goes through fits of incinerating such projects, in case the day finally comes his daughter Grace will regain her memories and want to live with him. Some years, the mansion looks too much like the Queen of Hearts’ warehouse back in Wonderland, and that is a grim reminder just how desperate half of Jefferson still feels to escape. The thought of Grace finding such a hoard fills him with shame. But he never burned those six hats, and he’s glad of it, because it inspires Jefferson to craft a seventh. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson places the hat box on Regina’s stoop, rings the doorbell, then hurries away. He hides behind a bush to see if Regina will open it, though she will probably take the box inside first. She looks around, her expression not so much confused as annoyed, because who else would leave <em> a hat box </em> at Regina’s door?</p><p>Suspecting he is hiding somewhere watching her, Regina sighs in exasperation and opens the box. It isn’t a hat at all - it is a metal crown he shaped himself. Not a jeweled crown fit for a queen, empress, or princess, or even for a costume party. No, Jefferson has crudely fashioned one out of steak knives. Seven of them, jutting into the sky from a circular band.</p><p>Regina looks put off by his creation. She holds it gingerly, away from her body at a careful distance. She may be disgusted by the gift, but it’s hard to tell from this distance. Jefferson can faintly remember a time she’d be amused by it. <em> Don’t tempt me</em>, she would have said with a cheeky grin. <em> You don’t know who I might stab. </em></p><p>He had given <em> that </em> Regina many gifts of gems and jewelry, but never any weapons. Back then, her own fingernails were weapons enough. This Regina places the crown back in its box and replaces its cover, taking it inside. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Any other skills you’d like to share?” Regina asks the next time they meet. Jefferson hands her a flower he crafted from computer parts. She appears unimpressed. </p><p>Metalworking is a new hobby he’s teaching himself, because Grace is safe next door, and opening a portal is an even more fruitless effort in the Land Without Magic. This doesn’t stop the Hatter from trying anyway, but unlike in Wonderland, here it’s not his only obsession.</p><p>“I’m always learning new skills,” Jefferson replies. They’re sitting on his couch and he’s softly kissing her neck, because sometimes while the Hatter is dormant, Storybrooke’s Jefferson takes over, which he does too frequently these days. “Madame Mayor.” </p><p>Jefferson always calls her “the Mayor,” because Regina being an Evil Queen is ludicrous. It’s just a fairytale, and the Enchanted Forest is just a dream. </p><p>Regina seems to pick up on this personality switch, because her shoulders relax and she exhales, then leans against him, getting comfortable. Regina toes off her shoes and raises her feet, then shifts their bodies so she’s lying down with her head in his lap, while he gently strokes her hair. Jefferson hopes the half of him that hates her doesn’t wake up while they’re cuddling, because this intimacy is rare and feels nice.</p><p>“Which one are you?” Regina asks wryly.</p><p>“Don’t spoil it,” Jefferson chides.</p><p>“I know there’s two of you in there.”</p><p>“Three, if I’m medicated.”</p><p>Regina opens her eyes, furrowing her brow. Then realization crosses her face. </p><p>“That’s right,” she says, like she's remembering. “Your Bipolar.”</p><p>“Mm-hm.”</p><p>He wonders what else she could have meant.</p><p>“So which one is here with me now?”</p><p>“People can usually tell. Does it matter?”</p><p>“Not if you keep touching me,” Regina says, sighing in pleasure.</p><p>Then the Hatter starts to wake, restlessly bumping against his other consciousness, judgmental and hating to find he’s cradling his arch-enemy. Then he takes another look, and the Mayor-Queen has her eyes closed, looking younger, reminding him of the girl he used to know.</p><p>The Hatter sighs and continues faking this affection, because he knows Regina is as miserable as he is and has worn just as many hats, if not more. A liar like Regina surely has inner voices of her own. This particular Regina is stuck in the same time loop, and part of him - mostly cursed Jefferson, but a sliver of the Hatter - feels sorry for her. </p><p>“Do you like your crown?” the Hatter asks. </p><p>Regina opens her eyes again and looks up at him, and he must look grumpier than Jefferson does holding her, because she frowns. </p><p>“You’re back,” she says, sounding disappointed. </p><p>“You can stay like this,” the Hatter says, continuing to gently stroke her hair, though Regina’s body tenses, probably expecting him to grab strands of it and <em> pull</em>. He’s done that before, but when in the right mood, she doesn’t actually mind. </p><p>“You look just like her,” the Hatter says. </p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“That girl I met when I was twenty.”</p><p>“Yeah, right,” she says dryly. </p><p>“No, really.”</p><p>“Is that why you’re being nice?”</p><p>“Jefferson has a bad habit of being nice to you.” The Hatter does tug on her hair, just a little bit. “It’s pretty fucked up when I wake and he’s...<em>with </em> you.” He can’t say the word.</p><p>Regina sits up and starts putting her shoes back on. </p><p>“I can’t have this conversation.”</p><p>“I’d tell you to confront your toxic behavior, but that seems to be an effort as fruitless as my hat-making.”</p><p>“You’ve got that right,” she snaps. </p><p>“You’ve worn many hats of your own, Regina,” the Hatter says, with a level voice. “Girl, captive, sorceress, lover, traveler, queen, villain. Liar, betrayer.” More firmly, he adds, “Destroyer.”</p><p>“Mayor,” she reminds him. “Don’t forget that one.”</p><p>
  <em> “Cheater.”  </em>
</p><p>Mayor Mills frowns. </p><p>“You don’t understand what you’re saying.”</p><p>“Don’t break the Sheriff’s heart, Regina. Get at least one thing right.”</p><p>This advice elicits an unusual reaction from her - an expression of deep, red <em> shame</em>. </p><p>“It’s a little late for that,” Regina says, like she did back in her office, the last time Jefferson said this about Graham.</p><p>“I’m going home,” she says curtly. “Goodnight.”</p><p>Jefferson doesn’t move from the couch, but picks up the metal flower from the coffee table and holds it out to her.</p><p>“To go with your crown, your Majesty.”</p><p>Regina exhales, looking annoyed, but takes the sculpture from him and leaves.</p><p>Jefferson heads upstairs to his workshop and looks around at the equipment that has (temporarily) replaced his millinery supplies.</p><p>Maybe he’ll craft a different crown for each Regina next, all twelve of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Makes a subtle reference to a conversation from the last scene in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/554793/chapters/989209">Chapter 7</a> of my old 2012 fanfic "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/554793/chapters/989182">Only Sometimes</a>."</p><p>I've never been sure if writing Curse!Jefferson with a mental illness was offensive or ableist, but I explain where the idea came from in my endnotes <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/76941221#work_endnotes">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Forked Roads (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Four drabbles that never happened, and one that did. (500 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Includes some bits of dialogue (or altered dialogue) from the graphic novel “Out of the Past,” and from Jefferson’s scenes with Regina in S1E17, “Hat Trick,” and S1E21, “An Apple Red as Blood.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Four Choices Jefferson Never Made</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> (and one that he did)</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The location of the Clock of Evermore comes to Jefferson at the perfect time. His young family’s house is falling into disrepair and bills are stacking steadily.</p><p>A score like <em> this </em> comes once in a lifetime!</p><p>“Do you have any idea what this would be worth on the open market?”</p><p>“I do,” his wife Priscilla says, “and being here for our daughter is still worth <em> more.” </em></p><p>Jefferson tries to convince her, promising he’ll spend more wisely this time, but Priscilla has always been his voice of reason, explaining, “Our family is what’s important. It’s what will last.”</p><p>They don’t go.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After months of torture, the March Hare finally gets bored and leaves Jefferson alone. With the psychopath elsewhere, Jefferson can wrestle with his bonds without interruption. But they’re still too tight - his efforts are hopeless. </p><p>Then he hears his wife’s voice. </p><p>“Need a hand?”</p><p>“Priscilla! How did you get here?”</p><p>“The White Rabbit created a portal for me.”</p><p>“<em>Percy? </em>He let you come alone? I would skin that rabbit if anything happened to you!”</p><p>“His portal isn’t far. Can the March Hare follow us with your Hat?”</p><p>“He wouldn’t bother. We’re nobodies, and he has the Clock. Let’s go home.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The Evil Queen hands him a slip of paper reading “Wonderland” and Jefferson wants to ball it up to shove down the beautiful despot’s throat. </p><p>“Something of mine was taken and I want it back,” she explains, and at least the two of them still have that in common. Wonderland takes everything from people. It takes and takes.</p><p>Jefferson hands the paper back, saying, “Then find someone else to get it.”</p><p>“I understand,” she lies. “There's nothing more important than family.”</p><p>Jefferson struggles with the temptation, but Priscilla’s blood is still on his hands, and he can’t leave Grace alone.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Mary Margaret!” </p><p>Emma Swan bursts into Snow White’s loft, sounding scared but looking ready for a fight. Relief washes over her when she spots Snow on the couch. Arms crossed, the princess simmers with rage, but Jefferson found her fleeing Storybrooke and doesn’t regret stopping her.</p><p>“This madman kidnapped me!”</p><p>She has no clue what worse plans he originally had in mind.</p><p>“What the hell were you thinking?” Emma exclaims. “And who’s <em> this </em> guy?”</p><p>“My name is Jefferson. I believe we have a mutual friend - August Booth.”</p><p>“<em>You’re </em> friends with August?”</p><p>“Yes, and I have much to discuss with you.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Why shouldn't I let Emma break the Curse? End the madness and go home?”</p><p>“To your hovel, selling fungus at the fair? You can just stay here, in the mansion I gave you.”</p><p><em> There it is. </em> Just like last time, and the time before that. </p><p>The Clock, the Hat, that stuffed rabbit at the marketplace. A fresh start with Grace in 21st century America, with all the things his daughter deserves and more. </p><p>Jefferson hasn’t learned his lesson yet. If he tells Regina yes, he will have never learned it. </p><p>“Is there an object that can help you?”</p><p>“An apple.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't know who reading this will have read "Out of the Past," but the reason Priscilla gets killed is because Jefferson insists they go back into the March Hare's house to retrieve the Hat. The reason Jefferson gives her in the comic is the March Hare could use the Hat to follow them. But my headcanon is that the March Hare would not have bothered chasing them - especially since he still possesses the Clock of Evermore and was only keeping Jefferson captive because it was fun. I think Jefferson's real reason for returning was because he <i>wanted</i> the Hat back, but that's just my interpretation. </p><p>Oh, and Percy Rabbit isn't named in the comic, his involvement is merely implied. He's in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/69136038#workskin">other</a> <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/69243636#workskin">chapters</a> of Lighting Matches, though, including one I'm writing about Priscilla's death that I will probably post in the future, in which Jefferson furiously chews out Percy for creating the portal for Priscilla.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Well Suited (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In Cursed Storybrooke, Jefferson makes Regina a hat. (621 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>On July 12, 2013, somebody posted this photo of Lana Parilla on their Tumblr blog with the following text:</p><p>"Can somebody write a Mad Queen AU based on this picture? This just looks like some sort of modern day Mad Queen AU and now I’m dying for somebody to write a crack!fic/oneshot about it!"</p><p>So I wrote this and posted it on my blog that day, and I still like it, so now it's part of this 'fic. (It's not an AU, however. Instead, it takes place during Some Kind of Madness.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell is that…<em>abomination?”</em></p><p>Regina removed the hat from its box  - a small, round, cardboard one, that looked nothing like the large boxes strewn around Jefferson’s depressingly glitzy mansion. (A house her imagination had created as the ultimate ironic insult.) He trashed the place on a monthly basis, leaving broken bottles and food wherever he happened to set them down. Made hats in his workshop, or in his kitchen, even in his bedroom. Regina ended up pulling pins out of her ass, sometimes, when she tried lying on his couch. It was the most disturbing compulsion she’d ever witnessed. Usually because the finished products looked as ugly as this one. </p><p>One that had been lovingly crafted, it seemed, into a loopy style straight out of Wonderland fashion. Made of black felt and comically small  - too small for a child, even - it was tied with wide black ribbons that dwarfed the hat itself. They looped around each other like Möbius strips, cut in no logical fashion. A bow to match Jefferson’s own fragmented mind. Or rather minds, plural, since she had cursed him with two. </p><p>She took the hat out and held it gingerly, giving Jefferson her best disdainful sneer. He leaned on the table and tilted his head, saying, “What, you don’t like it?”</p><p>“Like it? Of course I don’t like it. I don’t even know what 'it’ is.”</p><p>“It’s a gift. For you. Your strait-laced business attire could use some whimsy. Put it on.”</p><p>Jefferson took the hat out of her hands and placed it on her head. She moved to grab his wrist and wrench it off, but he’d already turned her around and pushed her towards one of the living room’s numerous mirrors. This one was intact today. </p><p>“See? It suits you.”</p><p>Standing behind her, the tall man settled his hands on her waist and watched her reaction. </p><p>“It’s childish and I’m taking it off.”</p><p>“Fine,” he sighed, when she did, then added, “Hey! Careful!” when she roughly chucked it on the table. “I worked all day on that.”</p><p>The question was out before she could stop it. Instead of being flattered, Regina’s hidden low self-esteem made her say, “Why would you ever do such a foolish thing?”</p><p>Jefferson didn’t reply, merely looked down to carefully place the silly little thing back in its box and close the lid. </p><p><em>Because we’re friends</em>, he didn’t say, because she was nothing but his jailer, who tossed him a pity fuck now and again for the unspoken reason he was her only friend in this nightmare town as well. </p><p>He turned around, saying, “You know what would make you look stunning in this 'abomination,’ as you call it?" </p><p>Regina rolled her eyes, then narrowed them when he began to take off his clothes. </p><p>"What?”</p><p>Jefferson approached her, looking predatory, hungry, and not at all composed. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. </p><p>“Looking like you just got fucked.”</p><p>He kissed her throat. Bit down, making Regina let out an involuntary moan. This is why she had come over, after all. She never meant to stay, only to stop by and gloat. But she would end up in his bed anyway. Sometimes Graham just wasn’t enough. The gentle sheriff didn’t know how to make her really scream. </p><p>Jefferson ran his fingers through Regina’s hair, twisting and tangling the strands, pulling just enough to make her gasp. </p><p>“You should grow this out,” he said. </p><p>“You know I can’t. Frozen time, and all that.”</p><p>“Mmm. Then this will have to do." </p><p>He threw her down on the couch, kissed her again, then got up to grab the hat box. </p><p>"Wear this while I fuck you.”</p><p>This time Regina didn’t say no.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note 02/20/21:</b>
</p><p>I'm planning on adding to this, but I've come up against some writer's block, so I don't know when. Two things I <i><b>must</b></i> continue are the further developments of Victor and Jefferson's romance during Season 6 - (which I dropped back in December!) - and the mostly sort-of complete short that takes place moments after Priscilla's death in the comic "Out of the Past." In that, Jefferson returns home with a huge problem: having to move on and take care of two-year-old Grace while also processing his grief and guilt. </p><p>But the <i>Victor</i> chapter needs to be fluffy, especially after they had sex in Chapter 15 because they were sad about Robin dying  - (what the hell, Yuffie?) - and the short about Priscilla needs to be dripping with sorrow, and I'm not very good at writing either, so we'll see what happens. But I will post those two chapters at some point.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. A Different Take (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dialogue-only, alternate retelling of the first time Regina goes traveling with Jefferson in the Hat. (1,240 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In the rest of my fanfiction series "Some Kind of Madness," Regina first goes to the <i>Discworld</i> with Jefferson, after they have <i>already</i> had sex for the first time. In this chapter, there's none of that funny business. I might expand on this version of events, or maybe not. This is incomplete and I meant to add prose, but I'm posting it anyway.</p><p>The order of events are switched up, but Jefferson's experiences in Azeroth and the physics of the Hat come from my old 2013 fanfic "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1103974">Jump In</a>."</p><p>The mage that Regina and Jefferson discuss, Jaina Proudmoore, is a character from the game "World of Warcraft." Azeroth is the setting and Stormwind is a city within the game.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
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</p><p>
  <b>The Dark One’s Castle, Enchanted Forest</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“What are you staring at?”</p><p>“Your pretty face.”</p><p>“What do you want? Rumplestiltskin isn’t here.”</p><p>“The Dark One left a witch all alone in his lair? How trusting. I’d be out of here in a flash, with a rack of rare potions and a couple of arcane tomes under my dress.” </p><p>“Some people don’t have the luxury of escaping to another world, Jumper.” </p><p>“A luxury, is it? One the Queen can’t afford?”</p><p>“Very funny.”</p><p>“I understand, you have your duties. Can’t up and leave everything.”</p><p>“If only it were that easy.”</p><p>“Am I witnessing a rare vulnerable moment? Because I can come back later when you’ve stopped feeling sorry for yourself.”</p><p>“You’d never understand.”</p><p>“Oh, I understand perfectly. You take your wealth for granted.”</p><p>“Do you know what I’ve had to do to attain such wealth? I never wanted this life!”</p><p>“Mm, ‘kay. I’m looking for a body swap potion and taking your place, because this whining is tiresome.”</p><p>“What happened to you, to be so callous?”</p><p>“I grew up poor. There. Vulnerabilities traded.” </p><p>“I didn’t want this. I would have left sooner if I could.”</p><p>“So that’s why you’re learning dark magic? To escape? Because there’s an easier way. It takes no time at all, and nobody will notice.”</p><p>“That’s cold.”</p><p>“I mean this. My magic Hat. How do you think I brought that doctor to this world?”</p><p>“You can create portals to other lands. It’s called jumping. I’m not sure why.”</p><p>“Haha! You’ll see exactly why. I can ferry you to any world you’d like, for a price.”</p><p>“What price is that?”</p><p>“A kiss.”</p><p>“You’re joking.”</p><p>“A quick one. Right here on my cheek. Then we’ll give my Hat a spin. What do you say?”</p><p>“It’s tempting. The...jumping, not the kiss.”</p><p>“I promise you, Regina. You won’t regret it.”</p><p>…</p><p>“Hey! You said cheek, not lips!”</p><p>“An involuntary turn of my head. My apologies, your Majesty.”</p><p>“Blech!”</p><p>“You ready to go?”</p><p>“Now? You just...what? Spin that Hat and it opens a portal?”</p><p>“Not just any portal. You’ll see.”</p><p>“The...the vortex! It’s pulling us in!”</p><p>“Take my hand. We’ll jump together."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
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</p><p>
  <b>Stormwind City, Azeroth</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe this. It’s so beautiful! An ocean in another world! I’ve never even been to the one in ours.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Not since I was little, as far as I can remember.”</p><p>“It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Kraken, murlocs, Naga…”</p><p>“I’d like to pet a dolphin.”</p><p>“Ha! They’re overrated. How do you know what a dolphin is, anyway, if you’ve never seen the ocean?”</p><p>“I read books. Rumplestiltskin has so many. They’re the only items I can take back to the castle that nobody will lift an eyebrow at.”</p><p>“Rumple’s got you studying books about magic?”</p><p>“He has books about everything.”</p><p>“Man, that guy would love this place! This ocean? Goes for miles. There’s a whole planet beneath our feet. They say it contains the body of a sleeping Titan! And so many different realms are all tied to this rock. Deepholm, Outland, not to mention Azeroth’s own massive continents. It’s remarkable. I could spend a lifetime exploring this one world.”</p><p>“So why don’t you? Why not move here, to Azeroth?”</p><p>“Because the most satisfying thing about travel is going home and bragging about where you’ve been.”</p><p>“Truly? That’s your only reason?”</p><p>“The air doesn’t taste right, and I can’t sleep well in this place. And the ambient magic is enough to give you a headache. Well, to give someone like <em> me </em> a headache.”</p><p>“Haha! You can taste changes in the air? And what do you mean ‘someone like you’?”</p><p>“I don’t know what happened, but as soon as I got the Hat, all the walls between universes started to feel paper thin. I thought it meant I had natural magic, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. I think I can only sense it. Not like you, Regina. You’re a fount of arcane energy. It’s incredible! I wonder if my envy of you will turn my skin green. Is that a thing that can happen?”</p><p>“Careful, Jumper. You’re revealing far too much. You might want to hold back and allow people to believe you’ve got it all figured out.”</p><p>“You’re not people.”</p><p>“What’s that mean?”</p><p>“You’re special. Okay, not really <em> special</em>.”</p><p>“Oh thanks.”</p><p>“There are plenty of magic users. Half the people in this city can use magic.”</p><p>“So I’m just one in a hundred?”</p><p>“In our land, you have a rare gift, and someday you’ll run circles around fools like these. Jaina Proudmoore, you are not, but you don’t have to be.”</p><p>“Is she a friend of yours?”</p><p>“No, she’s a head of state. One of the most <em> politically </em> powerful people in Azeroth.”</p><p>“A <em> female </em> head of state?” </p><p>“Well, I heard she only got the job because she killed her dad, or something.”</p><p>“So it’s not too different from our world, after all.”</p><p>“The point is, I don’t want to just feed you a line to get under your dress.”</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“You’re not the only sorceress out there, but you’re special to <em> me</em>, and you’re special to Rumplestiltskin, though for an entirely different reason.”</p><p>“What reason is that?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Not a good one, whatever it is.”</p><p>“You don’t trust your own employer?”</p><p>“Who does? Just be careful. He’s called the Dark One for a reason.”</p><p>“How dark are the sorcerers in this land?”</p><p>“Things are a lot simpler where we come from. <em> A lot </em> simpler, believe me. Look, we should get back.”</p><p>“But we’ve only just arrived. I want to see everything!”</p><p>“The Hat doesn't allow travel through time, Regina. The same amount of time is passing at home as it is here. The only exception seems to be Wonderland. Time functions differently there. Every minute in that world makes me anxious. I never know which direction time will flow back home. You could be in Wonderland for five minutes and in the Enchanted Forest it will have been five days. Or it could be the other way around. I hope I’m never stuck there long enough to find out.”</p><p>“Alright, but I want to come back here sometime the King and Snow White are away. They leave me alone in the castle so often, I almost crave their company.”</p><p>“Surely not? I thought you hated them.”</p><p>“I do, but I hate being alone more. I want to go on more trips like this with you.”</p><p>“Will you trade me more kisses?”</p><p>“No, but I can pay you.”</p><p>“That won’t be necessary. For some reason, I actually enjoy your company.”</p><p>“And I enjoy yours, though I can’t figure why.”</p><p>“Ouch.”</p><p>“Do we have a deal?”</p><p>“Yes, your Majesty. I’m your new royal travel agent. Next stop, anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Disconnection (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson breaks up with Regina to be with Priscilla, but is apprehensive of what her reaction will be. (539 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This short is a retelling of the final scene in my old 2012 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/562963">Fifty Years Late</a>.” </p><p>The original character mentioned in Jefferson's narration comes from my old 2013 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1481115">Jump In</a>” - an elven mage named Anathiel, from the game "World of Warcraft" universe.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m getting married.”</p><p>“Congratulations,” the Queen says, smiling brightly.</p><p>It’s probably insincere - <em> (no, her tone is so sweet, it’s </em> <em> definitely </em> <em> insincere) </em> - but it’s difficult to tell which of Regina’s smiles are fake. Jefferson hasn’t seen her in months and she’s become an experienced liar, getting better everyday, with every conversation.</p><p>"I know you don't <em> really </em> mind, Regina,” Jefferson says, explaining why he thinks so, and they pretend to agree that she doesn’t. He takes her responses at face value and doesn’t analyze her reaction - he doesn’t even look her in the eye. </p><p>Jefferson wants to hurry through the formalities of breaking up with a sorceress - he decided to tell her up front and in person, so she can’t claim he lied to her or broke any promises - and get out of her castle alive. This isn’t like leaving Anathiel, who is a world away and wouldn’t bother chasing him. <em> (Hasn’t bothered. Not that he’ll be setting foot in Dalaran any time soon, after Deathwing tried to decimate Azeroth. Anathiel may not even be there anymore. She may not even be alive.) </em></p><p>“Who is she?” the Queen asks, and Jefferson’s stomach tightens, picturing Regina ripping out Priscilla’s heart. He’s a good liar too, so he hides his revulsion at the unwanted image.</p><p>"Just someone very dear to me,” he replies. Because he can’t keep his big mouth shut, Jefferson adds, “I'm sure you'd like her. She loves to portal jump."</p><p>If Regina rolls her eyes at this, he can’t tell, because he’s looking away at her apple tree. She was pruning it when he arrived - the shears are resting nearby. He thinks of those blades cutting his throat - not easy to explain or excuse, but doable with just the flick of Regina’s finger.</p><p>"I hope you don't expect me to provide some royal handout for your wedding,” she says dryly.</p><p>"Not at all. It's just…”</p><p>Jefferson looks up - he can’t avoid her gaze forever. </p><p>There’s no anger on the Queen’s face, or sorrow or jealousy. She appears impatient, like he’s boring her and she wants him to leave.</p><p>But he has paused mid-sentence, so Regina looks at him expectantly and asks, "Just what?"</p><p>"I just thought I should let you know."</p><p>The Queen nods in understanding. No theatrics, no protestations. One curt nod and the follow-up question, "Anything else?"</p><p>Jefferson shakes his head. He doesn’t ask the Queen if he’s dismissed, just turns around and walks away. Their encounters usually end with him quietly sneaking off without saying goodbye. Then again, that was because he always returned. For the past two years, telling Regina “goodbye” has been a waste of breath.</p><p>"Jefferson," she says.</p><p>He turns around. "Yes, your Majesty?"</p><p><em> This is it</em>, he thinks. <em> She’s going to ask me to stay. </em></p><p>Part of Jefferson wishes she would fight for him, but there’s that gruesome image again, of his True Love’s heart being crushed by the bitter witch who no longer believes in it. It’s better that Regina <em> isn’t </em> fighting this, because then he’d have to run, and Jefferson is so very tired of running. </p><p>"I wish you and your fiancée all the best.”</p><p>Jefferson nods his head gratefully, but doesn’t bow. He won’t ever bow.</p><p>"Thank you, your Majesty."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Cognizant (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Hatter and Curse!Jefferson debate which way living without their daughter is worse. (477 words.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What's worse?" the Hatter asks, watching his daughter Grace through his telescope again. "Not knowing if she's safe, or knowing she's safe and I'm unable to be with her?"</p><p>"You're asking <em> me</em><em>?"</em> Jefferson says incredulously. "I've never had any children of my own."</p><p>"<em>Guess,"</em> the Hatter replies firmly. "Make an assessment."</p><p>"Not knowing," Jefferson answers, with no hesitation. "That's much worse."</p><p>The Hatter steps back from the telescope and runs his hand along the cool metal. He closes his eyes and replies, "I disagree. This is much crueler."</p><p>"If these memories of yours are real," Jefferson says, "then Wonderland was worse."</p><p>"How do you figure?" the Hatter asks, packing up the telescope so he won't sit there all night, staring. Again.</p><p>"You completely lost your shit," Jefferson says bitterly, judgmentally. "Obsessed. I get it, kinda. Worrying about your kid, desperate to make things right."</p><p>"It's not just about what's <em> right</em><em>,"</em> the Hatter replies, walking downstairs to their kitchen. They need water but keep forgetting to drink it. "I wanted us to be a family again. Regina may have hurt Grace, or killed her. Or if my friends protected her, Grace would think I abandoned her because I didn't want her."</p><p>"One of those things is obviously worse than the other," Jefferson replies. The Hatter doesn't touch that. Jefferson seems used to being unwanted by family.</p><p>"Look," Jefferson continues, "Wonderland was a technicolor nightmare. Look at this house." He gestures to their beautiful kitchen they can't share with Grace, which is all the Hatter thinks of when he looks at it. "Isn't this better than that freaky factory?"</p><p><b> <em>"No!"</em> </b> the Hatter shouts. "It's exactly the same!"</p><p>Jefferson raises his own voice when he responds, "Your daughter is safe. She's right down the street."</p><p>He's not used to being the reasonable one - he resents he has to be. Jefferson has to have this argument with the Hatter every day, whether Grace is who he claims she is or not. This time he bites his tongue and doesn't call her Paige.</p><p>Jefferson has the uneasy sensation of half of him spiraling, with the other half thinking clearly. He clutches the countertop to keep from falling over, or running, or smashing something. Jefferson starts counting kitchen tiles.</p><p>"She's safe, we're safe. Alright? Chill out. Breathe."</p><p>Jefferson is breathing normally but he can somehow feel the Hatter panicking. It's a weird sensation.</p><p>"Not knowing is worse," he says, "but feel free to disagree."</p><p>There's a stretch of silence the Hatter doesn't respond, and Jefferson considers, hopefully, the Hatter might be gone for good.</p><p>No such luck. The Hatter is still there, but he has calmed down.</p><p>"Yes," the Hatter says with a sigh, slumping into a chair at the kitchen table. He pushes Storybrooke Jefferson to the back of his mind and that consciousness fades without a fight. "I have to disagree."</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Holiday (Jefferson/Priscilla)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson takes Priscilla to Azeroth. (158 words.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"This is a war zone. You've taken me on a 'romantic' date in the middle of a war."</p><p>"Tension between the factions is not the same as open warfare, my love. Besides, this realm is breathtakingly beautiful. I must take you to Darnassus. That is, if they'll let me back in."</p><p>"There's a battle around every corner! If it's not the orcs, it's the demons. And if it's not the demons, it's the undead!"</p><p>"Just keep an open mind."</p><p>"Murlocs, Jefferson. We were ambushed by fish men."</p><p>"We'll get two swift steeds and breeze past such mobs."</p><p>"It would be a relief to ride a horse instead of one of those giant birds."</p><p>"The chocobos? I quite liked them. They had character."</p><p>"At least this world has the sense to employ gryphons as transport, not oversized turkeys."</p><p>"Please keep in mind we just came from a land where chess pieces speak and playing cards try to kill you."</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Thaumaturge (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson and Regina meet an old friend in Discworld. (2,387 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I originally wrote the first few paragraphs on June 19, 2013. I revised and added more to this on March 2, 2021. </p><p>This was originally going to be part of my old 2013 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1103974">Jump In</a>,” which was not exclusively told from Jefferson’s point of view. Other than an early portion narrated by Regina, this is mostly told from Rincewind's POV.</p><p>Rincewind is a character from the Discworld books by Terry Pratchett. It is revealed in <a href="#section0017">Chapter 17</a> of <i>this</i> fanfic that Rincewind once helped 15-year-old Jefferson get home to the Enchanted Forest.</p><p>The idea Regina can see Octarine - the color of magic - is a concept from the Discworld books. (Magic-users and cats can see it.) But Octarine lingering around Rincewind’s body just because one of the Eight Spells of Creation is stuck inside his head - (that’s a thing, by the way) - was not mentioned in the books, and was made up by me for this fanfic. In the books, even while magic is not being actively used, Octarine <i>can</i> be seen surrounding <i>places</i> with strong magical properties, like Unseen University itself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Some months into her relationship with Jefferson, Regina had already visited a couple of taverns in the Enchanted Forest, disguised in a cloak and armed with a small knife as a precaution. (Rumplestiltskin had not yet taught her how to change her form, but the average citizen wouldn’t know the young queen's face anyway. Even so, nobility could be recognized by their attire, so Regina snuck out in her leather riding clothes, which she wore on this journey as well.) But<em> this </em>tavern - called “The Broken Drum” - was more dangerous, and had the infamous reputation of breaking out in epic brawls that left most of its patrons injured or dead. The knife Regina carried would not be nearly enough protection on its own.</p><p>"How did you find me in a gutter like this?" Jefferson had wryly asked her once, when he didn’t respond to her letters and she had to seek him out herself. The portal jumper grinned like a devil and popped another almond in his mouth, chewing obnoxiously, but Regina knew his unspoken question was, <em> "Why would you risk coming here just to see me?" </em></p><p>Armed with deadly magic, Regina <em> could </em> take care of herself, and Jefferson knew that, but as they entered the tavern, his hand wrapped around her bicep anyway. Regina shrugged him off, then looked up into the eyes of a troll guarding the entrance. Her mouth slack, Regina couldn't keep the wonder off her features. The troll looked nothing like the miserable wretches back home. Those trolls had skin like any human's, but with teeth and tusks and a much less graceful savagery. This..<em>.individual </em>towered over her, their shape humanoid but body made of stone. They spoke with a gravelly voice, warning Regina to follow the bar’s rules. Not that these rules were actually enforced.</p><p>They were there because Regina craved adventure, and the portal jumper was damn well going to give it to her.</p><p>Only a few years later, a similar tourist would enter the Broken Drum naively seeking thrills, snapping pictures with a strange box, speaking hesitantly with a translation book between his fingers, flashing gold coins and miraculously avoiding getting killed. The city’s Patrician would call this man Twoflower the Discworld’s first tourist, because Jefferson was a mercenary first and foremost and didn’t count. (He had a tourist on his arm only because she was royalty, and she could kill Jefferson more easily than any troll, dwarf, or barbarian in this bar.)</p><p>The Broken Drum was also a place the wizard Rincewind found himself spending more and more time in. He was usually there to look for work - Rincewind had been expelled by Unseen University, losing his lodgings, his money and his friends. The disgraced former student now subsisted on odd-jobs and scams, drinking only the cheapest beer and feeling sorry for himself. </p><p>Regina surveyed the bar, and her eyes were drawn to Rincewind’s corner. Her eyes widened. Magic had a color - a range of colors, though magic was usually violet - back in the Enchanted Forest, but Regina had never seen a color quite like this one. Almost indescribable, it resembled a greenish-yellowish-purple. She had never seen shining auras linger around a body either - magic that was visible while it wasn’t being used. And this man’s aura shone bright.</p><p>Swatting Jefferson on the arm to get his attention, Regina whispered and pointed. Scowling, Jefferson quickly pushed her arm down.</p><p>"Look there,” she said. “Who is that?”</p><p>"Him?" Jefferson asked disdainfully. "He's just some gutter wizard. Why?"</p><p>"Can you introduce me to him?"</p><p>"Why would I?"</p><p>Taking her by the hand, Jefferson led Regina to the bar and ordered two ales.</p><p>Rincewind leaned heavily on his hand, looking sullen and drunk, somehow managing to avoid the gaze of everyone but Regina. Invisibility was something Rincewind had practiced for a while, and required no magic whatsoever. You just make yourself someone no one would ever want to notice, and people didn't.</p><p>But Regina noticed. Their eyes met, and Rincewind squirmed uncomfortably. He wondered if she was somebody he forgot he owed money. </p><p>The woman was approaching, followed by a tall man in a long, black leather coat. He held two mugs of ale and looked a bit irritated. The woman smiled. </p><p>“Hello,” she said. “May we join you?”</p><p>“You can have the whole table,” Rincewind said, standing up. “I’m late for an appointment.”</p><p>“Rinswand?” the tall man asked curiously. Squinting at Rincewind, the man’s sour expression shifted into the smile of recognition.</p><p>“Rinswand, it’s me!”</p><p>He set the two mugs on the table. Rincewind tensed, smiling fakely. </p><p>“Right,” he said. “It’s been a long time…”</p><p>“Jefferson,” he said. “Oh, uh, this is my...This is Regina.”</p><p>Rincewind wasn’t sure why this man was being so friendly, but it was always best to play along. The young woman was still staring at him in a way that was discomfiting. </p><p>Picking up on Rincewind’s discomfort, Jefferson told her, “Stop staring.”</p><p>“I’m very interested, Sir Rinswand--” Regina started to say.</p><p>“Rincewind. My name is Rincewind.” </p><p>“Of course. My apologies,” she said.</p><p>“Regina, sit down," said Jefferson. </p><p>The woman made a displeased noise and gave Jefferson an annoyed look. She didn’t like being told what to do.</p><p>The pair made themselves comfortable, and Rincewind reluctantly sat down across from them. </p><p>“I didn’t recognize you,” he told Jefferson truthfully. “You look different.”</p><p>“Well, it’s been seven years,” the man said with a grin. “But I’d know that hat of yours anywhere.”</p><p>Rincewind touched the brim of his hat, which conspicuously had the word “wizzard” - spelled with two z’s - written on it. </p><p>Regina hesitantly sipped her ale. Her nose scrunched in disgust. Noticing her grimace, Jefferson chuckled. </p><p>“Seven years?” Rincewind asked. “Refresh my memory.”</p><p>“You helped me get out of a jam, once, when I was a child. Lost and confused in a new world, trying to get home.”</p><p>Rincewind furrowed his brow, the circumstances hazy.</p><p>“My portal,” Jefferson said. “I came here through a portal, and you helped me reopen it.”</p><p>“That’s right,” Rincewind said, remembering. “Huh. So it worked.”</p><p>“It did indeed, and since we parted, I’ve opened doors to more worlds than just this one.”</p><p>Regina quietly listened, still looking at Rincewind over the rim of her ale, which she gave a second sip. She was probably new to drinking and eager to get drunk with interesting people. The Broken Drum was a poor first choice - a <em> deadly </em> choice - for a young lady, Rincewind thought.</p><p>“That’s good to hear,” said Rincewind. “I’m jealous.”</p><p>Jefferson smirked. “You should be.”</p><p>Rincewind chuckled goodnaturedly, but Jefferson had grown up to be a smug brat. The child Rincewind remembered was inexperienced performing magic, and earnestly grateful for instruction by a wizard, even a disgraced one. Now Jefferson just sounded like a wanker.</p><p>“I come from Jefferson’s world,” Regina said, finally getting a word in. “And I’ve never seen anything quite so fascinating as your aura.”</p><p>Rincewind blinked.</p><p>“Aura?” he asked. “What aura?” Rincewind held his hand up to his face, examining it. </p><p>Jefferson took a swig of his ale, eyes darting cautiously to the next table. </p><p>“We should discuss this somewhere else,” he said. </p><p>“Magic?” said Rincewind. He scoffed. “Nobody in here cares.” </p><p>“If our talk garners any attention, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Jefferson.</p><p>“You have powerful magic,” said Regina with a smile. “It’s remarkable.”</p><p>Jefferson snorted into his beer. “You sound just like…” He cut himself off. Regina didn’t notice anyway, leaning across the table to address Rincewind more softly.</p><p>“Why are you in a common place like this, with so much power inside you?”</p><p>“That’s <em> my </em> business,” said Rincewind. He tensed, his heart beating faster. This stranger couldn’t ever know about the Eight Spells of Creation - the Octavo. Nobody could. </p><p>“I thought you couldn’t use magic,” said Jefferson.</p><p>Rincewind didn’t remember ever telling the boy this. By all rights, he was a wizard - being unable to cast spells because the Octavo held his brain hostage didn’t change that. Rincewind was well-learned about all things magical, he just couldn’t wield it himself. And yet this strange woman with Jefferson sensed the Octavo resided within him? That was...problematic. </p><p>“I can’t,” said Rincewind. “What is it you want from me?”</p><p>Regina looked disappointed. Jefferson didn’t seem to care much. </p><p>“What <em> can </em> you tell me about this world’s magic?” she asked. “Please, you don’t need to share anything personal. I’m a student of magic, and I want to learn as much as I can.”</p><p>Rincewind relaxed.</p><p>“That, I can do.”</p><p>Jefferson got up, asking them, “Want some stronger drinks? Some food?” To Regina, he said, “I take it we’re gonna be here for a while?”</p><p>Regina gave Jefferson a look that seemed to say, <em> “It’s not like you have any choice.” </em></p><p>“I’ll be back. Don’t draw any attention.” </p><p>He casually, affectionately caressed the back of her hair, then disappeared into the crowd. </p><p>“Is he your lover?” Rincewind asked. If the woman was going to be nosy about his magical abilities, he could be nosy about her relationship.</p><p>“He’s a friend.” Rincewind nodded, and didn’t prod for more, but the woman added, “Yes, he’s my lover. It’s so strange saying it out loud. It’s dangerous for him. For both of us.”</p><p>“Not here,” Rincewind said reassuringly. “Here in Ankh-Morpork, you can do anything you want.”</p><p>He knew the young couple were a universe away from whatever trouble followed them. He wondered if Jefferson’s old portal to their land stood in the same spot.</p><p>“I can’t tell you where this aura you see comes from,” Rincewind said. “I didn’t know it existed.”</p><p>“I’m training to be a sorceress,” said Regina with a smile. “My tutor is a very powerful magic-user in our land, and so was my mother. I guess we can see what normally can’t be seen.”</p><p>Rincewind shook his head. </p><p>“Don’t mistake me,” he said. “<em>Every </em> magic-user can see the color of magic. So can cats. We call it ‘octarine.’ Have you looked at Unseen University?”</p><p>Regina nodded. “Yes, there is a sort of...haze around that tall tower.”</p><p>“It’s not fog, it’s Octarine. It shows up around places of highly concentrated magic. I’ve just never heard of it surrounding a person who isn’t casting.”</p><p>“It’s like that in my land, as well. It’s only visible when we’re casting.” She shrugged. “Magic has touched you, like it has that tower. Did Jefferson ever mention it?”</p><p>“I haven’t seen him since he was a kid. Can he use magic, now? He needed some hand-holding back then.”</p><p>Regina opened her mouth to reply, then wisely said instead, “You may discuss that with Jefferson himself.”</p><p>The man returned, with a bottle of rum and three small cups. </p><p>“A server will be over soon with some food. In the meantime,” he said, pouring three shots, “drink up.”</p><p>“Can you see this aura your girlfriend is bugging me about?”</p><p>Jefferson shrugged, not meeting Rincewind’s eyes. </p><p>“He can taste it,” said Regina with a smile. “Isn’t that right?”</p><p>The man’s lip quirked slightly, but he looked embarrassed about being unable to see octarine.</p><p>“Believe me, I can feel it,” he said. “But your world is saturated with magic, Rincewind.” Jefferson knocked back a shot of rum. “It’s suffocating.”</p><p>Regina frowned. “Are you feeling okay?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m used to it.”</p><p>“Hm,” said Rincewind. “Interesting.”</p><p>“What is?” Jefferson asked. </p><p>“That you can feel it, but don’t see it.”</p><p>He shrugged. </p><p>“I’ve been jumping for so long, my body’s molecules were bound to change.”</p><p>“Molecule?” Regina asked. </p><p>“Jumping?” said Rincewind. </p><p>“‘Molecule’ is a word Victor taught me. He said they’re the smallest components that make up...well, basically everything. And ‘portal jumping’ is what we call in our land the method by which someone travels between worlds.”</p><p>“You jump into a portal,” said Regina. “It’s exhilarating!”</p><p>“I thought you used doorways,” said Rincewind. </p><p>“Yes, we use those, too,” said Regina excitedly, before Jefferson could answer. He looked at her with some fondness. </p><p>But then she said, “Jefferson has a magic hat--” and the man loudly interjected, “Don’t bore our friend with the details, dear.”</p><p>Regina pouted. Rincewind looked Jefferson over. He wasn’t wearing one. </p><p>“You don’t always keep it with you. That’s smart.”</p><p>Meeting Rincewind’s eyes, Jefferson nodded slightly. He idly played with his cup, and seemed about to speak when a waitress appeared, with a tray of three large roast turkey legs, with scoops of what resembled mashed potatoes on the side. Rincewind’s mouth watered at the sight - and smell - of the potatoes. </p><p>“You don’t have to--” said Rincewind.</p><p>“I insist,” said Jefferson with a smile. “It’s on me.”</p><p>Rincewind dug into his mashed potatoes first, savoring each bite. Regina, on the other hand, scooped the beige mush around her plate, looking at it distastefully. She picked up and bit into the turkey leg instead.</p><p>“I can’t thank you enough,” said Jefferson. “Rincewind. For helping me all those years ago.”</p><p>“It was nothing,” said the wizard between bites. </p><p>“No, it was formative, to say the least.”</p><p>“I didn’t do anything,” said Rincewind, more to Regina than to Jefferson. “I told him to touch a wall.”</p><p>“A wall between worlds,” Jefferson said to Regina. To Rincewind, he commented, “They’re thin, you know. Problematically thin.”</p><p>“Should we be concerned?” Rincewind asked. </p><p>Jefferson tilted his hand back and forth, in a gesture that said, <em> “Sort of.” </em></p><p>“That’s concerning,” said Rincewind.</p><p>“You know the Disc better than I do. I’ll stop coming here if it rips less holes in reality.”</p><p>“I thought that door was already open,” said Regina. “That’s what you told me. That the door exists already.”</p><p>“It does,” said Jefferson. “It’s just that magic in this place…”</p><p>“...is kind of unpredictable,” finished Rincewind.</p><p>“Magic has strict rules,” said Regina. “That’s what I was taught.”</p><p>“Magic is wild and untamed,” said Jefferson. “That’s what I've discovered.”</p><p>Rincewind pointed at him. “What he said.” </p><p>“Contradictory instruction,” said Regina, “is impeding my education.”</p><p>“I know exactly how you feel,” Rincewind told her. He poured rum into his and Regina’s cups, then held his up in a toast. “To learning magic.”</p><p>Regina tapped her cup with his.</p><p>“To learning magic.”</p><p>Jefferson poured his own shot and added, “And not getting killed by it.”</p><p>Rincewind tapped his cup to Jefferson’s. </p><p>“To not getting killed.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That is the end of their adventure to the Discworld, for now. I don't know when I'll write more than that. However, there is more of Lighting Matches to come.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Moments (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I was looking through old fanfic prompts and found these eight words and phrases, so I wrote eight drabbles. (800 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You can listen to the song "Smooth" by Santana (featuring Rob Thomas) on YouTube <a href="https://youtu.be/6Whgn_iE5uc">here</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>1. Missed Opportunities</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>In another life, Jefferson resisted temptation and didn’t seek the Clock of Evermore. Instead, he lived happily for ten quiet years with his wife Priscilla and their daughter Grace. They lost their mansion, but moved to the country to give farming a try. </p><p>But the Evil Queen found another way to retrieve her father from Wonderland and enact the Dark Curse. Jefferson was still torn from the people he loved and forced to watch them repeat the same day, separated from each other as well.</p><p>“You deserve this,” the Queen told Jefferson, but in this life he couldn’t understand why.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>2. Apples</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Mayor Mills has an apple tree growing in her yard. </p><p>She would describe it as beautiful, and it is a tree she has nurtured for years. To Jefferson it looks about average.</p><p>“I have a bowl of them inside,” she says, catching him trespassing on her property, about to pick an apple for himself. </p><p>Jefferson doesn’t bother looking guilty. She knows him.</p><p>“It was worth a shot.”</p><p>He seeks the pleasure of taking from the Mayor without permission, because <em> she </em> gets that privilege all the time. </p><p>“What am I going to do with you?” she asks.</p><p>“You’ll think of something.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>3. Dancing</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Dance with me,” says Jefferson.</p><p>“I don’t dance,” Victor replies. They’re drinking at The Rabbit Hole and Jefferson is selecting a song at the jukebox.</p><p>“But the world is ending,” Jefferson says with a pout. In Storybrooke it always seems to be. “Let’s live while we can.”</p><p><em>Smooth</em> by Santana starts playing.</p><p>Victor laughs. “Are you kidding me?” </p><p>When Jefferson starts singing along and grooving to the beat, Victor blushes with embarrassment and looks around to see who might be watching. Jefferson dances closer, flirtatiously encouraging the doctor to join in.</p><p>“One dance,” Victor concedes, allowing his boyfriend to lead. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>4. Quiet</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“This way,” Jefferson says, leading Priscilla down a wide, elaborately ornamented corridor. Second-guessing himself, he ponders, “Or maybe it was <em> that </em> way.”</p><p>
  <em> “Shhh!”  </em>
</p><p>Priscilla hears someone coming, so she shushes her lover, yanking him into an alcove out of sight. They are sneaking around the Temple of the Jade Serpent, because apparently Jefferson has no respect for other cultures.</p><p>“I thought these were your friends,” Priscilla says later in disappointment. “Why would you rob them?”</p><p>Jefferson makes tired excuses, so she tells him to be quiet. </p><p>“I’m not betraying allies again. Do it without me, if you can’t help yourself.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>5. Umbrella</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Archie Hopper always carries an umbrella, even when it isn’t raining. It’s how Jefferson puts two and two together. </p><p>He never knew the bug personally, but figures Snow White had an eclectic group of allies, and Jefferson’s cursed self knows the Pinocchio story. If “fairytales” include people like himself, the Queen and Snow, why wouldn’t there <em> also </em> be...</p><p>“You’re Jiminy Cricket.”</p><p>Names in Storybrooke aren’t as clever as some. A few changes seem lazy, like naming a cricket “Hopper.”</p><p>“The umbrella, your profession, your <em> name </em>…”</p><p>“You’re mistaken.”</p><p>“Oh, I’ve made many mistakes, but this won’t be one of them.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>6. Everybody Lies</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“If you ever need anything, I’m happy to help,” the White Rabbit tells Jefferson. Not that Percy has much choice, now that <em> a child </em>possesses a power so rare and so coveted as the Hat’s.</p><p>Humans traveled the multiverse freely before their war with the Giants destroyed the magic beans. Some artifacts and spells still provide passage, but they are possessed by few. Rabbits and mermaids are still born with the ability, so they must be cautious. This boy needs to learn.</p><p>“Do not tell anyone how the Hat works,” Percy says. <em> “Lie.” </em></p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Pray that you never find out.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>7. Expertise</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Your heart’s fine,” Victor reassures him - not for the first time - after Jefferson has another humiliating panic attack. It’s been thirty years and they can still take him by surprise. This one was the Hatter’s, triggered by a greeting card featuring the Easter Bunny.</p><p>“Trust me,” says the doctor. “I’m an expert.”</p><p>Jefferson laughs. </p><p>“What’s so funny?” Victor asks.</p><p>Jefferson takes his boyfriend’s hand and kisses his fingers affectionately, then places Victor’s palm over his chest.</p><p>“That’s right, you’re a cardiothoracic surgeon. I never thought of how ironic that was until now.”</p><p>Victor frowns. He won’t ever find it funny.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>8. Night and Day</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“I look like a sorceress!” Priscilla says with a smile, walking down the stairs slowly, showing off her new dress - a flowing red gown crafted with expensive Embersilk. The garment is a darker shade that complements her ginger hair, and in a certain light, she looks like she’s on fire. </p><p>“No,” Jefferson says reverently. “Like a <em> goddess.” </em></p><p>Another day, he caresses Regina’s black gloves and comments, “My eyes get lost in the darkness of your dresses. What is this material? Who makes them?”</p><p>“I create them myself, by magic.”</p><p>“From nothing?”</p><p>Sometimes shapeshifters still surprise him.</p><p>“Nothing comes from nothing.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Returned (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson reunites with Grace and has dinner with her Storybrooke parents. (2,743 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Takes place immediately after Jefferson and Grace reunite in S2E3, “Lady of the Lake,” and references S2E2, “We Are Both.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Papa! You found me, I knew you would!”</p><p>Grace’s eyes lit up with joy. She ran into Jefferson’s arms, wrapping her own around his neck, and he could burst into tears right then - from the surge of relief that she recognized him - and looked<em> happy to see him </em> - mixed with guilt for what he’d done. Jefferson’s eyes watered and he held Grace tightly, picking her up and carrying her like he did when she was little. </p><p>Grace happily allowed him, and though she was heavier than when he last held her, he could carry her across mountains, if it meant they’d be together. But people were staring, so he put her down so they could walk hand in hand down the sidewalk. Grace leaned into him, and he had pictured this day for thirty years, while telling himself she would never look at him with such love ever again, and hate him for leaving. </p><p>But Henry was right, it was far worse not knowing.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Grace,” he said, voice thick with emotion. “I’m so sorry I kept you waiting.”</p><p>He hadn’t even begun to explain, yet Grace’s eyes were already forgiving.</p><p>“I love you,” he told her, squeezing her hand. “I love you <em> so much.” </em> </p><p>“I love you too, Papa,” she said. After a beat, she asked, “What happened to you?”</p><p>It was a big question Jefferson didn’t know how to answer. To his relief, Grace continued, “I want to know everything, but first I want you to come home and meet my--”</p><p>Grace hesitated, looking slightly guilty. She shouldn’t have to feel guilty for anything, he thought.</p><p>“Your parents,” Jefferson said kindly. “Yes, I’d like that.”</p><p>“My house isn’t far,” she said, dropping his hand to adjust her backpack on her shoulders. The loss of her touch saddened him, but Grace was there, she was real, and she <em> knew </em> him. Jefferson put his hands in his pockets. </p><p>“What’s your life like?” he asked, holding back the hundred other questions he wanted answered. “How’s school?”</p><p>“It’s good.”</p><p>“That’s good. What, uh, what did you learn today?” </p><p>“My last class was math. We’re learning fractions.” </p><p>“That’s interesting.”</p><p>“I’m getting good at multiplying, too.”</p><p>“I’m sure you are.” He bumped her shoulder affectionately, saying, “You’re a clever one.”</p><p>“Next year we start geometry.”</p><p>“That’s right,” Jefferson said, with some awe. “Time <em> moves </em> now.”</p><p>If Grace realized the gravity of what she’d just said, she didn’t show it. His daughter’s life would finally <em> begin. </em></p><p>And hopefully he’d be a part of it. </p><p>They arrived at Grace’s home, and Jefferson knew it well, having observed it for so long. But it was a new experience seeing it from Grace’s point of view. The house was modest - lightly colored, with two stories and shuttered windows - but still much larger than Jefferson’s cabin in the Enchanted Forest. There was a small lawn out front - and probably a larger one out back - with a brick walkway leading up to the door. It was unlocked - Grace opened the door and went inside, but Jefferson remained on the stoop. He felt anxious, his stomach in knots, because Grace was calling out for…</p><p>“Mom? Dad?” </p><p>Lacking any awkwardness whatsoever - (exactly like her mother, he thought with fond amusement) - Grace smiled at him. He heard the sound of approaching footsteps, then her parents appeared.</p><p>“Jefferson!” said Grace’s dad in happy surprise. </p><p>Grace’s mom was more blunt. </p><p>“Jefferson, we thought you were dead.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh.  </em>
</p><p>That made sense. The last they saw of him, he was leaving for the Evil Queen’s castle. For all they knew, he had been killed. </p><p>“I can explain,” Jefferson said.</p><p>“Come inside and we’ll talk,” said Grace’s mom.</p><p>They led Jefferson to a cozy living room, with a flatscreen TV and game console, a couch, and an armchair. Grace dropped her backpack on the floor and gestured to the chair, encouraging Jefferson to sit. He apprehensively remained standing in the doorway. </p><p>“Sit down, Papa.”</p><p>They all sat down, Grace and her parents on the couch facing him. Jefferson had stared down worse inquisitors before, and these were people who cared about him, yet his heart still beat faster. </p><p>“I can’t thank you enough,” Jefferson told them, “for everything you’ve done for Grace.” </p><p>He looked Grace’s mom in the eye first, then her dad, and realized he’d forgotten their names long ago.</p><p>“I’m sorry, but I’ve forgotten your names.”</p><p>“Call me Gillian,” said her mom.</p><p>“I’m Thomas.”</p><p>“Right,” said Jefferson. “Uh…”</p><p>Jefferson hadn’t thought this far ahead. Neither had they, it seemed. He could ask them a million questions and give them as many answers, but none of it felt appropriate to say in front of Grace. Explaining the full truth of what had happened - dumping all that on his daughter their first day would be cruel at worst and embarrassing at best.</p><p>“Stay over for dinner,” Gillian said. “We’re having spaghetti.” She smiled at Grace, then at Jefferson. “There will be plenty for everybody.”</p><p>Grace’s parents were behaving politely and friendly in a way that felt fake. But whatever distress the breaking of the Curse brought upon their psyches, the family had already dealt with it two days ago. Then Grace pinned a poster to the town bulletin board looking for him, which was surely no secret. </p><p>“I’d like that,” Jefferson said. </p><p>“Honey,” Thomas said to Grace, “go change and put your books away.” </p><p>Grace looked reluctant, like Jefferson would disappear again while she was upstairs. He gave her a reassuring smile. </p><p>“I’ll be right here,” he told her. </p><p>Grace hurried up the stairs, calling out, “Be right back!”</p><p>Once she was out of earshot, Thomas snapped, dropping the act, “By the gods, Jefferson, where were you?” </p><p>Jefferson sucked in a breath.</p><p>To recap as briefly and coherently as he could, he said, “I was in a parallel world called Wonderland. The Queen hired me to steal something for her. We traveled there together and she left me behind, taking our portal home.”</p><p>“What were you thinking?” asked Gillian, in the same tone as her husband’s. </p><p>“We needed the money,” Jefferson said. The couple looked doubtful, so he confessed, “<em>I wanted </em> the money.” Jefferson ran his fingers through his hair in agitation. “I wanted to give Grace the life she deserves. I asked the Queen to guarantee that Grace would want for nothing.” </p><p>He looked at them with an expression he hoped conveyed how grateful he was, despite their judgmental glares. He gestured to their TV, their nice furniture, their lovely home. </p><p>“The Queen kept her word,” he said. </p><p>“For <em> two years,” </em> said Gillian, shaking her head, “Grace was left wondering what happened.”</p><p>“Thirty years,” Jefferson said. “It’s been thirty.”</p><p>Thomas nodded soberly, saying, “That’s right, the Queen’s curse.”</p><p>“I lived it,” Jefferson said. “I lived all twenty-eight.”</p><p>Thomas and Gillian’s brows furrowed in confusion.</p><p>“She cursed me to live all twenty-eight years, just the two of us awake.”</p><p>“Oh my God,” said Gillian, eyes widening slightly in horror.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” said Thomas. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like.”</p><p>“We never aged, every year the same. I watched all of you forget, over and over. I spoke to Grace once, but never again, I assure you.”</p><p>“We understand,” said Gillian.</p><p>“No, you can’t," said Jefferson, "because there’s one other thing.”</p><p>“I’m back,” called Grace, coming down the stairs. </p><p>“You can tell us later,” said Thomas. </p><p>Jefferson spent the next few hours with Grace making up for lost time. He showed her the drawing she had pinned to the town bulletin board, so Grace shared with him a notebook full of other drawings. Jefferson wasn’t sure what to talk about, so he asked basic questions and listened to her speak. Grace showed him her Playstation, and Jefferson reacted with happy wonder, pretending he wasn’t familiar with every kind of console from over two decades of boredom.</p><p>“Paige!” her mom’s voice called from the kitchen, and Grace turned her head. </p><p>Jefferson’s stomach twisted. He had a flash of fear that when she looked back at him, Grace would forget who he was again. </p><p>But the girl smiled at Jefferson, no change in her eyes. She was just like him. She was both.</p><p>“Let’s go,” she said, standing up and heading for the dining room. She stopped. “Um, you don’t have to call me that,” she said. “What name should I call you?” she asked - a question that everyone in Storybrooke was probably asking each other.</p><p>“Papa,” he replied, his eyes starting to water again. “Just Papa.”</p><p>They all sat down, and her parents’ calm politeness was back. This time it seemed more genuine, now they knew what the Queen had done. </p><p>“This sauce is delicious,” Jefferson said. </p><p>Gillian chuckled, saying modestly, “It’s straight from the jar.”</p><p>“It’s good,” he repeated. </p><p>Grace described to her parents the video game they’d just played, sprinkling in stories of her and Jefferson’s games back home.</p><p>“I remember you running around out there,” Thomas said with a slight smile, meaning their games of hide and seek in the forest. </p><p><em> You’re good at running</em>, Jefferson’s other half said mockingly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jefferson said. “We had fun.”</p><p>“We run in gym class,” Grace said. “It’s not as fun when you have to do it for school.”</p><p>“I bet you’re fast,” said Jefferson. “Just like your mother.”</p><p>He and Gillian exchanged a quick look. </p><p>“Priscilla,” he clarified uncomfortably, though it was no secret, because he had compared Grace to her before. He had told Grace a few altered stories of their adventures, leaving out the criminal element and his ability to cross worlds.</p><p><em> If that ability were actually yours</em>, said his other half, <em> then you could have gone home. You’re nothing but a charlatan, in every life you’ve lived. </em></p><p>The Hatter stirred his pasta around his plate, tense and worried that Jefferson had said this out loud. </p><p>“Did I say something?” he asked.</p><p>“No,” said Thomas with a shrug. “Can you pass me the cheese?” </p><p>The Hatter nodded and handed it to him. </p><p>“Sometimes we do that,” he said nervously, then corrected himself, “Sometimes I do that. I’m used to living alone.”</p><p>He quickly shoved more pasta in his mouth, focusing on his plate and concentrating on the food. He counted in his head to ten, but staring at the tomato sauce reminded him of blood, and he dropped his fork with a clatter.</p><p>“Are you okay, Papa?” Grace asked with concern.</p><p>“I’m fine,” he replied shakily.</p><p>“It’s okay,” said Thomas. “It can be overwhelming.”</p><p>“You have no idea,” Jefferson muttered. More audibly, the Hatter said, “Yes, it can be. But it’s not because of you, Grace. It’s this curse.”</p><p>Grace nodded sympathetically. </p><p>With a slight smile, Gillian said, “In the Enchanted Forest, my name was Anna."</p><p>“In Storybrooke my name is Paul,” said Thomas. </p><p>“I prefer Grace, but I’ll still answer to Paige.”</p><p>A mix of relief and sadness washed over the portal jumper. These people understood. </p><p>“My name is Jefferson,” he said. “It always has been.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Jefferson,” said Gillian warmly. “So,” she asked slyly, “what is it you do?” </p><p>Jefferson exhaled a laugh. “I'm a venture capitalist.”</p><p>“In Storybrooke?” said Thomas doubtfully.</p><p>“I was on sabbatical, apparently. I live on that hill above the town.”</p><p><em> In the gaudy mansion big enough to be a hotel</em>, said his other half sardonically, partly quoting Emma Swan. The others laughed. This time Jefferson had said his thought out loud. He blushed with embarrassment. </p><p>“You live there all by yourself?” Grace asked. </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“It must get lonely,” she said.</p><p>“It does.” </p><p>He asked Grace’s parents what they did for work, what their Curse backstories were, and what they had been doing the past few months since Emma came to town. There was so much - too much - to discuss and catch up on, but they had lots of time ahead to get to know each other. </p><p>“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he told Grace at the door. She hugged him tightly, reluctant to let go. “I gave your parents my phone number,” he told her, caressing the back of her hair affectionately. “You can call me any time. I’ll see you tomorrow, I pr--”</p><p>“No more promises,” said Grace, and the harshness of her request shocked him. "Just be here."</p><p>“Can I walk her to school?” he asked Gillian, who stood behind her in the doorway. “I know she usually takes the bus.”</p><p>“Can he please?” Grace asked her.</p><p>“Of course,” said Gillian. “Now run upstairs and do your homework.”</p><p>Grace pouted, but did as she was told, giving Jefferson one last wave goodnight. </p><p>“Seven o’clock," said Gillian seriously. "Don’t be late.”</p><p>“I won’t leave her waiting ever again.”</p><p>Gillian sighed. “Don’t make promises you don't know if you can keep." Seeing Jefferson’s hurt look, she added, “We’ll figure this out. Get some sleep.”</p><p>“I don’t sleep well in this world."</p><p>“You’ll sleep tonight,” Gillian said reassuringly. “Goodnight, Jefferson.”</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>Jefferson began the long walk back to his house - his car had been wrecked by the wraith that Rumplestiltskin sicced on Regina. Technically, it was Jefferson’s fault - like many of the things that had happened - since he was the one who released Belle from her prison in Storybrooke Hospital. Jefferson had banked on Rumplestiltskin getting revenge on Regina and killing her for him. It wasn’t out of love for her that Jefferson couldn’t kill Regina. He had never been capable of murder.</p><p>So the wraith flipped his car in a fateful crash that made him reconsider seeking out Grace. Jefferson spent a whole night trapped inside that car - unable to move, with hours to think - before David finally rescued him. Before David immediately started grilling Jefferson for information about that wretched <em> Hat.  </em></p><p>“Double the pain, double the suffering,” Jefferson told him, flipping their table and fleeing the diner. Jefferson owed these people nothing. Retrieving the apple that poisoned Henry was the last action he would take for <em> any </em> of the royal family, good or bad. </p><p>Besides, somebody destroyed the Hat while attempting to use it. Jefferson had considered burning it 36 years ago, after Priscilla died. He should have done it right then, and none of this would have happened. </p><p>Or Regina would have found a different way to rescue her father from Wonderland, and they would still be cursed. But Jefferson was done obsessing over all the paths his life could have taken.</p><p>The boy he had poisoned smiled up at him - unaware of Jefferson’s role - and told him to seek out Grace, so he did. The kid was right, it was better knowing.</p><p><em> I told you so</em>, said his other half. <em> It’s better this way. </em></p><p>“Yes it is,” he replied. They were out of town on the uphill road, now. </p><p>“It doesn’t make us any less crazy,” Jefferson said out loud. “But at least you and your daughter have something in common.”</p><p>“What's that?” asked the Hatter.</p><p>“She still answers to Paige,” said Jefferson, with a slight wicked smile. “Isn’t <em> that </em> something?”</p><p>“Quiet,” the Hatter snapped. </p><p>“It’s true, what we told David,” Jefferson continued. “We’re stuck like this. <em> All </em>of us.”</p><p>“No,” said the Hatter. “The Curse is broken. It’s over.”</p><p>“Lie to yourself all you want, just don’t lie to Grace’s parents.”</p><p>They reached the house and went inside. Looking around, the Hatter considered what to change and what to keep the same. He had set up a bedroom for Grace long ago, in preparation for their reunion. He would have to launder the blankets and clean off some dust. Add a flatscreen and one of those game consoles she liked. A collection of art supplies, and all the things Grace may need or want. More colored pencils and a few less stuffed animals. Or maybe she had a whole collection of them here. He knew nothing about Grace’s life in Storybrooke.</p><p>“All in good time,” he thought aloud.</p><p>Which half spoke now didn’t matter - the Jefferson who mocked any happy swell of hope was cynical, thinking the worst so he could never be disappointed, but he still supported the Hatter’s plan to be a father. He had no choice in the matter.</p><p>Well...he had <em> some </em> choice.</p><p>“If you sabotage this, I’ll kill you,” the Hatter said.</p><p>“That’s fine,” Jefferson said blithely, pouring himself a drink. “I’ve tried that before.”</p><p>They set their alarm for 5:30 a.m. and went to bed. Gillian was wrong - they didn’t sleep well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Answered (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The day after Jefferson and his daughter Grace reunite in <a href="#section0028">Chapter 28</a>, he tells her Storybrooke parents everything. (3,285 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>References events from the graphic tie-in novel “Out of the Past,” in which Jefferson’s wife Priscilla dies. This also references Michelle, an OC from past chapters of <i>this</i> fanfic.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That first morning, Jefferson showed up early at Grace’s house to walk her to school. The weather was slightly chilly and he wished he still had his car - he would have to buy a new one. Whatever phantom bank account Storybrooke’s Jefferson still had should have enough money to pay in cash. </p><p>He was surprised he didn’t have a whole collection of cars inside some huge garage - maybe he’d lost them to other crashes long ago. Memories were erased each year, but Storybrooke’s citizens still had to buy things. Food and merchandise magically appeared in all of Storybrooke’s stores and restaurants, but the only things that changed by themselves within his home were his electronics, updating themselves to match the outside world.</p><p>In nice weather, their walks to school were lovely, and gave Jefferson more time to get to know Grace. How strange, he thought, that they would need to reacquaint themselves. But he understood the presence of a Storybrooke mind all too well, and if Paige was still there inside his daughter, he had no right to judge any slip of memory or difference in personality. </p><p>He’d also missed two years of her life in the Enchanted Forest.</p><p>Through their conversations, he discovered Paige was well-educated, in a way Jefferson could not provide Grace back home. Jefferson had little income there, because he wasn’t even a proper farmer. He was a mushroom seller, who used his old ability to find valuable items to his advantage, but a forager all the same. People at the marketplace would pay, but it was still not enough to buy Grace all the books, paper and ink he needed to teach her. (His late wife Priscilla would have made a better tutor anyway.) Luckily there was a small school in their village, and Grace received instruction there. But Jefferson was always reluctant to let her go alone - spending the time he could be working lingering outside her school waiting. </p><p>Jefferson attended a similar school as a child, but received most of his education late in his adolescence, after acquiring the Hat. While stealing from mages and scribes, it helped to know what he was actually stealing, so he sought instruction from these adults, pretending he was merely curious about the world. </p><p>These scholars would teach him all about magic, but also mathematics, science, languages and history, on top of his basic reading and writing skills. And Jefferson would earnestly thank them, before sneaking through a portal with their tomes in his bag, selling them off in other realms to the highest bidders.</p><p>Storybrooke’s Jefferson had gone to college and business school, but was an even worse teacher than the Hatter would have been, with little patience for children. The Hatter, on the other hand, had loved the time he spent with Grace showing her all the plants and bugs and animals of the forest, sharing all he knew about nature. But he left out many things about the multiverse. He wanted a normal life for his daughter, and if she grew up to be anything like her mother, such stories would pique her curiosity to the point she would insist that he take her. And after her mother was killed, Jefferson swore he would never enter a portal ever again.</p><p>Grace’s fabricated memories contained all that Paige had learned at Storybrooke Elementary - knowledge given her by powerful magic Jefferson still could not comprehend - and he was glad of it, because every fact she shared with him filled him with more and more pride. Paige was a smart kid, and she and Grace were the same person.</p><p><em> Just like us</em>, said his other half. <em> Our brain contains a plethora of useless knowledge. Are you planning on funding another tech start-up any time soon?  </em></p><p>“I’ll meet you right here after school,” Jefferson told her, giving Grace one last hug before she went inside. </p><p>“See you, Papa,” she said. </p><p>Jefferson watched her go, almost disbelieving he could finally speak with her. One of Jefferson’s earliest days in Storybrooke, he found Paige in town and frightened her - an experience he never wanted to repeat, so he watched her from afar. Even then, his attention raised the concern of her parents, teachers, and townspeople. Jefferson got better at staying hidden, then. He set up his telescope, spying on the family from a farther distance. But Grace was not his only fixation - he also used the telescope to spy on everyone else.</p><p>Unfortunately, he could not see Regina’s home, with too many buildings and trees in the way. He had to stalk Regina on the ground. But that was all behind him, now. </p><p>He and Grace’s parents had exchanged phone numbers, so he called her house, hoping they were there and not at work.</p><p>Grace’s dad Thomas picked up the phone. </p><p>“Hello,” he said. </p><p>“It’s Jefferson.”</p><p>“Hey, Jefferson. Did Grace make it to school on time?”</p><p>“Yes, she just went inside. Look, I need to speak with you. Is Gillian there?”</p><p>“She is.”</p><p>“Good, um, good. Uh, I think we have...I think we should...You probably have lots of questions.”</p><p>“We do. If you’d like to come by now, we have the time to talk.”</p><p>“Thank you. I’ll be right there.”</p><p>“See you soon,” said Thomas, hanging up.</p><p>“That wasn’t so bad,” Jefferson muttered to himself. He almost asked his other half how it had sounded, but the man would surely scoff at how well things were going, and tease him that he was going to fuck it up.</p><p>But his other self stayed silent, and maybe the Curse breaking meant he was gone for good. Only his knowledge remained, and not his personality.</p><p>Besides, that voice could be Jefferson’s own anxiety, which every person had. What had Michelle told him once? Everybody’s human?</p><p>“Michelle’s not real,” he reminded himself, though it really shouldn’t matter. Jefferson had met so many people over the course of his long life, and every one of them provided at least a little wisdom. And he had said it to Emma himself - every person in Storybrooke was a character in someone else’s fairytale. So who was to say Michelle did not exist in another world?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It wasn’t far to Grace’s house. Pausing on the stoop, Jefferson took a few deep breaths, counting upwards to ten, preparing himself for their conversation. He rang the doorbell, and Thomas answered the door - Grace’s other dad. </p><p>“Come in,” he said, and Jefferson entered, walking down the hall to their familiar living room.</p><p>Gillian was there and said, “Hello, Jefferson.”</p><p>“Hello. Thank you again for inviting me."</p><p>“Of course,” said Thomas, sitting down on the couch.</p><p>Gillian asked, “Would you like me to make some tea?” </p><p>Jefferson gave her a shaky smile. </p><p>“I’d love some.”</p><p>She returned his smile, and with a small nod, disappeared into the kitchen. </p><p>“Please sit,” said Thomas, gesturing to the same armchair he’d sat yesterday.</p><p>“Is there somewhere I can hang my coat?” </p><p>“There’s a coat rack in the hall."</p><p>Jefferson hung it himself, then returned and sat down. </p><p>“Um,” said Jefferson. “I’m not sure where to begin.”</p><p>“Me neither,” said Thomas, in a reassuring tone.</p><p>They just looked at each other - Jefferson feeling awkward, hoping Thomas felt the same. His stomach tightened, and he feared what the couple might say - mostly that he was a terrible parent. They’d had little time to share their feelings with him the night before, and Jefferson knew Grace deserved an explanation for his whereabouts as well.</p><p>Gillian returned carrying a tray with three mugs of tea. </p><p>“I can get you some sugar and milk, if you’d like.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” said Jefferson, taking a sip, his hand shaking slightly. The warmth felt good in his mouth. It was basic and black, with a hint of orange pekoe.</p><p>“Thank you,” he said again. “Really.”</p><p>“You’ve thanked us enough,” said Thomas.</p><p>Jefferson started, “So, um, last night--”</p><p>“You said you were in a world called Wonderland,” said Thomas. “Where is this place, and why were you there?”</p><p>“There are...many things you don’t know about me,” said Jefferson, wrapping both hands around his mug, unsure what else to do with them. </p><p>“Start at the very beginning,” Gillian said. </p><p>Jefferson paused, taking a breath. It was best to rip the bandage off now, he thought.</p><p>“Before I moved to our village, I lived many miles away with Grace and her mother Priscilla. When Grace was two years old, her mother was killed rescuing me from a man called the March Hare.”</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“How--?”</p><p>The couple looked shocked, unaware since they met that Jefferson had been involved in anything so dangerous. </p><p>“Why did this man kill her?” Thomas asked.</p><p>Jefferson looked down at his feet. His chest tightened and his eyes began to water. He shouldn’t have to tell them, he thought. None of this had anything to do with Wonderland.</p><p>“Grace has no idea,” he said, instead of answering Thomas’ question. “I told her that her mother saved my life, but I said it was something like...like I fell in a lake, or a river or something - I don’t remember - and her mother swam to my rescue. I should never have even told her that.”</p><p>“Jefferson,” Gillian asked firmly, “why was she killed?” </p><p>“Because I stole something from him and he wanted it back.”</p><p><em> But he stole it from you first</em>, said Jefferson’s other self. <em> Lie, </em> the voice said. <em> Say it was just the Clock</em>. <em> They’ll understand that. </em></p><p>“My wife and I used to be thieves,” he said. “Until she got pregnant. We had a house built, but after two years, we had spent all our savings. We were so deep in debt that I decided to go on one last job.”</p><p>The couple stared at him so judgmentally that Jefferson couldn’t look directly at them. He focused on his tea and the reflection within it - but those eyes on him were worse, so he set the mug on the coffee table. He glanced up at the couple. They were honest folks and had made good neighbors - the sort of people who wouldn’t help a criminal. </p><p>“The man had a magical artifact called the Clock of Evermore that allows its user to control time. I thought I could sell it, so we could keep the house, but I was captured. Priscilla came to rescue me, and was shot in the back as we made our escape. She died in my arms.”</p><p><em> Don’t forget the Hat, </em> said Jefferson’s other half mockingly. <em> Such an important detail to leave out. </em></p><p>“I’m sorry,” said Gillian, fetching tissues for him, because Jefferson was crying now, head in his hands. </p><p><em> I have to tell them</em>, he thought, but admitting he had taken something he didn’t even need filled him with such agonizing guilt that his mind resisted remembering.</p><p><em> “</em>And the Hat,” he blurted. “My Hat. I just--She followed me--but I needed it, I needed it back!”</p><p>Jefferson sucked in a ragged breath.</p><p>“Oh God,” he moaned. “He took it ‘cause it’s…”</p><p>“Breathe,” said Thomas.</p><p>“A portal. It makes portals.”</p><p>Gillian made a soothing noise, saying, “You’re okay.”</p><p>“I took it back, so he killed her. He killed her!”</p><p><em> Don’t worry, </em> said his other self. <em> They’ll think you needed the money from selling that, too. They don’t have to know you’re just a selfish, greedy fuck-up with too much pride. </em></p><p>“These magical artifacts,” said Thomas. “You needed the money for your family.”</p><p>“Yes, yes!” Jefferson said, pointing at the man, like Thomas had just answered a trivia question correctly.</p><p><em> But you didn’t need the Hat, </em> his other half said. <em> You could have burned it, and none of this would have happened. </em></p><p>“I understand,” said Gillian. “Wanting to provide for your child.”</p><p>“You--” Jefferson started to say she couldn’t really understand, but bit his tongue.</p><p><em> Lie</em>, he remembered the White Rabbit saying, and his old mentor and Storybrooke’s Jefferson had that advice in common.</p><p>“And that’s why you went to Wonderland,” said Thomas.</p><p><em> Once a thief, always a thief, </em>but this time it was the Hatter’s own guilt speaking.</p><p>Jefferson had already explained the night before that he left for Wonderland to steal something for the Queen, but didn’t elaborate on what it was.</p><p>“What did the Queen want you to steal?” asked Gillian. </p><p>Jefferson had stopped crying - though tears still streaked his face - and this he could answer more coherently.</p><p>“She didn’t tell me. It turned out she had gone to rescue her father, but only two people could pass through the portal we used to get there. If she wanted to take him back with her, she had to leave me behind.”</p><p>The couple nodded, their eyes still judging, while their brows expressed more sympathy. </p><p>“She tricked me,” he said firmly. “I didn’t know.”</p><p>The couple exchanged a glance, like he had been too easily fooled.</p><p>“How did she know you could make portals?” asked Thomas.</p><p>Jefferson tensed. “Why?”</p><p>“We’re going to be raising Grace together,” said Thomas. “I think it’s important we know these things about each other.”</p><p>Jefferson’s heart beat faster, fear creeping over him. Were they going to take Grace away because of this? </p><p>“So, you could use magic?” Gillian asked curiously. “Were you a wizard?”</p><p>"I was a portal jumper. We're called Jumpers." Jefferson made a frustrated noise. "But I can't <em>make</em> them on my own. Believe me, I've tried <em>hundreds</em> of times<em>.</em> The Queen stole from me the item I used to travel."</p><p>“But you were in hiding,” said Thomas. “How did the Queen even know who you were?”</p><p>With agitation, Jefferson said dryly, “I have an impressive résumé. How is that relevant?”</p><p>“The Queen is here in town,” Thomas said. “We need to know if any of this affects Grace.”</p><p>“You’re not her father!” Jefferson snapped.</p><p>“I’m her <em> dad,” </em> said Thomas. “We’re in this together.”</p><p>“I used to work for the Queen,” said Jefferson simply, and all he had to do was leave it at that. But Storybrooke’s Jefferson had the drive to sabotage, and added, “And we were friends, a long time ago.”</p><p>“And now?” asked Gillian.</p><p>“Of course not!” Jefferson shouted. “Why would I be friends with the woman who <em> ruined my life?”</em></p><p>“Last night you said the two of you were ‘awake’ for twenty-eight years,” said Thomas. “Whatever that means.”</p><p>“Is Grace in any danger?” asked Gillian.</p><p>Jefferson leapt to his feet. </p><p>“We’re not together!” he yelled.</p><p><em> “Were </em> you?” asked Thomas. </p><p>Thomas stood up - they were of equal height, and the man could probably win a fight, in Jefferson’s current state. He had been a decent fighter back in the day, though he was always more skilled at running. He’d be a better one now, after years of bored exercise, but punching his daughter’s dad of thirty years would exclude Jefferson from Grace’s life forever.</p><p>“Yes,” he confessed miserably, because what was the point of hiding it now? With a raised voice and in a more sarcastic tone, Jefferson said, “That’s how we know each other, that’s why I kept my memories, that’s why any of this happened.” </p><p>Jefferson made a sweeping gesture to their house, and out the window to the town. Sure, it was all Rumplestiltskin’s doing, and Regina rested the blame on Snow White, but sleeping with an unstable sorceress during her formative years hadn’t helped.</p><p>“Okay,” said Gillian, motioning for the two of them to sit. “It’s okay,” she said, as though talking to a skittish animal, and Jefferson returned to his chair. She was lying - none of what he had just said was okay. But how else could someone respond to such an admission?</p><p>After a beat, Jefferson asked, “So what happens now?”</p><p>All three of them calmer, Thomas said, “Now we can get started on planning Grace’s future.”</p><p>“Before we begin, there’s something else you should know,” Jefferson said. “My memories...You know how the Curse gave us two sets of memories?"</p><p>“Yes,” said Gillian.</p><p>“I’ve had them for twenty-eight years, and the other me is…” Jefferson chuckled mirthlessly. “Well, he’s kind of an asshole.”</p><p>Thomas tilted his head, with an expression saying Jefferson was enough of an asshole already.</p><p>“Sometimes I’m him, and sometimes he’s me,” said Jefferson. “I know you feel the same, but we’ve been together for so long, it’s become difficult to tell us apart.”</p><p>Gillian said, “I think we’re all going through it,” and she clearly was, choosing to keep her Storybrooke name.</p><p>Jefferson shook his head. “It’s different living with it for decades.”</p><p>“One day at a time,” said Thomas. “Let’s have something to eat.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They reheated their tea, had some food, and talked some more about Grace and her future. </p><p>Before picking Grace up from school, Jefferson revealed one more thing to her parents.</p><p>“While I was in Wonderland, the Queen of Hearts used a magical blade to sever my head from my body.”</p><p>He showed them the scar on his neck, and it horrified them, though their reactions were not as severe as to the rest of Jefferson’s history.</p><p>“As you can see, they reattached it.” Sadly, he said, “My time there was traumatic, but you’ve heard enough about me today. I still know so little about you.”</p><p>“We’ll talk more tomorrow,” said Gillian. “But tonight you must tell Grace why you were in Wonderland.”</p><p>Jefferson walked Grace home from school that afternoon. Waiting for her outside Storybrooke Elementary, half of him wanted to run. The urge to flee from all this pain and responsibility seized his heart, but Jefferson stuffed down his fear, like he had when Priscilla died, to show strength and provide support for Grace. Jefferson needed to tell his daughter what happened in Wonderland. A condensed, sanitized version, but he would show her his scar tonight. He couldn’t hide that from her.</p><p>"Does it hurt?" Grace asked about the ring around his neck.</p><p>"Only sometimes.”</p><p>"What happened to you?" Grace asked tearfully. Jefferson had explained where he was and why he left, but not what the Queen of Hearts did to him.</p><p>“When the Mayor left me behind, the Queen of Hearts captured me. She used a magical blade to cut off my head.”</p><p>“Why?” asked Grace, eyes wide with horror.</p><p>“To scare me,” said Jefferson, “so I would answer her questions.”</p><p>“That’s terrible!” Grace said, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry, Papa!”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry,” he said, rubbing her back. “Don’t ever be sorry.”</p><p>Exhausted and emotionally drained, Jefferson called a taxi back to his house. His bitter half stayed silent, allowing him to rest. He was thankful. Maybe the Curse had broken completely tonight, and they would all keep their knowledge of this world, but not the memories. </p><p>Or not, because Jefferson had the urge to call Michelle. He sat down and pretended to email her, and it was more like writing a diary, which was therapeutic on its own. </p><p>“Life in Storybrooke is more complex than I thought,” he wrote, “and just as stressful as the city. You’d hate it here.”</p><p>He composed a couple more paragraphs and didn’t hit send. Jefferson shut off his computer and changed into more comfortable clothes, then brewed some chamomile tea. He sipped it slowly, pondering whatever came next. Yet it didn’t fill him with as much anxiety as before. There were two other people in his daughter's life now, whether he liked it or not, and all things considered, it was probably a good thing.</p><p>Jefferson idly touched the scar around his neck with his fingertips - a tangible reminder of all his past mistakes. Then he took a few more sips of tea, turned off the lights, and went to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. A World Grown Cold (Jefferson/Priscilla)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After his wife Priscilla is killed, Jefferson returns home to their two-year-old daughter Grace.</p><p>This chapter picks up immediately after Priscilla’s death in the tie-in graphic novel “Out of the Past." It recounts those first few minutes, then continues into that night and the following day. It features an original male character, and a brief appearance by another famous jumper. (5,229 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In 2015, Marvel published a tie-in graphic novel for Once Upon a Time, written by Kalinda Vazquez and Corinna Bechko, called “<a href="https://onceuponatime.fandom.com/wiki/Out_of_the_Past">Out of the Past</a>.”  It is a short anthology of four stories. The fourth one is titled “Tea Party in March," and tells the story of how Jefferson met Grace’s mother and how she died.</p><p>My original character Rick is a Khajiit who first appeared in <a href="#section0006">Chapter 6</a> of this fanfic, who is an old friend of Jefferson’s. Khajiit are a race of cat-like people from the Elder Scrolls games. (He doesn’t have a traditional Khajiit name because of a joke in Chapter 6, but keeps the name here.)</p><p>The song Rick sings to Grace is called "Dancing Among the Flowers Fine." I found the lyrics on <a href="https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Music#Khajiit_Songs">this Elder Scrolls wiki</a>.  Here are two videos of <a href="https://youtu.be/Gh0lbYrGfH8">male</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/ftE7VXEwGNg">female</a> characters singing the song in-game.</p><p>Percy the White Rabbit comes from the spin-off series Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, and first appeared in Chapters <a href="#section0016">16</a> and <a href="#section0017">17</a> of this fanfic.</p><p>My description of Jefferson and Priscilla’s house is based on the illustrations in “Tea Party in March.” Victorian England is featured twice in canon - Alice comes from there in the spin-off series Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, and so do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, characters from Season 6 of Once Upon a Time.</p><p>The title "A World Grown Cold" is a slightly altered lyric from the song <a href="https://youtu.be/-I-j-ehNUlo">Gone Away</a> by The Offspring.</p><p>Jefferson’s first line comes from Priscilla's death scene in “Tea Party in March.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>A World Grown Cold</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye, Priscilla. You’ll always be my most precious treasure.”</p><p>Jefferson chokes out the words through racking sobs, but she's already gone. </p><p>Their pursuer - the March Hare - peers through the widening hole in the wooden door between them and barks orders at his henchmen.<em> (Get him, stop them, stop her bleeding, move that corpse!) </em> Jefferson, still clutching his wife’s body and kissing her face, closes his eyes and reaches for the Hat. Its ancient magic courses through the portal jumper - (<em>no, the magic isn’t channeled through him, it never has; the magic wraps around him, carrying him like an ocean wave) - </em> as soon as he touches its brim. </p><p>Somehow the artifact knows what Jefferson needs. There's no swirling purple vortex or chasm in the floor - the cloud of magic envelops Jefferson’s body, then he and the Hat are gone. </p><p>Jefferson rematerializes in the Portal of Doors alone, curled up on his side. Opening his eyes, he is surrounded by red. It takes a second to remember he's inside the Hat. <em> (No, this room is not inside the Hat. It's in the space between spaces, somewhere within the in-between.) </em> He closes his eyes again - <em> (there's so much red!) - </em>presses his cheek against the cool, black marble floor and cries. </p><p>Minutes pass, and Jefferson rolls onto his back to gaze at the dark void that substitutes the chamber’s ceiling. His abdomen aches from sobbing, but he forces himself up. </p><p>Priscilla’s blood cakes his hands. Jefferson removes his ruby scarf and frantically wipes his skin, but the blood has dried. With no liquid but his tears, there's no washing off the grim reminder his true love is dead. </p><p>How many times over the years has he fled to this room, for it to serve as his refuge? Old friend, indeed. He could spend days here mourning and the Hat would let him. But time passes in this room concurrently with time in the Enchanted Forest, and time in Wonderland passes unpredictably. How long has Priscilla been on her rescue mission, away from their daughter Grace?</p><p>Fear seizes Jefferson, overpowering his grief. He leaps to his feet and starts to run. He's been Jumping for so long that he can transition from inside the Hat to the Enchanted Forest as effortlessly as an Azerothian mage teleporting.<em> (Or two certain sorcerers he can name.) </em> Jefferson imagines his family’s home and he is there. </p><p>The Hat reappears between his fingers and he chucks it away from him. No more distractions. Never again.</p><p>The house Jefferson and Priscilla had built - <em> (they were so naive, so careless, so young and ambitious) - </em>is a three-story structure modeled after homes he saw in another world. He visited more than one version of England, but this one’s queen was named Victoria, so that's what Jefferson called it. His and Priscilla’s clothing was tailored in the Victorian style as well, which sometimes garnered strange looks from other Enchanted Forest residents, but pleased them.</p><p>The house looms over him and is much larger than they needed. But Jefferson remembers strolling through that other world’s streets with Priscilla and excitedly pointing at various buildings, fantasizing out loud about their future. </p><p>“Grace! <em> Grace!” </em></p><p>He almost expects Priscilla to walk onto that porch - chiding him for shouting so loudly, enough to wake the baby - but one of their oldest friends appears instead. Sensing something is horribly wrong, he halts Jefferson on the stairs.</p><p>Jefferson is alarmed at first, seeing a man emerge with Grace alone in the house, then recognizes his friend's distinct silhouette - Rick, a Khajiit that Jefferson met in Skyrim. They lived together briefly, long ago, but Jefferson made decisions that led Rick to distance himself from the reckless portal jumper. Until Jefferson chose a life with Priscilla. They reconnected after that.</p><p>Rick has a masculine, humanoid body with the facial features and tail of a cat, with fur similar to a light-brown mountain lion's. He dresses like an average Enchanted Forest commoner, in a green tunic with dark brown trousers. Rick is not his given name, but it's one he goes by among their friends.</p><p>“Jefferson!”</p><p>“Where’s Grace?”</p><p>“She’s asleep, taking her afternoon nap. What happened?”</p><p>Breathing heavily from his sprint and throat still hoarse from crying, Jefferson struggles to vocalize the last agonizing hour of his life. The final hour of <em> Priscilla’s </em> life. </p><p>His appearance says enough. Looking him over, Rick's eyes widen in alarm.</p><p>“Jefferson, your hands.”</p><p>Jefferson holds them up, turning them to inspect both sides. After wiping them on his scarf, it's now a fading red stain, but unmistakably blood. </p><p>Rick hurriedly fetches the watering can they keep on the porch for their flowers - <em> (ordinary ones, that are un-magical and unable to speak in riddles) </em>- and pours the water over Jefferson’s fingers. Jefferson tosses his soiled scarf on the ground. Its stench turns his stomach.</p><p>“Where is he?” </p><p>Rick tenses. </p><p>“Jefferson…”</p><p>Icily, Jefferson repeats the question.</p><p>“Where. Is. He?”</p><p>“Out back. He’s been keeping that portal open for hours.”</p><p>Jefferson flies off the porch.</p><p><em> “RABBIT!” </em> </p><p>Just behind the house, hovering above patchy browning grass, there is a bright, swirling, blue and white portal. A three foot tall, humanoid rabbit stands in front - wearing a white suit and black bowler hat - steadily rotating his hands in a stirring motion. His back is turned to Jefferson, who would hear the rabbit panting in exhaustion, if not for the blood pounding in his ears. </p><p>The rabbit turns his head, his red eyes widening behind round magenta glasses. </p><p>“Jefferson, you’re back! Where’s Priscilla?”</p><p>Storming across the lawn towards his old mentor, Jefferson barely resists the urge to grab him by the ears and shake him.</p><p>“She’s <em> dead!” </em> he shouts, pointing aggressively at the rabbit. “<em>Killed, </em> because of you!”</p><p>The rabbit - Percy - drops his arms, allowing the portal to shrink to a blue dot and close. Turning around, he says in breathless shock, “What?”</p><p>“How could you let her go alone?” Jefferson demands furiously, spitting, “You’re <em> that much </em> of a coward?”</p><p>Percy holds up his hands in protest.</p><p>“Jefferson--” </p><p>“You’re so powerful and so wise,” Jefferson says, voice dripping with sarcasm, “afraid of losing a couple of <em> ears?” </em></p><p>Percy’s posture stiffens - remorseless and matter-of-fact.</p><p>“Priscilla insisted on going. She <em> begged </em> me for a portal.”</p><p>Stepping closer - towering above him and twice the rabbit’s height - Jefferson asks, “How much did she pay you?”</p><p>Percy doesn’t back down, snapping, “You know what she’s like. She’s as stubborn as you are!”</p><p>“She <em> was</em>. Because she’s dead. Because <em> you </em> killed her!”</p><p>Jefferson steps back, clenching his fists and restlessly pacing while Percy makes his excuses.</p><p>“She wouldn’t have gone if you hadn’t disappeared. No note? No idea where you were or when you’d be back? William’s letter was her only clue.”</p><p>“All the more reason not to let her go alone.” Miserably, Jefferson asks, “How <em> could </em> you?”</p><p>“It’s not my fault, Jefferson, it’s <em> yours.” </em></p><p>Jefferson’s stomach tightens. He can feel tears welling up, but he can’t cry in front of Percy.</p><p>Percy continues, scolding and judgmental. </p><p>“What were <em> you </em> thinking, going alone? You weren’t, were you? Thought you’d be in and out like a ghost. No strategy, no backup. Just you and that silly hat.”</p><p><em> “Fuck you, </em> Percy!”</p><p>“You know I’m right.”</p><p>Chuckling mirthlessly, Jefferson gestures skyward, saying with mock reverence, “What a pedestal you stand on, knowing better than everyone else!” Jefferson scowls and says coldly, “You’re a <em> pest, </em> Rabbit, like <em> all </em>your kind. Digging your holes.”</p><p>“Jefferson, listen to me,” Percy insists. “<em>You leaving </em>is the reason Priscilla asked for my help.”</p><p>“So that’s it?” Jefferson says in disbelief. “No apology, no remorse? Just <em> lecturing </em> me again?”</p><p>Soberly, Percy replies, “I’m sorry this happened, Jefferson. Truly, I am.”</p><p>Jefferson jabs a finger at the rabbit.</p><p><em> “Not </em>good enough.”</p><p>Percy makes a frustrated noise.</p><p>“I don’t know what else to tell you. You were missing for three days and she started to worry. She knew you’d gone after the Clock and tracked me down to find you.”</p><p>Jefferson’s stomach drops.</p><p>
  <em> Three days…Three days…It’s only been three days? </em>
</p><p>The thought flashes through Jefferson's mind that he should be thankful he's been gone for such a short time. If he had been missing for months? He can’t imagine what anguish that would have put his family through.</p><p>
  <em> But it’s been six months. </em>
</p><p>“It’s been three days?” he asks. Percy doesn’t pick up on his confusion.</p><p>“A week, now,” the rabbit says. Disdainfully, he adds, “She never planned very far ahead either.”</p><p>Shaking off his surprise at the timeline, Jefferson hears Percy is now putting the fault on Priscilla. Suppressing his rage - before he does another thing he’ll regret - Jefferson tells the rabbit firmly, “You need to leave right now.”</p><p>“Jefferson--”</p><p>“Go!” he shouts, pointing away from the house. Percy doesn’t argue - he raises his arms, casting his spell that opens portals. </p><p>At first it appears as a dot above the ground, then a circle - a hole in space. Its edges rapidly expand outward in a way Jefferson knows intimately. He can <em> feel </em>that ancient magic. It crackles like electricity around their bodies, but also feels like pressurized air. It takes his breath away, sometimes.</p><p>He can taste it too, and here magic has a copper quality. In other lands, it smells like petrichor, in a few realms like sulphur, and in some places like flowers. In Wonderland - a world full of beautiful, aromatic plants - magic tastes like iron.</p><p>The White Rabbit’s hole grows just big enough to fit himself. Before he steps into it, Jefferson says, “Percy.” The rabbit’s ears perk up and he turns his head.</p><p>Solemnly, Jefferson tells him, “I’m never accepting help from you or your kind ever again.”</p><p>Percy says nothing and steps into his portal. His body vanishes in a flash of white light, and the vortex shrinks then closes. It disappears, leaving nothing but a slight breeze behind.</p><p><br/>
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<hr/><p><br/>
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</p><p>How long has Priscilla been dead? Less than twenty minutes? It feels longer. Still dizzy with the shock - and worked up from his fight with Percy - Jefferson needs to sit down. He wants to collapse, but has to make sure his daughter is okay.</p><p>Rick has left the porch - he has probably gone in to check on Grace.</p><p>Jefferson steps inside and Rick is standing near the door, at the bottom of the central staircase. He is carrying a fidgeting Grace in his arms. She’s big now, at two years old - bigger than the last time Rick watched her. But she’s comfortable, being held by him. Grace calls him “Kitty.”</p><p>Jefferson can tell his friend’s trying his best to soothe her, but as soon as she sees Jefferson, Grace reaches out to him, saying, “Papa!”</p><p>“She heard you shouting."</p><p>Jefferson approaches them slowly, quietly telling her, “I’m sorry, Grace. I didn’t mean to wake you.”</p><p>“Where’s Mommy?” she asks, with a slight frown.</p><p>The question is a gutpunch, and Jefferson’s instinct is to reassure Grace that her mother will be home soon. But he glances at Rick - a person tragically familiar with losing family - and the Khajiit subtly shakes his head. <em> Don’t. </em></p><p>Jefferson freezes, and he can’t look his own daughter in the eye. He doesn’t know what to do. She’s still just a baby. <em> Are you supposed to tell babies? </em></p><p>“Papa?”</p><p>Jefferson exchanges another meaningful look with Rick, pleading for a hint of what to do, but he says nothing. He can’t, because Grace is listening intently. She’s looking at Jefferson with some puzzlement. The silence is tense and uncomfortable.</p><p>Jefferson had been much older - “on the verge of manhood” - when his own mother died, and the circumstances were different. He was bluntly told by a stranger she was dead, but by that age, Jefferson knew what death <em> was. </em> He knows you’re supposed to tell children the truth, but how can you tell a baby, who won’t understand? </p><p>So he blurts it. </p><p>“Mommy’s dead, sweetheart.”</p><p>Grace doesn’t know the word, so she still looks confused. </p><p>Rick nods his approval, and Jefferson struggles to think of a further explanation that isn’t a lie. Earlier, he lay in the Portal of Doors, clutching his stomach and grieving, and vowed not to make promises he can’t keep again. That includes giving his daughter false hope her mother will return. He’s done that to someone before.</p><p>“She’s dead and she isn’t coming back. Mommy died, and dying means...It’s when a person’s body stops working and isn’t alive anymore. Mommy can’t come back because she isn’t alive.”</p><p>He thinks Grace has some idea how bodies work and what being alive means, and hopes she understands. She seems to get it - which breaks his heart - and Grace looks upset. She squirms in Rick’s arms, reaching out for Jefferson, so Rick hands her to him.</p><p>“Why?” she asks.</p><p>“Because she saved me!” Jefferson says, eyes watering. “She died doing something very brave so I could come home to you.”</p><p>“Mommy’s not coming home?”</p><p>“She <em> can’t </em>come home.”</p><p>Jefferson hugs Grace closer. He fears she can smell the stench of her mother’s blood on his skin and clothes, but she needs his affection - and he needs hers.</p><p>“But she was so brave, Grace!” he tells her with a smile. “So brave and strong! She saved my life. She died so you and I can be together.”</p><p>“But I’ll <em> miss </em> her,” says Grace.</p><p>“I’ll miss her too.”</p><p>Her little arms wrap around Jefferson’s neck and he could hold her for hours, but he still smells like death.</p><p>“Sweetheart, I need you to stay with Rick a little longer while I take a bath. I’ll be in the bathroom. I’m not going anywhere else, I just need to wash off some dirt.”</p><p>Grace looks sad, but doesn’t protest when Jefferson hands her to “Kitty.”</p><p>“I’m so grateful you’re here, Rick. You have no idea how much this means to me. Please, <em> please </em> stay with her while I bathe. I’ll be quick.”</p><p>“Take your time, Jefferson.”</p><p>Rick takes Grace to her playroom, and Jefferson heads upstairs, to wash off months of horror. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Part of why their house was so expensive was because builders in the Enchanted Forest were unfamiliar with Victorian architecture and technology, so Jefferson and Priscilla required assistance from the other world. The couple discovered - not to any surprise - that contractors weren’t too keen on traveling between universes for jobs<em> , </em> unless they were being paid handsomely.</p><p>Upkeep on the building itself was doable in the Enchanted Forest. The only items alien to the realm were their bathtub, sinks and toilets. Plumbing in the Enchanted Forest was nonexistent, and after a few decadent hotel stays in London, Jefferson and Priscilla could never return to wooden tubs and outhouses.</p><p>Jefferson requires no hearth to warm his bath, or to draw buckets from a well. Their house is equipped with pipes of running water, with gas stoves to heat it. All he needs to do is turn a tap to fill their enameled clawfoot tub, and sink his body into it.</p><p>But Jefferson would need to wait for the water to heat up, which means more time with Priscilla’s blood drying under his fingernails. He fills the bath with cold water and gets in immediately - the coolness is a relief on his skin.</p><p>His body reeks of sweat beneath the grimy clothes he's been wearing since the March Hare trapped him in the Clock of Evermore’s time bubble. How time within the bubble worked, he isn’t sure. His hair has grown out, but not his beard. He can’t remember needing the toilet until now. Jefferson runs his hands through his greasy hair - its new length is just past his ears - and it serves as the only proof the months of torture actually happened.</p><p>His wife’s Victorian beauty products still fill their bathroom shelf, and Jefferson pretends she'll be angry with him for using her soaps and creams. He shaves and cleans his teeth, and says it like a mantra that she will return, so he doesn’t break down with the grief. So he won't clutch all the beautiful dresses in her closet and drape her gowns over himself like blankets - pitifully sad, pathetic and weak.</p><p>Jefferson can lie to himself, but he won’t lie to their daughter. He gets dressed - avoiding looking at Priscilla’s possessions - and heads downstairs. He isn’t sure how much time he spent bathing, but trusts Rick has kept Grace occupied with her toys. </p><p>Jefferson enters the playroom to find Grace sitting on the floor by Rick’s chair. She’s holding her plush purple dragon doll, listening in rapt attention to him singing.</p><p> </p><p>“Vistas unfold before me now</p><p>Sharing their secrets joyfully</p><p>They're bright in hue yet darkly dire</p><p>They warm me with softly glowing fire</p><p>They're bright in hue yet darkly dire</p><p>They warm me with softly glowing fire</p><p> </p><p>Moving within the worlds between</p><p>Following all the gemstone birds</p><p>Yearning to hear his whispered words</p><p>Moving within the worlds between</p><p>Yearning to hear his whispered words</p><p>Moving within the worlds between.”</p><p> </p><p>The song ends - Jefferson entered to catch the last two verses - and he smiles at them. Grace appears relaxed and sleepy from the Khajiit’s melodious voice.</p><p>“Hey,” says Jefferson, leaning in the doorway.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Rick asks.</p><p>“Like I haven’t slept in six months.”</p><p>“You look like you’re going to pass out.”</p><p>“I’ll wait ‘til she’s asleep. I don’t want her worrying about me.”</p><p>Humming the song Rick was just singing, Grace picks up her dragon doll and moves its legs around as if it’s dancing.</p><p>“I’m staying overnight,” Rick says to Jefferson. “We have a lot to talk about.”</p><p>"I don’t want to talk.”</p><p>“You <em> need </em> to talk about it. For her sake.”</p><p>His friend has a point, but it’s been only two hours, if that. He can still see Priscilla’s closing eyes and hear her rasping final breaths and feel her go limp in his arms. It’s too soon to process - part of him is still in shock. He shouldn’t have to relive it already.</p><p>“Fine, you can stay.”</p><p>The Khajiit cooks them dinner, and to Jefferson’s relief, they’re able to put Grace to bed early. He retires when she does, with Rick watching over them. Jefferson feels bone-weary and could sleep for days. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The March Hare holds Jefferson down, pouring red wine from a bottomless teacup into his open mouth until he chokes. Rumplestiltskin appears behind him and sets the Hare on fire with the snap of his fingers. Regina holds out her hand to help Jefferson to his feet. She is wearing a dress of peacock feathers, and the two sorcerers laugh as the March Hare burns. Jefferson looks over his shoulder, and sees the hands of a large gold clock on the wall are spinning faster and faster. They break off the clock and shoot at him like arrows, towards his neck, but he dodges them before they can break his skin. </p><p>He is sitting with Priscilla in her white dress by the River Thames. She looks at him judgmentally, with a furrowed brow, and asks him what kind of life created such a selfish person. He blinks and she is teenage Regina in her riding clothes, munching on an apple. She asks him if chocobo meat tastes like chicken and what making love is like. Jefferson looks at the river, then looks back, and it’s Priscilla again. She tells him he is a liar, then her face begins to melt. Priscilla transforms into a rapidly decaying corpse and he tries to run but can’t - his whole body is frozen. Priscilla’s hands are now covered in strips of rotting flesh and she reaches for his face. By now her jawbone is entirely exposed, and she lunges at him. Jefferson’s hair grows longer and Priscilla snares it in her bony fingers, then he screams and wakes up.</p><p>“Shh, shh! You’re okay, you’re okay.”</p><p>Jefferson opens his eyes to see Rick hovering over him. The Khajiit sits down on the bed and pats his arm comfortingly.</p><p>“You were screaming.”</p><p>“Grace, is she--?”</p><p>“I told her you were having a bad dream.”</p><p>Embarrassed, Jefferson says, “What? No, don’t <em> tell </em> her things like that.”</p><p>“She will worry you’re in danger otherwise.”</p><p>“I need to be strong for her.”</p><p>He tries to sit up, but Rick stops him.</p><p>“Jefferson, Priscilla <em> just died. </em> I lost a dear friend today, but you lost so much more.”</p><p>He knows Rick is right - it’s been only hours since Priscilla bled out in his lap, so of course he would have nightmares. What’s worse is he forgot until this moment that Rick is mourning her too. </p><p>“I should blame you as well, for letting her go, but that would be unfair. Percy was right - this is all my fault.”</p><p>“Priscilla told me why you went. You’ve been after the Clock of Evermore for <em> years.</em>”</p><p>Jefferson sits up with a groan, and this time Rick lets him. He leans heavily against the headboard.</p><p>“It wasn’t the Clock, it was the money. If we could only sell it…” He sighs. “I just want to give Grace the life she deserves.”</p><p>“I understand.”</p><p>“No. You don’t. Because the Clock’s not why Priscilla’s dead - it was the Hat. The March Hare took it when he captured me, and I told her I needed it back to prevent him from following us. But that wasn’t the reason.”</p><p>Jefferson can’t look Rick in the eye, but the guilt is eating him, and he <em> needs </em> to confess what happened. He rushes through it.</p><p>“The Hare could never have tracked us down - he wouldn’t have even <em>bothered.</em> He had the Clock and we were nobodies. But the Hat - I couldn’t let it go. Priscilla followed me to get it instead of taking her portal home. She was shot in the back with an arrow and died in my arms. The Hat wouldn’t even let me take her body.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Jefferson chokes back a sob. “I can’t ever forgive myself. I won’t. There’s something<em> wrong </em> with me!” He looks at Rick and grips his hand, imploring, “Why would I give up everything I love for that wretched thing?”</p><p>“Priscilla <em> chose </em> to follow you.”</p><p>“Priscilla <em> trusted </em> me and it killed her.” </p><p>Jefferson looks around the bedroom - he used to always keep the Hat within his sight, before they started locking it away. </p><p>“Where is it? I’m destroying it tomorrow.”</p><p>“You dropped it on the lawn. I collected it earlier.”</p><p><em> Of course, </em> he thinks. <em> I left Priscilla’s sacrifice just lying around in the grass. </em></p><p>“You know,” he tells Rick, “if you take it, you can finally go home.”</p><p>“The Enchanted Forest is my home.”</p><p>“Then you can sell it to the highest bidder.” With a disgusted noise, Jefferson lays down and rolls over. “Just get the thing out of my house.”</p><p>“I’d sooner burn it than let it fall into the wrong hands. I’ll help you set the fire. Now go back to sleep.”</p><p>“I don’t think I can.”</p><p>“Want me to sing you a Khajiit lullabye?” Rick asks wryly. </p><p>Jefferson exhales a laugh. He knows that if he asked, Rick actually would. </p><p>“Go."</p><p>“Goodnight,” says Rick, dimming the lantern. “I’ll see you in the morning.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson wakes alone in his bedroom. He can hear birdsong, and sunlight streams through a narrow gap in the curtains. His head feels heavy and he doesn’t want to move, but Grace is down the hall, motherless, and she needs him.</p><p>He doesn’t bother getting dressed. With the weather still warm, the loose shirt and pants he slept in will do. He checks Grace’s room, but she’s gone. Panicked, Jefferson runs downstairs. He is alarmed by sounds coming from the kitchen, then remembers Rick. He finds the Khajiit making breakfast and exhales in relief. </p><p>“Good morning," Jefferson says.</p><p>Rick turns his head and nods hello. Grace is sitting in an enclosed chair raised to the breakfast table’s height, watching Rick cook. Her attention is drawn to Jefferson.</p><p>“Papa."</p><p>Jefferson smiles affectionately and kisses the top of her head.</p><p>“Morning, sweetheart.” To Rick, he says, “What’s on the menu today?”</p><p>“You don’t have any eggs or milk, so I gave Grace some applesauce, and I’m frying pork for us. There's some oatmeal, bread and jam, and of course…”</p><p>Rick holds up the sugar bowl. </p><p>“<em>Don’t </em> pour that on my bacon!” Jefferson scolds him, but in an amusing tone. “I know Khajiit love their sugar, but we like our <em> bread </em>sweet here, not our meat.”</p><p>Rick chuckles. “I can fry some bread too, if you’d like.”</p><p>Making a pleased noise, Jefferson says, “I don’t deserve you.”</p><p>“I know,” Rick says lightly. He’s joking, but it gives Jefferson a twinge of guilt.</p><p>Needing a distraction and something to do with his hands, Jefferson starts making a pot of tea. Opening the jar in which they keep it, he notices the dwindling supply. </p><p>Trying to keep the sadness out of his voice, he reminds Rick, “We don’t have a whole lot left.”</p><p>“Sugar?”</p><p>“Anything.”</p><p>Rick looks apologetic and starts to say, “I’m s--”</p><p>“It’s alright,” says Jefferson. “I’d ask what kind of tea you like, but there’s not much to choose from.”</p><p>“Whatever you have is fine.”</p><p>“Is it?” Jefferson asks, looking meaningfully at Grace. </p><p>After a beat, Rick says, “Sit down, I’ll brew the tea.”</p><p><em> “No,” </em> Jefferson snaps. Lowering his voice, he says, “No, I need to do <em> something.” </em> </p><p>He glances at Grace again, who blankly observes their conversation, not understanding any of the subtext.</p><p>“How is she?” Jefferson asks. </p><p>“She’s okay,” says Rick. He could be lying, for all Jefferson knows, but if Grace was upset earlier, she looks happier now. “Calm.” </p><p>He thinks Rick is still talking about Grace, then realizes it’s a command. </p><p>“Take a deep breath,” Rick says, noticing Jefferson’s body has tensed and his hands are shaking. “Show me the steps.”</p><p>“To what?”</p><p>“Each step it takes to brew tea,” Rick says pleasantly, and Jefferson knows what he’s doing. <em> Sneaky cat. </em></p><p>So he explains it, which briefly clears his head. But sitting down to eat, it’s easier to notice that someone is missing. Grace keeps looking at Priscilla’s chair as well. </p><p>Later, Jefferson is staring thoughtfully into his teacup when Grace says she needs the potty. Her request is faint, and Rick’s deeper voice catches his attention.</p><p>“Jefferson,” he says. “Grace needs you.”</p><p>Jefferson picks up Grace to bring her to the bathroom, and Rick clears the table. Before they exit the kitchen, Rick tells him, “I’ll light the fire next, and let you know when it’s ready.”</p><p>Jefferson blinks in confusion, then remembers what Rick means. He opens his mouth to reply, but there’s too much to say. There’s a lump in his throat, but he can’t let himself cry in front of Grace. This is grief of a different kind - grief you can’t process while changing a diaper.</p><p>“Okay,” he says quietly, and leaves.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rick lets him know the fire is built, but Jefferson says he prefers to wait until Grace’s naptime. Truthfully, he’s procrastinating. Every reminder of their task twists his stomach in knots. He understands the source of the feeling but doesn’t want to. </p><p>Grace falls asleep, and with no more excuses, Jefferson heads outside. Rick stands next to a large bonfire behind the house, the Hat’s case at his feet. </p><p>“Open it,” he tells Rick, who unlatches the leather case and removes the Hat. He holds it carefully, leaving whatever happens next up to Jefferson. </p><p>At the sight of it, Jefferson’s heart beats faster - it’s suddenly hard to breathe and he feels a wave of nausea.</p><p>Seeing his reaction, Rick asks in concern, “Jefferson?”</p><p>The bonfire is tall - it crackles audibly, and is likely more powerful than necessary. Jefferson can feel the searing heat, and the flames are surely strong enough to destroy a dangerous artifact. </p><p>
  <em> Or to murder an old friend. </em>
</p><p>“Put it back, put it back!”</p><p>Jefferson grabs the Hat from Rick and slams it back into its case.</p><p>“What is it? What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I can’t do it!”</p><p>Jefferson sits on the ground with the case in his lap, clutching the Hat with the same desperation he clung to Priscilla’s body. </p><p>“I can’t do it.”</p><p>The Hat is Jefferson’s oldest companion, and has been his only constant for half his life. It’s given him safety, money, freedom and power. It’s given him his <em> name! </em></p><p>
  <em> Who am I without the Hat? </em>
</p><p>There’s one other person who would understand this feeling, but her opinion doesn’t matter anymore.</p><p><em> All the worst people are slaves to magic</em>, he thinks.</p><p>“Give me a minute,” he tells Rick, taking the Hat back to the house. He stops on the porch, sitting on the steps.</p><p>“If this is your choice, I respect it,” says Rick, who has followed him. Jefferson looks up and the Khajiit is standing before him with his arms folded. </p><p>“You won’t try to talk me out of it?”</p><p>“The decision is yours.”</p><p>Jefferson runs his palm across the Hat’s leather case. He doesn’t look at it, or at Rick, but past Rick’s shoulder towards the treeline, his eyes unfocused. There are worlds out there he’ll never get to see.</p><p>
  <em> Magic always comes with a price. </em>
</p><p>“I’ll just…” Jefferson swallows thickly. “I’ll keep it locked away. Safe and out of sight.”</p><p>Rick nods. He makes no judgement, seeming to trust Jefferson’s. The portal jumper made decisions they disagreed on in the past, but this isn’t one of them.</p><p>But he’s not a Jumper anymore. </p><p>“Then I suppose this is when we part ways,” says Rick. Jefferson refocuses his eyes on the Khajiit. </p><p>A little sadly, Jefferson replies, “I suppose it is.”</p><p>“I built the fire, I’ll put it out,” Rick reassures him. “But then I must go.”</p><p>“You’re too good a friend.”</p><p>“And you’re a good father.”</p><p>Eyes watering, Jefferson looks at Rick doubtfully and shakes his head.</p><p>Rick asks, “What will you do with the house?” </p><p>“I’ll have to sell it,” Jefferson says, sniffling. He wipes his eyes. “Get a smaller house, maybe a cabin in the woods. Be a chicken farmer or something.”</p><p>Teasingly, Rick asks, “And what do you know about farming?”</p><p>“Not a damn thing.”</p><p>The two men laugh.</p><p>“You’ll figure it out,” says Rick. “You always do.”</p><p>“I always had help.”</p><p>The Khajiit looks at him fondly, and he probably thinks Jefferson means Priscilla and their friends, when he actually means the Hat.</p><p>Jefferson puts the Hat back in its trunk and locks it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rick stays one more night. On the porch, after breakfast, he says goodbye to Grace, picking her up and kissing her on the cheek. She laughs, tickled by his whiskers. </p><p>“Bye Kitty,” she says. </p><p>“Goodbye, little one.”</p><p>He sets her down to hug Jefferson.</p><p>“I can’t thank you enough,” Jefferson says. “For everything.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, my friend.”</p><p>“May your road lead to warm sands.”</p><p>“May your road lead to warm sands,” Rick replies.</p><p>The Khajiit throws his bag over his shoulder and starts walking. After he is some distance away, Jefferson has a thought.</p><p>“One last thing, my friend,” Jefferson calls. </p><p>Rick turns around and gives him a friendly look.</p><p>“If you ever see that rabbit again?” Jefferson says coldly, “Kill him.”</p><p>With a sober expression, Rick doesn’t respond and continues on his way. Jefferson bends down to pick up little Grace, turning his vengeful glare into a dazzling smile.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Gossamer (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson gives young Regina a lesson in portal jumping. (1,800 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is based - like other chapters in which I’ve written about the physics of the Hat - on ideas from my old 2013 fanfic, “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1103974">Jump In</a>.” There’s also a blink-and-miss reference to my OC Anathiel from that ‘fic - the “jealous mage.” It’s not directly related, but Regina describes Jefferson’s magic from her own POV in my 2013 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/875915">Red and Black</a>.” </p><p>I’m pretty sure referring to teleportation as “poofing” is a fandom term, but it's funny, so Jefferson uses it here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Your Majesty,” Jefferson says, appearing on Regina’s balcony in a plume of purple smoke, startling her.</p><p>“I thought you were Rumplestiltskin!” she scolds him. Regina looks Jefferson up and down, like the sorcerer has taken his form. Thoughtfully, she says, “That’s a neat trick.”</p><p>They’re in her chambers at the King’s castle, and this is the first time he’s shown her how similar their magic is. Regina is used to meeting Jefferson outside and has watched him leave through portals in the ground, but didn’t know how he looked teleporting back.</p><p>“I didn’t know you could do that,” she says. </p><p>“What did you <em> think </em> happened when I brought you back to your kingdom?”</p><p>“Well…”</p><p>“Or were you too distracted?” </p><p>Jefferson takes Regina’s hand and kisses it. </p><p>“We just sort of…” </p><p>“Appear?” </p><p>Regina, a student of magic, looks sheepish.</p><p>“I know we had ‘lessons’ scheduled for today,” Jefferson says suggestively, meaning everything the inexperienced sorceress wants to know about sex, “but there’s been a change in the curriculum.”</p><p>“What change?”</p><p>“We’re going Jumping.”</p><p>“But I haven't packed. I can’t <em> go </em> anywhere, we only have an hour.”</p><p>“All you need is a pair of trousers - something you can run in - and...hopefully, you didn’t just have a big meal.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Do I need to strip that dress off you myself? Trousers, and be quick.”</p><p>“You’re in an awfully big hurry for me to put more clothes on.”</p><p>“You’re the one who said we only have an hour.”</p><p>Regina returns from her wardrobe in her riding clothes.</p><p>“Should I put up my hair?”</p><p>She goes to her vanity’s drawer and starts pulling out pins.</p><p>“Regina,” Jefferson says, with some impatience. </p><p>He mimes a fairy twirling a wand. Regina rolls her eyes and casts the real spell.</p><p>“Now what?” she asks.</p><p>“Where do you usually practice magic?” Jefferson asks. “When you’re not with Rumplestiltskin?”</p><p>Regina shrugs. </p><p>“I...don’t.”</p><p>Jefferson makes a disappointed noise. </p><p>“How far can you teleport?” he asks. </p><p>“Um,” she says uncertainly. “Not far, I think.”</p><p>“Want to expand your range?”</p><p>“Of course,” she says, with some excitement. “But I can’t travel to other worlds like you can.”</p><p>“We’re not going to another world today.”</p><p>“Where are we going?”</p><p>“Somewhere…” He thinks of how they can begin, then smiles. “With a really big lake. Can you think of one? Someplace specific?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Good,” says Jefferson. “Come over here,” he tells her, motioning to the balcony. “I want to do something very dangerous that I’ve never tried before.”</p><p>He climbs up onto the railing, and Regina yells, “What? Wait! Stop!”</p><p>“You ‘poofed’ us out of your mother’s vault, remember?” </p><p>“So?”</p><p>“So you can probably ‘poof’ us before we hit the ground.”</p><p>“I am <em> not </em> jumping off this balcony just to test my reflexes, you mad Hatter!”</p><p>“Trust me.”</p><p>“You’re a scoundrel with a death wish!”</p><p>Jefferson laughs. Despite her anger, Regina climbs up onto the railing next to him. He throws the Hat like normal, and it spins enough times to trigger the spell before hitting the ground, opening a portal just below the balcony. </p><p>“Take my hand,” he says, more for his own safety than for hers. “Now jump!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>SPLASH</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Ahhh!” Regina screams. “What happened? This isn’t the door room!”</p><p>The two of them have dropped from the sky into a large body of freshwater. Jefferson sputters and gasps for air, but his own struggle is worth it to hear Regina so hilariously confused.</p><p>“What lake were you thinking about?” he asks. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“What’s the name of the lake?”</p><p>“It was one back in my father’s homeland. But I...I don’t remember the name.”</p><p>“Do these mountains look familiar?”</p><p>“I guess? How is this possible?”</p><p>“Regina, I’ve taken you to the back of a giant space turtle, I can bring you to your father’s lake.”</p><p>The couple swims towards the shore, but it’s far, and Jefferson’s clothes are thick and heavy. </p><p>“I might not have thought this through,” he says, panting.</p><p>Splashing him, Regina says sarcastically, “You think?”</p><p>“Can you ‘poof’ us to the shore?” he asks hopefully. </p><p>“Yes,” Regina says begrudgingly, touching his shoulder. They rematerialize on land in a cloud of Regina’s own purple magic.</p><p>“That was quite some stunt you pulled,” she says disdainfully.</p><p>“Not to trouble you, but can you--?”</p><p>With an annoyed huff, Regina casts a spell to dry their clothes completely, fixing her hair and makeup.</p><p>“What was the point of that?” Regina asks. “To prank me? To waste my time?”</p><p>Laughing, Jefferson points at the sky, saying, “I’ve been wanting to try that for <em> years.” </em></p><p>“I don’t understand what just happened.”</p><p>“There’s a work-around I’ve discovered.”</p><p>“A work-around what?”</p><p>“The Hat’s chamber has a door to every world but ours.”</p><p>“So...?” </p><p>“So, it means that <em> this,” </em> Jefferson says, waving the Hat in her face playfully, which only makes Regina look angrier, “can be used as a short-cut to <em> anywhere </em> in our land, as long as the Hat’s passengers know where it is.”</p><p>Curiosity piqued by the artifact’s power, Regina looks slightly less angry. </p><p>“What are you saying?”</p><p>“It’s freedom,” he tells her. “Freedom to go anywhere, and do anything, and be anyone I want to be.”</p><p>Smiling wistfully, Regina says, “At least that makes one of us.” </p><p>“Race me.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Let’s see how far you can Jump.” </p><p>“I can’t.”</p><p>“Rumplestiltskin can go anywhere in this world he wants, no matter how many miles. You can do it too.”</p><p>“I need to have a clear picture in my mind, and visualize my destination perfectly.”</p><p>“Then it’s easy. You can take us right back to your room at the castle.”</p><p>Regina looks around, saying, “I don’t even know where we are right now.”</p><p>“All you need to know is where you <em> want </em> to be. Do you want to go back to the castle?”</p><p>Regina shakes her head. </p><p>“Where do you want to go?”</p><p>“Anywhere else.”</p><p>“Give me a location, and I’ll meet you there.”</p><p>Regina looks across the lake, thinking. After a moment, she says, “The ocean.”</p><p>“The ocean’s a big place. Can you narrow that down to a particular port city?”</p><p>With some frustration, Regina shakes her head, saying, “I can't teleport there if I don’t know what it <em> looks </em> like.” </p><p>“Okay, I’ll give you a lift this once,” he says, holding up a finger. “Then we begin our race.” </p><p>Jefferson throws the Hat and they enter the portal. They materialize on a beach. </p><p>“I wish we had more than an hour,” Regina says, looking wonderingly at the water and the fishing boats. “I could spend the whole day here.”</p><p>“Now that you know what it looks like, you can come here anytime you want.”</p><p>“What? That’s absurd. We’re <em> leagues </em> from my kingdom.”</p><p>“I’m telling you, Regina, you have the same power.” Jefferson holds up the Hat. “A sorceress probably made <em> this </em> thing.” </p><p>“A sorcer<em>ess?” </em>Regina asks, her inflection on the feminine part.</p><p>“Are you doubting the abilities of the person who made this artifact? That’s sexist.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“I’m saying that a woman is just as capable of powerful feats of magic as a man.”</p><p>“That’s right, you’ve been to worlds with sorcerers of all genders.”</p><p>“They call themselves ‘mages.’ That’s the gender neutral term. I can think of one mage who would be very jealous of your abilities. Then again, she’s jealous of everyone." Jefferson points to a cliff in the distance. “See that cliff? I’ll meet you there in a minute.”</p><p>“What? What cliff?”</p><p>Jefferson spins the Hat, and its portal starts to open. </p><p>“The<em> only </em> cliff, straight ahead.”</p><p>He steps into the vortex. Teleporting feels like his body is breaking into pieces then rebuilding itself again, but without the pain. It must kill him every time, he thinks, being cut up and reassembled like this. But if he can’t remember dying and he keeps the same memories, does it count as being dead? Jefferson is disappointed he never got to ask Victor about it.</p><p>He expects Regina to already be there when he materializes, but she doesn’t show up for another minute.</p><p>“The only cliff?” she asks sarcastically - a petulant, violet cloudburst.</p><p>“You made it, didn’t you?” Jefferson pats her shoulder. “Points for effort.”</p><p>“Take me home, Hatter.”</p><p>“I thought you wanted to spend the day at the beach. Why are you so angry with me?”</p><p>“You left me down there all alone, looking like an idiot.”</p><p>“You’re a grown woman, Regina. A queen, or so I’ve been told. What’s the first rule of interdimensional travel? Walk around like you belong and pretend you know everything.”</p><p>“I’m not <em> like </em> you.”</p><p>“Confident? Charming?”</p><p>
  <em> “Careless.” </em>
</p><p>Jefferson frowns. “There’s a difference between carelessness and courage.”</p><p>Regina scoffs.</p><p>“A big difference.” After a beat, he says more lightly, “Don’t pout, Regina. It will give you wrinkles.”</p><p>“I want to go back.”</p><p>Jefferson takes her hand and pulls her closer.</p><p>“So take us there,” he says. “Close your eyes and picture it.”</p><p>Too fed up to argue, Regina does, and Jefferson keeps his eyes open to observe as they are both enveloped in her cloud of magic. It feels less like being ripped apart by a hurricane, and more like turning into a fine mist. They rematerialize on her castle’s balcony. </p><p>“Open your eyes,” he tells her. Regina looks around, pleasantly surprised she has returned them. </p><p>“You did it,” he says, smiling. </p><p>“Indeed I did.”</p><p>Jefferson kisses her tenderly, and Regina loops her arms around his neck.</p><p>“I think we’ve killed an hour,” he says. “I’d better go and let you get back to whatever it is you do around here.”</p><p>“It hasn’t been an hour yet,” Regina says, “and there’s more I want to learn.”</p><p>“I’ve taught you everything I know. You can teleport to the ocean now. You’re welcome.”</p><p>“No, I mean…” Regina lowers her voice. “I mean that <em> other </em> thing you said you wanted to teach me.”</p><p>The queen was no virgin, but Jefferson knew rushing her onto her knees would put her off oral sex forever, so he needed to ease her into the idea. Tonight was supposed to be her first time.</p><p>“We can do that another day.” He licks his lips. “<em>Although,</em> I suppose I can give my student a little reward for her success.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t call it ‘little.’”</p><p>“I appreciate that,” he says with a laugh, “but I mean I want to please you with my mouth.”</p><p>Regina blushes. “Oh.”</p><p>“So swap those pants for a skirt. Or even better, take off everything.”</p><p>This is a much better introduction for the girl to oral sex, Jefferson thinks. This way, he can just smoothly request that she return the favor.</p><p>Regina raises her hand, about to cast the spell that would strip her nude. Then she clears her throat, indicating he should show her more respect.</p><p>“Your Majesty.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The reference to Regina teleporting them out of Cora’s heart vault is a reference to a deleted scene from S2E5, “The Doctor,” in which they triggered a boobytrap, got stuck and were almost killed. In the scene, Regina has trouble casting, and it’s implied to be the first time she has successfully teleported, either herself or multiple people. When they reappear upstairs, Jefferson tells her, “You did it,” to which Regina responds, impressed with herself, “Indeed I did.”</p><p>Falling out of a portal and into a lake was sort of inspired by Percy unintentionally dropping Will and Alice into the Mallow Marsh in S1E1 of Once Upon a Time in Wonderland.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Bewitcher (Jefferson/OFC)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson meets a blood elven mage in Azeroth, has some drinks, and goes to bed with her. Hopefully, he won’t regret it. (2,105 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter features an original female character of mine named Anathiel, who first appeared in my old 2013 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1481115">Jump In</a>,” in which she and Jefferson were in a relationship at the same time he was sleeping with Regina. Jefferson broke up with Anathiel in that ‘fic, but I never wrote down how they met - probably because they met casually in a bar, which is pretty dull.</p><p>You can skip this chapter if you want. I just like the idea of Jefferson traveling to places from the game World of Warcraft, and I wanted to write about Anathiel again.</p><p>This takes place not long after the fall of the Lich King in the World of Warcraft expansion "Wrath of the Lich King." The ley lines Anathiel mentions were the ones ripped up and moved by Malygos during WOTLK, which mages then had to fix after the events of that expansion.</p><p>There is a sex scene, but it's not graphic.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The elven mage dared Jefferson to drink an azure, syrupy liquid she called a mana potion, and snickered at him when he gagged like a child having their first sip of alcohol.</p><p>“What <em> is </em> that?” he asked, grimacing.</p><p>“I told you. It helps me cast.”</p><p>“I thought you people had innate magic.”</p><p>“We give up a piece of ourselves with every spell. This re-energizes us, so we recover more quickly.”</p><p>“Like blood.”</p><p>The elf furrowed her brow.</p><p>“I never thought of it like that before.” She huffed a laugh, pouring another shot of potion in his cup. “Two hundred years, and every day I still learn something new.”</p><p>“You look good for your age.”</p><p>“And you’re big for a baby. Now drink.”</p><p>Jefferson knocked back the shot like it was rum and it went down more easily.</p><p>“What are you doing in a place like this?” he asked. They sat drinking in a grimy tavern in Dalaran City called Cantrips and Crows. “You should be lounging in a crystal palace.”</p><p>“I grew up in one. They’re overrated.”</p><p>“You’re royalty?”</p><p>“No, but the nicer homes in Silvermoon City weren’t too different from our King’s.”</p><p>“What’s that like?”</p><p>“Constricting.”</p><p>Jefferson scoffed. </p><p>“I’ll never understand rich people.”</p><p>The elf dubiously looked him up and down - at Jefferson’s fine, black leather coat, silver buttons, red satin scarf and vest. Her eyes settled on his gemmed rings. She arched an eyebrow. </p><p>“Nouveau riche,” he said dryly, by way of explanation. “I got called that once.” Jefferson shrugged. “They aren’t wrong.”</p><p>“I don’t understand what that means.”</p><p>“Forget it. My point is, I think people of your background take their wealth for granted.”</p><p>“Elves?”</p><p>Jefferson rubbed his fingers together - the gesture for “money.” The elf frowned, annoyed that she had to explain.</p><p>“Noble children - noble <em> women </em> - are given a prescribed role the day they’re born,” said the elf. “You go to the finest schools, with the finest tutors, only to grow up and become just like your mother. You marry, have children, and fill your role. I could have every luxury back in Silvermoon, but I chose <em> this.” </em>The elf tapped their sticky wooden table, and gestured to the bar with all its grungy, common patrons. “Because what sort of life is a life without freedom?”</p><p>“Money<em> is </em> freedom,” he said firmly. </p><p>“<em>Magic </em> is freedom.”</p><p>Jefferson grinned.</p><p>“Now<em> that </em>I can understand.”</p><p>The elf smiled back at him, and she was so stunning that he was tempted to spill everything. But she had a dangerous air about her - with a hint of crazy - and Jefferson had sworn to himself years ago to never tell a mage about the Hat. The door to his land was a short hike from the city, hidden within the ruins of an old Kal'dorei temple, and Jefferson would make sure it remained hidden.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson first spotted the elf earlier, having a drinking contest with two burly, male orcs. Challenging them took a lot of guts, he thought, then he saw the bright, green glow of her eyes, identifying her as a Sin'dorei - a blood elf. Blood elves were often friends with orcs, for a start, and their tolerance made them notorious alcoholics.</p><p>“My lady,” Jefferson said politely, after one of the orcs had passed out and the other waved his surrender. “May I be so bold as to buy you a drink?”</p><p>The elf tossed her long, auburn hair over her shoulder, and signaled for a server. </p><p>“Two ales!” she called. This was more of a self-serve kind of place, but a human waitress scurried over. Everyone seemed nervous around the elf.</p><p>“I’ll buy <em> you </em> one,” she said, offering Jefferson a seat. “What brings you here?”</p><p>“I came to get drunk, and then to get drunker.”</p><p>“I mean Dalaran. It’s a long walk from Stormwind.”</p><p>Stormwind was a human-majority city located on a different continent. Anyone coming to Dalaran used portals to get around, and few people made the trip to the continent of Northrend these days.</p><p>“I’m a tradesman,” he said.</p><p>“Looking like <em> that?” </em>she asked skeptically.</p><p>Jefferson was well-dressed, but young, wearing almost all black with a splash of red. And the thief hadn’t combed his messy, spiky hair. He kept forgetting about the damn hair.</p><p>“Of rare, exotic goods.”</p><p>The elf smirked, saying, “That you got at a five-finger discount, I’ll bet.”</p><p>Jefferson feigned shocked offense. </p><p><em> “Excuse </em> me?”</p><p>The elf laughed, saying, “Only rogues come to the Underbelly. You’re far from your usual clientele,  slumming it with us.”</p><p>“I’m here,” he said, giving her a charming smile, “because it’s the only place I can converse with a lovely Sin’dorei such as yourself.”</p><p>The elf frowned, muttering a curse in Thalassian. Blood elves were not allowed to fraternize with humans.</p><p>“You forgot your glasses,” Jefferson said. A dark pair sat on the table, where she must have set them down earlier. He handed them to her.</p><p>“It’s difficult to see in them down here,” she said, putting them on.</p><p>With a resigned sigh, the elf snapped her fingers, increasing the size of the flame on the pathetic candle illuminating their table. Jefferson jumped slightly, startled by the sudden burst. Realizing the elf was a mage, he smiled.</p><p>“Go ahead, human,” she said. “Converse.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The elf’s name was Anathiel, and Jefferson forgot to ask until he was in bed with her.</p><p>The Cantrips and Crows Tavern had an adjoining inn, and it was almost as disgusting as the bar. More revolting, in fact, because one of the rooms was rented hourly, and it wasn’t clear when its sheets had last been changed. </p><p>“Good thing you’re bedding a mage,” she said.</p><p>While taking off his clothes, Jefferson watched her perform a cleansing spell. It took a couple of minutes - Rumplestiltskin could accomplish the same feat instantaneously - and she used both hands to cast. Her palms emitted a purple glow, and each item around them - the bedspread, the furniture, even the walls - slowly lightened in color. Any accumulated grime and dust was lifting and gradually vanishing, as if someone was scrubbing the room clean. </p><p>“I think I got all of it,” she said when she was done, and Jefferson wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing her spine. The elf was slightly taller than him, and the height difference turned him on. Jefferson stood at six feet and was used to leaning down to kiss his lovers. </p><p>“You’re incredible,” he murmured. </p><p>“And you’re easily impressed.”</p><p>The elf turned around. </p><p>“You’re not undressed,” she said, with some disappointment. Jefferson was bare-chested, having removed everything above the waist, but had left his boots and pants on.</p><p>“To be honest,” he said, “I didn’t know you could do that, so I planned on just bending you over the dresser.”</p><p>“The sheets are clean,” she said. “As clean as the day they were made. So, human, I want you naked in that bed right now, on your back and ready for me.”</p><p>“Yes, my lady.”</p><p>A few minutes into sex, he realized they had not introduced themselves. </p><p>“I’m Jefferson,” he said in a friendly tone, as if they were shaking hands in greeting and he wasn’t already inside her.</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Jefferson,” she sweetly replied.</p><p>The elf smiled mischievously and raised her hands. Her palms began to glow purple, and then--</p><p>“Oh gods!” Jefferson cried. “What...what is that? What are you doing?”</p><p>“It’s just a little spell,” she said modestly, lying like a dirty liar. </p><p>The noises Jefferson made could be heard in the next room. </p><p>“You should ask before pulling a trick like that,” he said, breathing heavily. “If I did that to a girl, I’d get slapped and kicked out of bed.”</p><p>“Sounds like it feels good, though,” she said, with a cheeky grin.</p><p>Jefferson lay on his back - leaning comfortably on their newly-cleaned pillows - with the elven mage riding him. She was making obscene hand gestures in the air that would be comical if they weren’t accompanied by the overwhelming sensation of a man <em>vigorously</em> taking Jefferson from behind.</p><p>“What’s your name,” he asked, “so I can scream it?”</p><p>“In anger or in pleasure?” </p><p>“Both.” </p><p>He moaned, praying to the gods for mercy. </p><p>“Anathiel,” she replied, twisting her fingers in the air and thrusting them harder, as if her hands were actually inside him. </p><p>“By the gods, Anathiel!”</p><p>“Anar'alah,” she said, in a tone like she was correcting him. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“‘By the Light.’”</p><p> “Anar’alah,” Jefferson said breathlessly, writhing beneath her. “I’m not going to last if you keep doing that.”</p><p>“You can make it up to me. I want to see this.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Where did a classy lady like you learn sex magic?” </p><p>After coming harder than he quite possibly had <em> ever</em>, Jefferson reciprocated by pleasuring the elf with his mouth. Then they lounged around smoking tobacco, ignoring knocks on the door and shouts for them to “finish up and pay.” </p><p>“We choose between three specialties here - fire, ice, and the unimaginatively titled ‘arcane.’ I’ve made it my lifelong goal to branch out as much as possible.”</p><p>“I have a friend who wants to learn all she can about magic, but I don’t think she has the patience you do.”</p><p>“Is that a dig at my age?”</p><p>Jefferson didn’t answer, instead blurting, “I want to do this again.”</p><p>Anathiel sat up, furrowing her brow. Jefferson wondered if he had offended someone who preferred one night stands. </p><p>“I’ll make it worth your while,” he said. “You guessed right, earlier. I work in acquisitions.” </p><p>“What’s that mean?”</p><p>“I really do trade in rare and exotic goods. I can get you things. Anything you desire.”</p><p>“I don’t need an errand boy,” Anathiel said with a sigh. “Just someone who won’t laugh at me."</p><p>“Who laughs at you?” </p><p>“Members of the Kirin Tor. They recruited me - no, they <em> conscripted </em>me - to reset Northrend’s ley lines, but because of my ‘unsavory proclivities,’ they don’t take me seriously.”</p><p>“Who cares?” said Jefferson. “Do you want to be elected to a committee, or something?”</p><p>“No. I just want to do my job, and do this when I’m not working.” </p><p>Anathiel gestured vaguely to their room - she meant having sex and drinking.</p><p>“Then forget them,” he said. “Study whatever magic you want. Just warn a guy next time, before you...<em> you know.” </em></p><p>Anathiel laughed.</p><p>“You really want to do this again?” she asked, smiling.</p><p>“Yes. Is there some way to contact you?”</p><p>The mage’s smile grew brighter.</p><p>“I can probably create an object that allows us to communicate, but letters will have to do for now. I would need your address, though, and I assume that’s not something you’d like to share.”</p><p>Jefferson shook his head. </p><p>“Well, I’ll give you <em> my </em> address,” she said, “so that you know where to find me.”</p><p>In a similar manner to Rumplestiltskin, she materialized a quill and paper and wrote it down. Anathiel handed it to Jefferson, then made the quill disappear. </p><p>“You’ll see me again,” he said, getting dressed. “I want to learn more of your tricks.”</p><p>This was usually a lie. Screwing a person he’d just met in a dingy tavern, drunk on ale and mana potions, was not a traditional preamble to a courtship - it was a textbook one night stand. But Jefferson was too curious about the elf to say goodbye. She could teach him about magic. She could also make a good lead for jobs. </p><p>Anathiel seemed excited by his proposal to meet again, and Jefferson hoped he wouldn’t regret this. He feared she was the type of person who became infatuated easily.</p><p>He already knew it wouldn’t last - they came from two different worlds. And breaking up with a 200-year-old Sin’dorei mage who had fallen in love with him meant he could never set foot in Dalaran again. And he <em> liked </em> Dalaran. </p><p>But he wanted to see her again. Anathiel was a beautiful, talented magic-user who was great in bed - apparently that was Jefferson’s type these days - and he followed his desires more often than common sense.</p><p>“When will you be in Dalaran again?” she asked.</p><p>Jefferson didn’t take regular trips to Azeroth. After earning some money on his current visit - he had been looking for a job at the tavern, before getting distracted - Jefferson planned on heading home. </p><p>“I don’t know,” he said. “But when I am, I’ll look you up.” </p><p>Throwing on his coat, Jefferson didn’t give the elf a parting kiss, so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea. Anathiel didn’t seem to mind - she remained relaxed in bed, smoking, while she watched him dress.</p><p>“Shorel'aran,” she said.</p><p>“What’s that mean?”</p><p>“It means ‘farewell.’”</p><p>“Shorel’aran,” Jefferson replied, and walked out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Confidante (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Regina and Jefferson are not in love, so what are they, and what does Regina want? (1,349 words.)</p><p>This chapter is told from Regina’s POV and follows <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/74130030#workskin">Chapter 31</a>, in which Jefferson showed Regina how far she could teleport.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter references Regina’s conversations with Tinkerbell and almost meeting her soulmate Robin Hood - the man with the lion tattoo - in S3E3, “Quite a Common Fairy.” </p><p>In the revised timeline for my fanfiction series Some Kind of Madness, the events of “Quite a Common Fairy” take place <b><i>before</i></b> Regina and Jefferson start having sex and traveling together in the Hat.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Regina and Jefferson had a routine. They met twice a month to have sex - (some months, this turned into once a week) - and portal jumped to other worlds whenever the King and Snow White were away. They hid their arrangement from Rumplestiltskin, though he was getting suspicious, especially after Regina showed vast improvements in teleportation.</p><p>“Now how'd you learn <em> that?” </em> her mentor asked, with a devious smirk.</p><p>“I’ve been practicing.”</p><p>“Unaccompanied?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Because your, ahem, <em> range </em> is a bit farther than I expected.”</p><p>“I guess I’m a natural.”</p><p>Regina still feared being stranded, however, and did not dare teleport across the continent to the ocean, as Jefferson had taught her. If she left the kingdom, Regina would be tempted to never return, and so much was left unfinished there, like her revenge.</p><p>Wondering how her life could be different, if she only took the chance, Regina thought of Tinkerbell and the man with the lion tattoo. The first time she saw Jefferson roll up his sleeves, Regina looked for it. That stupid fairy had said the tattooed stranger was Regina’s “soulmate.” That night, she could see it through the tavern’s window - a black crest on the man’s right wrist. Jefferson’s skin was unmarked, which was, strangely, a great relief. The portal jumper was not Regina’s “destiny,” he was just a handsome distraction. </p><p>And he was a friend. Regina told Tinkerbell she <em> had </em> no friends - she didn’t need or want any. But having sex stirred strong feelings - (being desired, <em> feeling </em> desire) - and seeing Jefferson smile made <em> Regina </em> smile. It wasn’t <em> love </em> - not exactly - but the portal jumper brightened her days.</p><p>Regina’s hold on her rage - the anger she needed to someday get revenge on Snow White - slipped in these moments, her grip on it faltering whenever Jefferson wrapped her up in his arms, or brought her gifts, or told her impossible stories of his adventures. </p><p>Tender affection was therefore unacceptable, so Regina pinned the jumper down and placed her palms on his chest, teasing the possibility that she could, at any moment, rip out his heart.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>One night, Jefferson teleported to her balcony at their regular time, only to find Regina tense and upset. </p><p>She had been sitting at her vanity crying, and Regina’s own sorrow disgusted her. It was shameful enough seeing herself so sad - she had almost smashed the mirror. Someone else catching her was mortifying. Regina was wiping the remaining tears from her eyes and willing the puffy redness of her face to fade before he arrived. She was in the middle of blowing her nose when the portal jumper materialized. Regina could pretend she was sick, but the truth was as plain as the tear tracks on her cheeks. </p><p>To her embarrassment, Jefferson noticed immediately, and rushed over. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asked in concern.</p><p>Covering her face, Regina stood up and turned away from him.</p><p>“Did the King do something?” Jefferson asked, sounding worried - with the hint of anger - that he had hurt her.</p><p>Regina shook her head, and the jumper’s shoulders relaxed.</p><p>“It’s Snow White,” she said. “Every second with that whelp makes my skin crawl and I just--” </p><p>Regina made a throttling gesture, as though she was strangling the girl. It wasn’t meant to be funny, but elicited a laugh from Jefferson.</p><p>“Don’t worry about her,” he said. “She’s a spoiled little princess who will amount to nothing.” With a reassuring smile, he said, “<em> You, </em> on the other hand--”</p><p>“A princess who will someday be<em> Queen.” </em></p><p>“And <em> you </em> will be a powerful sorceress,” he said, with some pride. “So who gets the better deal?”</p><p><em> Unbelievable, </em> she thought. <em> These men and their deals. </em></p><p>“Right<em> now </em> I am caged in this castle,” Regina said, pointing aggressively at her bedroom door - the door to her prison. “I can’t--I can’t <em> go </em> anywhere.”</p><p>“We both know that’s not true.”</p><p>Jefferson had told her that she could freely leave this place. He didn’t understand that being physically capable of escape did not make it any easier.</p><p>“How <em> dare </em> you?” Regina said, her misery churning in her gut back into rage. “You flit about the multiverse with no care at all. It is a privilege few possess, and one you take for granted. You are a <em> man, </em> Jefferson, and to be ‘free’ in our world, a woman needs to hitch herself to one. And I do not want your life.”</p><p>“And I do not want<em> your </em>life. I just want--”</p><p>“What <em> do </em> you want, Jumper?”</p><p>“I just want to be with you.”</p><p>The portal jumper looked hurt and confused, standing there holding his silly hat in both hands, idly rubbing the fabric of its brim with his thumb.</p><p>“Why?” she asked.</p><p>It was a huge question with an obvious answer, if they were two young lovers who were anyone else. But Regina wasn’t fishing for a love confession, she was genuinely baffled that anybody liked her.</p><p>“Because--” Jefferson seemed to struggle for the words - a weakness in a con-man, who should have an articulate response to anything. He could reply with a cascade of compliments, but instead he said, “We’re friends.”</p><p>“I don’t <em> have </em> friends,” Regina replied coldly.</p><p>Jefferson gave her an incredulous look. Taking trips with her, having sex with her, teaching her magic...What else would that make him? </p><p>His expression said he thought she was a little stupid.</p><p>“Is that it?” he asked, sounding irritated. “Should I come back later, or…?”</p><p>“I don’t want you!” Regina shouted.</p><p><em> “Okay,” </em>Jefferson said. “You don’t have to yell.”</p><p>Despite the fact he was backing away towards the balcony, accepting her rejection without argument, Regina roughly pushed him. Jefferson staggered backwards, looking offended. </p><p>“I get it,” he said. “I’m going.”</p><p>Regina hit him again, and a look of comprehension crossed the jumper’s face. Jefferson dropped the Hat on the floor so he could grab Regina’s wrists.</p><p>“Stop it,” he said. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>Regina struggled to free her arms, but Jefferson gripped them tighter, tugging her body closer.</p><p>“Is<em> this </em> what you want?” he asked, lowering his voice.</p><p>“...No.”</p><p>“What <em> do </em> you want, Regina?”</p><p>She glanced down at the Hat.</p><p>“You know what I want,” she said, “and it isn’t your friendship.”</p><p>“Freedom?” </p><p><em> “Power,” </em> she whispered. </p><p>Jefferson released his hold on her wrists, but moved his hands to her waist, to pull Regina into a tight embrace. He kissed her.</p><p>“Alright,” he murmured against her lips. “I think I can lend you some.”</p><p>“Open the portal,” Regina commanded in a regal tone. “I want to fuck you in the Chamber of Doors.”</p><p>Jefferson laughed, then kissed her again more deeply, shivering with excitement at the idea. He slid his palms down to squeeze her buttocks and Regina looped her arms around his neck, swept up in his sudden passion.</p><p>“Can you feel it like I do?” the portal jumper asked hopefully. “That flowing energy of infinite possibilities?”</p><p>She knew Jefferson <em> meant </em> infinite “worlds” - the walls between them were thin, he said, and the ancient magic that regularly transported him had changed his body to make him sensitive to it. Regina understood that, to a point. She felt a rush whenever she was casting. </p><p>But Jefferson’s careless usage of the word “possibilities” gave Regina pangs of nostalgia and grief. Out there was a reality in which a different Regina was leading the life she never got to have with Daniel here. And that <em> hurt. </em></p><p>“Don’t talk,” she said sharply. “Just take me there.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>A vile creature, Rumplestiltskin fanned the flames of Regina’s hatred for the royal family, and he probably banked on her never leaving the castle so she could sit there stewing in her rage, incubating a growing darkness.</p><p>But he said something curious one day, and must have known about her arrangement with Jefferson. How could he not? </p><p>“You can go anywhere, dearie,” said Rumplestiltskin. “Nothing’s stopping you.”</p><p>“My life is here,” she said. “I have work to do.”</p><p>Rumplestiltskin giggled.</p><p>“That’s right. Your revenge,” he said with a flourish, drawing out the "r."</p><p>“Yes,” she said seriously. “So I’m <em> not </em> going anywhere.”</p><p>Rumplestiltskin arched an eyebrow. </p><p>“Well, then. Get to work.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In the revised timeline for my fanfiction series <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/30855">Some Kind of Madness</a>, the events of S3E3, “Quite a Common Fairy,” take place <b><i>before</i></b> Regina and Jefferson start having sex and traveling together in the Hat. I originally wrote Some Kind of Madness in 2012, while Season 2 was airing, and in my fanfiction, the couple first hooked up a few months after meeting in S2E5, “The Doctor.” In this new version of events, that period of time is longer, and about a year or two passes between The Doctor and Quite a Common Fairy. (Then the events of S4E14, “Enter the Dragon,” happen, in which Regina meets Maleficent. Most timelines say that Enter the Dragon happens “a few years” after Quite a Common Fairy, so I think you can slot a Mad Queen affair in between those two episodes.)</p><p>At the beginning of Quite a Common Fairy, a young Regina tells Rumplestiltskin she feels imprisoned in King Leopold’s castle, with nowhere to go and nothing to do, and that she needs freedom and options, but does not want a future like Rumplestiltskin’s. He tells Regina that she can’t give up dark magic now that she has started using it. Rumplestiltskin tells her that “simmering rage is all you have” and “you can’t fly from your fate.” Regina then shares the same frustrations with a fairy named Tinkerbell, who tells her the opposite - Regina can choose to be happy.</p><p>At the end of the episode, young Regina rejects Tinkerbell’s friendship and a potential future with her mysterious soulmate, internalizing what Rumplestiltskin said, afraid her anger is all she has. Decades later, in Neverland, older Regina tells the flightless Tinkerbell that she didn’t know what she would have been without her anger. She had thought letting go of it would make her weak.</p><p>So Regina remains in King Leopold’s castle to work on her dark magic with Rumplestiltskin, but I think she would have still wanted to go on short trips, and that’s why - and when - she would have started spending time with a portal jumper like Jefferson.</p><p>And much like Tinkerbell does in the show, he naively believes Regina actually has a choice.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Push (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Regina takes back some control. (534 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This scene immediately follows Jefferson and Regina’s conversation in <a href="#section0033">Chapter 33</a>, which ended with Regina asking Jefferson to have sex with her inside the Hat’s chamber of doors. </p><p>I’m posting this sex scene by itself because it features <b>consensual non-consent</b> - specifically <b>the forced orgasm trope</b> -  in which Regina plays the dominant role. The scene is not graphic, though. </p><p>You can skip this chapter if you want.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Take off all your clothes,” the Queen commanded, “and get on your back. There, in the center of the room.”</p><p>“Yes, your Majesty.”</p><p>Jefferson did as she asked, and the black marble floor was hard and cold, so he lay his coat down like a blanket, as he had their first time, in the forest.</p><p>“Good boy,” the Queen said in approval.</p><p>It was an expression Regina had stolen from Jefferson, who had called her his “good girl” until she told him she preferred “Your Majesty.” Regina didn’t like the term “student” either, because that’s what Rumplestiltskin called her.</p><p>Regina disrobed just enough beneath her skirt, and kept the rest of her dress on. The fabric fanned out and covered the naked portal jumper, who shivered in the cool air of the chamber.</p><p><em> “That’s </em> it,” said the Queen, joining their bodies. “That feels good, doesn’t it?”</p><p>“You told me not to talk.”</p><p>“Make all the noise you need to.”</p><p>Regina rode him slowly at first, gradually increasing the speed of her thrusts. Jefferson reached for her hips, but she removed his hands and pinned his arms down by his head. She watched his face closely, and Jefferson wasn’t sure why, but her expression was discomfiting. It looked like she was examining him, studying him,<em> dissecting </em> him. She also wasn’t touching herself or asking him to touch her. Regina was solely focused on bringing <em> Jefferson </em>to orgasm, while he was under her control and unable to stop it, because that made her feel powerful.</p><p>Taking back control this way was kind of genius, but Jefferson resisted smiling, instead pretending to be desperate to escape the Queen’s grasp.</p><p>Making it sound like he was begging, Jefferson cried out, “Wait, Regina, wait!” </p><p>“You will address me as <em> ‘Your Majesty,’” </em> said the Queen firmly. She was breathing heavily and riding Jefferson hard, putting all her energy into fucking him.</p><p>He wondered if he should actually <em> say </em>the word “stop,” or if that would be crossing a line. It was probably better to be subtle. Jefferson was taller and stronger than Regina, and could easily flip her onto her back. Regina knew this, so pinning Jefferson down was less of a real attempt at control, and more of a hint he was meant to be ceding it. </p><p>“Your Majesty, please slow down! The pleasure is too much!”</p><p>Jefferson gave his real moans the hint of agony, and weakly struggled against the Queen’s grip, bucking his hips and writhing “helplessly.” </p><p>“I beg of you, your Majesty, have mercy!”</p><p>The Queen laughed wickedly, delighted by his “suffering.”</p><p>“I’m about to come, Regina. Like, <em> actually </em> come,” Jefferson said hurriedly, breaking character.</p><p>Pulling out was humanity’s oldest form of birth control, and was something Jefferson usually did. Just in case, even with the monthly potion Rumplestiltskin gave Regina so she would not bear the King’s children.</p><p><em> “Do it,” </em> ordered the Queen.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“That is a <em> royal </em>command.”</p><p>Jefferson bit his lip, fighting his need a little longer. He closed his eyes, muttering curses.  </p><p>“Look at me when you come,” said Regina, letting go of his wrists to cup his face in her hands.  “I want to see it.”</p><p>So he did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Deviation (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After having sex in <a href="#section0034">Chapter 34</a>, Regina and Jefferson discuss what happened, and how Regina feels about it. (1,140 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This scene takes place immediately after the sex scene in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/74453703#workskin">Chapter 34</a>, but I’ve written this so you can understand what happened even if you skipped over reading it, directly from <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/74435817#workskin">Chapter 33</a>.</p><p>Jefferson’s explanation for how the Hat works comes solely from my own fanfiction - what the White Rabbit tells a teenage Jefferson in Chapters <a href="#section0016">16</a> and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/69243636#workskin">17</a> of this fanfic.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Regina aggressively bringing Jefferson to orgasm was an unparalleled experience, but her idea to have sex in the Portal of Doors had initially excited him for entirely different reasons. </p><p>There were seventeen doors, with more doors behind them. Seventeen doors to seventeen worlds - pressed up against one another, pressed up against <em> him. </em>There was nothing like standing at the center of that nexus. Nothing felt as incredible as touching all those universes, all at once. Bringing each other pleasure within a space outside reality - one that already made him shiver - had sounded to Jefferson like a damn good time.</p><p>Everything had happened so fast - Regina fucked him immediately, with no hesitation or foreplay. Afterwards, Jefferson wanted to bask in the Hat’s magic, and he wanted Regina there with him. He hoped that she would choose to linger a bit longer.</p><p>But first, practical matters. </p><p>“I have a handkerchief in my coat,” Jefferson said.</p><p>Regina got to her feet, looking exhausted. Her skin was flushed and she was still catching her breath. Jefferson handed her the cloth, and Regina reached beneath her skirt to clean herself. Her nose scrunched in disgust, and she didn’t look happy.</p><p>“You said it was okay."</p><p>“I know,” said Regina. “It’s fine, I’ve taken precautions.” She took a monthly potion preventing pregnancy.</p><p>In a light tone, Jefferson said, “Thinking about that stuff kinda kills the fantasy, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Frowning, Regina asked, “How did you know to say those things?” She meant Jefferson pretending to resist her during sex.</p><p>“Because I know you. Did you like it?”</p><p>Regina didn’t answer, turning her attention to collecting her undergarments.</p><p>“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he said reassuringly, reaching for Regina’s hand. “I should have asked, but it seemed kind of obvious.”</p><p>Regina pushed his hand away, snapping, “You think so little of me, that you think I would enjoy committing such a <em> vile act?” </em></p><p>“Regina, I’m stronger than you - I can throw you around like a rag doll. When you held down my wrists, I thought it was a signal.” </p><p>“I’m not <em> like </em> you, Jefferson! I don’t play those games.”</p><p>“I’m your <em> first, </em>how do you know what games you like to play?”</p><p>Regina’s eyes widened and her nose flared. She looked angry, and he wasn’t sure why or at which part - the idea she enjoyed that kind of sex, or Jefferson calling himself her “first.”</p><p>The dead boy was Regina’s first love, but she did not get to explore it.</p><p>The disgusting, old King who had married an unwilling teenager didn’t count. </p><p>She was probably thinking of the dead boy.</p><p>Regina covered her face and turned away from him. </p><p>“Gods…” Jefferson muttered in irritation. He was still naked, and had to hastily pull on his clothes while saying, “Look, I’m sorry, alright? I thought you liked it and I was wrong. It won’t happen again.”</p><p>“But I <em> did </em>like it,” she said, sounding ashamed. </p><p>“Then I don’t understand why you’re upset. I enjoyed it. You can feel between your legs how much I enjoyed it.” </p><p>Jefferson hoped his vulgar comment might make her laugh, but coming inside her had been part of Regina’s fantasy, so it probably made her feel worse.</p><p>“Bad choice of words,” he said. Sighing in exasperation, Jefferson asked her, “Do you want to go home?”</p><p>Regina shrugged. </p><p>“That’s not an answer,” he said. “You know, I had hoped to have a nice time here, and see if you could feel what I feel.” </p><p>He turned in a circle, gesturing to the seventeen doors. </p><p>“A rabbit once told me this space was called a ‘foyer.’ He said there’s more of them out there, somewhere.”</p><p>“I thought we were inside your Hat.”</p><p>“We are. Sort of. Did you think the Hat was bigger on the inside? It’s a portal. One that remains open, allowing a person to come <em> here, </em> to this room, whenever they want. We’re not actually <em> standing </em> anywhere, right now. This space is outside reality.”</p><p>“But you told me time passes here - and in these other worlds - concurrently with the Enchanted Forest. If we are outside space, why are we not also outside time?”</p><p>Jefferson smiled. “Victor asked me that.”</p><p>“And what is the answer?”</p><p>“I’m still working on it.”</p><p>Her mind on more metaphysical matters, Regina seemed to relax. </p><p>Not questioning the species of Jefferson’s teacher, she said, “The rabbit said it is a ‘foyer,’ and that there are more of them. This makes them real locations.”</p><p>Jefferson looked up at the void above them - an endless darkness that substituted the room’s ceiling. </p><p>“Uh…”</p><p>“We are standing in another dimension,” Regina continued. “That much is true, but it is not <em> outside </em> reality, it is--”</p><p>“A nexus.”</p><p>“Exactly. Is that what you call it? Foyer sounds more literal.”</p><p>“Usually I just tell people we’re inside the Hat.”</p><p>“But we are in a place positioned <em> between </em> universes? These seventeen? Eighteen, counting ours?”</p><p>“There are infinitely more universes, but I’ve got my work cut out for me just exploring these ones.”</p><p>“Have you been to all seventeen?”</p><p>“Yes. I’ve been Jumping for quite a while - about seven years.”</p><p>“But we are the same age. So that would have made you…”</p><p>Doing the math, Regina looked thoughtful and a little bit sad. </p><p>“What happened to your parents?” she asked.</p><p>“I don’t talk about them,” he said tersely. Changing the topic, Jefferson casually asked, “Did you come earlier?”</p><p>“Excuse me?” </p><p>Regina sounded offended by his question, which he thought she had no right to be.</p><p>Articulating his question like she was deaf, Jefferson repeated, “Did you come?” </p><p>The vicious Queen had turned back into a girl, and if Regina’s skin wasn’t still flushed, she would be blushing.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Do you want to?”</p><p>Jefferson edged closer to her, but it was a large chamber, and Regina had a lot of space in which to walk away from him.</p><p>“Maybe,” she said, examining the seventeen doors like they were far more interesting than sex. Which, to be fair, they were.</p><p>“We can just cuddle,” Jefferson joked, but he would actually settle for that, if it meant remaining in this room with her a while longer. </p><p>Regina smiled slightly, looking at their reflections in the door to Wonderland. Any time she stepped near it, Jefferson felt nervous that she would walk through and he would lose her in the labyrinthine gardens of the unsettling land. </p><p>Jefferson took her hand and laced their fingers together. Regina turned around. </p><p>“How about I pleasure you with my mouth?” he suggested, in a practical tone.</p><p>“Don’t sound so enthusiastic,” she said dryly. </p><p>“Is that a yes?”</p><p>Regina nodded.</p><p>“I need to <em> hear </em> you say it.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Then one question remains,” Jefferson said, taking her other hand and kissing it.  “Do we stay here, or return to the castle?”</p><p>“Well,” said Regina. “We’re already here.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Crush (Jefferson/OFC)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Being a blood elf’s beloved is a lot of pressure. (385 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is just a short companion piece to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1481115">Chapter 8</a> of my old 2013 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1103974">Jump In</a>.” It features my original female character Anathiel, who last appeared in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/74343972#workskin">Chapter 32</a> of <i>this</i> fanfic.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When it came to matters of the heart, Regina drew a firm line between them, while Anathiel had begun to blur it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re gone so long,” the blood elf said forlornly, “that I fear you have forgotten me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m very busy, Ana,” was Jefferson’s excuse. It wasn’t technically a lie, because his work took him everywhere and made him many enemies. Jefferson didn’t have the luxury of remaining in one place for very long. (Nor did he want to.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Traveling to Azeroth was dangerous and rarely worth the risk, in Jefferson’s opinion. He also didn’t need to go there very often, and it was one of many worlds he had yet to explore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whenever the portal jumper found himself a hair’s breadth from being shot by arrows, bullets, arcane blasts or throwing knives, Jefferson just wanted to go home. He would run as fast as he could through the Hat’s door and slam it shut behind him - as he had his first time, as a child - slump against it catching his breath, and mutter, “Well, I’m never going back </span>
  <em>
    <span>there </span>
  </em>
  <span>ever again.” Frequently, “there” meant Azeroth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dalah'surfal,” the blood elf called Jefferson, then blushed, looking like she had blurted something terribly offensive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re too old for blushing,” he told her. “What does that mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My beloved one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Girls had become infatuated with Jefferson before, but none so ancient as Anathiel, who he hoped had called many lovers this name over the decades, or he was in </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of trouble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to say it back,” said Anathiel, which meant he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> in trouble. Someone who really loved him would just say it. Somebody fishing for reciprocation would add this second part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having no other Sin'dorei friends, Jefferson asked a Quel'dorei what the word meant - both elven groups spoke Thalassian - and the elf agreed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh boy,” he said. “She sounds pretty serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson winced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Because in my language ‘love’ is thrown around a lot more liberally.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And she’s a mage?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A powerful one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good luck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson considered never stepping foot in Azeroth again, but being scared off by an overly-attached partner was a cowardly reason. He was surrounded all the time in this world by zombies, demons, dragons, gods and elementals...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But no, nothing scared him more than a blood elf scorned. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Inamorata (Jefferson/Priscilla)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Priscilla enters the Hat with Jefferson for the first time, and moves in with some portal jumpers. Rick tells Jefferson to break up with Regina. (1,258 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The first three lines between Jefferson and Priscilla come from the tie-in graphic novel “Out of the Past.” </p><p>This chapter is another combination of Jefferson/Priscilla and Mad Queen, so I don’t know what to label it. Basically I decided to move Jefferson and Priscilla back in with Rick the Khajiit from <a href="#section0006">Chapter 6</a> and <a href="#section0030">Chapter 30</a>, whose main grief in Chapter 6 was Jefferson sleeping with King Leopold’s wife. Rick evicted Jefferson after he took Regina - who was pretending to be a girl named Reyla, though Rick saw through her ruse - back to their house to have sex. Khajiit are cat-like people from the Elder Scrolls games.</p><p>There are a bunch of subtle references to past chapters of this fanfic, my other fanfiction, Once Upon a Time, and Out of the Past. If you’re skipping ahead to this chapter, it’s not stand-alone. I should write something solely about Jefferson and Priscilla traveling and being romantic together, but this idea came to me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a little late to turn back now, because the Hat had already begun to spin, lifting into the air and creating the vortex that would transport them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wind whipped at Priscilla’s blue gown and she scream-laughed, jumping back from the portal. A chasm was widening beneath their feet, and Jefferson stepped back with her. He wanted to leap into it, but he wanted to do it hand-in-hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson’s newest lover was not averse to risk - they were leaving a job right now. It had been a con this time - less dangerous than picking the lock off a treasure vault, but equally profitable. They were impersonating a wealthy couple, clad in finery similar to when they first met. They had taken someone else’s carriage to the party they crashed, so they did not have their own horses. It was the perfect opportunity to propose taking a shortcut home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was no last-minute decision - Jefferson had been trying to convince Priscilla for weeks. She was curious about all the worlds he spoke of, but reluctant to actually jump into a portal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just trust me,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It usually takes me decades to trust people,” said Priscilla, who was no more than thirty years old.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla took a deep breath and held it, like she was diving into a lake. She closed her eyes and took Jefferson’s hand. Together, they stepped forward and allowed themselves to drop.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Weeks of cajoling kisses had been accompanied by weeks of magic lessons. Jefferson told Priscilla the same things he told Regina and Victor - whatever the White Rabbit had taught him, whether the furry Jumper was correct or not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my gods…” she said in wonder, looking all around the chamber. Priscilla felt her body for any evidence of injury.  “I felt like I was falling, but then I was standing perfectly still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a quirk of the Hat’s I appreciate,” said Jefferson. “Falling from that height every time would be painful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla kissed him and asked brightly, “Which door is the one to our land?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no door. We travel wherever our imagination takes us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like teleportation?” Priscilla asked, looking nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise it doesn’t hurt,” said Jefferson.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t my question, but now you’ve put the thought in my head,” said Priscilla, swatting him on the arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you want to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla adjusted her corset uncomfortably, looking like she wanted out of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to change out of this dress. Let’s go back to the house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Close your eyes and visualize your destination,” Jefferson said. “Form a clear picture in your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla closed her eyes and nothing happened. After a moment, she reopened them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why isn’t it working?” she asked. Victor had similar trouble, all those years ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In amusement, Jefferson suggested, “Try clicking your heels together three times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla didn’t fall for it - he had already told her the story of the Silver Slippers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t do that,” said Priscilla seriously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t joke about how your powers work, if I am to trust you. I will only go Jumping with you on the condition that you tell me everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to ‘ask’ the Hat myself,” he said. “Uh, sort of. If that makes any sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” said Priscilla, looking a little more forgiving. “It is </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Hat doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>belong</span>
  </em>
  <span> to anyone. I think it just obeys me because I’m the one who found it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you weren’t a child prodigy,” Priscilla said dryly, “who could craft mystical items all by himself?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it would take me hundreds of tries to recreate such an artifact. But don’t tell anyone I said so. I’m supposed to be powerful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm-hmm,” said Priscilla, with a playful smile. “With power over </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>of space.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And perhaps I can achieve power over time,” Jefferson said, thinking of the Clock of Evermore, the artifact he had been seeking the night they met. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that something you can do?” Priscilla asked. “Truthfully?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not with the Hat. Someday, perhaps. Maybe I could pluck an </span>
  <em>
    <span>item</span>
  </em>
  <span> from across time - something small, that nobody will notice is missing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla looked thoughtful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you could not alter the distant past?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think time works like that.” Jefferson took Priscilla’s hand again, and asked her, “Ready to return?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a plume of purple smoke, the couple materialized in Priscilla’s bedroom. She stumbled, dizzy, but laughed off the sensation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were right,” she said. “That didn’t hurt, but it is disorienting - it feels like disembarking a ship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla started to remove her gown, sighing in relief at the loosening of her tight clothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>a pretty ship,” Jefferson said, smirking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get any funny ideas,” Priscilla replied, stripped down to her underclothes. “I need a few minutes alone. I’ll knock on your door later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine. Nature’s calling me. See you in a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla waved him out. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It was too early in their courtship to be living together, but Priscilla had needed lodgings, and Jefferson’s old Jumper hostel had two vacancies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Priscilla’s a nice girl,” Rick said, when Jefferson inquired about the rooms. “Does this mean what I think it means?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it mean she pays her rent on time? Because that’s all the gossip you’re getting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rick looked at him meaningfully, and Jefferson knew what the Khajiit meant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m being careful,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does Priscilla know your history?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” said Jefferson curtly. “And you will never tell her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does ‘Reyla’ know about </span>
  <em>
    <span>her?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“She doesn’t ask those questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jefferson, the woman wants an escape from her marriage. What do you expect will happen when you leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I never considered taking Reyla </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> me? Despite your objections, I’ve offered. She refuses to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’ll keep risking your neck for the love of another man’s wife?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t...</span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> her. I just…feel bad for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pity is no basis for a relationship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you done lecturing me, cat? Because Priscilla will make a great tenant, and that is all you need to know.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jumper,” said Priscilla, knocking on Jefferson’s open bedroom door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had wiped off all her make-up and let down her ginger curls, and was wearing a comfortable dress more like a farmgirl’s than a noblewoman’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jefferson whistled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is this beauty before me?” he asked in wonder. “I’ve been blessed by the presence of a goddess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla rolled her eyes, but let him pull her into an affectionate embrace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm,” he said, nuzzling her hair. “I’m so proud of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I nailed the part, didn’t I?” she said, smiling. “We’re going to make </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of money.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean for traveling in the Hat with me. You’re so brave. You’ll also fit in here better, because you’re officially a Jumper now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we go tell our friends,” he asked, “or should I make love to you first? It’s a tough call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is anybody even awake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only one way to find out.” Jefferson stepped into the hallway, yelling, “Priscilla Jumped for the first time tonight!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A muffled voice called from behind one door, “Is that a mating thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another voice shouted, “I’m trying to sleep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing, Jefferson told Priscilla, “They’re very happy for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m tired. Let’s go to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My bed, or yours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Priscilla kissed him lightly, saying, “Whoever has the cleaner sheets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaving his Hat on the dresser, Jefferson blew out the candles, closed the door, and followed Priscilla back to her room.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>References Rundown</b>
</p><p>Once Upon a Time references - </p><p>-Jefferson being able to pluck an item from across time and space as long as it is “small” and “nobody would notice” refers to him retrieving the poison apple for Regina in S1E21, “An Apple Red as Blood.”</p><p>(In my 2013 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/612526/chapters/1103974#workskin">Jump In</a>,” Jefferson claims to have always known how to do this, but I’ve changed it here. This ability was also retconned/hand-waived/forgotten in “Once Upon a Time” itself and in “Once Upon a Time in Wonderland,” in which it was considered impossible to travel through time. Some of the main characters manage to succeed, however.)</p><p>-Jefferson suggesting it would take “hundreds of tries” to recreate the Hat, is of course a hint to his fate in Wonderland, crafting hundreds of hats. </p><p>Fanfic references - </p><p>-Victor being unable to activate the Hat’s portal by himself is from <a href="#section0009">Chapter 9</a>. Regina is also unable to activate the Hat herself in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/67433158#workskin">Chapter 3.</a></p><p>-Regina tells Jefferson in <a href="#section0031">Chapter 31</a> that teleporting herself requires having a clear picture in her mind of her destination. </p><p>-The timeline of my fanfiction series <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/30855">Some Kind of Madness</a> goes like this: Jefferson meets and starts falling in love with Priscilla, says goodbye to Regina without explaining to her why (in my old 2013 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/915801">Cut with a Couple Near Misses</a>”), disappears for several months from Regina’s life, then returns to inform Regina that he’s getting married. Regina pretends to be fine with this and doesn’t speak to Jefferson for ten years, until the events of S1E17, “Hat Trick.” </p><p>Out of the Past references - </p><p>-The night Jefferson and Priscilla meet in “Out of the Past,” they are coincidentally both trying to rob the same treasure vault, during a ball in Camelot, while dressed as and pretending to be guests.</p><p>-The Clock of Evermore allows a person to control the direction of time - in “Out of the Past,” we see the March Hare use it to trap Jefferson in a time loop, but not what else it can do - kind of like the Time Stone in Doctor Strange. It also works similarly to the Time Turner from Harry Potter. The Clock cannot, however, bring a person far back into the past, as I understand it. </p><p>-Jefferson was looking for the Clock the night he met Priscilla, but did not find it until years later, when their friend William tracked it down and sent them a letter with its location. This gets Jefferson captured by the March Hare and leads to Priscilla’s death when she tries to rescue him. I wrote about the aftermath of her death in <a href="#section0030">Chapter 30</a>.</p><p>Other references - </p><p>I called their house a Jumper hostel, because in Chapter 6 there are multiple people living there - an orc, a Kender, a Khajiit, and Jefferson, and presumably whatever tenant who replaced Jefferson after Rick kicked him out. The main characters of the TV show <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silicon_Valley_(TV_series)">Silicon Valley</a> unofficially called their house the “Hacker Hostel,” but I think zero people other than me will make that connection or find it funny.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Fade (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson says goodbye to Regina, but she doesn’t know it yet. (3,312 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a re-telling of the “Last Kiss” scene in my old 2013 fanfic, “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/915801">Cut With a Couple Near Misses</a>,” but told from Jefferson’s point of view. The original was told from Regina’s. Some dialogue is the same, some has been changed, and the sex scene has been expanded upon, but the sex is not graphic.</p><p>This isn’t a stand-alone, because there are references to past chapters of this fanfic as well. It makes a bit more sense after reading <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/74435817#workskin">Chapter 33</a>, in which Regina turns down Jefferson's (vague) offer to run away with him. This also takes place after <a href="#section0037">Chapter 37</a>, in which Jefferson and Priscilla move into Rick’s hostel, and Rick tells Jefferson to break up with Regina. </p><p>Victor is unable to activate the Hat’s portal in <a href="#section0009">Chapter 9</a>. Jefferson tells Regina he is getting married in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/72805722#workskin">Chapter 23</a>, and at the end of my old 2012 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/562963">Fifty Years Late</a>.” </p><p>In S2E5, “The Doctor,” the first day they meet, Jefferson trades the resurrection of Regina’s dead fiancé Daniel for a royal passport to King Leopold’s kingdom. The resurrection not only fails, but is a scam from the start.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jefferson materialized on a high, stone balcony that revealed to him - as his violet cloud of magic dispersed - one of his favorite vistas.</p><p><em> I would never tire of this view</em>, he thought.</p><p>Surrounded by massive, snow-covered mountains and a vast pine forest, King Leopold’s castle was a tall conical structure that jutted into the sky. It had a stone foundation - the interior was constructed from stone as well - but the castle was topped with sharp spires of dark, shining metal. The castle was full of intricate stained glass windows, and rooms on the highest floor even had glass ceilings. It was not the most impressive building Jefferson had seen throughout his travels - and certainly not the strangest - but its architecture was unique in the Enchanted Forest. The castle was dwarfed by the mountains, but still stood at a towering height that allowed Jefferson to see for miles.</p><p>Queen Regina’s balcony was always left open and accessible. It was strange the cold breeze never bothered her, but she also slept in a canopy bed made of thick fabric she could pull closed.</p><p>The portal jumper usually scheduled specific dates to meet with her - so that her husband, stepdaughter, and their servants remained none the wiser - but what he must do tonight was too important, and time sensitive, to wait. </p><p>Jefferson leaned on Regina’s balcony taking in her view for the last time, whistling a song he couldn’t remember the name to, when he heard the door slowly open and quickly shut. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” came a quiet, angry hiss from behind him. </p><p>Jefferson turned around, and Regina - wearing a peach gown with her hair pulled up and crown on her head, probably coming from an official dinner - stood in front of the closed door, glaring at him. </p><p>“Why else?” </p><p>He meant to sound flirtatious, but his answer held a hint of bitterness. The only reason Jefferson visited anymore was for sex. It was all Regina had time for.</p><p>Sounding more afraid than angry, Regina explained, “You can’t be here. I have people right outside the door. <em> Snow White </em> is right outside the door."</p><p>The danger their trysts put them in was dire - it was part of the thrill of bedding a queen, at first. But it had been two years of rendezvous, with no progression in their relationship. Two years of hinting she could leave with him at any time, but the unhappy queen would not go.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“We should buy a house,” said Priscilla.</p><p>“You and me?” Jefferson asked skeptically. </p><p>The young thief blushed, saying, “I mean...someday, <em>I </em> would like to own one.” Dreamily, Priscilla elaborated, “A big one - at least three stories.” After a thoughtful pause, she looked Jefferson in the eye and said, “Isn’t that the whole point of what we’re doing?”</p><p>Jefferson frequently - as Regina sarcastically put it - ”flitted about the multiverse” without much care. Whenever he was flush with cash, he used his riches to stay in luxurious accommodations. Other times, he just slept wherever his current job had taken him - even if it meant hiding out in a stable, staying with some farmers, holed up in a cave, or camping in the woods. Jefferson could end up just about anywhere, though fine inns were the most preferable.</p><p>The jumper only rented a room in Rick’s hostel so he had a place to store whatever he couldn’t carry. The sum of Jefferson’s possessions were a locked trunk for his money and valuables, a closet and one dresser for his clothes and disguises, a washbowl with a cracked mirror, razor, soap, and pomade, a chamber pot that had seen better days, and a single-person bed of straw he could pass out on. The two years he lived elsewhere, Jefferson rented similar accommodations, but added a more secure, magical lock to his trunk. To his annoyance, it was a pain to open and he had to keep changing the password, but he couldn’t trust other landlords not to snoop.</p><p>Leaving the Hat lying around didn’t bother him as much after Victor unsuccessfully tried to activate it, but Jefferson kept the artifact in his sight and within his reach whenever he went to sleep.</p><p>“Isn’t it?” Priscilla repeated.</p><p>“Yes, of course. It’s just…”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I never pictured myself settling down.”</p><p>Priscilla looked around and gestured to her equally tiny room, which was down the hall from Jefferson’s.</p><p>“It would just be a larger version of this place.”</p><p>“Sounds like a big commitment.”</p><p>“That’s right,” Priscilla teased. “You’re allergic to that word.”</p><p>“I can’t even say it without breaking out in hives.”</p><p>“You don’t have to quit your job just because you own a home. How else will you pay your taxes?”</p><p>“Imagine the upkeep it will require.”</p><p>“Imagine not having to share an outhouse and a washtub with four other people.”</p><p>Priscilla gave him a knowing look. Jefferson frequently complained about sharing. </p><p>“In which world would you like to settle,” he asked, “if you had to pick one?” Quickly, he tagged his question with, “Don’t say Azeroth.”</p><p>“Hmm,” she said, thinking. “<em> Not </em> King Leopold’s kingdom.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I have a bad feeling about its future.”</p><p>Jefferson’s stomach tightened. Keeping the worry out of his voice, he joked, “So you’re a fortune teller, now?”</p><p>“I’ve played a convincing one,” she said proudly. More seriously, Priscilla continued, “But I’m not joking. There’s something <em> off </em> about him, and the way he runs things.” With disgust, she said, “Marrying such a young bride after his wife died? I heard she was all of seventeen!”</p><p>“Nineteen,” Jefferson corrected her, without thinking.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“She was nineteen...or so I’m told. Sadly, that’s not unusual in our world.”</p><p>“That’s been the way of things.” Priscilla shook her head. “It shouldn’t be.”</p><p>“Then build your house, Priscilla,” Jefferson said with an encouraging smile. “Dream big.”</p><p>“And <em> you </em>think about settling, Jumper. It isn’t as bad as it sounds.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"I needed to see you,” said Jefferson imploringly. He sounded more than a little bit desperate, and hoped she wouldn’t notice.</p><p>Regina didn’t, still boggling at him in confusion. In annoyance, she asked, "What for? Why not at our usual time?"</p><p>Having no adequate explanation, Jefferson grabbed the young queen’s wrist and pulled her to him. Regina made a surprised noise when he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Any other woman would slap him, and when they parted to breathe, Regina looked like she still might.</p><p>Jefferson wondered if he should tell Regina <em> now </em> that he had found someone else, or wait until after. He doubted he should tell her at all. </p><p>Once, when one of their trips in the Hat went wrong, Regina killed a man in front of him. It was a gruesome sight, though eerily bloodless. Regina removed the man’s heart, but there was no gaping wound in his chest - not even his clothing was torn. He gasped and winced in pain when she removed it, but his discomfort faded quickly. For a moment, the man just stood there, his mouth gaping in disbelief. It wasn’t until Regina crushed his heart into dust, that the man collapsed as if his heart had stopped. There were no convulsions or chokes for air - the man simply fell to the ground, stone dead. </p><p>Jefferson imagined Priscilla meeting this fate, and it terrified him. It was best that he didn’t breathe a word of her.</p><p>So without saying anything, he lifted Regina, with one arm under her knees, and carried her to bed.</p><p>In a raised voice, Regina petulantly exclaimed, “This is highly unorthodox!”</p><p>Jefferson shushed her. “Regina, be quiet."</p><p>He lay the irritated queen down in the center of her bed, and sat on the edge next to her. She huffed in annoyance, casting a spell that locked the door and soundproofed the room. Smoky, violet magic lingered on her fingertips, and Jefferson took her hands in his, kissing them.</p><p>Regina pouted. “I’ll be as loud as I like, Hatter.”</p><p>Jefferson chuckled, saying, “Oh, I hope so.”</p><p>A moody Regina could be tiresome, but she looked pretty in her crown, her jewels, and her peach-colored gown. Not that she liked being called “pretty.” She didn’t appreciate compliments, self-conscious and doubtful that Jefferson spoke truthfully.</p><p>Jefferson had told Regina his biggest lie in the past - a lie that she could not forgive him for, if she ever uncovered it - so letting Regina know if she looked fat in a dress was something he would always bluntly, honestly answer. The same went for calling her beautiful.</p><p>Not one to waste time, the young queen immediately hiked up her gown. She didn’t begin undressing with her jewelry, or her crown, her gloves, or even her shoes. Regina was only removing the necessary fabric beneath her skirt.</p><p>There was something heart-sinking about the manner by which she was already opening her legs, because Regina didn’t look thrilled or aroused - more like mildly bored, like this was a chore. It gave Jefferson a sickening feeling of disgust with himself, that Regina thought this was all he wanted.</p><p>“Regina, stop. I don’t want to rush this.”</p><p>The young queen had her stockings halfway down her legs, when she furrowed her brow in what could only be described as disappointed puzzlement. </p><p>Jefferson edged closer to her, leaning over Regina’s body to whisper, “I want to unveil you, inch by inch.” </p><p>He lightly kissed her lips, and the tension in the queen’s shoulders relaxed. Regina sighed with pleasure as he kissed his way from her under her jaw to the top of her breasts. </p><p>“Sit up,” Jefferson said, to make it easier to undress her. “And take off that crown,” he added. “You’re not a queen tonight.”</p><p>Regina removed her crown, her gloves, and her other jewelry, while Jefferson unlaced her gown. Focused on undoing her complicated clothing, he didn’t immediately register that Regina was staring thoughtfully at the crown in her hand.</p><p>She opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it. Noticing her conflicted expression, Jefferson smoothly swiped the crown from her and chucked it over his shoulder. Regina made a startled sound that turned into a laugh. </p><p> “Stand up,” he said. </p><p>Regina stood, and he removed her gown completely, leaving her topless, but still wearing the underclothes she tried to take off earlier. Jefferson, sitting on the edge of the bed, placed his hands on her hips and guided her closer, so he could tenderly kiss her bare stomach, breasts, and the flesh just above her waist. </p><p>“You’re still dressed,” she said. The only garment Jefferson had removed was his coat. </p><p>“So undress me.”</p><p>Regina tried to be equally careful - especially with Jefferson’s expensive outer garments, like his waistcoat and scarf - but kept impatiently sliding her hand between his legs. She cupped his erection and he moaned quietly. </p><p>“Yes,” she said, increasing the speed and pressure of her strokes through the fabric. <em> “There </em> you are.”</p><p>“Shhh,” said Jefferson, kissing her.  “Don’t speak.”</p><p>“Unbutton your trousers.”</p><p>“Patience,” he told her. He lifted Regina’s hand off his body and she let him, sitting back to watch Jefferson disrobe at his own pace.</p><p>Once he was stripped naked, it was time to remove Regina’s remaining garments, and Jefferson drew this part out, laying Regina on her back so he could kiss her legs as he uncovered them. </p><p>Jefferson kissed her feet, her knees, all her ticklish spots, and the patches of skin that made her shiver. Finally, he pressed his lips to Regina’s most intimate place between her thighs. He kissed her lightly at first, then licked - slowly, teasingly - until he could hear Regina’s breathing change and feel her hips twitch. </p><p>Jefferson stopped teasing and began pleasuring her with his mouth in earnest. Regina’s sounds grew louder, and she placed her hands on the back of Jefferson’s head, threading her fingers through his hair. </p><p>“Regina,” he murmured, looking up at her. She allowed him to lift his head, and Jefferson replaced his tongue with his thumb. He spread her legs a little wider, so he could finger her with his other hand.</p><p>“Jefferson,” she begged. “I want you inside me.”</p><p>“I want you to come first,” he said hoarsely, pumping his arm faster. Regina bucked her hips, moaning at a volume that made Jefferson grateful for magical soundproofing. “You’re so beautiful, Regina. <em> Gods, </em>you’re gorgeous!”</p><p>Regina covered her face, embarrassed by either his flattery or her pleasure or both. Her muscles tensed, and with a loud, high-pitched cry, she came. Jefferson stopped stroking her with his thumb, but did not withdraw his other fingers until she was done shaking. </p><p>Jefferson leaned down and kissed her. Regina grabbed the back of his head and deepened the kiss.</p><p>“I want you,” she said, reaching between his legs and wrapping her fingers around him. Jefferson groaned.</p><p>“Are you ready?” he asked. </p><p>Regina squeezed her hand. </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson had fingered Regina quick and hard, the way she needed it to climax. Despite this and despite her impatience, he fucked Regina slowly - with lots of kissing and caresses - all of which frustrated and annoyed her. </p><p>“Jefferson,” she said - in irritation, not pleasure. <em> “Jefferson.” </em></p><p>He shushed her and kissed her throat.</p><p>“Just relax,” he murmured, then winced in pain when Regina scraped her nails down his back. </p><p>“What’s gotten into you?” she asked, when this didn’t spur him into thrusting faster. “Something’s changed. What is it?”</p><p>Jefferson didn’t reply.</p><p>“Hatter--”</p><p>“Can I make love to you without twenty questions?” he asked with some frustration, while trying to inject humor into his tone.</p><p>Regina didn’t like the expression “making love.” It made her uncomfortable, and she didn’t like the word “love” in general. </p><p>Jefferson tried kissing the frown off her lips, but she wouldn’t kiss back, so he stopped.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I was trying something different.”</p><p>“Okay,” Regina replied, but still looked a bit confused.</p><p>“I just wanted to take it slow.”</p><p>“I said okay,” she curtly repeated. More kindly, she added, “We can take it slow.” </p><p>Jefferson had stopped moving, so Regina wrapped her legs around him, rocking her hips languidly, to encourage him to keep going. </p><p>He was never going to see Regina again - after tonight, their paths would have no reason to cross. And it would be dangerous for him and Priscilla, even without his history with the queen. Jefferson’s passport to Regina’s kingdom - the one he traded his biggest lie for the day they met - would soon expire, and Priscilla didn’t want to live there anyway. </p><p>These thoughts gave Jefferson pangs of guilt and regret. To hide this emotion, he buried his face in the crook of Regina’s neck. He thrust faster, focusing on the feel of her body, savoring his last taste of her. </p><p>“I’m close,” Jefferson told Regina quietly, that fear of getting the queen pregnant always at the back of his mind. </p><p>“Go ahead,” she said, holding him and stroking the back of his hair while he finished.</p><p>Afterwards, Jefferson gently pressed his lips to Regina’s forehead. Then they lay side by side - silent and awkward, sad and tired - gazing up at the canopy of Regina’s bed. </p><p>“I have to go.”</p><p>“So soon?” Regina asked, in disappointment.</p><p>Jefferson didn’t answer, getting up to begin stitching the Hatter back together. </p><p>The portal jumper had as many layers of clothes as a lady like Regina - more, in fact, because a dress could be counted as one garment. Underclothes, trousers, shirt, waistcoat, scarf, jewelry, socks, and boots - all covered by his long black coat and topped with the impossible Hat. </p><p>(Unless they had more time - like when they were taking trips together in the Hat - Jefferson rarely did more than pull down his pants while Regina rolled down her stockings, and they fucked with their shoes still on.)</p><p>Regina got up and threw on a robe. She silently observed Jefferson getting dressed, and he didn't pay her much attention until she appeared in front of him, firmly saying, "You’re acting strangely and I demand to know why.”</p><p>“Oh, so <em> now </em> you care how I'm feeling?” Jefferson snapped sarcastically. Regina looked taken aback by his angry response, and it surprised him a little as well.</p><p>Taking the hint that he wanted to get dressed in peace, Regina walked out onto the balcony.</p><p>He put on his coat last, and seeing Regina shiver in the cool air, Jefferson wanted to drape it over her shoulders to keep her warm. The moonlight softly illuminated her, and Regina was unique and lovely and dangerous - and she could never learn the full truth behind his secrets.</p><p>Jefferson sidled up next to her on the balcony. </p><p>"Look, Regina," he said, pointing at a star at random. “See the second star to the right?"</p><p>"What about it?" she asked, following his finger. </p><p>"If you fly that way, straight on ‘til morning, you will find yourself in a whole other world."</p><p>Regina huffed a laugh. </p><p>"Granted, it’s one of many.” Jefferson turned to face her. “And now, my Queen, I must bid you goodnight." </p><p>Regina smiled slightly. </p><p>"It’s about time I got some sleep,” she said, then asked the dreaded question, “When will I see you again?"</p><p>Panicked and unprepared, unable to think of a lie he felt comfortable telling, Jefferson kissed her. It felt like any other kiss they had shared, even though it would be their last. Its ordinariness was the worst part.</p><p>Regina didn’t know this was their last kiss - she couldn’t know. To protect Priscilla, Jefferson needed to act like things were normal. His final correspondence to Regina could perhaps be a letter - secretly delivered and coded - with a made-up excuse for his absence. Regina knew he was a criminal who was ever on the run, which was as good an explanation as any. </p><p>And she had to have known her marriage meant their affair would eventually end. She had to have expected this.</p><p>"Goodnight," Jefferson whispered, and stepped back inside to retrieve the Hat. </p><p>He activated the portal before taking one last glance at her. The vortex swirled rapidly, blowing the air around it, but Regina was so used to it, she didn’t care if it damaged anything. She knew how wide the portal opened and the speed of its winds, and she had seen Jefferson depart so many times, she knew exactly how long the portal remained open. Jefferson never got to see what the portal looked like closing - Regina told him the hole would swiftly shrink until it vanished. She said she could see him disappear, if she dared to look down.</p><p>Jefferson returned to the Portal of Doors instead of the hostel. For a few quiet moments, he stood in the center of the room, gazing up at the black void that substituted its ceiling. Then he looked around at the seventeen doors, and idly walked back and forth across the chamber’s black marble floor, tracing its looping, golden patterns with his feet, gathering his thoughts.</p><p>He had just cheated on Priscilla. </p><p>He had just ended his longest relationship.</p><p>He couldn’t love the both of them.</p><p>All he could do right now was take a hot bath in a nice inn, and wash off the scent of royalty and shame.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Congratulations on your nuptials,” said Rumplestiltskin. “But why are you sharing this news with <em> me?” </em></p><p>“I had hoped you could pass it on to someone in particular.”</p><p>“Afraid of a little chat with your ex?”</p><p>“She wouldn’t want to see me.”</p><p>“Rough break-up?”</p><p>“No, not really.”</p><p>“I see. Tell me, did you ever actually break up with her...<em> at all?” </em></p><p>“She knows.”</p><p>“Are you sure about that? We both know she’s not very bright, when it comes to these matters.<em> You, </em> better than others.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“You’ve got the passport to prove it. Or has it expired?”</p><p>“Just <em> tell </em> her.”</p><p>“Sorry, dearie. Some bandages, you’ve got to rip off yourself.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note 03/27/21:</b>
</p><p>It's probably time I take a break from adding to this fanfic, but I am sure I will be adding more! It has just been an easy way to post all these shorts in my head. I can't believe it is now the length of a novel!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Incline (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I found eight <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/73356891#workskin">more</a> old fanfic prompts, so here are eight more drabbles. (800 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Includes some dialogue from S2E5, “The Doctor,” and S1E22, “A Land Without Magic.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>1. Meet Cute</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Pardon me for eavesdropping,” Jefferson says with a cough, directly behind Rumplestiltskin’s student, startling her. “But I think you need to look elsewhere for assistance.”</p><p>“What do <em> you </em> know about it?” she asks.</p><p>“I hear things. I’m a man who travels and sees much.” </p><p>He tells her about the “wizard” who can bring back the dead. </p><p>Everything has a price - <em> information </em> has a price, even <em> bad </em> information - and the Queen trades Jefferson a royal passport for bringing back her dead boyfriend.</p><p>But can this wizard <em> actually do </em> what Jefferson claims?</p><p>“If he can’t, no one can.”</p><p>Hook, line, and sinker.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>2. Adventure</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me about you and Mommy’s adventures, Papa.”</p><p>Jefferson lies to her every time, saying, “They’re just stories, Grace.” Because as soon as he got Priscilla to finally jump into the Hat, there was no keeping her out of it. (Not until she held the little girl sitting with him by the fire.) If Grace is anything like her parents, she will want to Jump too, so she must never know it is not impossible. </p><p>“In the faraway land of Pandaria,” Jefferson tells her, in a theatrical tone, “there was a beautiful place called the Temple of the Jade Serpent…”</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>3. Déjà vu</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The loop isn’t obvious if you’re not looking for it. The loop could be the boring life of any small city, even if time was linear.</p><p>The loop isn’t obvious until you notice none of the children age. Then it’s impossible to ignore.</p><p>Jefferson observes his daughter Grace closely - (at first he is careless about being noticed, and it worries her parents and teachers, so he backs off) - and it becomes <em> very </em> easy, <em> very </em>quickly to notice that time is looping, because Grace isn’t aging. </p><p>She is supposed to start sixth grade next year, but next year will never come. </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>4. Qualms</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Regina has changed since the dead boy’s failed resurrection - she’s a little meaner, a little darker, and more bitter than Jefferson remembers. </p><p>Some of that innocence and vulnerability returns once Jefferson has her on her back. </p><p>“It hurts,” Regina says. Jefferson wonders how the queen could still be a virgin, then remembers there are lots of rocks and bits of wood beneath their “blanket” - his coat.</p><p>“Get on top,” Jefferson suggests. They switch, and the ground is rough, but fucking this girl is worth the discomfort. (And the danger.)</p><p>It’s probably still a sign this is a very bad idea.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>5. Unfinished Business</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>In Storybrooke Hospital, Jefferson lurks near an unconscious Henry, waiting for Regina. </p><p>“Pity, isn't it?” he says, with none in his voice. “There's nothing harder than not knowing whether you'll ever see your child again.”</p><p>Jefferson reminds Regina of their deal - Grace in exchange for the poison apple - but she reneges - <em> again. </em>He shouldn’t be surprised, but it’s infuriating.</p><p>“Emma was supposed to eat that apple,” says Regina. “That makes our deal null and void.”</p><p>Regina says she’s done with him. </p><p>“What are you going to do?” she taunts. “Kill me?”</p><p>No, but Jefferson knows a certain man who can.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>6. Ephemera</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Regina closes her eyes, concentrating. Her palm faces up, as though waiting to be handed the small cake she is trying to conjure. </p><p>“I just <em> had </em> it!” she says in frustration. “I made one right before you arrived.”</p><p>“Did you eat it?” Jefferson asks, with some amusement. </p><p>“No,” the sorceress says with a sigh. “It disappeared before I could take one bite.”</p><p>Jefferson knows a mage in another world who conjures food and drinks all the time. If left uneaten, they disappear as well. </p><p>“Where do the ingredients come from, anyway?” he asks. “We might as well be eating air.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>7. Erotica</strong>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Get off the computer,” Regina says, startling him. “There’s a real woman in your house.”</p><p>Embarrassed to be caught and furious at her intrusion, Jefferson exclaims, “Is there no such thing as privacy?”</p><p>“You left your door open. Why are you jerking off in your office, anyway?”</p><p>Regina makes everything worse - as her presence always does - by walking over to turn his computer off manually. Her gaze lingers where his hand is trying to hide his nakedness.</p><p>“If you’re going to be doing<em> that,” </em> she says, “I should get to watch.”</p><p>Because Jefferson never denies the Mayor anything, she does.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>8. No Escape</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Storybrooke <em> seems </em> small, but as Jefferson fills his map, it feels like it’s expanding. He can see far from his house, but the forest begs to be explored.</p><p>He begins mapping inside-out, but should first locate the border. If he’s <em> not </em>insane, the town is bubbled. But how far? He starts with the green “Leaving Storybrooke” sign.</p><p>Jefferson woke up here without magic - (it felt like waking up without oxygen) - but has finally found some, right on the edge. And the closer to Storybrooke’s border Jefferson creeps, the stronger the sensation. </p><p>But he can’t escape this prison without his daughter.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note 03/31/21:</b>
</p><p>I know I said a few days ago that I wasn't going to be updating this fanfic for a while, but I couldn't resist.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. An Essay about Mad Queen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I don’t know if essays count as chapters of a fanfic, but this grew longer than normal Chapter Notes, so I am posting this by itself. (2,475 words.)</p><p>I have some thoughts I want to share about the Mad Queen ‘ship. I have written some commentary about canon, headcanons and fanon, my fanfiction series, and fanfiction in general.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Back in November 2012, my Mad Queen fanfiction started out with a darker tone. My very first Once Upon a Time fanfic, “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/554793/chapters/989182">Only Sometimes </a>,” was inspired by a few different sources. Firstly, the few Mad Queen fanfics that existed at the time, the episode S2E5, “The Doctor,” which had just aired, and the second-to-last flashback in The Doctor, in which Regina kills Rumplestiltskin’s new student by crushing her heart. </p><p>I quickly put together a story - Regina and Jefferson became lovers after meeting in The Doctor, broke up a couple years later when Jefferson fell in love with Grace’s mother, then he and Regina hooked up again many years later in Cursed Storybrooke, and had a <em> significantly </em> fucked up relationship during those twenty-eight years.</p><p>I wrote two fanfics that take place after their final interaction in the Season 1 finale, which take place during the events of Season 2. A fanfic called "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/562963">Fifty Years Late</a>," in which the two of them call a truce, and “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/595081">The Scent of Apples </a>,” in which they hook up for one last time.</p><p>Beginning, middle, end. </p><p>As my fanfiction series “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/30855">Some Kind of Madness</a>" continued, the story being told non-linearly, Regina and Jefferson's relationship in Pre-Curse FTL softened with each update. Other fanfiction authors were writing <em> very </em> romantic fanfiction and online RP in 2013, and it bled into my own. But I had a problem - Only Sometimes begins with Regina and Jefferson being really, <em> really </em> shitty to each other. Not shitty like we all decided Jefferson was shitty, but like, Regina being really <em> angry </em> and taking it out on <em> him </em> - <em> before </em> Jefferson leaves her for Grace’s mom, which doesn’t make much sense to me. And in our fanfics and RP - and my own - Regina doesn’t find out that Jefferson and Victor conned her until <em> after </em>she and Jefferson break up. </p><p>(None of us could figure out how Regina discovered the truth. Some writers had Jefferson just straight-up telling her, but I never decided how Regina found out in my version of events. In my fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/562963">Fifty Years Late </a>,” Regina doesn’t put it all together until Dr. Whale reanimates Daniel in Storybrooke. But in subsequent fanfics, I had Regina discover the truth before casting the Curse, I just never explained how. Yet.)</p><p>Back to Regina murdering a girl she’s never met in cold blood, just to impress Rumplestiltskin, at the end of The Doctor. That scene inspired <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/554793/chapters/989182"> the first words I ever wrote about this ‘ship :</a></p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>“Her right hand pressed against your chest - all five, hot fingers - calling up that image...that sound...of countless disembodied hearts thumping in unison.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Anytime Regina placed her hands on you - to push you down into a bed, or up against a wall, or through your shirt from below - any other sensation couldn't make you forget or not notice, even through layers of fabric, what those hands could do to you. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Many times, you could gently nudge her hands away to caress some other body part, and she would comply. When that didn't work, you grabbed her wrists to forcefully move them - anywhere else. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Regina knew. She must have known. She had found all kinds of fresh, new ways to kill, but you still feared her hands the most.” </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>The fanfic gets darker from there. It also gets <em> embarrassingly </em> OOC, in my opinion, to the point that Only Sometimes makes me cringe. </p><p>In 2013, the fanfiction and RP written by Mad Queen ‘shippers pivoted in a more romantic direction, and the Regina and Jefferson from Only Sometimes felt even stranger and more out of place.</p><p>Then the episode S3E3, “Quite a Common Fairy,” aired, which did two things. It confirmed that Regina continued to act young and somewhat naive after the events of The Doctor - she still had some light in her and was not “a monster” yet. Regina still wanted a normal life and was open to a second chance at love, though she rejected this at the end of the episode out of fear. Secondly, the episode killed any romantic interpretations of the Mad Queen ‘ship. Regina decided to reject love and embrace her hatred at the end of Quite a Common Fairy - which actually jibed with my characterizations of Regina and Jefferson in Only Sometimes and Some Kind of Madness on the whole.</p><p>After this episode aired, canon Regina and the Regina from Only Sometimes became a better match. Both versions are full of rage - consumed by their anger, fixated on revenge on Snow White, succumbing to their fear and rejecting love. </p><p>But Regina in Quite a Common Fairy is also frustrated by her lack of freedom, and she has an aching loneliness being stuck in King Leopold’s castle. </p><p>Rumplestiltskin encourages Regina’s hatred to grow, and he knows that her loneliness contributes to this. Aware of what will happen next, the audience knows Rumplestiltskin intends to break Regina to the point she will cast the Dark Curse, so he can go to the Land Without Magic and track down his son. Over the years, Rumplestiltskin emotionally manipulates Regina, gradually stripping Regina of her humanity, and she doesn’t even realize he is doing this. (That’s not to say Regina’s evil choices are not her own - an explanation for a person’s behavior is not an excuse.)</p><p>Enter Jefferson, who is - as far as the audience can tell based on his behavior and choices in The Doctor - an immature con-man who gives zero fucks. But other than this one incident, the audience learns nothing about Jefferson’s backstory, other than whatever is implied in S1E17, “Hat Trick.” There was very little in canon to go on - before the tie-in graphic novel “Out of the Past” was published in 2015, telling the story of Grace’s mother, and even after its publication, since it reveals nothing about Jefferson’s early life - so fanfiction authors explored a variety of interpretations and headcanons over the years. All the audience can glean is that young Jefferson, before he becomes a father, is kind of an asshole. </p><p>Back to a lonely Regina simmering with rage. By the time the events of Quite a Common Fairy roll around, the audience only knows for certain that Regina has committed one murder - the girl whose heart she crushed at the end of The Doctor. In Quite a Common Fairy, Rumplestiltskin tells Regina that now that she has begun using dark magic, she cannot quit using it. Regina finds this disturbing. </p><p>Then a fairy named Tinkerbell encourages Regina to seek out her soulmate - a man with a lion tattoo. Tinkerbell brings Regina to him, but Regina is afraid to speak to him and returns to King Leopold’s castle. Regina rejects Tinkerbell’s friendship as well, and Tinkerbell is stripped of her wings by the Blue Fairy for helping Rumplestiltskin’s student. Decades later, older Regina explains to Tinkerbell that she was afraid to let go of her anger, and feared she would be nothing without it. Rumplestiltskin says the same thing to Regina before she even meets Tinkerbell - Regina is nothing without her anger. (Regina internalizes every one of Rumplestiltskin’s manipulations.)</p><p>So we’ve got a bitter, lonely Regina, and a gives-zero-fucks Jefferson. It should be noted that Jefferson hurts Regina significantly in The Doctor. To be fair, he knows nothing about her and just wants to get paid, but this incident pushes Regina to transform into “a monster,” as Rumplestiltskin phrases it. Jefferson also finds Regina’s sorrow amusing, and laughs that she cried over Daniel’s corpse. That says a lot about what Jefferson thinks of Regina when they first meet.</p><p>(I don’t think Jefferson could have predicted how bad things would get, and I don’t think he cared if Rumplestiltskin's scheme worked. In my fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/562963">Fifty Years Late </a> ,” Jefferson tells Dr. Whale that he never imagined their con would have such devastating repercussions. In my fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28619328">Only Once, Unexpectedly, Then Never Again </a>,” Jefferson tells Victor that he doesn’t understand Rumplestiltskin’s motives, but does not question them.)</p><p>Flash forward to the events of Hat Trick. There are hints that Jefferson and Regina interacted between the events of The Doctor and Hat Trick, but no indication their relationship was romantic or sexual. In 2013, one of Once Upon a Time’s writers confirmed on Twitter that they did interact during that time gap. (He also confirmed that Regina and Jefferson interacted during their 28 years in Cursed Storybrooke.) A second writer phrased Regina’s motivation for abandoning Jefferson in Wonderland like this - Regina was discarding Jefferson like chewing gum from the bottom of her shoe. </p><p>The Doctor aired a few months after Hat Trick, and I believe was <em> meant </em> to be interpreted as the reason Regina punishes Jefferson - which she does not once, but twice, first ditching him in Wonderland, then giving him two sets of memories, leaving Jefferson “awake” in Cursed Storybrooke for 28 years. If Regina learned that Jefferson conned her, giving her hope Daniel could be resurrected and breaking her heart for a second time, that may be enough motivation to punish Jefferson so harshly. </p><p>But I don’t believe Jefferson’s punishment fits the crime, since his accomplice Victor Frankenstein lives an okay life in Cursed Storybrooke. (After suffering <em> much </em> more for <em> seventeen years, </em> back home in the Land Without Color, after what he does to his brother and father.) Victor lives as Dr. Whale within Storybrooke’s time loop, so he has <em> no idea </em> - as Dr. Whale says to Regina in an earlier chapter of “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/67564502#workskin">Lighting Matches</a>" - that he is being punished at all.</p><p>Snow White also lives an okay life in Cursed Storybrooke - somewhat meek, lonely, and lacking a love life, but she is also an elementary school teacher, whose students love her in their own way. <em>And Regina blames Snow for Daniel’s death!</em> Regina spends <em>her entire adult life </em>seeking revenge on Snow, and yet Snow does not suffer much in Storybrooke.</p><p>So other than for plot reasons, why would Jefferson be condemned to suffer the time loop, aware and awake with two identities for 28 years?</p><p>Because he led Regina on and broke up with her, of course.</p><p>But that is what happened between them with the <em> ‘shipper goggles </em> strapped on. A few lines of dialogue and some body language are all that tell Jefferson and Regina’s backstory in Hat Trick. Jefferson used to work for Regina, they are snarky with each other, Regina is familiar with Jefferson’s magic and it’s implied she has traveled with him in the Hat, and the two of them are comfortable touching each other. Also, there’s that one flirty interaction in Jefferson’s cabin. But that’s all the audience gets from canon. Everything ‘shippers extrapolate from there is purely fanfiction. (The touching can even be explained just by watching The Doctor - Jefferson is just <em> like </em> that. He's the same way around Emma in Hat Trick. Also, he and Regina met when they were kids. On some level, Regina will always be that 20-year-old girl. She will always be “Regina,” not the “Evil Queen.”)</p><p>Whew! Why have I written all of that out? This is meta more suited to Tumblr. I guess I just wanted to post my thoughts in a more permanent place.</p><p>I was inspired to write all of this out because I wanted to explain why the Mad Queen ‘ship exists in the first place, and wanted to talk about why I think Regina and Jefferson would not be <em>quite </em>as hostile to each other when they “hook up” as they are in my fanfic Only Sometimes. It makes sense they would not “fall in love,” but if Regina solely used Jefferson for sex, why would she feel so betrayed when he moved on to another relationship, that she would spend thirty years punishing him for it? </p><p>Also, it’s too late for me to write Jefferson solely using <em> Regina </em> for sex. I let all the romantic fanfics and RP from 2013 sway Some Kind of Madness in the direction that Jefferson evolves from not giving two shits about Regina’s feelings - (and wanting to fuck her solely because he’s excited by the danger of bedding married royalty, who also happens to be a sorceress adept at dark magic who could murder you at any time) - to genuinely caring about Regina’s wellbeing and wanting to spend time with her doing things other than having sex. When I picked this fanfiction series back up in November 2020 by writing “Lighting Matches,” I tried to keep that balance of “being shitty to each other” and “loving each other,” but then it leaned towards romance so far that it’s fallen over and can’t get back up again.</p><p>I can’t help but be a romantic, but I know how dysfunctional love affairs go, and how they must always end - from both fictional stories and real-life experience. I find such stories interesting - more fascinating than love stories that end happily. But in the end, I <em> am </em> sentimental, and I enjoy happy endings. I am a little bit torn about the ‘ship Mad Queen. <em> Their </em> love story will always begin with a cruel lie and end bitterly, with decades of suffering in between. </p><p>Regina and Jefferson’s story in Some Kind of Madness concludes in my fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/595081">The Scent of Apples </a>,” with a curt farewell in Regina’s kitchen - both of them hungover and embarrassed - and a promise made to never speak to each other again. That is a happier ending than their final conversation in the show, arguing over a comatose Henry in the hospital, in S1E22, “A Land Without Magic.” Regina tells Jefferson she is done with him, and taunts him that he doesn’t have it in him to actually kill her, even though he wants to. Jefferson’s final act - the closest to exacting his revenge on Regina that he will ever get - is saving Belle and crossing his fingers that Rumplestiltskin will kill Regina for him. (“I need your help to do something that I can't,” Jefferson tells Belle.) That is how the Mad Queen story ends in canon, and I am too much of a romantic to leave it at that.</p><p>Their final interaction in The Scent of Apples:</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> "Will I see you?" she asked. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Jefferson shook his head, with an expression that said ‘Why would I?’ </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> "You're toxic, Regina," he said, and she flinched at the word. "For me. I can't have that in my life now, with Grace." </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Regina looked hurt, forgetting her role in his family's story was the villain. She touched his chest and he backed away. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> "I thought you understood." </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> "I want to change," she said. "I promised Henry I would." </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> "I know. So if you care about me and my daughter, you'll leave us alone." </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> He felt around his pockets for his car keys and pulled them out. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> "Jefferson..." </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> "Don't," he said, when she reached for his cheek. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> She watched him turn and leave. Watched him get into his car, out the window, and drive away. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Regina went upstairs to wash off the smell of him with her apple scented soap.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note 04/01/21:</b>
</p><p>I keep saying I'm going to stop adding chapters to this fanfic, but...</p><p> </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Belle (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson meets a mysterious woman in Storybrooke Hospital. (2,910 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The dialogue in the final scene comes from S1E22, “A Land Without Magic.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> This has to stop! </em>
</p><p>Half of Jefferson means the Queen’s Curse needs to end, and half of him means something must be done about his self-destructive spiral into madness.</p><p>“These auditory hallucinations won’t go away,” Jefferson tells his doctors - when he is calm, his appointment is scheduled, and people are actually listening to his problems. </p><p>But his hospitalizations usually begin with law enforcement dragging him kicking and screaming through the Emergency Room, immediately being injected with a sedative, then being taken - more discreetly - down to Storybrooke Hospital’s dank, cement prison for the criminally insane.</p><p>After hearing the crying woman in the next cell, Jefferson starts doing this on purpose. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>During his first imprisonment in the secret ward, Jefferson wakes in darkness, still recovering from a very real psychotic episode. He is cold, confused, and shaken. He’s not in the best condition to memorize where he is or how he got there, but he is just aware enough to hear the sobbing. </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>The walls are thick, and if this other patient can hear him, their response is faint. </p><p>“Are you okay?” he yells more loudly. </p><p>“Who are you?” calls a feminine voice. </p><p>“My name is Jefferson,” he yells back. “What’s your name?”</p><p>“I don’t...I don’t know.”</p><p>“Are you hurt?”</p><p>“No, but...what is this place?”</p><p>Jefferson looks around, and from context clues - the last thing he remembers is screaming about curses and being shoved in a police car - he figures it must be the psych ward at Storybrooke Hospital. But this is different from his last room. That one let in sunlight, and was more easily accessible, allowing doctors to easily monitor their patients. This room has a locked metal door, with a single grated window to illuminate it. The stone bricks are large and rectangular - reminiscent of a castle dungeon - and there is one pillow with a thin mat, but no mattress, on a cement cot. </p><p>“I think it’s a prison,” he replies. “How long have you been here?” </p><p>“I don’t know."</p><p>“More than a year?” he asks, praying the answer is no. If this person has been experiencing time in Storybrooke the way he does...The torture must be unbearable.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” she replies, and Jefferson exhales in relief. </p><p>“I’ve never heard your voice before,” she adds.</p><p>“I’ve never been here. I don’t know where we are, but I’ll find out for both of us.”</p><p>There is some commotion outside Jefferson’s door - raised voices and the sound of keys - and suddenly a hospital employee is entering to jab Jefferson with more sedative. At first he resists, then hears what sounds like a furious Regina. It is shocking that she would care at all about his suffering, but her real concern must be keeping him away from the mysterious woman in the next cell. </p><p>Jefferson reawakens in a hospital room upstairs. He suspects that if he asked about the stone cell, he’d be told it doesn’t exist, so he doesn’t ask.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Hello?” </p><p>“Hello! Who’s there?”</p><p>“It’s me, Jefferson.”</p><p>“I’ve never heard your voice before.”</p><p>Jefferson sighs in relief. </p><p>“Do you know where we are?” the woman asks. </p><p>“We’re in Storybrooke Hospital.”</p><p>“This doesn’t look like a hospital.”</p><p>“I think we’re in the basement.”</p><p>“Why would we be in the basement?”</p><p>“Someone wants you caged and me silenced.”</p><p>“I don’t understand,” she says tearfully. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”</p><p>“I know,” Jefferson says, not sure what to do, or what to say to comfort the woman. He could promise to get her out, but giving a person false hope is what caused this nightmare.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Hello! Who’s there?”</p><p>“My name is Jefferson.”</p><p>“I’ve never heard your voice before.”</p><p>“We’re trapped in Storybrooke Hospital, but I think I know why.”</p><p>“I don’t understand.”</p><p>“Someone wants you hidden, kept out of sight.”</p><p>“Why would they do this to me?” she cries painfully. “I know nothing!”</p><p>“That’s all I know. I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Hello! Who’s there?”</p><p>“It’s me, Jefferson, remember?”</p><p>“Jefferson?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I’ve never heard your voice before.”</p><p>Jefferson laughs.</p><p>“Do you know how much of a relief it is, every time you say that?”</p><p>“No. Why?”</p><p>“Forget it. I’m just happy you’re okay. Are you hurt? Are you cold?”</p><p>“I’m cold, but I’m not hurt.”</p><p>“Are they feeding you?”</p><p>“Sometimes.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry this is happening to you.”</p><p>“Do you know a way out?” she asks hopefully.</p><p>Jefferson has gotten better at infiltrating Storybrooke Hospital over the years - keeping unnoticed and ignored, passing himself off as an employee. The half of Jefferson who was a thief and a con-man, what feels like a lifetime ago, is still good at subterfuge under normal circumstances, and taking advantage of a time loop, he’s on a whole other level.</p><p>And he has figured out the location of this ward’s door by pretending to be more drugged and incoherent than he is when they take him through it.</p><p>“Jefferson?”</p><p>He hasn’t gotten the passcode yet and he doesn’t know the woman’s identity, but he’s working on it.</p><p>“Can you get me out of here?”</p><p>But he doesn’t make promises anymore.</p><p>“If I find a way.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson doesn’t know much about the Evil Queen. After Priscilla’s death, he remained hidden to keep Grace safe, hearing only the most widespread rumors. The Evil Queen was ruthless - even bloodthirsty - and public enemy number one was Snow White.</p><p>So the Evil Queen can have any number of enemies she wants punished so cruelly in Storybrooke, and the woman in Storybrooke Hospital can be any one of them. The Regina that Jefferson used to know has only <em>three</em> here he can name.</p><p>Snow White’s punishment is obvious - separating her from friends and family by stripping them of their memories, and keeping Prince Charming comatose.</p><p>Jefferson’s punishment...He lives that nightmare every day. </p><p>Rumplestiltskin’s is tricky - he doesn’t seem to suffer much. In Storybrooke, he is wealthy and respected - even <em> feared. </em></p><p>Surely, Regina would not allow Rumplestiltskin to go entirely unaffected. He was her mentor when they were young, but they had likely become rivals once the Evil Queen came into power. Creating his “monster” had to bite Rumplestiltskin in the ass eventually. He was <em> here,</em> wasn’t he?</p><p>But what would the woman in the hospital have to do with <em> him? </em> It’s a possible but improbable connection worth pursuing.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“So what’s Rumplestiltskin’s punishment in this land?” Jefferson asks Regina, once she’s had at least half a bottle of vodka. For this fact-finding mission, he has been sneaking water into his own drinks while mixing real liquor into hers. </p><p>“Mr. Gold is a pathetic, bitter wretch with no love, only his money.” She laughs, making the connection - “He’s an older, uglier you!” </p><p>“I’m guessing you made a deal,” Jefferson says. “He wouldn’t own the town, otherwise.”</p><p>Regina snorts a laugh. </p><p>“I needed some information, and he wanted to be rich.”</p><p>“What kind of information?”</p><p><em> “Private </em> information.” </p><p>They are sitting on Jefferson’s living room couch, with Regina close enough to squeeze his thigh and demand, “Enough of this. I want to talk to the other Jefferson.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because he doesn’t ask such nosy questions.”</p><p>Jefferson has gotten better at flipping back and forth, but only when he’s sober. This could be a good opportunity to pick Regina’s brain while she has let down her guard. But could he actually fool her into thinking he’s his cursed self?</p><p>He should know his Storybrooke self well enough to be convincing, but it requires being affectionate with her, and Regina’s betrayal still fills him with rage. </p><p>“Regina,” he says, in a gentler tone to his own. </p><p>Unsure how to begin, Jefferson kisses her. Regina tenses, as she always does, unsure if this will be one of their hate-fueled, aggressive make-outs, or the more relaxed kisses of a Storybrooke citizen in over his head with his town’s civic leader. </p><p>“You’re drunk,” he says, affecting a playfully intoxicated smile. “It’s unbecoming of a mayor.”</p><p>Regina relaxes. She straddles Jefferson’s lap, pressing her body up against him. </p><p>“Mmm,” she says, nuzzling his ear. “I’m off the clock. I can do anything I want.”</p><p>“Even this?” he asks, squeezing her ass. He grinds their hips together. “Think of the scandal.”</p><p>“You’re downright Puritanical,” Regina says dryly. “It’s unfitting of a playboy.”</p><p>“I’m reformed.”</p><p>“I’ll bet,” she says, kissing him again, and Jefferson pretends he’s kissing the queen who hasn’t yet turned evil. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” he says, in a serious tone.</p><p>Unbuttoning his shirt, Regina replies, “Only if it’s related to our current activity.”</p><p>“What’s the <em> worst </em>thing a person can do to someone?” </p><p>Regina stops, eyes fixed on the button in her hand. She glances up, looking for some hint in his eyes it’s the Hatter. It’s difficult to tell what she sees, but after a moment, she continues undressing him.</p><p>“Don’t think about those things.”</p><p>“I think it would be separating them from somebody they love,” he says, and Regina tenses. </p><p>“Why are you talking like this?”</p><p>“I was just thinking about Michelle,” Jefferson replies, feigning drunk sorrow, and Regina sighs in relief. </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“I know, <em>augh!”</em> Jefferson slaps his forehead, faking anguish at having said something so stupid to bring down the mood. “You don’t want to hear about her.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” says Regina. “Um…” She climbs out of his lap, sitting next to him.</p><p>“It’s hard,” he says. “Being so far from her.”</p><p>Regina takes an awkward sip of her drink. </p><p>“It’s a good thing, <em> now. </em> She hates me. That marriage is <em> done</em>. <em> Over</em>.”</p><p>Regina nods, looking like she wants to be anywhere else. </p><p>“We used to be in love. I think. Probably. Now she just thinks I’m a fuck-up.”</p><p>“That’s not...fair,” Regina says uncertainly, because she can’t say it’s not true.</p><p>“What’s <em> the point </em> of all this?” he asks, gesturing to the luxury all around them. “Just to say, ‘Hey, look, Dad, I made it!’” Jefferson scoffs. “He doesn’t even care.”</p><p>Regina sighs, disappointed and annoyed he stopped kissing her to vent tired complaints.</p><p>“Do you think <em> Mr. Gold </em> has a son?” Jefferson asks, though he has a feeling Gold doesn’t, and he never pictured Rumplestiltskin reproducing.  “Can that man love <em> anyone, </em> or does money just sap us all of empathy?”</p><p>The question is a non sequitur, except the Hatter had just been grilling her about Rumplestiltskin, and suddenly Jefferson is asking about Mr. Gold. </p><p>But it doesn’t seem to raise her suspicions, because Regina replies, “A lost love, perhaps. A haunting failure.” She notices Jefferson’s self-pitying expression at the word “failure,” and adds, “Someone much stupider than Michelle.”</p><p>Her eyes glassy, Regina’s gaze drifts to the far wall, and her brow furrows, as though remembering.</p><p>“Somebody too far in over her head, getting involved with a man like that. Sucked into all of his drama, thinking she can ‘save’ him, and being proved terribly wrong.”</p><p>“Do you have a crush on Mr. Gold?” Jefferson asks, affecting giddy amusement. “Did something happen between you?” </p><p>It sounds like Regina is speaking about herself, but when they all knew each other, she didn’t think the sorcerer was someone to be “saved.” Neither of them thought Rumplestiltskin had a soul <em> at all.  </em></p><p>“No,” Regina says, without much emotion. She’s a poor liar when she’s drunk, so she must be talking about someone else. “If <em> this </em> girl were to return...who knows, maybe it would change him.” She shakes her head.  “And we can’t have <em> that.” </em></p><p>Regina’s lip quirks, and she has a devious glint in her eye, hinting that whoever this hypothetical lover is, Regina wants to keep Gold far away from her. </p><p><em> But it </em> <span class="u"><em> can’t</em></span> <em> be, </em> Jefferson thinks. <em> It’s too easy. </em></p><p>“How are you so sure,” he asks, “that man was not born with a lump of coal for a heart?” </p><p>“I’m not a doctor,” says Regina, “but I know a thing or two about hearts, and every heart can break.”</p><p>“So, you’re saying Mr. Gold is cranky because he has a broken heart?”</p><p>Regina shrugs. “It’s just a guess.”</p><p>“Let’s find her and ask her.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“The girl who broke his heart.”</p><p>Regina laughs. It’s just a chuckle at first, but gradually turns into happy, drunk giggling.</p><p>“What’s so funny?” Jefferson asks.</p><p>“We can ask her, but she won’t remember.”</p><p>Regina laughs so hard her eyes start to water. Jefferson’s stomach twists, thinking of the woman in the hospital, but he fakes amused incredulity.</p><p>“Why’s that? Who can forget loving a man as ugly as Gold?”</p><p>Regina wipes away her tears.</p><p>“You’d be surprised.”</p><p>She takes a deep breath, her laughter fading. Looking dizzy, Regina starts leaning to the side, gripping the back of the couch for support. Unable to steady herself, she lies down.</p><p>Covering her eyes, Regina says, “My head is spinning.”</p><p>“Because you’re trashed.”</p><p>“No...I just...need to close my eyes for a second.”</p><p>Regina closes them, and after a moment, relaxes and settles comfortably. Jefferson gets up and retrieves a throw blanket, draping it over her body. He brings their glasses to the dishwasher, puts away the liquor, and goes upstairs.</p><p>So, Rumplestiltskin had a lover, and the Evil Queen knew her. They must have met after Jefferson retired. </p><p>What is he supposed to even <em> do </em> with this information? Even if that woman <em> is </em> Rumplestiltskin’s lost love, he can’t let her out of her cell - Regina would kill her. Mr. Gold has no magic, so he would not be able to protect her. He wouldn’t even <em> remember </em> her. </p><p>Jefferson is stuck, unable to act. The woman is stuck, unable to escape. Rumplestiltskin is stuck, heart broken, memories missing. And Regina hasn’t killed the woman, but why? Just for the satisfaction of keeping Rumplestiltskin’s lover in a cage, where Regina can poke her with a stick whenever she wants, watching the woman devolve further into madness? What’s the <em> point? </em></p><p><em> “You’re sick,” </em> Michelle told him once, and Jefferson wants to point to Regina as evidence there are people far sicker than him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson doesn’t go back to the secret ward for over a decade, until he suspects Rumplestiltskin’s memories have returned, and that releasing the imprisoned woman will have real consequences. </p><p>Henry Mills is dying, which is the perfect cover, and Jefferson has the door’s passcode now. He hasn’t spoken to the imprisoned woman in years, but watched her through her window once, while he was disguised as an employee. She is light-skinned, with long brown hair. Pretty and young - late-twenties or early-thirties, from what he can tell in the darkness of her cell. She is always confused, always suffering, always shivering from the cold. She doesn’t seem like someone who would fall in love with Rumplestiltskin - or someone he would love in return - but who else from their world can she be?</p><p>The only people Jefferson needs to hide from are Snow, Emma and Regina, but they aren’t here for some reason. He enters the door’s passcode and heads downstairs.</p><p>Jefferson hands a paper cup of tea to the severe nurse who guards the ward. </p><p>“Thank you,” she says gratefully, taking a sip. She must have been down here for hours, if she’s accepting open containers from random coworkers. Hearing people shouting upstairs about Henry, she asks, “What's the commotion upstairs?”</p><p>“There's a sick boy. He took a bad turn.”</p><p>“How tragic. Is there any hope for a...?”</p><p>The drugged tea works fast, and she passes out.</p><p>“Recovery? Doubtful.”</p><p>Jefferson takes her keys and coat, quickly and silently heading towards the woman’s cell, gesturing for the janitor to keep silent. He unlocks the door and holds out his hand. </p><p>“Come with me.”</p><p>She is, unsurprisingly, reluctant to accept help from a hospital employee after months <em> - (decades) - </em>of no answers and little sympathy.</p><p>“Who are you?” she asks. “Why are you doing this?”</p><p>Years ago, he wanted to free her to end her suffering. Today, he just wants Regina dead.</p><p>“My name is Jefferson, and I need your help to do something that I can't. There's a man - his name is Mr. Gold. Find him. All you have to do is tell him where you've been, and that Regina locked you up.”</p><p>“Wait a minute, what?”</p><p>This woman is getting a lot of information thrown at her all at once, but time is short.</p><p>“It's very important,” Jefferson says, clearly articulating the words she needs to say. “Mr. Gold's gonna protect you, but you have to tell him <b><em>Regina</em></b> <em>locked you up. </em>He's gonna know what to do. You understand?”</p><p>“Yes, I...I have to find Mr. Gold.”</p><p>“Good,” he says. “Let’s go.”</p><p>The woman puts on the nurse’s coat, and Jefferson guides her down the hall and back upstairs. The janitor says nothing, and the nurse remains unconscious. </p><p>It seems that Henry is dead and his mothers are due back any second. Jefferson walks the woman out of the hospital at a swift pace, but nobody seems to care, since all they notice is his white uniform. </p><p>Jefferson wants to drive her there, to be certain the woman makes it to Gold’s shop, but he doesn’t want to speak to Rumplestiltskin. He doesn’t want to see that man ever again. </p><p>He puts the woman in a taxi and gives the driver Gold’s address. She waves goodbye, still confused, but grateful. Even if she isn’t Rumplestiltskin’s lover, she’s not imprisoned anymore. One good deed done, to make up for at least one of his mistakes. </p><p>And if Jefferson has finally killed Regina with this act? That’s even better.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Polydrug (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Hatter and Curse!Jefferson take some drugs. Mayor Mills does not approve. (1,389 words.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thorazine knocks you on your ass - most anti-psychotics do. If it doesn't make you drowsy, it shrouds your mind in cheesecloth. Dizzy on the stairs, you must grip the banister tightly and shake off the haze. You awaken in the morning with a headache and dry mouth, lips sticky with the lack of saliva. It is not an acceptable treatment for merely speaking the truth. It also doesn't go well with drinks.</p><p>"I was just fine on Lithium," Jefferson grumpily tells the Hatter, even though it makes his hands tremble and eats away kidneys.</p><p>"Tell that to Dr. Hopper," the Hatter suggests.</p><p>"I'm never going back there," Jefferson says with disgust, tossing the bottle of Thorazine in his bathroom’s trash bin and closing the lid.</p><p>Jefferson rinses his dry mouth with Listerine, occasionally glancing at the trash, thinking. He spits out the mouthwash, opens the bin and plucks out the bottle.</p><p>"I have an idea," he says. Looking in the mirror, he asks the Hatter, "Can you forge signatures?"</p><p>The Hatter sighs inwardly. </p><p>"You <em> know </em> I can."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah," Jefferson says dismissively. "But have you ever forged a prescription?"</p><p>"We need a blank pad for that."</p><p>Jefferson grins mischievously. </p><p>"Lucky for us, you were the best thief in the Enchanted Forest."</p><p>The Hatter scoffs.</p><p>"You're a believer, now?" he asks doubtfully.</p><p>"If that's what it takes."</p><p>He means if giving the Hatter control will get him more pleasurable drugs, he will do or say just about anything.</p><p>"I can't believe I'm doing this," the Hatter mutters. His Cursed self doesn’t remember, but this isn’t their first time.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The pharmacist, Tom Clark, eyeballs Jefferson's "prescription" and furrows his brow. </p><p>"I don't know if you've discussed this with your doctor, but I don't recommend mixing--"</p><p>"We've discussed it. Can I have my medication now?"</p><p>The Hatter clears his (their) throat.</p><p>"Please?" Jefferson adds, plastering on a smile the Hatter mastered long ago. Jefferson could stand to learn this will get what they want better than bougie rudeness.</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>Mr. Clark rings them up, somehow charging a health insurance company that doesn't exist. </p><p>"Much better," Jefferson tells the Hatter later, organizing the orange bottles on their kitchen counter. The Hatter isn't sure what each pill does - or what they do when combined. Presumably something quite different than the Thorazine that leaves them dazed and suffering. </p><p>"No Lithium, I see," the Hatter says.</p><p>"We don't need it."</p><p>The Hatter isn't so sure about that. He distinctly remembers distressing manic episodes from both his lives - and wanting to die in one of them.</p><p>"We'll have some fun," Jefferson reassures him, pouring a tall glass of water. "I know what I'm doing." </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>He doesn't know what he's doing.</p><p>"Jefferson!"</p><p>He feels a hand grip his bicep, shaking him awake. </p><p>"Regina?” he asks blearily - the only person it can be.</p><p>The thing about uppers is eventually you come down from them. Regina found Jefferson sleeping - sprawled across his couch with three different bottles of medication on the coffee table -  and feared the worst.</p><p>"Are you okay?!"</p><p>She sounds hysterical.</p><p>"It's not what it looks like," he says.</p><p>Regina's eyes are wide - swirling fear, concern, and anger. She thought he had tried to kill himself. </p><p>"These aren't those kinds of pills," he reassures her.</p><p>Regina grabs a bottle and furiously throws it across the room. It knocks something fragile off a bookcase, sending it smashing to the floor.</p><p>"What happens when they mix?" she demands. "How can you predict what they do?"</p><p>Jefferson throws his arm over his eyes, chuckling.</p><p>"Asks the woman who gives a man on Thorazine alcohol."</p><p>He can't see Regina's reaction, but she goes silent.</p><p>"Why do you care?" he asks.</p><p>"Because you're my--"</p><p>Regina bites her tongue, probably because she doesn't know which Jefferson she's talking to.</p><p>"Prisoner?" </p><p>The Hatter gives her a sardonic smirk. Regina scowls.</p><p>Sitting up, the Hatter asks, "Why <em> are </em> you here? Coming to check up on me, or to gloat? Or are you just that bored?"</p><p>When she's bored, Regina fucks him. When she's sad, Regina fucks him. When she's lonely, or self-loathing, or wants to forget everything of their old life she has forced the Hatter to remember...she fucks him. </p><p>Sometimes the Hatter has an actual choice in the matter, because it's even lonelier in Storybrooke for a man with mirror shards for brains.</p><p>"Your ‘boyfriend’ is going to be fine," the Hatter says. "I'm keeping an eye on him."</p><p>"Good. Because I am <em> not </em> letting you escape so easily."</p><p>Regina doesn’t want her captives dying, defeating the point of bringing them here.</p><p>"I'm not going anywhere," the Hatter says. "Grace needs me."</p><p>"You mean Paige?"</p><p>"Paige, Grace, whatever that girl's name is," Jefferson says, "her father is sticking around.”</p><p>At first, Regina is taken off guard by the abrupt identity switch. Recognizing who is speaking now, she says, "That's funny, because last I checked, taking responsibility wasn't your strong suit."</p><p>Jefferson opens the remaining bottles and tosses them over his shoulder, scattering medication everywhere. </p><p>Regina’s lip quirks in amusement. "As soon as I leave," she says, "you'll be desperately scrounging the carpet for each and every one of those expensive little pills. In Storybrooke, people don't change."</p><p>"Maybe it's designed that way."</p><p>Giving him the last word, Regina turns to leave. Jefferson rises from the couch, grabbing her wrist to stop her.</p><p>"Wait."</p><p>"Let go," Regina says, but doesn't pull her hand away.</p><p>"Get high with me."</p><p>Regina actually looks conflicted. So, this time she came out of boredom. She's been bored for over a decade.</p><p>"No," she says. </p><p>Jefferson is disappointed, but the Hatter is relieved. The last thing he wants to do is to relax with the Evil Queen. Hair pulling, throat squeezing, furniture breaking - <em> that </em> he can do. But the Mayor and his other self would probably pop a couple pills, then turn on some music or watch a movie - or even worse, have sex - muddling things between them and forcing him to watch.</p><p>"Suit yourself," he replies, letting her go.</p><p>Regina exits, leaving them alone again. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Pick one,” the Hatter gruffly commands Jefferson, meaning stop mixing different medications like Rumplestiltskin brewing potions.</p><p><em> Quiet</em>, Jefferson responds silently, collecting the tablets, just as Regina predicted. <em> Go away! </em></p><p>Speaking out loud is a habit the Hatter picked up on his first day in Storybrooke, to better delineate which one of them was which, and who was who. This became problematic when they went into town and forgot how it sounded.</p><p>Years later, the Hatter will reunite with Victor Frankenstein, whose selves merge more organically than the constant battle that wages within the portal jumper.</p><p>“I’m both, you know,” the doctor will tell him matter-of-factly. “Not one or the other.”</p><p>Two life experiences, not two people. It helps that everyone believes Victor when he remembers.</p><p>
  <em> It doesn’t help that nobody can relate to him but a werewolf and a madman, and neither friend can quite grasp Victor’s loneliness.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “How did you do it?” Victor will forlornly ask the portal jumper, envious of the Storybrooke citizens whose friends and family live down the street.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Grace and her parents remember Jefferson when the Curse breaks - the notorious thief, who has slept with the Queen, knew Snow White when she was a child, and has worked for Rumplestiltskin. Victor briefly knew three people before the curse, and everyone else in Storybrooke calls him Dr. Whale. They will call him Dr. Whale for years. </em>
</p><p>Jefferson frequently informs the Hatter that he’s not real, that he’s just a voice in his head, but the Hatter feels the same way about him. To Jefferson’s credit, they integrate better when they’re high. The past no longer matters, only the present moment - set free from the Hatter’s obsessions. </p><p>Without drugs, exploring and researching Storybrooke serves as a productive focus - he’s something of a cartographer now, but then again, the portal jumper was always interested in maps. Even watching the townspeople is a better use of his time than locking himself in a room, continuing to craft<em> hats. </em></p><p>In the kitchen, the Hatter pours them another glass of water. He gulps it, cooling their parched throat. Taking a deep breath, he says, “We need to stop doing this.”</p><p>Jefferson coldly glances at his reflection in the refrigerator’s silver door. </p><p>“So stop talking.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've never been sure if writing Curse!Jefferson with a mental illness was offensive or ableist, but I explain where the idea came from in my endnotes <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/76941221#work_endnotes">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Confidente Deuxième (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson and Regina are not in love, so what are they, and what does Jefferson want? (2,105 words.)</p><p>Rewrite of <a href="#section0033">Chapter 33</a>, “Confidante,” but from Jefferson’s POV.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jefferson’s trysts with Regina have become a regular thing.</p><p>“How shall we schedule our meetings?” he asks her, because whatever happens next will always be up to Regina. </p><p>The portal jumper’s schedule is flexible. He might miss a date here or there, unable to predict how long a job will take, but Jefferson has no real responsibilities. He takes other lovers, but has no family. He keeps his word to his clients in order to keep his head, but has no steady employer.</p><p>He never intended to start a relationship, but here he is again, on the Queen’s balcony, incapable of staying away.</p><p>Jefferson materializes in a plume of purple smoke, the Hat manifesting in his right hand. He smiles and saunters into Regina’s bedroom. She has her back turned, sitting at her vanity, blowing her nose into a handkerchief. Jefferson’s lip curls in disgust - he hopes she isn’t sick. He’s been looking forward to this night. </p><p>But even in the dim light of her candles, Jefferson can see her reflection in the vanity’s mirror. Stepping closer, he spots tear tracks on her cheeks. Regina has been crying. </p><p>Three years ago, that same sorrowful expression amused him. All he feels now is concern.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asks, rushing to her side.</p><p>Regina stands up from her chair and covers her face, turning away from Jefferson and away from the mirror. She doesn’t answer. Regina usually welcomes opportunities to vent - it has become apparent that Jefferson is the only person who listens without passing judgement - and if she is being silent now, something terrible must have happened. </p><p>“Did the King do something?” Jefferson asks sharply, his tone a blend of anger and fear.</p><p>Regina shakes her head and he relaxes. </p><p>“It’s Snow White,” she says thickly. “Every second with that whelp makes my skin crawl and I just--” </p><p>Regina makes a throttling gesture, as though she is strangling the girl. Jefferson knows it comes from a real place of rage, but the gesture looks comical, and he chuckles. </p><p>“Don’t worry about her,” he says, giving Regina a reassuring smile. “She’s a spoiled little princess who will amount to nothing. <em> You, </em> on the other hand--”</p><p>“A princess who will someday be<em> Queen,” </em>Regina says bitterly, jealous of the power the brat unknowingly - or perhaps knowingly - holds above her own stepmother. </p><p>But there is still power little Snow can never wield. </p><p>“And <em> you </em> will be a powerful sorceress,” Jefferson says proudly. “So who gets the better deal?”</p><p>Every day, her magical abilities improve. Regina is a fount of arcane energy. Her aura crackles with natural magic, and Jefferson knows she will get better and better at channeling it. She is so unlike the meek girl he once knew. He could never have predicted how much that girl would change, or what she was capable of achieving.</p><p>But this isn’t what Regina wants to hear.</p><p>Raising her voice and pointing aggressively at the door, she snaps, “Right<em> now </em> I am caged in this castle. I can’t--” Her breath catches, and Regina’s frustrated tone has the hint of that despair she masks with anger. “I can’t <em> go </em> anywhere.”</p><p>Jefferson doesn’t understand. He has seen Regina travel with a thought. </p><p>“We both know that’s not true.”</p><p>Regina’s eyes widen, like he has just said something shockingly offensive.</p><p>“How <em> dare </em> you? You flit from realm to realm with no care at all. It is a privilege few possess, and one you take for granted.”</p><p>Regina's accusation hits Jefferson like a slap, although she isn't wrong. The cloth between his fingers contains powerful magic, lending him a rare ability that few beings have or can even comprehend. It allows Jefferson to travel anywhere, and he has become so accustomed to such freedom, that maybe Regina is right and he doesn't appreciate it enough.</p><p>Then Regina says something he never considered, or had even crossed his mind.</p><p>“You are a <em> man, </em> Jefferson, and to be ‘free’ in our world, a woman needs to hitch herself to one. And I do not want your life.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>They live in a society where women can be bought and sold, where women are expected to be obedient wives, daughters and mothers, where women are shunned if they deviate from society’s prescribed roles, and few receive enough respect to even have their voices <em> heard. </em>It’s the same in almost every world that Jefferson has been. </p><p>So when he tells Regina that she can go anywhere, she assumes he means <b> <em>with</em> </b> <em> him.  </em></p><p>What would sharing his life with Regina even <em> be </em> like?</p><p>“And I do not want<em> your </em>life,” he says. Regina intends to pick a place and stay there. What dream had she once described to him? Start a ranch and raise horses? Or would she set herself up as Queen somewhere else - a sorceress with her own castle? “I just want--”</p><p>“What <em> do </em> you want, Jumper?”</p><p>“I just want to be with you,” he blurts, cringing inwardly once he’s said it.</p><p>“Why?” </p><p>Regina furrows her brow, appearing skeptical - like such an idea is ludicrous.</p><p>“Because--” he starts to say, struggling to put how he feels into words.</p><p>Jefferson knows what it sounds like, and even worse, that it isn’t untrue. He and Regina have been doing this - whatever <em> this </em> is - for over a year. He meant for the queen to be a one-time fuck - a fleeting brush with death - but sex with her became addictive. Jefferson craved more than one taste of the young sorceress. </p><p>The Dark One’s “monster”-in-the-making had turned out to be refreshingly innocent. Before meeting Jefferson, she knew nothing about sex beyond the basics, and he’s had fun teaching her. Not simply because Jefferson gets to defile married royalty - though that <em> is </em> an impressive notch on his bedpost -  but because they get to learn together what makes them both feel good. </p><p>No, Regina is no longer a conquest, she is a <em> challenge </em> - turning her bitter pouts into relaxed smiles, seeing those dead eyes sparkle with interest. Regina’s attention has a similar effect on him. Jefferson can bounce ideas off her, and share trade secrets with Regina he forbids himself from telling others. She listens attentively to his stories, and goes on short trips with him to his favorite places. It’s not love, but it’s <em> something. </em>Regina is his confidante, and Jefferson is hers. </p><p>And Regina is a tense ball of rage, at constant war with the world, poised to explode at any second. Jefferson’s response to his life’s hardships has been to reject resentment and embrace pleasure, because life is short. Regina knows how short life can be, and she has mourned - <em> oh </em> how she’s mourned - but Jefferson can’t allow his own losses to chain him. He couldn’t survive.</p><p>Hatred is a <em> cage, </em> he thinks, not an asset. Dark magic users like Rumplestiltskin and Regina believe their <em> anger </em> is the source of their power, but Jefferson’s own magic is fueled by, well, the <em> joy </em> of exploration. He can’t imagine tolerating such a life, subsisting solely on a desire for revenge. Regina needs something more to feed her, and he enjoys providing it. </p><p>“Because we’re friends,” Jefferson says, somewhat lamely. There’s no more honest answer than that.</p><p>Regina’s nostrils flare, her jaw clenches, and she looks even more furious. Coldly, the sorceress replies, “I don’t <em> have </em> friends.”</p><p>There are two ways to interpret Regina’s assertion - literally and figuratively. Jefferson’s mind leaps to the literal meaning first - he squints at her, and doesn't hide his incredulity. After all the things they have done together, how can Regina think they aren’t friends?</p><p>Figuratively, it means she doesn’t <em> want </em>friends. To Regina, any form of love is weakness. She has mentioned this before, and it's not hard to guess who taught Regina this philosophy. </p><p>Jefferson is no saint, and he doesn’t love easily. He’s used people and discarded them, scammed and broken hearts, and he has given people - including Regina - hope when there is none. But the few people Jefferson’s darkened heart beats for - partners like William, friends like Rick, mentors like Percy, and bedmates like Regina - have shown him that love is <em> not </em> a weakness. Love can be useful. Love is cooperation, it is loyalty. (And some people want love so much, they will pay anything to get it.)</p><p>Rejecting love, Jefferson thinks, is shortsighted and stupid.</p><p>“Is that it?” Jefferson asks, in irritation. He gestures to the balcony. “Should I come back later, or…?”</p><p>“I don’t want you!” Regina shouts. </p><p><em> “Okay,” </em>he says, with some annoyance. “You don’t have to yell.”</p><p>Her rejection hurts, but Jefferson can lick his wounds later. Pushing himself on a temperamental sorceress would be a mistake - possibly a deadly one.</p><p>So Jefferson starts walking backwards, in the direction of her balcony. He’s about to turn around and leave when Regina lurches forward to roughly push on his chest with both hands. Her shove causes him to stagger backwards. </p><p>“I get it. I’m going.”</p><p>Regina does it again - with all her strength, this time just to hurt him. Her expression is difficult to read, but something in her eyes tells him they’re not done. </p><p>Jefferson drops the Hat on the floor, grabbing each of Regina’s wrists. He pins her arms in front of her so that she can’t move.</p><p>“Stop it,” he says.</p><p>“No,” says Regina, struggling to escape his grasp. Jefferson grips her wrists more tightly, eliciting a pained gasp. He pulls her body closer, and this physicality isn’t new to them - Jefferson has handled Regina roughly before.</p><p>Lowering his voice, in a tone both gruff and seductive, Jefferson asks, “Is<em> this </em> what you want?” </p><p>Regina stops squirming and they both freeze. She looks away, thinking.</p><p>With some hesitation, Regina answers, “No.”</p><p>“What <em> do </em> you want, Regina?”</p><p>She looks down at the Hat.</p><p>“You know what I want, and it isn’t your friendship.”</p><p>Regina gives Jefferson more credit than he deserves, because he is baffled by this woman’s hot-and-cold act. He knows the Hat symbolizes freedom - the freedom to leave this place and make her own choices - but Regina just rejected what she thought was an offer to run with him. He asks anyway.</p><p>“Freedom?” </p><p>A steely look crosses Regina’s face. </p><p>
  <em> “Power." </em>
</p><p>Jefferson should have known, because Regina is starving for it. She glanced at the Hat because it symbolizes mastery of the arcane - the only way a woman in Regina’s position can regain her agency.</p><p>Regina’s mastery of the Dark Arts develops over time - it’s not something Jefferson can snap his fingers to grant her. But there is something else he can do. He can help her <em> feel </em> powerful the way he usually helps her feel <em> free - </em>by letting Regina do whatever she wants to his body.</p><p>Jefferson releases his hold on her wrists, moving his hands to her waist to pull her body flush against him. He kisses Regina passionately, sweeping her mouth with his tongue, sucking on her lower lip, and his pulse quickens, imagining things they can do. Taken by surprise, Regina sucks in a sharp breath through her nose when he kisses her. Her body tenses, but when they part to breathe, Regina relaxes into his embrace. Their faces close together, they share their breaths, panting. </p><p>Kissing her more lightly, Jefferson murmurs against her lips, “Alright, I think I can lend you some.”</p><p>Regina’s eyes are closed, so she opens them. She takes a steadying breath, then straightens her posture and deepens her voice - she is the Queen and he is her subject. Holding Jefferson’s gaze, the Queen commands him, “Open the portal. I want to fuck you in the Chamber of Doors.”</p><p>Jefferson laughs and gives her a smack of a kiss. He slides his palms down to firmly squeeze her buttocks, and Regina leans into his touch, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him back. Her suggestion makes him <em> shiver, </em> and Jefferson is getting hard at the mere thought of being fucked in that room.</p><p>Seventeen doors, with more doors behind them. Seventeen doors to seventeen worlds - pressed up against one another, pressed up against <em> him. </em>There is nothing like standing at the center of that nexus. Nothing feels as incredible as touching all those universes, all at once. </p><p>“Can you feel it like I do?” he asks hopefully. “That flowing energy of infinite possibilities?”</p><p>Jefferson grinds their hips together for emphasis, and places one of her palms over his heart. He<em> never </em> does that, too afraid the sorceress will someday yank it from his body, but he takes the risk, because he wants her to feel how fast his heart is racing.</p><p>“Don’t talk,” Regina says. “Just take me there.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note 5/4/21 -</b>
</p><p>This scene continues in <a href="#section0048">Chapter 48</a>, "Blur."</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Trade All My Tomorrows (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The young portal jumper Jefferson likes to sweep girls off their feet, but should that include girls like Regina? (921 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter references Jefferson and Regina's visit to the Discworld and having sex at the Jumper hostel in <a href="#section0006">Chapter 6</a>, "Crowded," and takes place around the start of their affair.</p><p>The chapter title is a lyric from <a href="https://youtu.be/AgGFxdFgVOo">Just One Yesterday</a>, by Fall Out Boy, which I blame somebody on 8tracks in 2015 for giving me young!MQ feels.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, the King and little Snow are away at the Summer Palace? Where do they think <em> you </em> are?”</p><p>“My father’s manor.”</p><p>“But your father thinks you’ve gone with <em> them?” </em></p><p>“No, my father is at the manor, and he thinks I have remained here to stand in for the King. But I am nothing but a figurehead - our chancellor runs things. He never even asks for my opinion. No one will miss me, Jefferson, if that is your concern.”</p><p>Despite Regina’s sad expression, Jefferson can’t help but smirk.</p><p>“I’m impressed you’ve got it all figured out. There’s one important piece missing.”</p><p>“Rumplestiltskin thinks I have gone to the Summer Palace.”</p><p>“I’m shocked he believed you.”</p><p>Regina scowls, narrowing her eyes at him.</p><p>“That’s cold.”</p><p>“What?” Jefferson says defensively. “Rumple knows the royal family isn’t eager for your company.”</p><p>“They do invite me on their journeys, Hatter.”</p><p>“Did they invite you <em> this </em> time?”</p><p>Regina doesn’t reply.</p><p>“So, we will have four days together?” Jefferson asks her in happy surprise. “I have you all to myself for four whole days? That’s nearly a week! I’m abducting a queen!”</p><p>He fails to make her laugh, but Regina’s lip quirks slightly. Jefferson heads over to her wardrobe - a violation of the girl’s privacy he has no qualms committing - so he can select the articles of clothing she will need. Regina makes a noise of disapproval, but does not stop him. She trails behind, supervising.</p><p>This will be the first of many trips they take over the next two years. The young queen and the portal jumper will find more opportunities to sneak away, and will become skilled at keeping their affair secret. </p><p>The longest trip they have taken so far lasted for a single day - a quick Jump to the city of Ankh-Morpork, in a land called the Discworld. Then they made love in Jefferson’s room at the Jumper hostel, before she returned to the King’s castle.</p><p>Every rendezvous following their first frantic fuck in the forest, other than their night at the hostel, has taken place in Regina’s chambers at the castle. Their activities are concealed by a sound-proofing spell, but they engage in little conversation. This is fine - it’s <em> more </em> than fine - because exploring each other’s bodies communicates enough. </p><p>But Jefferson looks back fondly on their visit to the Discworld. He wants to take Regina to <em>more</em> places - to <em>every</em> place! Azeroth, Narnia, Middle Earth, Oz, Skyrim, Krynn, Spira, Neverland and Agrabah. Victorian England, Jefferson’s second-favorite world - the land where he has his clothes tailored, in a city with luxurious hotels.</p><p>They will skip visiting the Land Without Color, because of memories of the dead boy and Doctor Frankenstein. Jefferson will later take someone else - they will equip themselves with silver weapons and conquer their fear of werewolves - but he will keep Regina far away.</p><p>One world gives Jefferson pause - Wonderland. There is still something unsettling about that place, and Jefferson gets the sense that Regina knows it already. It is eerie, the way she stares at its mirrored door. Jefferson suspects it’s in Regina’s best interest to avoid it, and he suspects it’s in the best interest of Wonderland’s people to avoid <em> her. </em></p><p>But Jefferson catches himself - these ambitious dreams of adventure are too romantic. Sweeping<em> this </em> girl off her feet? Regina does not have the time, freedom, or desire to wander like this, with a man like him. She is also temperamental, pessimistic, judgmental and dangerous. Courting a girl like Regina can be frustrating at times. Jefferson shouldn’t think of their arrangement as anything more than what it is.</p><p>Someday - sooner than he expects - Jefferson will fall in love with someone and explore all of these worlds with them. The couple will travel for the sheer joy of exploration, but also profit from the crimes they commit. His lover will be as cheerful as they are cunning, and together they will be free. No schedule, no responsibilities. No secrecy. His lover will become a Jumper just like him, and be a partner he trusts more than anyone. His lover’s name will roll off his tongue, and their eyes will sparkle with mischief and be full of affection.</p><p>Regina’s default expression is a frown. The sorceress is cautious and guarded, always looking over her shoulder - she even shields her own heart. When she laughs, when she smiles, and especially after she comes, Regina looks a little guilty. She seems to think feeling happiness is a sin, but then again, Regina is a sinner.</p><p>Regina also practices the Dark Arts, like Rumplestiltskin. Her capabilities are frightening, her simmering rage explosive. Regina can reach into Jefferson’s chest, if she wants, tear out his heart and crush it. The danger excites Jefferson - the threat of execution by the King, the threat of extinction by Regina, and whatever nasty consequences come with Rumplestiltskin finding out. All of this risk is thrilling, and should be enough for him. He could fuck Regina in the King’s own bed! </p><p>But then Jefferson fantasizes about peaceful picnics in Pandaria. </p><p>That’s where they should go next, Jefferson thinks - the Jade Forest. Regina can pet a dragon - maybe she can even ride one! He can picture the girl soaring through the sky on a Cloud Serpent. She already likes riding horses, doesn’t she? </p><p>Jefferson sighs. He sounds like a lovesick fool. Best to remedy that.</p><p>“Take this,” he says blithely, handing Regina a jacket that will be useful in the rain. “Even though it makes you look fat.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Polar (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There’s a blizzard in Cursed Storybrooke, and Jefferson is forced to keep Regina as his houseguest. Angry sex and intimate touches trigger memories of the Enchanted Forest. (3,671 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the first half of this "snowed-in" short I started writing. I still need to write the second half, but I’m posting this half anyway. </p><p>This chapter begins with a sex scene, and there is second sex scene later, but neither scene is graphic. </p><p>The second sex scene might be gratuitous, but I thought of it while writing <a href="#section0031">Chapter 31</a>, “Gossamer,” in which young Jefferson mentions his plan to teach Regina how to perform oral sex. (And it's mostly just them talking about doing it.)</p><p><i>“Okay, campers, rise and shine,”</i> is a line from the movie “Groundhog Day,” in which a man is trapped in a one-day time loop, and this is the first thing he hears every morning on his alarm clock radio.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time dilation in Storybrooke was baffling, but sometimes the cursed town’s seasons matched the rest of Maine. The state’s winters could be harsh and unforgiving, and snow was expected anytime between November and April. For a recluse like Jefferson, there wasn’t much difference between winter and summer in Storybrooke, though summer provided better opportunities to explore the forest and map the town. Fresh air and sun was supposedly therapeutic as well, though winter had its own methods of...<em> processing </em> feelings.</p><p>Tonight, the snow fell quietly but steadily outside Jefferson’s window. </p><p>Tonight he had Regina on all fours, a position he favored so he didn’t have to look at her. </p><p>“Harder!” she commanded, meeting every vigorous thrust with the backward grind of her hips. “Faster!” </p><p>Despite his hammering pulse and the need to come, Jefferson bristled at her assertion of authority and slowed his thrusts instead. Regina whined in protest, desperate for release. </p><p>“Jefferson--”</p><p>“Patience, Regina,” he told her through gritted teeth, utilizing every ounce of self-control he could. Disobeying his jailer in bed was the barest scrape of autonomy he could get in this prison - the only show of defiance she allowed without punishment. </p><p>Balancing on one hand, Regina reached down to touch herself. Jefferson slapped her hand away, gruffly saying, “You come when I say you can come.”</p><p>Regina chuckled. “That’s not how this works.”</p><p>“Isn’t it?” </p><p>Jefferson pushed her down on her elbows and she fell with a grunt. He kept one hand on the back of her neck to pin her in place, her forehead pressed against the mattress. </p><p>“Just let go,” he said. </p><p>“I was about to," she snarled.</p><p>“I mean let go of your control. Isn’t it nice, sometimes, to just lie there and take it?”</p><p>Regina struggled to rise, so he tightened his grip. If he could see her face, she was probably scowling. </p><p>White wallpaper and the back of Regina’s head had become boring, so tonight Jefferson faced them towards his bedroom window. It was dark, their reflections visible in the glass. The curtains were open, but Jefferson's house sat high upon a hill, overlooking the town. From certain windows, he could observe Storybrooke's citizens through his telescope, but they were unable to look back.</p><p>Jefferson saw himself reflected - (<em>muscular and handsome, but wild-eyed and </em> <b> <em>wrecked</em></b><em>) </em> - but could not clearly see Regina. Her head was bowed and black hair curtained her face. This was becoming his favorite position, because meeting Regina’s gaze had started to make him sick. But there was something dissatisfying about her writhing frustratedly on her belly beneath him. Something was missing.</p><p>Regina liked to watch Jefferson's face while he came, grinning at him smugly and thinking herself the winner of whatever sick game this was they played. <em> (She'd say it was similar to Jefferson’s own cocky smirk back when they were young.) </em> But forcing Regina to watch herself might be fun, so Jefferson gripped her hair and tilted her head back. Regina gasped in pain.</p><p>“Get up,” he ordered, allowing Regina to rise and balance on her palms. “Look,” he said, pulling her hair again with less force. It wouldn’t hurt if her hair were longer - that would give him more to work with, and he could more loosely grip it without tugging at her scalp - but hair didn’t grow in Storybrooke. </p><p>“Watch yourself while I fuck you," he said. "Are you watching?” </p><p>She wasn’t. Jefferson thrust faster, pulling her hair each time she tried to close her eyes. </p><p>“Touch me,” Regina begged, her body needing extra attention to finish with him. </p><p>Laughing inwardly, he made no effort to help, one hand on her hip to hold her in place, the other still grasping her hair. He tried to think of a witty reply, but nothing was funnier than Regina’s indignant expression when he came. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson disposed of the condom in his ensuite bathroom's trash, and returned to find Regina on her back touching herself - panting and shamelessly chasing her orgasm with swift strokes.</p><p>“Need a hand?” he asked wryly, sitting on the bed and covering hers with his own. He was feeling charitable, and she looked less like the Evil Queen and more like the overworked Mayor.</p><p>They brought her to climax together, and while Regina’s body shook and she sighed with relief, Jefferson took this opportunity to pick her clothes up off the floor and throw them at her. Regina’s afterglow turned to annoyance when her blazer hit her in the face. </p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“It’s been fun, but it’s time for you to go.”</p><p>Jefferson picked up his clothes, which had also been scattered around the bedroom. He neatly draped them over a chair in the corner, retrieving more comfortable ones from his dresser.</p><p>“That might be a problem,” she said. He looked over his shoulder, and she was pointing out the window. </p><p>“It can’t be that bad.”</p><p>“The snow’s too heavy. I can’t drive in this.”</p><p>“You’re kidding.”</p><p>“I’m not," Regina said, squaring her jaw. "I’m staying over."</p><p>Jefferson made a frustrated noise, conceding, “You can take one of the guest rooms.”</p><p>Regina didn't thank him. She put on her panties, but eyed his closet meaningfully. She had slept over before, and borrowed T-shirts and shorts that would either disappear home with her, or Jefferson spitefully dumped in the trash because they smelled of her perfume. <em> (His sheets smelled like her too, but they were good quality - better linens than he’d ever dreamed of owning - so those went in the washing machine.) </em></p><p>“Not like I have a choice,” he said bitterly.</p><p>Regina didn't reply. She didn't move, either, waiting for him to lend her clothes. They'd done this before, Jefferson telling her to sleep in her pant suit or underwear, or whatever she was wearing. But he'd always end up giving her another T-shirt. </p><p>Jefferson had many for Regina to choose from - and denim jeans, as well - but rarely wore them unless he was working outside, exercising, or sleeping. To retain some sense of self, Storybrooke’s Jefferson was willing to wear whatever garments the Hatter preferred, even during the long stretches of time they remained secluded in their mansion. </p><p>As he had done with her blazer, Jefferson carelessly tossed the shirt to Regina without looking. It missed her completely, so she picked it up off the floor. Frowning, she put it on. Scooping up the rest of her clothes, Regina exited the room.</p><p>"Wait," Jefferson said. Regina paused. With an irritated sigh, she turned and looked at him expectantly. </p><p>"I'm making tea," he said, leaving the invitation to join him unspoken. </p><p>Regina gave no indication she would accept, continuing down the hall to a far-off guest room. Before disappearing around the corner, he heard her faintly call back, "Take a shower first." </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I’m more of a coffee lover,” said Regina, padding into the kitchen in socks, her hair still damp from showering. </p><p>Jefferson was at the counter preparing tea - he decided to brew a whole pot the old fashioned way, with loose tea leaves, rather than just dunking a couple of bags into mugs. </p><p>“Since when?” he asked. “When have I ever seen you drinking coffee?”</p><p>“Sometimes I have it at work. There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”</p><p>Taking a seat at the table, Regina tugged down Jefferson’s T-shirt so it covered her lap. She was wearing only panties underneath.</p><p>Noticing the lack of clothes, Jefferson gave her an incredulous look, and said dryly, “By all means, make yourself at home.”</p><p>Regina didn’t respond, but her lip quirked, smiling in a way that was subtly smug. </p><p>There was a tense silence while Jefferson completed his task. Regina sat patiently waiting for her drink, but he could feel her watching him. </p><p>“Why do you do that?” he asked, with some annoyance.</p><p>“Because you’re pretty to look at,” she said. “And you’re dangerous. You could be mixing anything into that pot.”</p><p>“If I wanted to kill you, Regina, you’d already be dead.”</p><p>Jefferson brought everything over to the table - teapot, cups, milk and sugar - and focused on arranging them.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean you couldn’t drug me,” she replied. “There’s a pharmacy under your bathroom sink.”</p><p>“You’re right. I should have knocked you out until morning. Instead, I showed you hospitality, like a sap.” </p><p><em> I should pour this scalding tea all over her bare legs</em>, Jefferson thought. </p><p>“Drink your damn tea,” he said angrily, mixing his own cup with milk and sugar. </p><p>“Do you have any hot chocolate?” Regina asked pleasantly. </p><p>Jefferson made a frustrated noise. </p><p>“Look, I didn’t have to invite you,” he said. “But we’re stuck here until that storm ends.”</p><p>With a slight frown, Regina poured her own tea and added two spoons of sugar, leading into another uncomfortable stretch of silence. </p><p>Out of nowhere, she asked, “Remember that coffee you brought me from Agrabah?”</p><p>Jefferson did remember, and felt a pang of nostalgia.</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“It was so bitter,” she said. “I think I spit it out.”</p><p>Jefferson resisted smiling at the memory. Regina was chuckling, but she was also a good actress, who got sick pleasure from emotionally manipulating him. In Storybrooke, Regina discovered she could torture Jefferson by getting him to talk about things that brought him joy, then reminding him that he would never experience such happiness again.</p><p>“You could have faked it,” he said. “Liking my gifts.”</p><p>“I never faked it with you,” Regina replied. Seeing his doubtful look, she said, “You knew how difficult it was to please me. It took a long time to make me come.”</p><p>Jefferson nearly choked on his tea.</p><p>“What? How’d we get on this topic?”</p><p>“I could have easily lied about my pleasure, and our trysts would have lasted ten minutes.”</p><p>“I can last longer than ten minutes,” Jefferson protested. </p><p>“Only because you were a gentleman.” Narrowing her eyes, Regina said, “You’re not a gentleman anymore.”</p><p>“Because we’re just using each other. Because we’re trapped inside this nightmarish, amnesiac prison that you created without thinking of the consequences.”</p><p>Regina sipped her tea, not looking directly at him. Her gaze was drawn to something behind him. Jefferson turned to look - his reflection was visible in the refrigerator’s silver door. </p><p>“Your boyfriend’s not home right now,” said Jefferson. “He’s taking the night off.”</p><p>“That’s a pity,” said Regina, licking her spoon. “He would have been more considerate of my needs.”</p><p>“You have your needs met. You’re a villain and want to be treated like one. If you wanted to relax on the couch while a guy eats you out, you’d be with the Sheriff. But you don’t want that, Regina. You<em> want </em>to be hated.”</p><p>“I didn’t always.”</p><p>“You’ve been raging against the world since the day we met,” said Jefferson, pouring fresh tea into his cup. He stirred more milk into it, watching the brown and white swirl together. </p><p>“And whose fault is that?”</p><p>“Your mother’s,” he said simply.</p><p>Jefferson glanced up at her. Regina looked more tired than angry.</p><p>“Always avoiding accountability,” she said, shaking her head with disdain.</p><p>“I take responsibility for every mistake I’ve made,” said Jefferson. “I think about them every day.”</p><p>“But not Daniel.”</p><p>“No,” said Jefferson. “That boy never crosses my mind.”</p><p>“He’s why you’re here.” She gestured widely to the kitchen. “He should be on your long list of regrets.” </p><p>“We both know that’s not the reason I’m here,” said Jefferson. “The punishment doesn’t fit the crime - I did nothing egregious that night. What was the harm? Twelve hours of false hope? We were strangers and con-men. Trusting us was your own gullible mistake.” </p><p>Regina’s eyes watered, and Jefferson was torn between laughing at her pain, and patting her shoulder comfortingly. He had laughed at her sorrow that day, too.</p><p>“Your crocodile tears accomplish nothing,” he said sharply. “I’m never feeling sorry for you.”</p><p>Regina pressed her lips in a thin line. Her muscles tensed, and he could picture her sweeping their cups off the table and onto the floor, smashing the ceramic and spilling tea across the linoleum. But she didn’t - that was something Jefferson would do. </p><p>“I’m going to bed,” she said, and left the kitchen without saying goodnight. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Restless and unable to sleep, Jefferson opened his bedroom curtains to watch the snow fall. He could hear the wind pick up - blizzard conditions, a complete white-out. The sort of snow that would weaken his cabin’s roof in the Enchanted Forest, and bring cars to a stand-still in Manhattan. </p><p>Storybrooke should suffer more blizzards, Jefferson thought, if Regina meant to inflict the most misery on its inhabitants. But every day seemed like the same October afternoon - the first day they arrived, repeated on a loop. <em> (“Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties, 'cause it's </em> <b> <em>cold </em> </b> <em> out there today!”)  </em></p><p>Jefferson couldn’t remember when the loop extended to a full year. Perhaps the weather matched Regina’s moods. Was she dreaming of a storm right now? Or was she awake like Jefferson, listening to the ice battering her guest room window?</p><p>He watched for the lights of a snow plow, but none appeared. His house was their last priority. There wouldn’t be any trucks until morning, so he was stuck serving Regina breakfast. He should just leave out some Pop Tarts, then lock himself in his workshop, but even that was too much effort. Unnecessary, too. Regina knew her way around his kitchen. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Jefferson.”</p><p>Somebody was poking his arm. Grace, perhaps, but she never used his first name. <em> Priscilla, </em>he thought, because he still dreamed of her. Sometimes she had shorter hair and called herself Michelle. Any of these women would be welcome in his room, rousing him from sleep, but he opened his eyes and it was Regina.</p><p>“What do you want?” he grumbled.</p><p>The queen slipped into his bed, between his sheets, unwelcome and annoying. She had fucked him out of boredom last night, and now she was lonely. Regina should stick to sharing a bed with Graham, Jefferson thought, if she wanted to wake next to someone so badly. </p><p>Regina didn’t answer his question - she just slid her hand down his torso and between his legs. The Hatter was too tired to resist, and his Cursed self welcomed the attention.</p><p>“We’re not saying no,” he told her - still sleepy, with his eyes closed - “but you can’t just climb into our bed and expect morning sex.”</p><p>“Which one of you decides?” she asked, reaching inside his boxers to wrap her hand around him.</p><p>“It’s a unanimous vote,” he said, rolling onto his back and spreading his legs slightly, to give her better access. </p><p>Regina pushed the blankets aside, laying on her belly between his legs, spreading them wider. She pushed up Jefferson’s undershirt to kiss his stomach, then pulled down his boxers, redirecting her focus south.</p><p>“And this?” she asked.</p><p>“If you do all the work,” Jefferson replied, sighing with pleasure.</p><p>Jefferson lightly held the back of Regina’s head while she blew him, threading his fingers through her hair. It was too short and too straight to be Priscilla’s, but easy to pretend it was Michelle’s. Too lazy to hate-fuck the Queen, but too much himself to make love to the Mayor, imagining his Cursed self’s ex-wife was a pleasant middle-ground. </p><p>He wondered if he could get away with calling out her name, or if Regina would bitterly respond with the scrape of her teeth.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Have you ever been to the top of those mountains?” Regina asked Jefferson, pointing out her window to the peaks that rose above her castle.</p><p>Twenty-one years old, a student of the Dark Arts, and already a murderer, Regina’s eyes still widened with sparkling curiosity at the most mundane things. She was cute, in such moments. There was no other way to describe her. </p><p>“I need to visualize my destination in order to teleport there,” Jefferson replied. “Isn’t that how it works, young sorceress?”</p><p>“You could have climbed such heights.”</p><p>Jefferson laughed. </p><p>“There’s no way I’m climbing a mountain that high, though I’ll take a short-cut any day. Maybe <em> you </em>can take us there.”</p><p>“My powers have the same limitations, Jumper.” Regina sighed. “I suppose some things are meant to be admired from afar.”</p><p>“And<em> this </em> is meant to be admired up close,” he said with a sly grin.</p><p>Jefferson unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down, taking himself in hand. Propped up by pillows, he leaned against the headboard of Regina’s bed, with her sitting next to him.</p><p>Regina blushed shyly and glanced away.</p><p> <em> By the gods, she’s cute, </em> Jefferson thought. <em> How did I get so lucky? </em></p><p>“Did you change your mind about tonight?”</p><p>“No,” she said, looking him in the eye, but not down at his penis. She had stroked it before, and he had even been inside her, but she had yet to pleasure him with her mouth. Jefferson had pleasured her the day they visited the ocean, but there had been no time that afternoon for Regina to reciprocate. </p><p>“It’s easy,” he said, then thought better than to lie. “Okay, it <em> does </em> take some skill, and some getting used to.” </p><p>Regina tentatively wrapped her hand around him, stroking him slowly. She watched as her touch hardened him, and her mouth opened slightly. Jefferson wondered if she was estimating how wide she could stretch her lips.</p><p>“I’ve done it myself,” he said. Regina did not appear shocked. “You find that unsurprising.”</p><p>Her lip quirked in amusement. “You’re not exactly subtle.”</p><p>“What’s <em> that </em>supposed to mean?”</p><p>Regina arched her eyebrow. “Hmm, I dunno,” she said dryly. “The way you dress, the way you speak, the way you move and carry yourself...”</p><p><em> “What? </em> I’m not...I don’t…”</p><p>“The way you <em> flirt,” </em> she said, squeezing her hand, and smiling with satisfaction when this elicited a moan, “and wink at every handsome soldier in my castle. It’s like you’re <em> trying </em> to get caught.”</p><p>“You don’t have to remind me,” Jefferson said, the implication of her last statement giving him a sick feeling, “that yours is a close-minded kingdom.”</p><p>“It’s not <em> my </em> kingdom,” said Regina, licking her lips. “I want to be free, like you.” She looked down at him again, pausing her strokes. “Tell me what to do.”</p><p>“Hm,” said Jefferson, considering. He had fantasized about having Regina on her knees, but that was a poor start. “We’ll both lie down. It will be easier.”</p><p><em> She looks so innocent, </em> Jefferson thought, gently caressing Regina’s lips with his thumb. </p><p>He couldn't predict, this early night of their affair, how far the sorceress would go. How far she would push Jefferson, and how fucked up she could be.</p><p>Right now, Regina's virgin lips were moist and pink, her tongue slick, and the warmth of her mouth felt heavenly, though she was now awkwardly gagging. Jefferson tried not to laugh.</p><p>“You can relax,” he said reassuringly. “I don’t expect you to be an expert.”</p><p>Regina stopped, blushing in embarrassment. </p><p>“I don’t know what I'm doing,” she said. In the same tone she used studying magic, Regina told him, “I require better instruction.”</p><p>Jefferson smiled. Her phrasing reminded him of his night with Victor Frankenstein. </p><p>“Well, alright then. Let’s get to work.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Michelle!” </em>
</p><p>There was only the barest scrape of teeth. </p><p>Jefferson was close, but Regina stopped blowing him to sarcastically comment, <em> “Really?” </em></p><p>He grinned at her. </p><p>“Oh, come on. Give me this.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes.</p><p>“I can’t believe you,” Regina said, returning to her task. </p><p><em> “Christ, </em>Michelle,” Jefferson moaned. He exaggerated the sounds of his pleasure, just to piss her off. </p><p>Regina didn’t stop this time, probably just to get this over with. Whatever satisfaction she had gotten from touching him - whatever comfort or closeness she had been seeking this morning, climbing into bed with him - Jefferson took his <em> own </em> satisfaction in ruining it.</p><p>He muttered curses, gripping the back of Regina’s head more tightly with both hands, the way she liked it. But Michelle had always hated that, and this was supposed to be her mouth on him, so Jefferson loosened his grasp. He removed one of his hands, clutching the sheets with it instead.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I’m close,” Jefferson told Regina breathlessly, back in the Enchanted Forest, twenty-two years old and never good at teaching anything. Maybe he should stop her, or maybe Regina would get it on her first try. </p><p>“Get ready, I’m gonna come." With a groan, he stated the obvious as it was happening. <em> “Ohh, </em> I’m coming." </p><p>Regina made a muffled sound of surprise, despite the warning, which Jefferson thought was more considerate than any man had been with <em> him</em>. His own first time was humiliating - on his knees in the grimy backroom of a tavern - while Regina got to experiment with a non-judgemental lover, lying in her soft, luxurious bed.</p><p>She didn’t have as much trouble as he expected. Sitting up, Regina wiped her lips, nose scrunching in disgust. </p><p>Catching his breath, Jefferson said, with some awe, “I could <em> kiss </em> you.”</p><p>“It tastes awful,” she said, but Jefferson pulled her to him and kissed her anyway. </p><p>“You did good,” he said. “Well, <em> pretty </em> good,” he amended. “Not <em> bad.” </em></p><p>Regina frowned.</p><p>“You'll do better next time. I’ll be ready again in ten or fifteen minutes.”</p><p>Her brow furrowed in annoyance, Regina swatted him on the arm. </p><p>“You’re pleasing <em> me </em> next, Hatter,” she said. “Move over.” </p><p>Regina lay down next to him, pushing him aside. She lifted her skirt and gave him a bossy look that said, <em> Now get to it. </em>Jefferson grinned. He pulled up his trousers, then took her place, laying on his stomach between Regina’s legs. </p><p>“Is your soundproofing spell active? Because you’re going to need it.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>In Storybrooke, Regina wiped her mouth, glaring at Jefferson. </p><p>“Don’t pout,” he told her. “You’ll get more wrinkles.”</p><p>“You’re insufferable.”</p><p>Jefferson yawned and stretched, saying, “You started it.” </p><p>“I’m going to brush my teeth.”</p><p>“You won’t demand reciprocation?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Regina got out of bed. Before she could leave, Jefferson asked curiously, “What was that for?” </p><p>She shrugged, answering, “Because I felt like it.” Closing his door, she said, “I’ll see you downstairs.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>TO BE CONTINUED</b>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Lost Relics (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victor discovers the existence of a second portal hat and investigates. Regina warns him this could trigger Jefferson and forbids Victor from telling him. Zelena is useless, Percy and Jefferson reconcile, and Ariel is also there. The Good Queen gives her advice, and oh yeah, Victor and Jefferson get married. (5,401 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is technically the <i>epilogue</i> to Some Kind of Madness, but I’ve posted Jefferson’s whole life story out of order, so you’re getting it now. I might expand this chapter into a larger fanfic/proper epilogue in the future. This version is very rough, and is mostly dialogue. There is a large period of time entirely glossed over by a time jump that I can imagine turning into its own ‘fic, in which we actually see Victor seeking out Percy and Ariel to ask them his questions about portal jumping.</p><p>The two scenes with Regina and Zelena in Storybrooke take place shortly after S6E22, “The Final Battle Part 2.” The scenes in the future - after the United Realms have been created and Grace has left Storybrooke for college - take place after the series finale, S7E22, “Leaving Storybrooke.”</p><p>Regina tells Victor that there were only ten doors in the second portal hat, but there were actually twelve. Regina was inside the Hat for such a brief amount of time that I think she would have forgotten how many there were. Zelena and the other characters use this portal hat to rescue refugees from Agrabah when worlds start disappearing in S6E21, “The Final Battle Part 1.” They leave it behind in Regina’s castle in the Enchanted Forest, where the Serum!Queen and Wish!Robin take up residence at the end of the Season 6 finale.</p><p>Percy the White Rabbit is a character from the spin-off series “Once Upon a Time in Wonderland.” His line saying opening portals is like “cutting down a tree with a spoon” comes from <a href="#section0017">Chapter 17</a>, “An Impossible Thing.” How the Hat works in my fanfiction comes from that chapter as well. Jefferson’s references to the night he and Victor met are from <a href="#section0009">Chapter 9</a>, “Only Once, Unexpectedly, Then Never Again.”</p><p>The last time Jefferson and Regina spoke was at the very end of my old 2012 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/595081">The Scent of Apples</a>,” which took place the night Emma and Snow returned from the Enchanted Forest in Season 2, in the episode S2E9, “Queen of Hearts.” In that ‘fic, Regina and Jefferson slept together one last time, then agreed to never see each other again.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Do you have it?” </p><p>Regina looks up from her desk - the Mayor’s Office in Storybrooke has returned to its original location, and the former mayor has resumed her old duties. She furrows her brow and responds, “Do I have what?” </p><p>“The Hat.”</p><p>Regina’s puzzlement becomes a judgmental frown. With a warning tone, she says, “Dr. Whale--”</p><p>“I know, I know,” says Victor. “But--”</p><p>“He can never know it exists."</p><p>“Mary Margaret said something about...doors to other worlds? All I asked her was if Storybrooke was safe again, and she spilled her guts. We haven’t exchanged more than two words in years. Do I just have one of those faces?”</p><p>“And your scientific curiosity got the better of you,” Regina says dryly. With some irony, she asks, “Does no one learn?”</p><p>“What happened with Dr. Jekyll was not my fault.”</p><p>“I don’t remember who that is, anymore.” Regina sighs. “What I <em> do </em> remember is you started dating a very sick man one year ago who’s triggered by the barest mention of Jumping.” </p><p>Victor crosses his arms. He looks away from Regina, glancing around the room. His eyes land on her couch, and the Mayor takes the hint. </p><p>“I’ll answer your questions, Doctor,” she says, moving to the couch and gesturing for him to follow her. “Though I don’t know much.”</p><p>“Does a second portal hat exist?” Victor asks, sitting down. “If it’s true, then that is--”</p><p>“Remarkable?”</p><p>“Yes.” Victor takes a breath. “Can I level with you first, Regina?”</p><p>“Oh boy,” she mutters.</p><p>“Jefferson told me everything - your entire history. All the horrible things you’ve done to him, taking advantage of him while he was cursed.”</p><p>Regina frowns, looking guilty.</p><p>“He also told me about the good times you had. Though honestly, most of his stories go something like, ‘Priscilla and I went to Pandaria once’ - yadda, yadda, yadda - ‘and oh, right, Regina was there too.’”</p><p>“He told you about Pandaria?” Regina asks softly, with some surprise. </p><p>“Yeah, he said you fell off a dragon. He teased you for months and wouldn’t let you live it down, but was scared for you when it happened.” Envious, and with some incredulity, Victor asks, “You got to ride <em> a dragon?”  </em></p><p>“Can you please get to the point?” Regina says impatiently. “I no longer dwell on the past.”</p><p>“Where did the second hat come from? Who made it? How many hats are there? Did it look the same inside, or different? Did it have the same doors? Where did they lead?” </p><p>Victor doesn’t pause between each question, because he can tell every answer will be a variation on, <em> ‘I don’t know.’ </em></p><p>“Are you finished?” Regina asks in annoyance. “Take a breath, Doctor.”</p><p>Victor relaxes, and lets Regina talk.</p><p>“I spent five minutes inside the Hat and can’t remember any details. We left it behind at my castle. If the Hat has not been lost, I assume it remains there. Whoever takes up residence, the Hat belongs to them now.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Victor’s not sure why the Hat’s loss is so disappointing. Regina is right - if Jefferson knew one still existed…The man has suffered enough.</p><p>“The chamber was small,” says Regina, “and elaborately ornamented. I can’t tell you how intricate its designs were. Lots of black and white.” She gestures to the similar palette of her office. “Flowers, circles. Some candles. Ten doors, maybe?” She shrugs. “Some refugees were able to freely enter through their world’s door.”</p><p>Victor’s eyebrows raise. “Now <em> that’s </em> interesting.”</p><p>“My only concern was getting them all to safety. <em> You </em> can muse over the metaphysics, Doctor.”</p><p>“I haven’t been...you call it ‘Jumping?’” </p><p>“That’s what Jefferson always called it.”</p><p>“I haven’t been jumping in over twenty years.” </p><p>“And <em> Jefferson </em> hasn’t jumped in thirty-five. Let it go, Victor, and keep your feet on solid ground.”</p><p>“He still calls himself one, sometimes. A portal jumper. I think it helps Jefferson keep his two minds separate.”</p><p>“Maybe,” says Regina, getting up from the couch. “It’s best you leave now.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” says Victor, standing up. “I never apologized for what I did...or for what I didn’t do.”</p><p>“Water under the bridge,” says Regina, though by her expression, she doesn’t mean it.</p><p>“What I did was <em> disgusting - </em> reanimating Daniel.” </p><p>Regina’s eyes start to water. She sits down behind her desk, and doesn’t look directly at him.</p><p>“You didn’t deserve that,” he says. <em> “Nobody </em> deserves that.”</p><p>“And before?” Regina asks, quickly wiping her eyes.</p><p>“When we were kids, I didn’t know you. All I wanted was to save my brother.”</p><p>“Well,” says Regina, taking a breath. She looks Victor in the eye, saying, “The past is the past.”</p><p>Victor nods, and takes this as his cue to leave. </p><p>“Goodbye, Regina. Thank you for your time.”</p><p>“Have a good day, Doctor…” Regina pauses, about to use his Curse name. “Frankenstein.”</p><p>Victor smiles gratefully - few people use his real name, even when he asks them to - but her eyes are now focused on some paperwork.</p><p>Before shutting the door, Victor asks, “Would Zelena know anything?”</p><p>“She will have few answers,” Regina replies, without looking up. “My sister pulls powerful artifacts from her closet like they were forgotten souvenirs.”</p><p>Victor huffs a cynical laugh. </p><p>“It’s always annoyed me, how easily you magic-users zip around from realm to realm, when Jefferson spent thirty years struggling. For you, it’s just like calling a taxi.”</p><p>Regina frowns. “Watch it, Whale,” she snaps. “It’s not that easy. It has <em> never </em> been easy.”</p><p>“Oh, it hasn’t?” he asks doubtfully.</p><p>“No, it hasn’t, and if you were one of us, you would know how difficult these realms are to navigate. What <em> sacrifices </em>have been made.” With an exasperated sigh, Regina says, “So your boyfriend has a broken brain. That was the price of using magic.”</p><p><em> “Excuse me?” </em> Victor says angrily, pointing aggressively at Regina. “<em>You’re </em> the one who broke him. You split him right <em> in half!” </em></p><p>“I know I fucked up. <em>I know.</em> I destroyed Jefferson’s life. I’ve committed terrible crimes, and my victims continue to suffer, because some wounds don’t heal. That’s why I’ve asked you, Victor, if you truly love this man, why would you reveal his impossible task was possible? It won’t help him, discovering there were more. It will only lead to more questions. Jefferson will become <em>obsessed</em> with that thing, like he was obsessed for three decades.”</p><p>“I need to know,” Victor says. “I just need to know.”</p><p>“Well, you had better be good at keeping secrets, Doctor.”</p><p>“Why do you care, anyway?” Victor asks.</p><p>“Because we were friends, once, a very long time ago.”</p><p>Victor looks at her skeptically, as Regina continues, “I know Jefferson far better and more intimately than you <em> ever </em>will, Dr. Frankenstein. That man’s self-hatred runs deep. He thinks he is worthless without his money or his magic. He was a destitute street-rat who grew up with callous parents. Did he ever tell you that?”</p><p>Reluctantly, Victor shakes his head. </p><p>“It’s easy to manipulate Jefferson’s emotions because he thinks love and money are one and the same.”</p><p>Victor’s heart sinks - this recontextualizes some things Jefferson’s said and done.</p><p>Seeing his sad look, Regina says, "You didn't know."</p><p>“What can I say? You’ve known each other for fifty years.”</p><p>“I hope you can see why investigating these portal hats could make things worse for him.” </p><p>“I won’t tell him. You have my word.”</p><p>“You had best keep it.”</p><p>“What are you gonna do if I don’t?”</p><p>Regina sighs. </p><p>“I won’t need to do anything. Goodbye, Doctor Frankenstein. Be careful with that man’s heart.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“It was in the Wizard’s vault. Regina said it belonged to the Mad Hatter.”</p><p><em> “Regina </em>said that? It was in a wizard’s vault? The Wizard of <em>Oz?”</em></p><p>“Oz, the Great and Terrible!” Zelena says, with a theatrical flourish. Dropping the voice, she shrugs, saying, “I just called him Walsh.” She squints, remembering. “I think Emma knocked him off a building.”</p><p>
  <em> “What?” </em>
</p><p>“I don’t know where the Hat came from. It’s a remarkable artifact, though. Powerful.”</p><p>With some sarcasm, Victor says, “And you pulled it out of your ass, just in the nick of time?”</p><p>“Yes,” says Zelena. “Why are you giving me such a hard time? Is it because I left it behind?”</p><p>“No, I just want answers.”</p><p>“Your boyfriend knows more about world-crossing than I do.”</p><p>“You sure seem to do a lot of it.”</p><p>“Yes, but <em> he </em> knows how it works.”</p><p>“You’d be surprised,” Victor mutters. </p><p>“Hang on...is <em> he </em> the Mad Hatter?”</p><p>“What? Yes, of course. Who did you think he was?”</p><p>“All I know is he’s a ‘portal jumper’ who swore off ‘jumping.’ Got stuck somewhere, or something. He’d probably be quite cross if he found out you were researching it. Did <em> he </em> create these hats?” </p><p>“Will you tell anyone if I told you?”</p><p>“Now it just sounds like you’re gossiping.”</p><p>“Jefferson was born without magic, but found a hat like yours when he was a child. It’s what he used to travel. I think ‘Jumper’ was a catch-all term for any magic-user who crossed worlds, not just ones with the natural ability.”</p><p>“That makes sense. Does that mean <em> I’m </em> a portal jumper?”</p><p>“Yes, but I wouldn’t put it on your résumé.”</p><p>Zelena looks puzzled for a moment, before saying, “Wait, I’ve got this one - that’s a list of all the jobs you used to have.”</p><p>Victor sighs in exasperation. “So that’s all you can tell me? You had it in your vault of artifacts, just lying around?”</p><p>“Look, the Wizard is long dead. There’s no way to find out where he got it. It will have to remain a mystery, like how Jefferson found the first one. Are you <em> sure </em> he didn’t make it? Why else is he called the Mad Hatter?”</p><p>“He started calling himself ‘Hatter’ when he first found the Hat. Twenty years later, Regina stole it from him, leaving him in Wonderland. He tried a thousand times to make a new one, so people in Wonderland started calling him the ‘Mad Hatter.’ That’s why Regina doesn’t want me asking these questions. She thinks if Jefferson found out it was possible to make a second hat, it would...hurt him.”</p><p>“He’d go mad again?”</p><p>“Here, we call that a psychotic episode.”</p><p>“I can’t even picture it. I’ve seen him in town with his daughter. He seems so nice.”</p><p>“He’s sick, that’s all.”</p><p>“Even now?”</p><p>“Some scars don’t fade. Literally, in his case, but figuratively too.”</p><p>“I know a thing or two about scars,” Zelena says sadly. “What happened to Jefferson’s hat after Regina stole it? It would have come in handy.”</p><p>“King George - here, he’s called Albert Spencer - threw it in a fire, destroying it completely.”</p><p>“Well,” says Zelena, scoffing. “That was bloody stupid.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Some Years Later...</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jefferson begs Victor not to go to Wonderland, but he does so anyway, promising he’ll be back in a day, leaving his husband alone at home, scared and sick with worry. Their daughter Grace has left for college, away in the Land Without Magic, while her fathers remain in Storybrooke. Victor is Chief Surgeon at Storybrooke Hospital again, finally using his real name - Dr. Frankenstein. Across town, Jefferson runs a restaurant. </p><p>Victor keeps his promise, and returns with an old friend. It was easier to find him than he expected. </p><p>“Jefferson?” asks the rabbit. He enters their kitchen hesitantly.</p><p>Percy looks the same as always, with some slightly different clothing. The rabbit is ageless - either a trait of his own, or something common to his magical race. Victor is still curious - he will <em> always </em> be curious about this taboo subject - and will ask Percy all the questions about rabbits, mermaids, giants and Jumping that his husband will no longer answer.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” says Percy. “I’m<em> so </em> sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” Jefferson replies earnestly. “It was never your fault.”</p><p>Victor knows their exchange is about Priscilla, so he quietly leaves to let them talk.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Hey, Ariel,” Victor greets her. The red-haired mermaid gives him a friendly wave.</p><p>The heroes of Storybrooke are older now, but Ariel still has a youthful glow. Victor isn’t sure how old she is - or how mermaids age - but he’s going to find out. </p><p>“Can I borrow some of your time?” he asks. “I’ve got some questions about world-crossing.”</p><p>“World-crossing?” she asks. “Why? Look how simple it is!” Ariel says, gesturing to the roads that now lead to Oz, Wonderland, and the Enchanted Forest across the harbor. “You can go anywhere, now, as easily as a mermaid swims.”</p><p>“That’s what I wanted to ask you about. The history of your people, and how your race’s powers work.” </p><p>“For what reason?” </p><p>“Scientific inquiry.”</p><p>“Would you come swimming with me, underwater? I can show you how we open portals.”</p><p>“What kind of scientist would I be if I said no?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“It’s been a long time, Doctor,” says the Good Queen. “How are things in Storybrooke?”</p><p>“Good,” says Victor. “Things are good. Grace is away at college, and Jefferson...”</p><p>“How is he?”</p><p>“His cooking gives Granny a run for her money.”</p><p>The Queen chuckles. She is also giving Victor a strange look he can’t translate - a desire to ask a more personal question, with reluctance to do so. </p><p>“Is he keeping well?” </p><p>“Yeah, you know, he takes it one day at a time.”</p><p>The Queen frowns. </p><p>“Why the sad look? You’ve finally made things right.”</p><p>“Is he...?”</p><p>“Spit it out, Regina,” Victor says testily. “What do you want to ask me?”</p><p>“Is he still two people?”</p><p>There is a brief, uncomfortable silence, and Victor considers whether or not to disclose intimately personal information that is not his own to share.</p><p>“Yes. Why do you want to know?”</p><p>“I have the memories of a woman named Roni West. I had a bar...<em> She </em> had a bar in Seattle. She isn’t real, but I can still remember being her. I thought my life as Roni would only linger in dreams, like Mayor Mills, but she’s still there, at the periphery. We get along well enough. It’s hardly an issue.”</p><p>“Mayor Mills - you remember <em> her </em> life, before becoming the Mayor of Storybrooke?”</p><p>“Only bits and pieces. I always felt like <em> me.” </em></p><p>“But Roni feels different?”</p><p>“She does. Maybe she’ll always be a part of me.”</p><p>“I know what that’s like. I couldn’t use my real name for <em> years. </em> Now that I do, people still call me Whale, and I have to correct them.”</p><p>“Do people believe you, Dr. Frankenstein?” </p><p>“Once they realize I’m not joking.”</p><p>“I glued two madmen together and left them festering in one body to drive each other crazy. That’s drastically different from our fading, blended memories.”</p><p>“Are you having doubts about being crowned the Good Queen? It seemed a bit over the top, and there are logistical issues to work out, now that ten different worlds have been shoved inside the state of Maine, but all in all, you deserve a second chance. I have faith in you, Regina.”</p><p>“I appreciate that.”</p><p>“Jefferson’s going to be fine.”</p><p>“I’m relieved to hear it.”</p><p>“But now you’re <em> really </em> not going to like the reason that I’m here.”</p><p>“Of course you want something.” The Good Queen sighs. “What is it?”</p><p>“I want the Hat.”</p><p>The change is quick - the serene and noble Good Queen grabs Victor’s arm and furiously drags him down the hall to a private place better suited for screaming at him.</p><p>“Are you <em> fucking </em> kidding me?”</p><p>“I remember what you told me years ago. Telling Jefferson about the Hat could trigger him.”</p><p>“If you tell him about that hat, I will rip out your heart.”</p><p>“Shh! Quiet! I didn’t tell him.”</p><p>“Then what are you doing, Doctor? You are playing a dangerous game with a man’s fragile heart. A man that <em> you </em> made vows to and claim to love.”</p><p>“I just want to see it.”</p><p>“Examining the Hat leads to opening a portal, which leads to jumping to worlds that are not part of the United Realms. Worlds that are dangerous, and where you may be stranded, breaking your husband’s heart.<em> Again.” </em></p><p>“The Hat has doors to worlds that are not part of the United Realms?”</p><p>With a smile, Regina says, “If Jefferson tells you any ‘mad’ stories of lands unlike these ten we have connected, believe him, because I’ve probably been there too. Based on my experience, we’re missing quite a few of them.”</p><p>“I thought you said your Hat only had ten doors. Jefferson’s had seventeen.”</p><p>“Yes, and that is where its limitations become an issue. If this Hat only has doors to the worlds we have connected already, then the artifact is useless.” With a roll of her eyes, Regina says, ”And I can see by your expression, this information only makes you want to jump into the damn thing <em> more. </em>”</p><p>“You <em> must </em>understand.”</p><p>“I do. I understand quite well. Your husband would understand, too, if he were still twenty-three and reckless. But it’s not worth the risk. I can’t let you have it.”</p><p>“You have it locked up somewhere?”</p><p>“Yes. You’d need a thief as good as Jefferson to break into my vault.”</p><p>“What was he like back then? The thief you knew so well?”</p><p>“He was annoying.”</p><p>“But skilled?</p><p>“And foolish.”</p><p>“Why so foolish?”</p><p>“Because he loved me.” Regina sighs. “Go home, Doctor. Forget about hats and world-crossing, and focus on what matters - your family.” She takes Victor by the hand, squeezes it lightly, and adds, “And give Jefferson my love.”</p><p>“You don’t think it would be best if he doesn’t know we spoke?”</p><p>“Your visit to my court would seem strange, otherwise. What reason did you give him for coming?”</p><p>“To give an update on the hospital.”</p><p>“Clever, but he’ll see through that. Tell Jefferson you visited to see the gorgeous view from my castle.”</p><p>“So you’ll let me keep my heart?”</p><p>“If you keep your end of our deal.”</p><p>“We made a deal?”</p><p>“You sacrifice your curiosity for your family’s stability, and I don’t kill you. It’s the smart choice.”</p><p>“You <em> are </em> a good queen.”</p><p>“So they tell me.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“What’s this?” Victor asks, finding Jefferson with Ariel and Percy on Storybrooke’s dock, lounging in folding chairs and drinking beers from a cooler.</p><p>“We’re swapping stories,” Jefferson tells him. “Pull up a chair.”</p><p>Ariel jumps into the water, splashing them, leaving her chair empty. Victor takes a seat, and cracks open the beer Jefferson hands him. Ariel pulls herself up so she sits on the edge of the dock with her feet dangling over the water.</p><p>“What kinds of stories?” Victor asks. </p><p>“Jumper stories,” Jefferson says, with a grin. </p><p>“Ariel, you didn’t,” says Victor. </p><p>“She couldn’t keep a secret if she tried,” says Jefferson.</p><p>“You were just so curious about world-crossing,” says Ariel, “while you have a lovely husband who portal jumped for <em> years. </em> I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t just ask <em> him </em> about it.”</p><p>“What did she tell you?” Victor asks.</p><p>“She said you went swimming with her,” Jefferson says with a snicker, “and that you almost drowned.”</p><p>Victor blushes. “That’s not--”</p><p>“I was exaggerating,” says Ariel. “You’re just a very poor swimmer.”</p><p>“What else did she say?” Victor asks him. </p><p>“That you kept asking about mermaid physiology,” Jefferson says, “then it got awkwardly personal, and then you backpedaled like crazy.”</p><p>“I said I’ll only answer questions about my magic,” Ariel says, which is what she told Victor when he tried to examine her tail. “He’s awfully grabby.”</p><p>Jefferson snickers some more, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“Oh God,” Victor mutters, blushing in embarrassment. “I sincerely apologize, Ariel. I won’t touch you again.”</p><p>“Unless you ask him to,” Jefferson interjects, laughing. </p><p>“Okay, <em> he’s </em> drunk,” says Victor, pointing to his giggling husband.</p><p>“Indeed,” says Percy. “He’s had a few beers.”</p><p>“Is there some special occasion I’m missing?” Victor asks Percy. </p><p>“Well--” the rabbit starts to say, but Jefferson answers for him.</p><p>“Our friends said how curious you were about portal jumping, and I felt hurt you didn’t ask <em> me. </em>So they’re cheering me up. They say you thought it was for my own good.”</p><p>"I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I’ve had so many questions about Jumping for so long, but you have all these bad memories I didn’t want to drum up.”</p><p>“You got me and Percy to reconcile. We talked about <em> the worst day of my life. </em>What could be worse than that?”</p><p>Tears were shed that day, Jefferson and his former mentor talking at length about Priscilla, about their regrets, and about what happened during all their years apart. </p><p>Jefferson gives Victor a pleading look, trying to understand what his husband could possibly be hiding. What can be so bad that they can’t just <em> talk </em> to each other? </p><p>Victor knew as soon as he left the Good Queen’s castle that he would not be holding up his end of their deal. He’d end up telling Jefferson someday, unable to keep the Hat secret. Now, seeing the three Jumpers together - laughing, drinking, supporting Jefferson and making him feel part of a club he hasn’t been a member of in decades - has hurried that timeline along. Victor will tell him now - while they are surrounded by friends - ripping off the bandage and hoping the wound isn’t still so fresh it bleeds out. </p><p>“Percy,” says Victor. “You said you didn’t know where the Hat came from, but that it led to a place called a ‘foyer.’”</p><p>"That’s right.”</p><p>“You also said there might be more than one.”</p><p>“Yes, I have visited other foyers.”</p><p>“No. You said there might be more than one <em> Hat.” </em></p><p>Jefferson’s brow furrows. He leans forward in his chair.</p><p>“Percy,” says Jefferson, “what’s he talking about?”</p><p>The rabbit shakes his head, saying, “I don’t know. I didn’t tell Victor anything I haven’t already told <em> you.” </em></p><p>“I know nothing about hats,” says Ariel. “Our people don’t wear them.”</p><p>Jefferson starts to get out of his chair, but Victor motions for him to remain seated. </p><p>“You might want to stay sitting down,” Victor says.</p><p>“There’s another portal hat?” Jefferson asks. Victor nods. His husband’s expression is hard to read, but there is pain in his eyes. </p><p>“I told you it was a possibility, Jefferson,” Percy says to him. “You said it yourself, there could have been more than one.”</p><p>His voice thick with emotion, Jefferson says, “I have made <em> hundreds </em> of hats. It was impossible to recreate it. <em> Impossible.” </em></p><p>“I’m sorry, Jefferson, but it wasn’t impossible. Zelena found one in the Wizard of Oz’s vault. She didn’t know what it was, or where it came from, just that it w--” Victor cuts himself off.</p><p>“‘Worked?’” Jefferson snaps. “You were gonna say ‘worked,’ weren’t you?”</p><p>“Not everything is a slight against you.” Victor makes a frustrated noise and stands up. “See, <em> this </em> is why I wasn’t going to tell you.”</p><p>In a raised voice, Jefferson asks, “Then why the hell are you telling me <em> now?” </em></p><p>“Because I’m a scientist, Jefferson, and my husband can use <em> magic! </em> That’s fucking <em> amazing, </em> and I want to know how it <em> works. </em>I’m curious. I always have been.” </p><p>Jefferson looks miserable, so Ariel gets up and sits beside his chair on the dock, placing her hand on his knee comfortingly. Percy looks pensive.</p><p>Victor continues, <em> “So what </em> if it’s not...innate, or inborn, or natural and in your blood. That doesn’t make what you can do any less incredible.” </p><p>“He’s right,” Percy says. “<em>And </em> he’s wrong. You can find doors, remember? You can <em> unlock </em>them.”</p><p>“Didn’t you say that magic tastes like metal, and you can feel where it’s the strongest?” Ariel asks.</p><p>Jefferson nods subtly when they mention the magical abilities he <em> does </em>possess - ones Victor didn’t even know about - but it doesn’t lift his frown.</p><p>“Who has it now?” he asks Victor.</p><p>“I hope you don’t intend to steal it,” says Percy. </p><p>“Regina,<em> ” </em> says Victor. </p><p><em> “Of course </em> she has it,” says Jefferson bitterly. “Regina takes and takes and <em> takes.” </em></p><p>“It’s not your Hat, anymore,” Victor says. “If it can be called anyone’s, it would be Zelena’s, since she’s the one who found it. I asked Regina if I could have it, and she said no. Not out of any sort of possessiveness. She told me she’d kill me if I told you it exists, because it would only break your heart.”</p><p>Jefferson’s cold expression softens. </p><p>“She said that?”</p><p>“Yup. Pretty sure I can never go back there again. Which is fine. Here, we have indoor plumbing.”</p><p>Jefferson’s lip quirks slightly, closer to a smile than a frown. </p><p>“Thank you,” he says. “For telling me.”</p><p>“Regina said you might obsess over this.”</p><p>“She has...<em> some </em>reason to worry.”</p><p>“She does?” Victor asks with concern. </p><p>“I can spend another thirty years coming up with theories,” Jefferson replies. “But I won’t try to make one again.” He turns to look at Percy. “I kept trying to punch a hole through. To the foyer.”</p><p>“Tried to cut that tree down with a spoon, did you?” Percy asks wryly.</p><p>“Even a spoon cuts a redwood eventually. I couldn’t chip off a single strip of bark.”</p><p>“I can figure this out,” says Victor. “While you focus on the future.”</p><p>“And merely transfer my obsession?” asks Jefferson. “I’m a shit husband, asking you to do that.”</p><p>Victor shakes his head. “No. No, it’s for my own curiosity.”</p><p>“Victor, when we first met, you were obsessed with raising the dead. Don’t fixate on this too.” He gestures across the harbor, towards the paths to different realms. “Look at this. All these worlds open and accessible to each other.” He turns to Percy. “I think you’re out of a job, old friend.”</p><p>“I never liked ferrying people,” says Percy. “My powers have been taken advantage of enough. I’ll only dig for the people closest to me.”</p><p>“What about you, Ariel?” Jefferson asks. “You would have made a good thief, back in the day. Provided whatever you were stealing was water-proof.”</p><p>Ariel gasps, offended. “I would never!”</p><p>Jefferson chuckles. He exchanges a knowing look with Victor, and he can tell Jefferson has met less scrupulous mermaids before.</p><p>“You’re really okay with this?” Victor asks Jefferson. </p><p>“With never knowing? Who made the Silver Slippers? The Looking Glass? Tell me, Victor, why can tornadoes carry you to Oz?”</p><p>Victor finally slumps back into his empty chair, so he is eye-to-eye with his husband and their friends instead of pacing restlessly across the dock.</p><p>“Remember the night we met?” Jefferson asks.</p><p>“How can I forget?” Victor says, with some sarcasm. “My brother was lying in a vat of formaldehyde while a 20-year-old magician kept trying to sleep with me.”</p><p>Ariel gasps in scandalized surprise while Percy rolls his eyes.</p><p>“In my defense,” says Jefferson, “I didn’t know about your brother.” To Percy, he adds, “Don’t judge me. Look at the man.” He gestures to Victor. “Picture that guy at 26,” he says to Ariel, “and tell me you wouldn’t.”</p><p>Ariel tilts her head, considering Victor’s features, then nods. </p><p>“Yeah, I can see it,” she says, smiling slightly. “Good catch,” she tells Jefferson.</p><p>“What were you <em> going </em> to say?” Victor asks, with some irritation. </p><p>“I told you I spent years researching world-crossing. I asked everyone I met, learned every method, read every book…” </p><p>Percy arches an eyebrow at this. </p><p>“Yes, Rabbit, I’ve <em>read</em> <em>books.”</em></p><p>Victor exhales a laugh and Ariel smiles in amusement. </p><p>“And there are so many types of magic, in so many different worlds - more worlds than we’ve connected to our United Realms - there’s no way to nail down how it all works. It would take you lifetimes, Victor, to fully understand it.” </p><p>Shaking his head, Victor says, “Arthur C. Clarke said that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. It’s science, Jefferson.”</p><p>“I <em> also </em> told you that I never let any mages touch the Hat to examine it. No tests, no trials. Nobody laid a finger on that thing while I was in possession of it.” Jefferson tilts his head, giving Victor a meaningful look. “You would have cut it into pieces to dissect every thread. You’d do that to Zelena’s Hat too, wouldn’t you, Dr. Frankenstein?”</p><p>“How can you say that?”</p><p>“Because you’re a scientist, my love, and scientists are predictable. Magic isn’t.”</p><p>Victor takes a swig of his beer, looking out at the harbor thoughtfully.</p><p>“What do you think of all this, Ariel?” he asks.</p><p>“Me? I know nothing about the artifacts humans use to travel.”</p><p>“Conch shells can communicate across worlds,” says Victor. “How is <em> that </em> possible?”</p><p>“Some things, Dr. Frankenstein,” says Percy, “are beyond our understanding.”</p><p>“I don’t accept that.” After a beat, Victor says, “Maybe you’re right, Jefferson, and there’s something wrong with me.”</p><p>“No,” says Jefferson. “You’re perfect.”</p><p>He scoots his chair closer to Victor’s, leans forward and lightly kisses him. </p><p>“I’d kiss you properly, but I’m too lazy to get up,” Jefferson explains. “But I have an excuse - I’m 75 years old.”</p><p>“Too<em> drunk </em>to get up,” Percy says. </p><p>“You age slowly for a human,” Ariel says to Jefferson, sounding impressed.</p><p>“Magic,” he says. “The kind of magic that gives you nightmares and regrets.”</p><p>Ariel frowns. “Oh. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“How’s Regina doing, anyway?” Jefferson asks Victor. </p><p>“Not giving any more people nightmares.” </p><p>“They call her the ‘Good Queen,’” says Jefferson, “but I’m taking a guess she doesn’t like it.”</p><p>“You should…” Victor trails off.</p><p>“That bridge is burned,” Jefferson says, shaking his head. “The best we can do is forgive each other.” </p><p>He looks across the harbor thoughtfully, towards the Enchanted Forest. He holds up his beer, as though toasting Regina’s success. </p><p>“She made peace,” he says. “For what it’s worth. Gotta give her that.”</p><p>“She’s not at peace with herself,” says Victor softly. “She was cursed for a while.”</p><p>“Cursed how?”</p><p>“Her name is Roni West. She’s from Seattle. She used to run a bar there.” Victor shrugs. “And now she’s here, running multiple realms.”</p><p>Jefferson looks across the harbor again, towards Regina’s castle. </p><p>“Did she ask for me?”</p><p>“Not exactly.” </p><p>“I think this is a private conversation we are not privy to,” says Percy. “Come along, Ariel. Let’s get something to eat. Goodbye, Jefferson, Victor.” Jefferson gives him a sad look, and the rabbit reassures him, “I’m renting a room at Granny’s. We will speak again before I return to Wonderland.” </p><p>“See you later, guys,” says Ariel, and the two Jumpers depart, heading for town. </p><p>“What were her exact words?” Jefferson asks Victor.</p><p>“That she’s happy you’re well.”</p><p>“Bullshit. She’s just feeling guilty, now that <em> she </em> knows what this is like.”</p><p>“She <em> does </em> feel guilty. She feels <em> terrible. </em>She regrets it to this day.”</p><p>Jefferson throws his beer into the harbor. </p><p>“Fuck her.”</p><p>“Why are you so angry?” </p><p>“She doesn’t get to ask for me just because she’s suffering.”</p><p>“I think she feels sympathetic. That’s why she didn’t want me to mention the Hat.”</p><p>“Why would she care how I feel?” </p><p>“You should talk to her,” Victor says. </p><p>“What’s the point?” he asks bitterly. “Regina won.”</p><p><em>“You </em> won. You have Grace, you have me, our friends, and your restaurant.” Victor cups Jefferson’s face to turn his gaze towards him instead of the castle. “She has a lifetime of worry ahead of her, over how to run ten realms. She probably takes Xanax herself in the morning.”</p><p>“Don’t joke about things like that.”</p><p>“Sorry. I mean she must have a tough time juggling tasks as the Good Queen. It’s probably really stressful.”</p><p>“That’s an understatement, if I ever heard one. I can’t imagine what her life is like, now. Who decided all of this?”</p><p>“Apparently we all voted, but I don’t remember doing that.”</p><p>“I abstained that day as well.”</p><p>“Majority rules.”</p><p>“I suppose that’s fair.”</p><p>“So,” says Victor. “What happens now?”</p><p>Jefferson looks around at the remains of their party on the dock. </p><p>“We clean this up and get back to work.” He kisses Victor, saying, “Don’t go chasing shadows, Victor. Let some mysteries remain unsolved.”</p><p>“I really do think you two should talk.”</p><p>“We’ve already said everything that can be said. She fixed everything she could fix.”</p><p>“How’s Jefferson feel about all of this?”</p><p>“He’s got a good life, now. The life he always wanted.” </p><p>“And the Hatter?”</p><p>Jefferson rubs the scar around his neck - it’s uncovered and visible, with no scarf wrapped around it, probably because of the summer heat. </p><p>“We’re good, Victor,” he says, after a moment. “We just take it one day at a time.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note - 04/23/21:</b>
</p><p>This is <i><b>not</b></i> the end of Some Kind of Madness. There's a whole family of plot bunnies in my brain demanding more of this story be told, so I'll be updating again soon.</p><p>-----</p><p>
  <b>Author's Notes - 04/27/21:</b>
</p><p>To my embarrassment - because I'm a perfectionist - I got the identity of the character who told Zelena that the Hat belonged to the Mad Hatter wrong. In my original version of this chapter, Zelena tells Victor that Emma said this, but Emma was in <i>desperate</i> need of rescuing at the time! It is <i>Regina</i> who says this line, so I've changed my dialogue between Victor and Zelena.</p><p>Here is the exact dialogue exchange from S6E21, "The Final Battle Part 1," about the Hat:</p><p>
  <i>Regina: The Mad Hatter's hat! But wasn't it destroyed?</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Zelena: Well, he was a hatter. He had multiples.</i>
</p><p>And that is the only explanation for the Hat's existence that we get. It is never explained or mentioned ever again.</p><p>Going by the confident delivery of her line, it's implied that Zelena knows exactly who made the Hat and where the Hat came from, before a confused Regina asks her question. But I don't think this precludes the scenario in my fanfic, in which the Wizard of Oz found the Hat somewhere and kept it. Zelena would assume a hatter of some kind would have created the thing, and so that person could have created multiples. That doesn't mean she would have any clue who <i>Jefferson</i> was.</p><p>I had a chat with somebody who came up with an explanation they used in their RP, in which Zelena not only places the Hat's origins on a hatter, but on Jefferson specifically. But in their OUAT-verse, the people who made the portal hats are a whole, like, sect of jumpers called Hatters, and Jefferson is the last of them, who made the last two Hats himself, then Zelena stole one of them from him before he met Grace's mother. The reason Jefferson could not create a third Hat years later was because his hat-making powers were revoked after Grace's mom died, because reasons.</p><p>It just makes more sense to me - and I'm pretty sure is the intended reading - that Jefferson never <i>had</i> natural magical abilities of his own. This didn't stop him from trying to make a new Hat, of course. Like the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.</p><p>-----</p><p>On one last note, regarding whether or not Jefferson has <i>any</i> innate magic - everything that happens in my fanfiction is wildly different from canon and must be taken with a huge grain of salt, and that includes the magical abilities Jefferson displays throughout Some Kind of Madness. </p><p>Children in fiction are constantly stumbling in and out of magical portals like they're improperly fastened cabinets - Alice from Alice in Wonderland falls down a damn rabbit hole into a whole-ass parallel universe - so Jefferson being able to enter the Portal of Doors when he's a kid doesn't mean anything. That's something my Jefferson grapples with throughout Lighting Matches, you'll notice - trying to determine whether or not what he can do is inborn and what he can do is granted him by the Hat. Being trapped in Wonderland and going insane trying to make a portal hat is when Jefferson realizes that no, he was never special at all. But presumably, Percy knows what he's talking about when he and Ariel are cheering Jefferson up at the docks in this chapter - if you've read all of Lighting Matches, you'll see Jefferson display these abilities, he just can't make portals.</p><p>-----</p><p>About Regina's reading of Jefferson's personality and self-loathing - When I was discussing all this stuff with that RP'er - the one who wrote Zelena stealing a portal hat from Jefferson directly - I shared that same assessment, and explained to them in much more detail why I thought that's how Jefferson thinks about love and money.</p><p>This particular comment from our lengthy Reddit thread was so long that it won't let me copy-paste it here, after already writing these other notes. It is also, however, only 642 words of a much longer conversation, and therefore not long enough to justify posting as a separate chapter. I'm going to share it in a <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/comments/420054269">comment below this chapter</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Fair Well (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Grace gets married, Jefferson and Regina reminisce, Roni has lunch, and Victor says goodbye to a queen. Takes place twelve years after the end of <a href="#section0046">Chapter 46</a>, “Lost Relics.” (3,258 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, this is the <i>real</i> epilogue, but like I said in my notes to Chapter 46, I’m going back after this to write more about pre-Curse FTL and Cursed Storybrooke. I just had this scenario in my brain.</p><p>The last time Jefferson and Regina spoke was at the very end of my old 2012 fanfic “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/595081">The Scent of Apples</a>,” which took place the night Emma and Snow returned from the Enchanted Forest in Season 2, in the episode S2E9, “Queen of Hearts.” In that ‘fic, Regina and Jefferson slept together one last time, then agreed to never see each other again.</p><p>The last time Victor spoke to Regina was in Chapter 46. Victor also told Jefferson about Regina’s Curse identity “Roni” in that chapter, and that she regretted what she did to Jefferson.</p><p>Chen Stormstout is a character from the video game "World of Warcraft." His family had a brewery on the continent Pandaria. <a href="https://bissellbrothers.com/beers/">Bissell Brothers</a> is a real brewery in Portland, Maine.</p><p>This takes place sometime after the series finale, when Grace is in her early thirties. Roni was Regina’s Curse identity in Hyperion Heights during Season 7. Tiana is another character from S7, and beignets are a pastry she is renowned for baking. Miner's Day was a holiday in Storybrooke celebrated in S1E14, "Dreamy."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On his daughter Grace’s wedding day, Jefferson pulls out all the stops. Brighter and grander than Miner’s Day and more colorful than Christmas, the whole Town of Storybrooke celebrates. </p><p>Jefferson’s wedding to Grace’s mother was a small affair beneath an apple tree, with a handful of close friends, one of whom officiated. Both he and Priscilla wore white. He remembers Priscilla wore a flower crown in her hair and insisted that Jefferson wrap his own around the Hat.</p><p>He married Victor at Storybrooke’s courthouse - both men asked the other nearly at the same time. Let’s just go and do it already, before another near-apocalypse, because life is short. Why wait? </p><p>Jefferson’s restaurant - simply named Hatter’s Bar and Grille - is as popular as Granny’s Diner now, though she’s steep competition. He is no longer that unsettling recluse on a hill, whose wild eyes always revealed what his good looks didn’t. If the proud father is going to turn his daughter’s nuptials into a town-wide festival, everyone will eagerly join in.</p><p>The reception dinner itself will be held at Hatter’s, with the larger party centered on Town Hall’s lawn, where Miner’s Day is usually held. It will feature games, food trucks, music and dancing - Jefferson would have gotten a ferris wheel, if it were possible, and Grace rolls her eyes at such extravagance, but lets her Papa spoil her.</p><p>Years earlier, Grace moved to the Land Without Magic, which was simultaneously a relief and broke Jefferson’s heart. There, she gets to live the normal life he always wanted for her, far from portals and sorcerers and life-stealing curses. They are separated, but the Town Line no longer erases memories, so Grace can come and go as she pleases. </p><p>Grace is marrying a man from that land - one she trusts completely with her secret - and it concerns some people in Storybrooke, but doesn’t concern her parents. Thomas, Gillian, Jefferson and Victor all attend the official wedding in Chicago. Grace’s friends and her fiancé’s family understand there will be two ceremonies - it isn’t unusual for two weddings to be held when hometowns are spaced far apart - but are under the assumption the Maine wedding will be the smaller one. None of them would believe Storybrooke is now the nexus of ten worlds.</p><p>It boggles Jefferson’s mind - it annoys him, in fact, though he pretends for Victor that it doesn’t. He once told Victor to relax and stop analyzing magic, but privately raised his concerns with Percy. How was it possible for the United Realms to form, and what did that mean for the fabric of the multiverse? Percy tapped his whiskered nose and winked. There were more worlds out there, he said, but they were now both too old to explore them. The rabbit told him not to worry - Jefferson’s memories of those other worlds were real, not delusions. Sometimes he still needed reminding. </p><p>As for how these ten could be connected, well, Regina had always been the most powerful sorceress Jefferson knew. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Grace’s husband has visited Storybrooke once before - after she revealed to him her true origins - but is not expecting a town-wide event on his return. Grace has not been warned of it either, but, knowing her father, she is unsurprised. </p><p>“Mr. Hatter,” says her husband, whose name is Michael, “I can’t...I can’t thank you enough! This is incredible!”</p><p>“Anything for my little girl.”</p><p>“You spared no expense?” Grace asks wryly.</p><p>Jefferson pulls her into a hug and kisses her forehead. She laughs. </p><p>“I don’t have to get up in front of everybody, do I?” Michael asks nervously, as they stroll past the food trucks setting up outside Town Hall. “Saying my vows the first time was nerve-wracking enough.”</p><p>“No, it will just be a crowd of, say, twenty people? Twenty-five, if you count my kitchen staff.”</p><p>“We’re having dinner at Papa’s restaurant,” Grace reassures him. “It shouldn’t be bigger than our reception in Chicago. Right, Papa?”</p><p>“That’s right,” says Jefferson. “The larger party is merely being held in your honor, and is mostly an excuse for people to get drunk.”</p><p>The newlyweds laugh.</p><p>“Come, let’s get some beignets while we’re here,” Jefferson says, guiding them to one of the food trucks. “Queen Tiana’s makes the best.”</p><p>“Three beignets, please,” he says at the window, and the queen herself pokes out her head. </p><p>“Why hello there, Hatter.” </p><p>“Tiana, it’s good to see you! I wasn’t expecting you to be running the truck yourself.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t miss this party for the world.”</p><p>While the kids tear into their beignets, Jefferson catches sight of another queen out the corner of his eye. He could be imagining her presence, however. His heart beats a little faster - it’s been over twenty years, but Jefferson’s still not prepared for their reunion. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Regina was not invited to their dinner, but she could still be in town, so Jefferson wanders over to Town Hall after everyone else has gone to bed. Victor has gone home too, getting some sleep for an early shift at the hospital.</p><p>It’s late - about one o’clock in the morning, almost two - but some younger guests still linger, drinking at a table on the lawn. Nobody is breaking up the party, so it quietly continues, their radio playing at a low volume.</p><p><em> There’s no way she’s still here, </em> Jefferson tells him, but the Hatter knows Regina well, and knows she doesn’t fall asleep easily. He pictures her in her black-and-white office, sitting at the same old desk, waiting for him.</p><p>The Town Hall’s door is locked - there’s no way she could have gotten in - but the Hatter circles the building, searching for any point of entry. </p><p><em> This is crazy</em>, Jefferson thinks. <em> You’re wasting your time</em>. </p><p>His other half may be right, that this <em> is </em> a waste of time, but the Hatter finds the sorceress in the last place he looks. Regina leans behind an empty game booth smoking a cigarette, hidden in a spot he missed earlier.</p><p>“Hey,” he says. </p><p>Regina takes a drag of her cigarette, then replies, “Hey.”</p><p>Jefferson huffs a laugh. </p><p>“You’re unbelievable,” he says. </p><p>“I wasn’t invited, so I felt awkward attending.”</p><p>“So you decided to stalk the shadows?”</p><p>“I tried to get into the building,” she says, pointing at the Town Hall, “but it was locked. I could have used a thief’s help.”</p><p>“I don’t have any tools on me,” Jefferson says with a shrug, opening his tuxedo’s pockets. “We’d have to break a window.”</p><p>Regina shakes her head. “Nah, I don’t buy that. You’d find a better way.”</p><p>The sorceress steps into the light, and Jefferson’s mouth drops in surprise. </p><p>“You haven’t aged a day,” he says wonderingly. </p><p>With a theatrical flourish, Regina explains, “Magic.”</p><p>The sorceress waves her free hand and is enveloped in a purple mist. When it clears, Regina has silver hair and appears to be in her early sixties. But it must be another trick - Regina’s son Henry is in his forties now, brought with her to the past by time travel, so she has to be pushing eighty. (Add thirty ageless years on top of that, and <em> both </em>she and Jefferson are elderly.)</p><p>“Are you truly that vain?” Jefferson asks dryly. “You look the part, now. Got any apples?”</p><p>Regina rolls her eyes. </p><p>“Are you still mad at me?” she asks, sounding defensive. </p><p>“Wouldn’t <em> you </em> be?”</p><p>“I learned to let go of my anger. It was weighing me down.” She looks more closely at Jefferson’s face. <em> “Gawd, </em> we’re old.” Regina holds up her hand, about to cast a spell, then thinks better of it.</p><p>Knowing what she was about to do, Jefferson says, “Yes, you have my consent to make me look young and hot again.”</p><p>Regina smiles and casts a glamour spell on him. Jefferson looks down at his hands, which seem younger, with tighter skin.</p><p>“Got a mirror?” he asks.</p><p>Regina conjures a hand mirror and holds it up. Jefferson gasps. </p><p>“Too far back?” Regina asks. She sounds proud of herself, the cheeky witch. </p><p>Jefferson now has the baby-face he never liked, always wanting to look older, but is glad for it, because when he pulls down his scarf, his scar is gone. Jefferson’s eyes water. He feels like crying with some blend of happiness and sorrow, and hearing him sniffle, Regina puts down the mirror, looking like a guilty 19-year-old.</p><p>“Oh,” she says with a frown. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” </p><p>Regina’s new appearance shocks Jefferson out of whatever emotional experience he was having, making him laugh.</p><p>“Yes, you rewound us too far back,” he says, covering his smile and trying to sound more sarcastic. “We look like a couple of kids.”</p><p>“And you’re overdressed,” Regina says. “Can I swap out the tuxedo?” </p><p>“It’s a wedding, Regina<em>. You </em>should be shifting into a gown.” </p><p>In a plume of purple smoke, Regina transforms her denim jeans, red blouse, and leather jacket into an indigo ball gown. Her cigarette is gone too. (Apparently she’s been sneaking around Storybrooke as her other self, Roni.)</p><p>“This is creepy,” Jefferson says, because at his age, college-aged women might as well be little girls. “Can you add a few years?” </p><p>With an annoyed huff, Regina waves her hand again, and in another cloud of violet magic, the both of them look closer to thirty. </p><p>“Happy now?” she asks, with some irritation. </p><p>Regina hands the mirror to Jefferson. He nods approvingly at his new look, and turns it towards her next, so she can examine her own face. The sorceress smiles. </p><p>“Impressive,” he says. “What now?” </p><p>“Dance with me,” she says, holding out her hand. </p><p>“With no music?” he asks. </p><p>Picking up her long dress so she doesn’t trip, Regina heads across the lawn to the lingering party guests. Jefferson leaves the mirror in the booth and follows her at a slower pace, watching her ask them if she can use their radio. They shrug, giving permission, and Regina smiles at them gratefully. With a wave of her hand, the radio starts playing different music, without requiring a turn of the dial.</p><p>“This doesn’t sound like this world’s music,” Jefferson says. The song is instrumental - the sort of tune that would play at a wedding in their homeland. </p><p>“We’re not <em> from </em> this world,” Regina reminds him, and they begin to dance. </p><p>Regina grew up among nobility, taught traditional dances in the proper way, and Jefferson spent his young adulthood replicating how those people moved. So they both know this one - Regina has even picked the perfect song - and even if they didn’t, they always knew how to synchronize their bodies. </p><p>Their small audience applauds their more complex maneuvers, and Jefferson wishes his body had changed with his appearance, because he’s getting winded, and is left breathless when they’re done. </p><p>“Congratulations, Jefferson,” Regina tells him - after all, he’s the father of a bride. She snaps her fingers and the music changes to a slower song. Regina pulls Jefferson closer, and they sway to it. </p><p>“Thanks,” he says, and they both go quiet, listening to the music. After a minute, Jefferson adds, “You know I’m married, right?”</p><p>Regina chuckles. </p><p>“Yes, of course. I’m not…” She trails off. </p><p>“You’re not what?” he asks softly. They keep dancing, not looking at each other.</p><p>She repeats, “I’m not…” Regina sighs. “I just missed you, that’s all.”</p><p>“Why did you wait until now to tell me?”</p><p>“A long time ago, you said if I cared about you and Grace, I would leave you alone.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“I kept my word,” she says. “I rarely did, back then.”</p><p>“Regina, are you here seeking my forgiveness?” </p><p>“No, I don’t expect that from you, and I don’t deserve it.” Regina stops dancing, and looks up at him. “I forgive <em> you, </em> though.”</p><p>Jefferson nods in acknowledgement, and she’s right, he <em> can’t </em> forgive her - not now, not ever - for stealing thirty years of his life. Regina knows this and accepts it, which is a relief. </p><p>“What were you ‘not,’ before?” Jefferson asks curiously. “You kept trailing off. I’ve learned, living in this shitshow of a town you created, not to leave things unsaid, because they may never be heard.”</p><p>“I’m not trying to start something and disrupt your life,” she explains. “I don’t intend to rekindle any old flames.”</p><p>“I didn’t think you were. But I get it, being together and looking like this. It makes me nostalgic, too.”</p><p>With a reassuring smile, he touches Regina’s cheek, which is a mistake, because she leans into his touch and covers his hand with her own. </p><p>“Oh, you sneaky witch,” he teases her. “I’m a married man and you’re giving me bedroom eyes.”</p><p>Regina, sounding scandalized, removes her hand and says, “I am <em> not.” </em></p><p>Jefferson laughs. </p><p>“Here’s one for the road,” he says, giving her lips a light kiss, making the sorceress blush.</p><p>The drunk townspeople - whose presence they had forgotten, though their radio is still playing - whistle at them, and Regina shyly hides her face. Jefferson doesn’t bother. Even if somebody recognized them as their younger selves and told Victor, the doctor wouldn’t care.</p><p>“Come by the restaurant before you leave tomorrow,” he tells Regina. </p><p>“Would Grace be there? I doubt she’d want to see me.”</p><p>“You’re the Good Queen of the United Realms,” Jefferson says, though they both know that title is meaningless to his family. </p><p>Regina still appears reluctant, which is a positive thing, he thinks. It means that being the “Good Queen” hasn’t gone to her head. Being good or evil depends upon the actions taken. Just because people call Regina “good” doesn’t mean she shouldn’t strive to be better. </p><p>“If you’d prefer to remain anonymous, you can always glamour yourself,” he says. “You’re clearly quite good at it.”</p><p>“How will you know it’s me?” she asks, with a slight smile. </p><p>Jefferson thinks back, for some kind of password they could use. </p><p>“Ask for a Stormstout.”</p><p>“Does your bar actually serve that?”</p><p>“No, but it will be from Pandaria in spirit.”</p><p>“Well, alright. I’ll think about it.”</p><p>“Good. Until then, your Majesty--”</p><p>“Regina,” she interjects. “Just Regina.”</p><p>Jefferson nods. “Regina.” After another quick smile at each other, he says with a sigh, “I guess we gotta go back to being <em> old, </em> now.” </p><p>“Are you ready?” the sorceress asks, raising her hands.</p><p>He nods, and they are enveloped by magic, transforming back into their older selves. Regina does not readjust her age, however, to what it is chronologically. She again appears to be in her early forties, dressed like Roni.</p><p>“Hey, that’s not fair!” </p><p>"I'm here incognito. A ruler needs a break sometimes."</p><p>“I suppose so. Goodnight, Regina.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Hatter.”</p><p>They part ways, Jefferson walking back to his restaurant, and Regina towards wherever her car is parked. She is probably staying at her old house, with family. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next morning, Regina does not come by the restaurant, and because old habits die hard, Jefferson waits and watches all day for her, listening for every patron to order a “Stormstout.” The sorceress could be <em> anyone </em> - something he thought was clever last night, but is annoying in actual practice. </p><p>Finally, the Good Queen arrives and sits down to order. She isn’t glamored into somebody else - she wears the same face she had when they last spoke - wearing the jeans, T-shirt, short curly hair, and black leather jacket belonging to Roni.</p><p>“I’ll have a Stormstout,” she says with a friendly smile.</p><p>“Coming right up.”</p><p>Roni whispers, before Jefferson goes to get it, “What am I <em> actually </em>ordering?”</p><p>“I’ll get you an IPA from Bissell Brothers. They’re a brewery in Portland. Do you want to see the list?”</p><p>“I’ll just have a glass of your favorite.”</p><p>“I don’t drink anymore.”</p><p>Roni nods approvingly.</p><p>“Alright,” she says. “Then whatever your bartender likes best.”</p><p>Disguised as Roni, the Good Queen has a quiet, relaxed meal without any of her subjects pestering her. Jefferson wonders why he avoided seeing her for so long. Then his reason walks in, while Roni waits for her check.</p><p>“Papa!” says Grace, hugging him. “I can’t believe you’re at work! We slept late and couldn’t find you. We should have known you’d come back here.”</p><p>“Lots to reorganize,” Jefferson says, “after you wrecked the place last night.”</p><p>Grace, her husband, and Jefferson joke about how “wild” the reception got, which was not at all. He spots some movement over Grace’s shoulder - Roni is thanking the waiter and getting up to leave. </p><p>Because he <em> still </em> never thinks before he acts, Jefferson calls out, “Roni!”</p><p>Roni turns to look, and when Jefferson gestures for her to come over, she reluctantly approaches. </p><p>“Roni, I’d like you to meet my daughter Grace and her husband Michael. Guys, this is my friend Roni.”</p><p>Not recognizing her, the kids shake her hand. </p><p>“Nice to meet you,” says Grace, happily.</p><p>Roni exchanges a meaningful look with Jefferson. He has decided, she realizes, that no, Grace would not forgive her either, for what she’s done to them. But Jefferson wants Roni to meet her, and this is the closest she can get.</p><p>“Congratulations on your marriage!” she tells the newlyweds, and the sentiment is real, but her enthusiasm is fake. </p><p>“Thank you!” Grace says.</p><p>“Thanks,” adds Michael.</p><p>“And thank you for the meal,” Roni tells Jefferson, squeezing his shoulder. “It was delicious.” With a wave, she says, “Bye, guys!” and leaves the restaurant.</p><p>Jefferson watches her go. </p><p>“How do you know her?” Grace asks. After a beat, she says, “That’s a silly question. You know <em> everybody.” </em></p><p>“Uh, yeah,” he says, distractedly. “She’s a dear friend.”</p><p>He must be making an odd expression, because Grace teases, “Should Vic be jealous?”</p><p>Jefferson exhales a laugh. </p><p>“No, Vic has nothing to worry about. He knows her. We go way back.”</p><p>“Oh,” says Grace mildly. “Well, let’s get you off your feet, Papa, and have some tea.”</p><p>“Sounds great, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Regina,” says Victor outside, with some surprise. “You look...young.”</p><p>Roni chuckles. “I’m in disguise.”</p><p>“Yeah, use <em> that </em> excuse,” he says dryly. “What are you doing here?” </p><p>“I just had some late lunch,” she says. “I met Grace and her husband.”</p><p>Victor’s eyebrows raise. </p><p>“She didn’t recognize me. I wanted to meet her, and thought it would be better this way.”</p><p>Victor shrugs. </p><p>“Well, Reg--”</p><p>“Roni.”</p><p><em> “Roni.” </em> He sighs. “So that’s why Jefferson was out so late last night. He was sneaking around with <em> you.” </em></p><p>Roni gives him an incredulous look.</p><p>“Nothing happened,” she says. “I’m surprised you even entertain the notion.”</p><p>“I think he’s still hung up on you.”</p><p>Roni scoffs. </p><p>“By all means, ask him,” she says. “But that man has moved on. I don’t suggest arguing otherwise.”</p><p>“Because you know him so well?” </p><p>“I’m no threat. <em> You </em> just miss the drama.”</p><p>“Storybrooke <em> is </em> kinda boring without you.”</p><p>“Boring is good. Be grateful.”</p><p>“Every day is a gift,” says Victor sincerely. “I learned that living here.”</p><p>“Then my work is complete. It’s time I went home.”</p><p>“Need a ride to the ferry?” Victor asks. Dryly, he adds, “I was going to say a quick hi to my family, but you’re <em> royalty, </em>so…”</p><p>“That won’t be necessary. I need to stop by Henry’s house first and pack. Then I’m traveling the old-fashioned way.”</p><p>“Horse and buggy?”</p><p>“Teleportation.”</p><p>“Don’t get stuck inside a mountain.”</p><p>“I won’t,” Roni says. “Take care, Doctor.” She teleports away in a plume of purple smoke. </p><p>Inside the restaurant, Victor sits down with his family. </p><p>“Want some tea?” Grace asks him.</p><p>“Forget that,” Jefferson interjects. “Get this man a cup of coffee.” To Victor, he says, “You look like you need it.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Victor says. “I could use a cup.”</p><p>Jefferson kisses Victor’s cheek affectionately, and the doctor smiles.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note - 04/25/21</b>
</p><p>Like I said in the notes to Chapter 46, this is <b>not</b> the end of my updates, I just skipped ahead to the end of the story.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Blur (Mad Queen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A young Regina and Jefferson have sex that gets too kinky. They discuss what happened, and how Regina feels about it. (4,932 words.)</p><p>This chapter immediately follows the conversation in Regina’s bedroom in <a href="#section0043">Chapter 43</a>, “Confidente Deuxième,” in which Regina asks Jefferson to have sex with her inside the Hat’s chamber of doors. (That was based on <a href="#section0033">Chapter 33</a>, "Confidante," which was told from Regina's POV.)</p><p>This chapter is a rewrite of <a href="#section0034">Chapter 34</a>, “Push,” and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/74496021#workskin">Chapter 35</a>, “Deviation,” combining the two chapters, and retelling their events from Regina’s POV.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The sex scene in this chapter features <b>consensual non-consent</b> - specifically <b>the forced orgasm trope</b> - in which Regina plays the dominant role. The sex is not graphic. There is a second sex act later that is explicitly consensual, and isn’t graphic either.</p><p>The <i>theme</i> of this chapter is <i>consent,</i> so there is <b>discussion</b> in Regina’s narration, and in dialogue between Regina and Jefferson, <b>about rape.</b></p><p>Rumplestiltskin tells Regina she is “a feast for the darkness" in S3E3, “Quite a Common Fairy.” </p><p>In S2E5, “The Doctor,” Jefferson and Victor con Regina, stealing an enchanted heart they pretend they are using to resurrect her dead fiancé Daniel. At this point in Some Kind of Madness, Regina still doesn’t know the truth, and is under the impression that Victor did legitimately attempt the procedure, but failed.</p><p>Jefferson’s explanation for how the Hat works comes solely from my own fanfiction - what the White Rabbit tells a teenage Jefferson in Chapters <a href="#section0016">16</a> and <a href="#section0017">17</a> of this fanfic. Regina fell into a lake through the Hat's portal in<br/><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/74130030#workskin">Chapter 31</a>, "Gossamer."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Regina opens her eyes and looks around. She knows this room, and has been inside it several times. She turns to see the Hat’s familiar red velvet walls and its seventeen doors - multi-colored, made of various materials and differing patterns. The Hat’s black marble floor is inlaid with sweeping gold designs. Glancing upwards - which Regina does not do now, because it is unsettling - there is a black void for a ceiling. </p><p>When they jump into its portal, they drift down into the Hat, until they are suddenly in the center of its chamber - the Portal of Doors - standing still. Jefferson tells Regina not to overthink it - landing this way is less painful for the Hat’s passengers.</p><p>Such quirks are numerous. Jefferson has shown Regina how he circumvents the Portal of Doors to teleport through their homeworld freely. Regina has even jumped into the portal and been dumped into a lake! </p><p>The portal jumper has only mentioned “the rules of the Hat” in passing. The most crucial rule is the same number of people need to enter and exit the Hat. For their purposes, he has simplified it to “two people in, two people out.” Regina doesn’t know how Jefferson discovered this constraint and doesn’t ask. She imagines someone has been abandoned in the past. Jefferson hasn’t mentioned the Hat’s creator teaching him how it works. Regina gets the impression it has all been trial and error.</p><p>There is much about world-crossing the sorceress doesn’t understand and wants to know. On every journey, Regina learns something new, but they are not here now for a magic lesson. They are here because Jefferson has given Regina permission to dominate him. He is willing to help her feel the power that men hold over women. </p><p>Jefferson is <em> achingly </em> hard and ready - Regina could feel his erection in her bedroom, when they ground their hips together. His arousal is perfect for what she wants to do to him. </p><p>How Jefferson can become so aroused by a single sentence - <em>“I want to fuck you in the Chamber of Doors,” </em>Regina told him, not even getting the name right - she doesn’t understand. There’s something about world-crossing that has made him sensitive to magic, which is probably why he enjoys having sex with a sorceress.</p><p>Why <em> else </em> would a wanderer like Jefferson keep returning to her? Regina is <em> boring! </em> She is stuck! She is a high-priced accessory to a powerful king - a powerful <em> man </em> - who will never let her go. She is a babysitter to a spoiled princess. She is <em> damaged goods, </em> her heart broken and twisted by an abusive mother. Regina’s only hope of escape - her only hope for a <em> normal life</em>, with someone who truly loved and cared for her, who she loved in return - was killed right in front of her. By her own <em> mother - </em>someone who was supposed to support her and want her to be happy.</p><p>And Regina’s mentor - the only person who claims to care about her future - is the Dark One. She <em> knows </em>Rumplestiltskin is grooming her for a life as loveless and vindictive as his own, blackening her heart to his own shade, but what other choice does she have? </p><p>What did Rumplestiltskin tell her? That the “darkness” has already tasted her? The magic he told Regina could “free” her has shackled her to another life she doesn’t want to live. Regina is “a feast” for the darkness, now. She can never turn back. </p><p>What is she supposed to do? Become a portal jumping fugitive like Jefferson? Regina once told him some silly dream she had about raising horses, and he just laughed at her. He said he couldn’t imagine staying put long enough to start a business like that.</p><p>This wanderer can go anywhere he wants and be with anyone else, yet he chooses the company of a woman with whom he cannot share a life or future. </p><p>Regina decides Jefferson must be an addict, and magic is his drug.</p><p>If ever trapped in a land without magic, Jefferson would probably stop breathing.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>These thoughts - all her worries, fears, and insecurities - are distractions. Regina is here to purge such emotions, just like her other trysts with Jefferson. But she needs to get in character first.</p><p>Regina is a <em> Queen</em>. She is <em> royalty, </em> and Jefferson is her subject. She is to be respected and obeyed. She is to be <em> feared. </em> She holds his life in her hands. She can cut off his head, if she wants.</p><p>“Take off all your clothes and get on your back,” she commands him, in a regal tone. “There, in the center of the room.”</p><p>“Yes, your Majesty.”</p><p>Jefferson starts undressing, and Regina clears her throat, straightening her posture and smoothing out her dress while the portal jumper is focused on the buttons of his waistcoat. Maybe she should inject into her persona some of that “darkness” Rumplestiltskin always talks about. Regina knows it lies within her - she has taken lives, slowly blackening her heart. There is no washing out that stain.</p><p>The young sorceress is a killer, but she is no rapist. Yet <em> this </em> thought flickers at the back of her mind. </p><p>Regina has no choice but to obediently fulfill her wifely duties. At times wistful and lonely, King Leopold still comes to her for comfort, and it feels like a violation every time, as disgusting as the first. The King does not ask for permission, but Regina does not protest. Instead she waits, closing her eyes and counting the seconds until it is over. Regina cried on their wedding night, but she doesn’t do that anymore.</p><p>Perhaps this is why, as her eyes wander down the fit, young portal jumper’s body, she considers how powerful it would feel to switch roles.</p><p>Jefferson throws down his long coat in the center of the chamber, and discards his other garments next to it. They aren’t passionately pawing at each other, as they often do, so Jefferson neatly folds up his clothes. </p><p>“Good boy,” Regina tells him approvingly. </p><p>She should tell him to hurry along, but Regina has never seen Jefferson naked like this - able to slowly circle him, examining his body from all angles. There are scars on his back she’s never noticed - three just below his shoulder look like claw marks. They are long and the beast must have been huge. </p><p>The air is cool in the Portal of Doors, so Regina is surprised his erection doesn’t flag. He’s as hard as he was in her bedroom, and Regina feels herself getting aroused, imagining Jefferson inside her. Maybe they aren’t so different, if they are both so excited by the mere thought of each other’s touch. </p><p>The portal jumper stands completely nude beside his coat - he has even removed his boots. Jefferson smirks at her, then schools his expression into something more serious when Regina tilts her head, affecting the stern mannerisms of the Queen. She narrows her eyes at him, gesturing for him to lie down.</p><p>Jefferson lays on his back, and the Queen has not commanded - or even permitted - him to do so, but he takes himself in hand and slowly strokes. Regina allows this because he’s likely doing it to stay hard. She mistakenly waited until now to remove her undergarments. She struggles a little, but manages to remain dignified. She intends to keep her shoes on, but her clothes snag on the heels, so she removes her shoes as well. </p><p>Regina lifts her dress and straddles his hips, fanning out the fabric to cover Jefferson’s body. It is just like their first time, in the forest - having sex in a strange location, laid out on Jefferson’s coat. She is climbing on top of him like she did that day, but this time, over a year later, it is not with uncertainty - Regina knows exactly what she’s doing. </p><p>Regina <em> has </em> to know what she’s doing, because she has an idea, even though it twists her stomach into knots. </p><p><em> “That’s </em> it,” she says encouragingly - almost patronizingly - as he fills her. “That feels good, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Jefferson huffs a laugh, and says, “You told me not to talk.”</p><p>“Make all the noise you need to.”</p><p>It excites her when Jefferson is vocal, because he usually isn’t. The portal jumper is skilled at remaining silent because he tends to bed people whose partners would kill him if they caught him. But Jefferson has finally found a lover who can magically lock her doors and soundproof her walls. They are even safer inside the Hat, or at least, Jefferson <em> claims </em> that they are safe.</p><p>Regina rides him slowly at first, and Jefferson reaches for her hips, as he always does. She usually doesn’t mind - she likes having his hands on her, and after giving herself pleasure, cedes control back to him, allowing Jefferson to move her body the way he needs to finish.</p><p>But that’s not happening tonight. Now that Regina knows the fastest way to make him come, she will not let him use his hands to guide her. She won’t let Jefferson use his hands to do <em> anything at all.  </em></p><p>Regina leans over him, pinning his wrists to the floor on either side of his head. Jefferson allows it, but she feels him push back slightly. Regina loosens her grip to communicate to him, ‘<em>You can push me off at any time.’ </em>Regina isn’t using magic to hold him down, just the unspoken agreement that Jefferson will keep still. </p><p>Regina watches his face carefully - she enjoys seeing the way it changes as she increases the speed of her thrusts. It fascinates her - every breath, every twitch. The way he tries to hide how much she affects him. </p><p>They have been looking into each other’s eyes, then Jefferson closes them. His lip quirks slightly - the portal jumper tries to hide his amusement, but examining him so closely, Regina catches it. Then, like magic, Jefferson convincingly transforms his expression into terror. He opens his eyes, looking up at Regina fearfully, like she <em> is </em> the Queen holding him down against his will. </p><p>“Wait!” he cries out desperately. It sounds just like <em> 'stop,' </em>and makes her stomach do a flip. “Regina, wait!”</p><p>“You will address me as <em> ‘Your Majesty,’” </em>Regina corrects him - deep and commanding, how the Queen would say it.</p><p>Regina is breathing heavily now, thrusting faster, riding Jefferson hard. She braces herself with her hands - which she still has wrapped around his wrists - using them for leverage. Regina cries out, grunting and panting. It is pleasurable, being filled by him, but her movements don't brush the spot that makes her come. Her own climax is not her goal.</p><p>Jefferson whimpers and moans as though in agony.</p><p>“Your Majesty, please slow down! The pleasure is too much!” </p><p>Regina feels him push his wrists against her palms, but Jefferson does it lightly - he can throw Regina off if he uses his real strength. He wants Regina to feel him squirm, like he’s trying to escape, without actually doing so. He bucks his hips - which surely only hurries along the orgasm she is forcing on him - as though to throw her off that way. Jefferson writhes like he is helpless, though he is a head taller than Regina - fit and strong and able to easily lift her.</p><p>“I beg of you, your Majesty, have mercy!”</p><p>Regina laughs. </p><p>It’s not funny - he looks scared and sounds anguished. He looks like he feels violated, disgusted, and <em> ashamed </em> of his pleasure. Jefferson is a masterful actor. </p><p>
  <em> So why am I laughing? </em>
</p><p>Jefferson suddenly drops character - perhaps this is too dark - but he doesn’t look unhappy, he just looks...concerned. </p><p>Hurriedly, but in a level voice, he tells her, “I’m about to come, Regina. Like, <em> actually </em> come.”</p><p>Regina takes precautions, but Jefferson has forgotten. Maybe <em>that</em> fear fuels something dark within her. Jefferson is not afraid or ashamed of having his orgasm, but he does have a real, <em>true</em> fear that Regina could get pregnant. </p><p>That flicker of genuine terror is so much more invigorating than Jefferson's fake cries for help.</p><p><em> “Do it,” </em> commands the Queen. </p><p>“Are you sure?” he asks uncertainly. </p><p>“That is a <em> royal </em>command.”</p><p>Jefferson bites his lip and closes his eyes, muttering curses. Then he moans in pleasure - Regina has finally wrenched the noises from his throat she longed to hear - but he doesn't let himself come. He’s either reluctant due to the risk - Jefferson often insists on pulling out - or is prolonging the sensation. </p><p>Jefferson's muscles tense and he clenches his fists. He's almost there, she just needs to push him over the edge. Regina tightens her grip around his wrists and squeezes her thighs, using all her weight to hold him down.</p><p>“Look at me when you come!” she snaps.</p><p>Regina lets go of one wrist so she can cup his face in her hand. She keeps a firm hold on his cheek, directing his gaze.</p><p>“I want to see it," Regina says, and she means to sound like the Queen, but her tone softens.</p><p>Jefferson opens his eyes, and other than at the peak of his ecstasy, when they squeeze shut on their own, he keeps his gaze fixed on her, his eyes half-lidded.</p><p>He isn’t handsome while it’s happening - he looks somewhat foolish, wincing as though in pain the moment he climaxes. Jefferson has told Regina she is beautiful when she comes, but she experimented by herself while looking in a mirror, and her expression is just as silly as Jefferson’s. </p><p>What Regina enjoys is seeing Jefferson’s walls drop, and the vulnerability exposed while he's lost in his pleasure. Regina likes watching him for the same reason she feels uncomfortable when Jefferson watches <em> her</em>. </p><p>Regina feels his hips jerk with the aftershocks of his orgasm, and he finishes with a throaty groan, then sighs in relief.</p><p>She sits up, removing her hands. Jefferson’s hands are free now, so he reaches out to touch her, but Regina pulls away, rising to her feet. She catches her breath, feeling exhausted. Her leg muscles ache and her pelvis is sore.</p><p>Regina was close too, but will not touch herself, and lets the feeling fade. She doesn't know if she would have as much restraint if her lower body wasn’t covered by her dress.</p><p>“I have a handkerchief in my coat,” Jefferson says. </p><p>He sits up, fishing around in his pockets for the cloth, then hands it to her. Regina takes it, reaches beneath her dress and wipes between her legs, scrunching her nose in disgust. She is sticky and in pain, and with her arousal fading, Regina realizes now this was a very bad idea. </p><p>She doesn't know what to do with his soiled handkerchief, so she folds it up and drops it on the floor next to his clothes.</p><p>Jefferson’s brow furrows. He looks worried and a little bit confused. </p><p>“You said it was okay,” he says. </p><p>“I know,” says Regina. “It’s fine, I’ve taken precautions.” </p><p>Rumplestiltskin gives her a monthly potion that prevents pregnancy. She has no choice but to trust the potion is what he claims it is. The intent behind it is to not bear the King’s children. It has worked so far.</p><p>Thinking of this, Regina compares what the “Queen” did to Jefferson and what the King does to <em> her, </em> and feels like she’s going to be sick.</p><p>Either misreading her expression or not looking at her at all - she hears Jefferson comment, in a light tone, “Thinking about that stuff kinda kills the fantasy, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Quietly, Regina asks, “How did you know to say those things?”</p><p>Reluctantly, she looks at him. Jefferson doesn’t appear shocked or shamed by what they've just done.</p><p>“Because I know you,” he says, with such certainty that it <em> hurts. </em>With cautious optimism, he asks her, “Did you like it?”</p><p>Regina turns away, gathering her undergarments. She balls them up in her hands - it is too awkward to put them on right now. She would need to lift up her dress, and between her thighs, she can still feel...</p><p>“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Jefferson says reassuringly. Regina makes the mistake of standing too close, because he reaches for her hand, saying, “I should have asked, but it seemed kind of obvious.”</p><p>Regina smacks his hand away, snapping, “You think so little of me, that you think I would enjoy committing such a <em> vile act?” </em></p><p>Jefferson is giving her that look again -  like he did back in her bedroom, when Regina said she had no friends - like she is too stupid to understand.</p><p>“Regina, I’m stronger than you. I can throw you around like a rag doll.” He holds out his hands, saying, “When you held down my wrists, I thought it was a signal.” </p><p>“I’m not <em> like </em> you, Jefferson! I don’t play those games.”</p><p>He sounds so self-assured he has figured her out that it’s infuriating. The jumper assumes he knows Regina’s mind better than she knows it herself. How arrogant must he be, to think like that? </p><p>And he has done something like this before and knew what to expect. What kind of pervert has Regina taken to her bed?</p><p> “I’m your <em> first,” </em>he says. “How do you know what games you like to play?”</p><p><em> My first</em>, Regina thinks, and an image of Daniel flashes through her mind. He was her first kiss, her first love. Daniel was meant to be her first everything. </p><p><em> I’m so sorry, </em> Jefferson told her - the night he was meant to bring Daniel back to her - after Regina’s tears had mostly dried, triggering a second jag of crying. <em> That we couldn’t help you. </em></p><p>Regina later realized the jumper had brought her some charlatan. “<em>Experimental,” </em> the doctor called the resurrection. Neither men knew what in the world they were doing - they used Daniel’s body just to try it out. </p><p>About a year passed between that awful night and her reunion with the jumper. He offered her his services in acquisitions, but never again claimed to perform miracles, only going on jobs that had tangible results. In their time apart, Jefferson had become bluntly honest, for reasons Regina couldn’t figure out. She turned the night of Daniel’s failed resurrection over and over in her mind, and every smoothly crafted emotional manipulation of Jefferson’s was so <em> obvious, </em> in retrospect. Why did he stop using his silver tongue on her? </p><p>It probably just wasn’t necessary anymore. They were similar creatures by then, black-hearted students of the Dark One. </p><p>Trying and failing to bring back Daniel meant Jefferson could slip right into her lost love’s place, becoming all the firsts that Daniel wouldn’t. (The King doesn’t count. The King will <em> never </em> count.) But is Jefferson aware of this? It’s been three years. Does he <em> remember </em>how they met? </p><p>Regina turns away from him, covering her mouth to stifle a sob. Tears prickle her eyes, but she can’t let Jefferson see her cry. </p><p>Behind her, Regina hears him mutter in irritation, “Gods…” There is the rustling of clothing - it sounds like Jefferson is getting dressed as quickly as possible. “Look, I’m sorry, alright? I thought you liked it and I was wrong. It won’t happen again.”</p><p>Eyes closed tightly and her voice thick with shame, Regina confesses, “But I <em> did </em>like it.”</p><p>“Then I don’t understand why you’re upset,” Jefferson says, in annoyed bafflement. “I enjoyed it. You can feel between your legs how much I enjoyed it.” </p><p><em> Do it, </em> Regina had commanded him. The thrill she felt in that moment was not from bringing Jefferson pleasure - it came from <em> forcing </em> him to feel it, because <em> she </em> willed it. He couldn’t stop his orgasm from happening, which meant <em> she had all the control</em>. </p><p>The King does not bring her pleasure, but he does violate her body. Gaining satisfaction from inflicting that same suffering on a person...there has to be something wrong with her.</p><p>And yes, she <em> can </em> still feel the reminder of that moment.</p><p>“Bad choice of words,” Jefferson says, when his statement doesn’t provide its intended reassurance. He sighs in exasperation, asking, “Do you want to go home?”</p><p>Not looking at him, Regina shrugs. Going home should be her first desire, but that will leave their discussion unresolved, and she will be awake all night thinking about it. </p><p>“That’s not an answer,” he says, with irritation. “You know, I had hoped to have a nice time here, and see if you could feel what I feel.” </p><p>Regina looks up. Jefferson has pulled on his pants and his shirt, which he has left loosely open. He stands near the center of the Portal of Doors, turning in a circle and gesturing broadly to the seventeen doors that surround them.</p><p>“A rabbit,” he says, which would sound crazy if Regina hadn’t met talking animals before, “once told me this space was called a ‘foyer.’ He said there’s more of them out there, somewhere.”</p><p>With some confusion, Regina says, “I thought we were inside your Hat.”</p><p>“We are,” Jefferson says. “Sort of.” He smiles, and asks teasingly, “Did you think the Hat was bigger on the inside?” </p><p>It’s not an unfair assumption, Regina thinks. Magic does incredible things.</p><p>“It’s a portal,” he explains. “One that remains open, allowing a person to come <em> here, </em> to this room, whenever they want.” He points to the floor, then to the void above them. “We’re not actually <em> standing </em> anywhere, right now. This space is outside reality.”</p><p>Jefferson looks pleased with himself. He has successfully distracted Regina while also appearing “smart.” Despite him being someone intimately familiar with Jumping, she notices Jefferson has forgotten one crucial detail.</p><p>“But you told me time passes here - and in these other worlds - concurrently with the Enchanted Forest. If we are outside space, why are we not also outside time?”</p><p>Jefferson smiles. “Victor asked me that.”</p><p>Regina doesn't register the name at first, but that "doctor" traveled with Jefferson in the Hat. As someone from a different world, he would have been curious about the jumper's magic.</p><p>“And what is the answer?” she asks.</p><p>Jefferson’s smile wavers slightly. After a beat, he confesses, “I’m still working on it.”</p><p>There it is again, Regina thinks. That honesty not befitting of a con man.</p><p>Continuing this line of speculation, Regina says, “The rabbit said it is a ‘foyer,’ and that there are more of them. This makes them real locations.”</p><p>Jefferson looks up at the void above them, saying, “Uh…”</p><p>“We are standing in another dimension. That much is true, but it is not <em> outside </em> reality, it is--”</p><p>Jefferson snaps his fingers. “A nexus.”</p><p>“Exactly. Is that what you call it? Foyer sounds more literal.”</p><p>Jefferson shrugs.</p><p>“Usually I just tell people we’re inside the Hat.”</p><p>“But we are in a place positioned <em> between </em> universes? These seventeen? Eighteen, counting ours?”</p><p>“There are infinitely more universes, but I’ve got my work cut out for me just exploring these ones.”</p><p>“Have you been to all seventeen?”</p><p>“Yes. I’ve been Jumping for quite a while - about eight years.”</p><p>“We're around the same age, so that would have made you…” Regina pauses, calculating.</p><p>She knows Jefferson is young. He doesn’t like to admit that, and wears clothes that make him look older. His age is more obvious when he’s naked. </p><p>Jefferson tells Regina a lot more than he should about the things he’s done and places he’s been, but he doesn’t attach years to them. This is the first time he's given a number.</p><p>“What happened to your parents?” Regina asks.</p><p>He would have been fourteen or fifteen, she thinks. Did his parents allow him to travel across worlds at that age? Were<em> they </em> the ones who taught him magic? Did he run away from home, or did they die? </p><p>Jefferson frowns, tersely replying, “I don’t talk about them.” </p><p>Abruptly, and in a lighter, more casual tone, he curiously asks, “Did you come earlier?”</p><p>“Excuse me?” </p><p>Because their discussion of what happened was so uncomfortable - talking about their feelings did nothing but irritate Jefferson and tie Regina’s stomach in knots - the thief had switched topics to portal jumping. This eased the tension and distracted her - as Jefferson intended, she’s sure - so him returning to it is a surprise. </p><p>Articulating his question as if she hadn’t heard him, Jefferson repeats, “Did you come?” </p><p>It’s like they’ve just had normal sex, with no argument. He asks her this question whenever he isn’t certain. If Regina doesn’t climax, Jefferson finishes her off with his hands or his mouth. Sometimes he’s too lazy, so he watches Regina finish herself. It was embarrassing the first time - she was self-conscious and hesitant - and she doesn’t like Jefferson watching her face. But she doesn’t mind him touching her while she does it - caressing her thighs or her belly or her breasts - and the extra contact helps. </p><p>Forcing herself on Jefferson - <em> (no, not really forcing, because it was his idea from the start) </em> - gave Regina pleasure, but of a different kind. It wasn’t physical, and there is still a tension within her that needs release. But give her a few more minutes, and her body will calm completely.</p><p>“No,” she says.</p><p>“Do you want to?” Jefferson asks, walking towards her. Regina backs away from him, turning around to curiously examine the Hat’s seventeen doors. </p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>She can’t see Jefferson’s reaction - her attention is drawn to that mysterious door to Wonderland - but she can hear him behind her saying, “We can just cuddle.”</p><p>Regina's lip quirks, amused by his suggestion, but she is still transfixed by that door. Regina walks closer, until she’s close enough to touch it. Then she sees Jefferson’s reflection quickly stride over to stop her from entering. He takes her left hand, lacing their fingers. Shaken from Wonderland’s spell, Regina turns and looks up at him.</p><p>“How about I pleasure you with my mouth?” he suggests, in a practical tone.</p><p>It’s funny, being asked that so matter-of-factly, like they’re deciding on a road to take or place to eat.</p><p>Dryly, Regina replies, “Don’t sound so enthusiastic.”</p><p>“Is that a yes?” he asks.</p><p>Regina nods in confirmation. Maybe her own orgasm would erase the sick feeling still churning in her gut.</p><p>“I need to <em> hear </em> you say it,” Jefferson insists.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Then one question remains,” he says, taking her right hand and softly kissing it.  “Do we stay here, or return to the castle?”</p><p>Regina looks back at their disheveled makeshift bed, at the discarded clothes they would need to put back on, just in case they returned to find somebody in her chambers. It’s easier to get this done and over with now.</p><p>“Well,” Regina says. “We’re already here.”</p><p>Jefferson smiles, leans down to kiss her, then asks her first, “May I kiss you?”</p><p>“Are you going to ask permission before every move you make, now?” </p><p>“Yes. Yes, I am. I don’t want there to be any more confusion.”</p><p>“This will get tiresome,” Regina says. Jefferson’s mouth hovers frustratingly close to her own.</p><p><em> “Nothing </em> is tiresome about hearing you cry out ‘<em>Yes!’” </em> On the last word, Jefferson imitates a feminine screech of ecstasy, making Regina laugh.</p><p>“I’ll do whatever you want,” he says, tilting up her chin with his finger, but still not pressing their lips together. “I’ll do anything, but you have to ask me for it.” </p><p>Regina feels her desire rising again. Holding her gaze with <em> unfairly </em> blue eyes, Jefferson licks then bites his lip. It’s a childish gesture that shouldn’t look so attractive. He’s drawing her attention to his lips on purpose, she thinks. </p><p>Regina says, “I want your mouth,” but before Jefferson can kiss her, she presses her own finger to his lips. “Here,” she says, taking one of his hands and guiding it down her torso, below her waist. </p><p>“Do you want to lie down,” he asks, “or remain standing?”</p><p>Regina glances at their “bed.” Lying there will only remind her of what happened, and she wants to forget. </p><p>“Do it here,” she says, touching the wall beside Wonderland’s door. </p><p>It’s not solid, she realizes - the red walls of the chamber are made of thick curtains. There’s a hard surface behind it, though.</p><p>Jefferson presses her back firmly against the wall, so Regina is leaning comfortably, then drops to his knees. She lifts her dress, but it is long, and requires her to hold it up out of his way while he pleasures her. </p><p>“Swing one leg over my shoulder,” he says, and she does. It makes it easier to hold up her dress, now it can rest on her thigh. </p><p>He may be the one on his knees pleasuring her, but Jefferson has all the control now. He asks once more for permission.</p><p>“Can I finger you?” </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Like this, with two fingers?” he asks, then does it. Regina moans. </p><p>
  <em> “Yes.” </em>
</p><p>“Can I suck on your--?”</p><p><em> “Yes, </em>Jefferson, yes. Stop asking.”</p><p>He laughs, thrusting his fingers harder. </p><p>“But I <em> like </em> hearing you so undone.”</p><p>“Can I hold the back of your head while you please me, so you’ll shut up?”</p><p>“Yes,” he says, with a cheeky grin, but anything else he tries to say is muffled.</p><p>After Regina comes, they get dressed and return to the castle.</p><p>“It’s time for you to go,” she tells him. “But we’ll meet again in two weeks.”</p><p>“Make that one week,” Jefferson says, heading for the balcony. He’s started opening a portal just below it, then jumping down. He seems to like the rush. One of these days, that mad hatter will time it wrong and get himself killed, but Regina doesn’t stop him.</p><p>“One week,” she agrees, and watches him disappear. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <b>Author's Note - 04/30/21:</b>
</p><p>There are a few more plot bunnies hopping around my brain, so consider Lighting Matches to be continued...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Deux (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson had two very different childhoods. (255 words.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s Jefferson’s 16th birthday. His first car is a gift - a brand new, chrome-colored 1989 Lexus LS400. Examining it from all angles, he pouts. He wanted red.</p><p>Jefferson’s first time driving a cart is at the dangerously young age of 6, because his father is too drunk to see the road and their donkey isn’t very bright. Jefferson wants a horse - <em> any </em>horse. He imagines himself riding far away from this place and never coming back. His mother forgets to feed him sometimes.</p><p>Jefferson doesn’t have many places to drive because he spends a lot of time in the city. There’s so much to do there that he doesn’t have much desire to go anywhere else. Maybe Paris or London, and someday he’ll visit Vegas, he thinks. (He never does visit Vegas.)</p><p>Jefferson wants a horse so he can ride and ride and go everywhere.</p><p>Jefferson turns 21 and eats half a sirloin steak and doesn’t finish his baked potato, but chugs a bottle of champagne. He pukes it all up later.</p><p>Jefferson steals half a loaf of stale bread and tears into it like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. He hasn’t eaten in over a day.</p><p>Jefferson is 15 and swipes a coin purse off the wrong person, so he runs and runs and runs and finds that big red room. Now his life can finally <em>begin. </em></p><p>Jefferson is 22 and already bored of everything. Now he’s done with college, so now he has to <em> work</em>.</p><p>Neither Jefferson liked working very much.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Confrere (Gen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jefferson finds a new mentor with more flexible ethics. (821 words.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before the Dark One gets his claws in him, Jefferson’s initiation into a life of crime is more mundane. </p><p>“My name’s William,” says the man. He’s about ten years older than Jefferson, who is only 16 and too easily caught stealing. They meet when the boy’s hand is halfway into William’s pocket.</p><p>“You’re gonna get yourself killed,” William says. Such blunt honesty isn’t new to Jefferson, but it’s never been said to him with a smile. </p><p>Jefferson is wary at first, but has little choice but to trust him. He needs a teacher. Jefferson can count his true friends on one hand - a judgmental Jumping rabbit, and…No, that’s all of them.</p><p>He had <em> some </em> friends growing up, but never any close ones, and now he’s left them all behind. The orphanage was gonna kick him out soon anyway.</p><p>William is a thief and has never been a teacher. Jefferson’s never been a student, so they’re both learning together. Jefferson thinks sometimes William is just using him to travel between realms.</p><p>“This is incredible!” William says, the first time he sees the Portal of Doors. </p><p>The White Rabbit had looked around in wonder, but also recognition. He knew how thin their world’s border was, and how tightly all the realms were pressed together. William had no idea other worlds even existed. He hadn’t believed it was possible.</p><p>“I must be dreaming,” he says, pinching the skin between his fingers. He winces in pain, but is still unconvinced. William pokes Jefferson’s chest, checking if he’s real. Jefferson smiles. </p><p>“You’re not dreaming,” he says. “We’re inside my Hat.”</p><p>“It’s bigger on the inside?” </p><p>Jefferson recalls what the White Rabbit told him.</p><p>“Sort of? We’re standing between worlds. The Hat brings you to this room.”</p><p>Gazing up at the void above, the thief’s jaw drops in amazement. William’s eyes roam the massive chamber, examining the Hat’s seventeen different doors.</p><p>“We must explore them,” he says. “How many doors have you opened? Where do they lead?”</p><p>Jefferson shrugs. He’s been too afraid to enter all of them. </p><p>“Some of these places are dangerous, so I wanted a travel partner.”</p><p>William smiles, grabbing Jefferson’s shoulders and squeezing them affectionately. Jefferson’s heart flutters. The man is tall, blonde and handsome, and his excitement is contagious. Jefferson has a bit of a crush on him, but William treats him like a kid and acts like a big brother, one that Jefferson never had.</p><p>“Well you’ve got one now,” William says. “Let’s go!”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>William has another little brother. He doesn’t talk about him much, but eventually tells Jefferson his brother’s name is Daniel and he likes working with horses. It’s difficult to discern what’s true and what isn’t, because the thief doesn’t use his real last name and implies that William isn’t his first.</p><p>They get drunk enough one night to exchange more personal stories of their childhoods. Jefferson shares things like his favorite games and animals and dreams about the future, while carefully avoiding harder topics like his parents. </p><p>William asks for his surname and Jefferson blushes, telling the older man he doesn’t have one. </p><p>“I started calling myself the Hatter,” the boy says sheepishly. “It’s stupid.”</p><p>“No,” says William. “No, it suits you. You’re special, so you need a special title.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that.”</p><p>“Stick to pseudonyms for cons, but for your other business, you need to build a name for yourself, so that clients know who to ask for.”</p><p>“Do I <em> want </em> such a reputation?”</p><p>“If you want to charge higher prices.”</p><p>“You don’t think it would be dangerous?”</p><p>“What sort of talk is that, Hatter? You're the most daring man I know.”</p><p>“I just wonder if it’s worth the risk.”</p><p>“You’ve been listening too much to old farts like the White Rabbit.”</p><p>“He told me I should keep my powers secret.”</p><p>“You know what they say. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Daniel dies, breaking his neck after falling off a horse. The news takes a long time to get back to William - their family didn’t know how to contact him.</p><p>On a solo job for the Dark One, Jefferson cons a young woman whose fiancé just croaked. Apparently he used to work in a stable, but his neck didn’t break - he was murdered. His name started with a ‘D,’ but Jefferson hadn’t listened very closely to her story. He didn’t care about the details. He didn’t want to know them, either. </p><p>William doesn’t like working for the Dark One. The closest he gets is helping Jefferson do a Swap, spending three days in a land without color. William otherwise keeps a cautious distance from the sorcerer.</p><p>They continue doing Swaps and doing jobs requiring two people, but mostly go their separate ways. (Jefferson learned the importance of Swaps when he got a Khajiit thief stranded in their realm, but that’s another story.)</p><p>“My real name is Colter,” William confesses, between shots of black rum. “William Colter.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In 2015, Marvel published a tie-in graphic novel for Once Upon a Time, written by Kalinda Vazquez and Corinna Bechko, called “<a href="https://onceuponatime.fandom.com/wiki/Out_of_the_Past">Out of the Past</a>.” It is a short anthology of four stories. Two of the stories were confirmed by Kalinda Vazquez to be connected. William is Daniel Colter’s older brother, who is introduced in the story “Ghosts.” (Daniel was Regina’s fiancé, who was killed by her mother Cora.) Vazquez has said that William was Jefferson’s old partner, the one who wrote him the letter revealing the location of the Clock of Evermore in the story “Tea Party in March.” William tries to kill Evil Queen Regina in “Ghosts,” blaming her for Daniel’s death. Regina injures William during their altercation. She tries to heal his wound, but William dies before she can save him.</p><p>The details of William and Jefferson’s relationship have been entirely invented by me for this fanfic. Jefferson tells Victor about William in <a href="#section0009">Chapter 9</a>.</p><p>I think that Cora would have covered up Daniel's murder and claimed his death was an accident. In "Ghosts," however, William knows that Daniel was murdered. I wasn't sure how William found out, because Cora wouldn't let that information slip easily. It is likely that Jefferson revealed more details about Regina's lost love that helped William put two and two together, and their connection in Out of the Past is meant to explain how William discovered the truth. The thing is, I think that if William found out about the murder close to when it happened, he would have sought revenge a lot sooner. So at this point in my story, the two men haven't yet made the connection.</p><p>The White Rabbit and the Khajiit mentioned come from other chapters of Lighting Matches. I’ve described Jefferson’s first meeting with the White Rabbit in Chapters <a href="#section0016">16</a> and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/69243636#workskin">17</a>, but I’ve yet to write the Khajiit’s origin story. (He appears in Chapters <a href="#section0006">6</a> and <a href="#section0037">37</a>, and both he and the White Rabbit appear in Chapter <a href="#section0030">30</a>.) In Some Kind of Madness, whatever happened between the Khajiit and Jefferson is how Jefferson discovered the Hat’s rules about passengers. I call trading the Hat’s passengers “Swaps,” but that’s solely from my own fanfiction as well, along with how the Hat works and how Jefferson found it. I first wrote about Swaps in my old 2012 fanfic titled “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/556335">The Swap</a>,” which featured an original character named Lon, who doesn’t exist in Some Kind of Madness.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. All your dirty laundry never made me blink (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victor falls in love with Jefferson, and everything that comes with it. But does Jefferson love him back? (4,623 words.)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter follows the events of earlier Mad Whale chapters in Lighting Matches. (Chapters <a href="#section0008">8</a>-<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/68559087#workskin">9</a> and <a href="#section0011">11</a>-<a href="#section0015">15</a>.) It lifts some dialogue between Victor and Regina from Ch. <a href="#section0046">46</a>, and between Victor and Jefferson from Ch. <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/68559087#workskin">9</a>. This chapter is non-linear and bounces around somewhat. The second half of Ch. <a href="#section0046">46</a> takes place <i>after</i> this chapter, but it helps to read that first.</p><p>It’s not necessary to read all of these, but this chapter includes the character William from Ch. <a href="#section0050">50</a>,  and references the video game World of Warcraft and an original female character from Ch. <a href="#section0032">32</a>. It helps to read Ch. <a href="#section0047">47</a> - which takes place many years later, during Grace’s wedding - and Ch. <a href="#section0049">49</a>, which mentions Jefferson’s childhood.</p><p>The line about yesterday’s jam comes from Alice’s dialogue with the White Queen in Chapter 5 of the book Through the Looking Glass, “Wool and Water.”</p><p>This chapter’s title is a slightly altered lyric from the song “<a href="https://youtu.be/XjwZAa2EjKA">Unconditionally</a>,” by Katy Perry.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s not that Jefferson’s <em> hiding </em> their relationship, he just isn’t an affectionate guy. </p><p>At least, that’s what Victor tells himself. Victor doesn’t remember Jefferson was a tactile person with little regard for personal space. Victor doesn’t know the thief touched people so easily and casually that he could pickpocket anyone.</p><p>He doesn’t know how Jefferson acts around women he wants to intimidate - (or acted around women he wanted to seduce) - because Victor never saw him with anyone but Regina. He knew Jefferson for three days, and didn’t see him again for seventeen years. </p><p>(Jefferson knew Dr. Whale better during the twenty-eight years Victor can’t remember. He doesn’t remember how touch-starved Jefferson was, how hungry for the smallest of interactions. Jefferson’s worst panic attacks meant exams by Dr. Whale, so sometimes his misery felt worth it.)</p><p>The first time Victor sees Jefferson kiss his daughter Grace, his theory about the man's boundaries is thrown out the window.</p><p>Grace squirms away sometimes, too old now for cheek kisses, but Jefferson will kiss the top of her head and smooth his hand down the back of her hair, and his daughter will smile brightly and comfortably allow it. She will often squeeze her father’s hand and hug him. They always hug in greeting and again before saying goodbye. Jefferson isn't good with his words anymore, so their love language is touch.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Victor's <strong><em>second</em></strong> theory is Jefferson doesn't want it known that he’s dating a man. The two of them kiss and cuddle in private, but in public, it's like Jefferson suddenly has a three foot forcefield. Victor used to be like that, until he discovered Storybrooke was a town full of sorcerers and witches and fucked up magic. Victor’s memories all come flooding back when the Curse breaks, and he remembers having much worse skeletons in his closet. He got his brother and father killed, brought his brother back as a zombie, and his name is now associated with a horror movie monster. <em> Nobody’s </em> gonna care that he’s bisexual. Victor will forever be judged for being Dr. Frankenstein.</p><p>“Are you two dating?” Grace asks Victor, with a sly smile. They’ve had a few friendly lunches together and they’re in Granny’s Diner again. Jefferson has left the table for the bathroom.</p><p>Victor blushes. He should have been prepared for this question, but he’s taken off guard. Then he feels embarrassed about <em> being </em> embarrassed. Grace is a teenager now. She knows about these things. </p><p>“What has your father told you?” he asks warily.</p><p>Grace arches her eyebrows. Her expression reminds him of Jefferson.</p><p>“That you’re his best friend.”</p><p>Victor’s brow furrows. It’s a euphemism gay men have been using for years, but with the words taken at face value, it means Jefferson’s feelings aren’t as deep as his own. Victor isn’t sure which interpretation is worse.</p><p>“Is that so?” he asks. </p><p>Grace looks amused by Victor’s reaction, and her cheekiness reminds him even more of her father.</p><p>“You should probably have a talk with him,” she says, lowering her voice. Victor leans across the table so he can hear her more clearly.</p><p>She remains frustratingly vague, so Victor has to prompt her with a follow-up question.</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“How you feel about him,” she says. “Just be honest.”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t he ask me himself?” </p><p>Victor can’t believe he’s having this conversation. </p><p>“Ask me what?” says Jefferson, from somewhere behind him.</p><p>Victor jumps, startled. Grace laughs.</p><p>“I’m gonna go get some more tea,” says Grace, heading for the counter. Victor is left alone with her father, who takes Grace’s empty seat across from him.</p><p>“Uh…” says Victor.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” Jefferson asks. </p><p>“Grace asked me if we were dating, and I wasn’t sure what to tell her.”</p><p>Jefferson purses his lips, thinking. After an awkward pause, he responds, vaguely and unhelpfully, “Oh.”</p><p>“She told me you said that we’re friends.” Frowning in disappointment, Victor says, “I’m not sure if you’re hiding our relationship, or if you actually feel that way.”</p><p>Jefferson holds his breath, looking uncomfortable. One of his hands rests on the table, and his fingers begin making that compulsive motion they sometimes do, like he’s sewing thread.</p><p>“Is it because I’m a man?” Victor asks. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>Jefferson’s reply is quick. To prove Victor’s gender doesn’t bother him, Jefferson makes a show of taking his hand and kissing it. Victor yanks his hand away. </p><p>“What are you doing?” he snaps. </p><p>“I don’t care what people think, if that’s what worries you.”</p><p>“What worries me is that our feelings aren’t the same.”</p><p>Jefferson looks confused and annoyed by this statement, displaying ignorance that’s starting to piss Victor off.</p><p>“This isn’t the time or the place to discuss this,” Jefferson hisses. </p><p>The people at the next table who shrugged off their kiss are starting to notice their whispered argument. </p><p>“We’ve been seeing each other for a while,” says Victor. “I thought that meant…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, making a frustrated noise.</p><p>“I care about you. I <em> like </em> you,” says Jefferson. At a lower volume, he adds, “I like having sex with you.” He takes Victor’s hand again, who doesn’t pull away this time. “Does it have to have a name?”</p><p>Victor shrugs. Dr. Whale never defined his relationships, and Dr. Frankenstein never had any.</p><p>“Can we at least tell your daughter that we’re sleeping together?” Victor asks, and Jefferson laughs. Loudly and with great amusement. </p><p>“Grace,” he calls. The girl walks over, sipping from a travel cup. Apparently she’s taking her tea to go.</p><p>“Yes, Victor and I are dating,” says Jefferson. “I didn’t mean to confuse you.”</p><p><em> “You’re </em>the confused ones,” she says. “I’ve gotta go, Papa. I’ll be home for dinner.”</p><p>She kisses her father on the forehead, waves goodbye to Victor, and leaves.</p><p>“Give me a little more time,” Jefferson says. “Please.”</p><p>Victor sighs, but nods in agreement. </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Victor’s <strong>third</strong> theory is that it's because of Regina.</p><p>“Dr. Whale,” she says urgently. “We need your help!”</p><p>There’s always something happening, always an emergency, always a crisis. Victor has his garage trashed by Mr. Hyde and the Evil Queen. It’s a combination of his own fault and Dr. Jekyll’s, but Victor bitterly blames Mary Margaret for giving Jekyll his lab in the first place. (But that’s a story for another day.)</p><p>“Do you have it?” he asks Regina, when things in Storybrooke are peaceful, they’re alone and they can talk.</p><p>“Do I have what?”</p><p>“The Hat.”</p><p>After the Black Fairy is defeated and Storybrooke is finally safe - (for now) - Victor goes to the Mayor’s Office to ask Regina about a rumored new portal hat.</p><p>The Mayor is infuriated, over-protective, and pulls the ex-girlfriend card.</p><p>“You had better be good at keeping secrets, Doctor,” she sternly tells him, forbidding Victor from revealing the existence of the Hat, saying such knowledge would only break Jefferson’s heart.</p><p>“Why do you care, anyway?” Victor asks with a sneer.</p><p>“Because we were friends, once, a very long time ago.”</p><p>Victor doesn’t believe her. She has made him suffer for decades, and Jefferson’s mind is irrevocably damaged, as well as his body.</p><p>“I know Jefferson far better and more intimately than you <em> ever </em> will, Dr. Frankenstein,” says the arrogant witch. Then she shares with him some things that could be sinister lies, but make too much sense to be untrue. “That man’s self-hatred runs deep. He thinks he is worthless without his money or his magic. He was a destitute street-rat who grew up with callous parents. Did he ever tell you that?”</p><p>Victor’s only been dating Jefferson for a year - so much has happened in Storybrooke that it feels like much longer - and he was almost certain that Jefferson had already shared his deepest secrets. Thinking back, the topic of Jefferson’s parents never came up. If Victor had asked him such questions, then Jefferson had cleverly dodged them. </p><p>“It’s easy to manipulate Jefferson’s emotions because he thinks love and money are one and the same.”</p><p>Regina says this coldly and matter-of-factly. The Evil Queen - who Victor can still see behind her eyes sometimes - had pragmatically analyzed Jefferson’s psyche to find easy solutions to her trickiest problems. Jefferson told Victor about the things he had done for his family, but Victor hadn’t thought very hard about why he did them.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Victor doesn’t tell Jefferson about Zelena’s portal hat for another few years, once they’re in the presence of his old mentor the White Rabbit. Victor is grateful for the rabbit’s presence - as well as the presence of a certain friendly mermaid - because the two portal jumpers act as a buffer, and give Jefferson a boost of encouragement. Victor discovers another stunning secret that day - Jefferson <em> was </em> born with magic in his blood, but such a miniscule amount that it almost didn’t matter. </p><p>If Victor could analyze the cells of an Enchanted Forest native, he could ascertain how natural magic worked on a genetic level. Many abilities - like Jefferson’s portals - are granted by magical objects. <em> Rumplestiltskin’s </em> magic isn’t natural - <em> his </em> powers come from the Dark One’s dagger - but Regina and Zelena were born with theirs, inheriting their powers from their mother. Emma Swan was born with <em> incredibly </em> strong magic. This meant these abilities could have physical origins, but without proper study, there’s no way to know for sure. </p><p>Jefferson tells him that day to stop asking questions. He tells Victor to have faith that magic just <em>works</em>, and move on.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson frequently worries about money. After Grace moves back in with him, Jefferson checks his fake bank account daily, asking Victor how it’s possible that his fortune still exists. One day, Jefferson can’t log into his fake bank’s fake website, and has an anxiety attack that compels him to destroy the whole computer.</p><p>“Where is it?” he begs Victor desperately, who doesn’t understand how Storybrooke’s economy works either. “I don’t have a job, Vic,” he tells him, rocking back and forth on his office floor, spiraling. “What am I gonna do? <em> What am I gonna do? </em> I don’t have a job, <em>I don’t have a job!” </em></p><p>“You can cook,” Victor blurts, for lack of any better ideas. “Right? Maybe you can cook, or something.”</p><p>Jefferson leaps to his feet and immediately begins researching how to run a restaurant. One year later, he opens one. Jefferson had lived as two men who never liked working, so Jefferson works his ass off making Hatter’s the best place in town.</p><p>Grace’s birthdays - (Paige’s birthdays, too) - are occasions that allow Jefferson to shower her with gifts. Not all of the gifts are expensive and many are practical, but all are smartly wrapped. His daughter doesn’t want lots of toys, but does appreciate the <em> food</em>. </p><p>“We got by just fine,” Jefferson tells Victor with a smile, of their year in the Enchanted Forest, before the third Curse zapped everyone back to Storybrooke. “It was like old times, but it was okay. We were together.”</p><p>Returning to Storybrooke returned them to his other half’s mansion, which filled Jefferson with relief. </p><p>“Grace can have everything she needs, and anything she wants,” he tells Victor, sighing happily. “How is that a curse?”</p><p>Jefferson overdoes it with the food, sometimes, because Paige likes chicken fingers and Grace likes vegetable stew, and neither wants to try the more unusual dishes he makes, cooked with all the ingredients Jefferson never had growing up. But cookies and cakes are always a hit, so Jefferson bakes every flavor. It’s easy to distribute whatever cookies Grace doesn’t like - Granny pays Jefferson well for them and starts serving them at the diner - but his fancier dishes need to be consumed right from the oven, so those are eaten by Victor, who lies to the man and says they’re all delicious. Jefferson was a good liar himself back in the day, so he can tell when Victor’s fibbing, but appreciates his compliments all the same.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Victor worries that Storybrooke’s Jefferson is too easily triggered by the Hatter’s insecurities. He’s seen Jefferson panic from his Wonderland PTSD, and his compulsive mutterings display shades of the Mad Hatter, but Storybrooke’s Jefferson bleeds through during angrier outbursts.</p><p>“What’s the fucking <em> point?” </em> he yells, aggressively throwing an only slightly burned tray of muffins at the wall. He sweeps the counter with his arm, sending everything else crashing to the floor. </p><p>“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Victor asks. “Clean this up! Grace will be home soon!”</p><p>“You gonna call me crazy, now?” Jefferson asks with a sneer.</p><p>“I’m gonna call you a goddamn asshole,” says Victor, picking things up off the floor and putting them on the counter. “What happened?”</p><p>“It’s burnt,” Jefferson says, like that’s a good excuse. “I have to start over.”</p><p>Victor gives him an incredulous look. </p><p>“How are you supposed to start over? You’ve trashed the kitchen!”</p><p>“I don’t know!” he shouts. “I’ll just…”</p><p>Jefferson starts helping him clean, which Victor considers more mature than storming out of the house, which has happened before. </p><p>There’s too much to collect - his ingredients are scattered everywhere - so Jefferson makes a frustrated noise and sits down, leaning heavily against the refrigerator. </p><p>“Forget about the muffins,” says Victor. “Just clean everything up. You can try again tomorrow.”</p><p>“Jam tomorrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today,” Jefferson says, in sing-song. He giggles. When his laughter fades, he tells Victor, in his normal voice, “It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards." Jefferson sighs, closing his eyes. “I'd <em> really </em> prefer remembering the week after next.”</p><p>Sometimes Jefferson can’t get out of bed. </p><p>“I don’t know what’s <em> wrong </em> with me,” he moans, pulling his blanket tighter around himself. “This doesn’t make any <em> sense.” </em></p><p>It doesn’t make sense at all, Victor thinks, but he doesn’t say this out loud. How can a magical curse give a person Bipolar Disorder? Science has determined that it’s a <em> physical </em> problem that occurs in the brain’s neurotransmitters. The Dark Curse puzzles him more every day, when he thinks too hard about it. Victor still remembers 43 years of being Jonathan Whale.</p><p>He researches non-magical cases of Bipolar and prescribes Jefferson a mood stabilizer. Jefferson looks up at Victor with profound disappointment, but swallows the pills anyway. </p><p>“It’s just a small dose,” Victor says.</p><p>“Of what?” Jefferson asks, narrowing his eyes at the doctor.</p><p>“Lamotrigine, taken twice a day.”</p><p>Jefferson sighs. “It’s not gonna help. I’m broken.”</p><p>It helps.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“You didn’t know,” says Regina, seeing Victor’s sad look, when she reveals to him the truth about Jefferson’s sad childhood.</p><p>“What can I say?” Victor replies. “You’ve known each other for fifty years.”</p><p>Victor tells Jefferson he spoke to Regina, but doesn’t tell him about Zelena’s Hat. Jefferson is having a good day and he’s in a good mood. Every day he feels less rotten about what Regina did to him, but he will not ever forgive her. Neither Jefferson nor Regina think she deserves his forgiveness anyway.</p><p>“How <em> is </em> the witch?” he asks cheerfully, though the smile could be fake. </p><p>The Hatter doesn’t call Regina a “bitch” or any vulgar insult. Storybrooke’s Jefferson has no such decorum and says she’s a “cunt.”</p><p>“Good,” says Victor. “She said she hopes you’re doing well.”</p><p>Jefferson looks skeptical and snorts a laugh. </p><p>“Yeah, right,” he says. </p><p>Victor leaves it at that. Telling Jefferson that Regina is concerned about him - that she <em> cares </em> about him - would cause Jefferson to question <em> why </em> his well-being came up. He and Regina have had a truce for many years - a silent agreement to never speak again. If they run into each other in town, Jefferson won’t even look at her.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Did you ever see this video game?” Jefferson asks Victor with a grin, showing him World of Warcraft’s website. </p><p>“Yeah, that’s been out for a long time. Did you ever play it?”</p><p>“I’ve been there,” he says fondly. “To Azeroth.”</p><p><em> “That’s </em> Azeroth?” Victor asks, and he shouldn’t give Jefferson such an incredulous look. After all, he’s Doctor Frankenstein. </p><p>“Would you…?” Victor trails off. He was about to ask Jefferson to create an account so he can show him what Azeroth looks like. Dismissing the thought, Victor says, “No, it’s stupid. And weird. This is all still <em> really </em> weird.”</p><p>“I agree,” says Jefferson. “But Grace and I already signed up, and she asked me to join her guild.” With some sadness, he adds,  “I can’t tell her the truth, Vic. She needs to think it’s all fake.”</p><p>“But you want to show <em> me </em> where you’ve been, don’t you?”</p><p>“Yes,” says Jefferson. “Oh! We can go to the Jade Forest!” Excited by the idea, Jefferson clicks around the website for information about whatever that is. With disappointment, he says, “Aw, you have to be level 80 to go there.”</p><p>“I don’t have that kind of time.”</p><p>“Maybe I can port you there once my mage is a high enough level. I’m pretty busy, too, so it might take a while.”</p><p>“It’s a date,” says Victor, not understanding what any of those words mean. He kisses Jefferson’s cheek. “I’m going to the hospital. I’ll see you later.”</p><p>“Wait!” says Jefferson. “I want to show you something.”</p><p>Jefferson logs into his account, while Victor impatiently waits. He leans over Jefferson’s shoulder to see the screen better. Jefferson points to his character. </p><p>“Watch this,” he says, and presses a key. His character suddenly disappears and reappears some distance away from where he started. “I had a girlfriend who could do that.” </p><p>Then he selects a different ability, but this time the button is on the monitor and Jefferson clicks it with his mouse. His character begins to glow, casting some sort of spell. Jefferson looks back at Victor, as excited as a little kid. Victor wonders what sort of spell it is, to make a grown man so giddy.</p><p>The character finishes casting his spell, and the game changes to a loading screen. When the game returns, Jefferson’s character has reappeared in a different room, in what looks like a different building. Victor doesn’t know these places, so he doesn’t understand what’s special about it. </p><p>“What am I looking at?” he asks. </p><p>“I’ve ported to another city, across the ocean.”</p><p>“‘Ported’ as in teleported? <em> That’s </em> what’s got you so excited?”</p><p>“Cut me some slack. I haven’t been able to do that for a very long time.”</p><p>“You know it’s just a game, right?”</p><p>Jefferson spins his chair around and looks up at Victor. In a serious tone, he says, “It’s brought my life nothing but pain, but sometimes I <em> miss </em> doing magic. I <em> know </em> it’s just a game, but it’s the closest I can get.”</p><p>“Alright,” says Victor. “As long as you’re having fun. Now I gotta go, but I’ll be back after my shift. I’ll call you if anything changes.”</p><p>Halfway out the door, Victor registers something Jefferson said, and returns to his office. </p><p>“You had a <em> girlfriend </em> who was a <em> mage?” </em></p><p>“Oh yeah,” says Jefferson casually. “She was a real piece of work. Didn’t I tell you mages were real?”</p><p>“Yes, but not that you<em> dated </em> one.”</p><p>“First rule of the Hat,” Jefferson says, holding up one finger. “Never tell a mage about the Hat.”</p><p>“Something tells me there’s a story there.”</p><p>“Nope. I made that rule before we met, and it’s the reason we broke up.”</p><p>“You told <em> me </em> about it.”</p><p>“You had no magic of your own, Dr. Frankenstein. You came all the way to my land to steal some.”</p><p>“Was this girlfriend powerful?”</p><p>“Don’t you have someplace to be?” Jefferson asks. “Somebody’s jealous,” he teases.</p><p>Victor rolls his eyes.</p><p>“She wasn’t as powerful as Regina,” Jefferson says. “<em>No </em> mage is as powerful as Regina.”</p><p>“Do you---?”</p><p>“Miss her? No, but I give credit where it’s due.”</p><p>Jefferson turns around, his focus back on the game. </p><p>“See you later,” Jefferson says, dropping the topic of Regina as if he’d never mentioned her. </p><p>“See you.”</p><p>Victor smiles at Jefferson, but inside he feels uncomfortable and awkward. He wishes he hadn’t asked about Jefferson’s old girlfriend, though it doesn’t seem to have upset him, it's only made him nostalgic. </p><p>In his office at the hospital, Victor searches for “Jade Forest” on Google - a guide to World of Warcraft is the first hit. The land is a beautiful place - a lush rainforest with stone spires and Chinese architecture. It’s also full of anthropomorphic pandas and located on a continent uncreatively named “Pandaria.”</p><p>“So<em> this </em> is where you take all your dates,” Victor mutters, recognizing the name of the continent from Jefferson’s stories. (Regina confirmed the place really existed as well.) The revelation is too funny to make Victor jealous.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Victor’s <strong>fourth</strong> theory about Jefferson’s boundaries, and his hesitancy to define their relationship, is that he’s not over his late wife Priscilla. Jefferson’s only real relationship, his <em> marriage - </em> (and he has referred to Priscilla as the love of his life) <em> - </em> ended in tragedy. Jefferson blames himself for her death to this day. </p><p>Not that Victor wants to <em> marry </em> him or anything. That’s absurd! They’ve been having sex for a little over a year - not enough time to decide to get <em> married</em>. They don’t know each other well enough for marriage, Victor thinks. (Which isn’t strictly true. Jefferson has known Victor for thirty years, though the doctor can’t remember it.)</p><p>“Let’s get married,” Jefferson says one day.</p><p>Astonished, Victor replies, “I was thinking the same thing.”</p><p>On Victor’s next day off, they go to the Courthouse. They rope two random witnesses into the ceremony from the hallway, who recognize him as Dr. Whale and his fiancé as “that weird rich guy.”</p><p>Grace is furious they didn’t invite her. She was still in <em> class! </em></p><p>“You have to have a wedding,” she insists. “Papa, you love throwing parties!”</p><p>They are sitting in Jefferson’s kitchen and her father fidgets uncomfortably. </p><p>“We don’t <em> need </em>a wedding,” he says.</p><p>“You mean you don’t <em> want </em>one,” says Grace, and she looks so disappointed it’s almost heartbreaking. “But you two love each other!” she says. “Don’t you want to show everybody?”</p><p>Victor says, “Your Papa is just a very private person, and--”</p><p>“It’s because of your mother,” Jefferson says, and Victor is shocked by the admission. “Our wedding was so special, and...and thinking about it makes me sad.”</p><p>“Don’t be sad, Papa,” says Grace, covering his hand with hers. “I would have loved to see it.”</p><p>“I wish we had cameras back then,” he says. “I’d love to show you.”</p><p>“You can do whatever you want,” says Grace. “At least you’re finally being <em> honest.” </em></p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Victor asks, but he’s the only one offended.</p><p>“That you two are in love,” Grace explains. “You’ve stopped dodging the issue. Have you even said it out loud?”</p><p>They have, but only in the dark.</p><p>“She won’t mind,” Grace says to Jefferson, meaning Priscilla. “She would have wanted you to be happy.”</p><p>They have a party at the mansion, but don’t have a ceremony.</p><p>“I bet you could have thrown an awesome bash,” one guest says.</p><p>“Next time,” Jefferson replies, winking at Grace. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Look, we had some wine and made each other feel good," Jefferson says. "It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>“I never said it was.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“It’s not happening again, though.”</p><p>The thief's face falls in disappointment.</p><p>“...Okay.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Who <em> was </em> that guy?” William asks.</p><p>He went with Jefferson to the Land Without Color for a Swap, but never interacted with Dr. Frankenstein himself.</p><p>“I’ve been sworn to secrecy. Besides, I thought you wanted to stay out of the Dark One’s business.”</p><p>“You’re right,” says William. “I don’t want to know.”</p><p>Jefferson has few friends to tell such things, so he says, “I’ll tell ya this - the guy was kinda handsome.”</p><p>William chuckles. </p><p>“How do you figure? The people there looked awfully strange, sapped of all color.”</p><p>“No, when I took him to our land,” Jefferson says, miming an explosion and making a popping noise, “all his colors <em> popped.” </em></p><p>“What else popped, you shameless rogue?”</p><p>“It wasn’t like that!” Jefferson protests, and William looks at him skeptically. “Well, he <em> was--” </em>Jefferson makes an effeminate twirl of his wrist.</p><p>“Of course,” says William, his tone tinged with amusement, with no judgement. “Even if he wasn’t, who could possibly resist the Hatter?”</p><p>“I detect sarcasm.”</p><p>“You’re a <em> freak, </em> little brother. I’m shocked these people find you attractive.”</p><p>Jefferson gasps with exaggerated offense. </p><p>“Just because I’m not classically, ruggedly handsome…”</p><p>“You act like your arse smells like roses, and such arrogance can be off-putting.”</p><p>“It’s worked so far.”</p><p>“Are you ever going back there? To the Land Without Color?”</p><p>“Why, do you miss it already?”</p><p>William huffs a laugh, shaking his head no.</p><p>“I mean will you go back to see the gentleman who popped your colors.”</p><p>“No, I won’t be seeing him again. He’s pretty freaky himself. He wants to raise the dead!” Jefferson laughs. </p><p>“Now I<em> really </em>don’t want to know what you’ve been doing for the Dark One.”</p><p>“He’s the sort of man who thinks he knows everything, but really knows nothing at all.”</p><p>“Sounds like someone I know.”</p><p>“Two fools can’t make a marriage, William. Somebody’s gotta be the smart one.”</p><p>“You’re too young to talk of marriage.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t plan on <em> ever </em> getting married. Gods forbid that ever happens!”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Do you have the rings?” the judge asks. </p><p>They had a day to prepare, and Jefferson still forgot. He starts to get anxious. Victor touches his arm to calm him, but it doesn’t help much. </p><p>“I was supposed to pick them up, but--”</p><p>“Shh, it’s fine,” says Victor.</p><p>“I’ve fucked things up already.”</p><p>Jefferson glances nervously at the random Storybrooke citizens they snagged for witnesses.</p><p>“You haven’t fucked anything up. We can pick out some nice ones later. Let’s get through the vows and we’ll go together, okay?”</p><p>“You’re too good to me,” says Jefferson. He says it louder for everybody else. “I’m marrying a saint.”</p><p>“I’m no saint.”</p><p>“Don’t listen to him. He’s the best husband,” he tells them. To Victor, Jefferson says, “Oh Christ, you’re my husband.” </p><p>“Are you regretting this already?” Victor teases. By the look on Jefferson’s face, the answer to that question might actually be yes. “Oh.”</p><p>To try and erase whatever sad look Victor is making, Jefferson kisses him. The two witnesses applaud, then check their watches. </p><p>“I haven't said you can kiss yet,” says the judge. With an annoyed-sounding sigh, he says, “But I’ll allow it.” </p><p>Afterwards, as they’re leaving the Courthouse, Jefferson puts that three-foot forcefield back up. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” asks Victor, when Jefferson puts space between them. “Are you really having second thoughts?”</p><p>“No,” he says. “No, I just…It’s weird.”</p><p>“I know,” Victor says, laughing. “We <em> did </em> that.”</p><p>“We did.”</p><p>“We got <em> married.” </em></p><p>“It was inevitable,” says Jefferson.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>Jefferson gestures to their general surroundings - the Town of Storybrooke.</p><p>“We’re the only main characters left to pair off.”</p><p>“You think we’re main characters?” Victor asks doubtfully.</p><p><em> “You’re </em> Dr. Frankenstein!” says Jefferson, with some amazement. “I married <em> Frankenstein.” </em>He laughs. “It sounds insane!”</p><p>“I’m guessing that you’re not<em> actually </em>taking my name, though.”</p><p>“Ohh, <em>no.</em> I’m sticking with Hatter. You can keep the whole…” He gestures at Victor, waving his hand to indicate<em> ‘everything.’</em></p><p>“Hmm,” says Victor. “Maybe this <em> was </em> a bad idea.”</p><p>“It’s too late. You’re stuck with me.”</p><p>Victor laughs. “We can still get an annulment, you know.”</p><p>“I won’t sign one.”</p><p>After a beat, Victor asks, just to make sure, “You know I’m joking, right?” </p><p>He takes Jefferson’s hand, and to his pleasant surprise, the man squeezes his hand back. Victor tugs him closer, so they’re near enough to kiss. </p><p>“I <em> want </em> this,” Victor says. “Do you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jefferson replies, kissing Victor there on the sidewalk, in front of everyone. “I do.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've never been sure if writing Curse!Jefferson with a mental illness was offensive or ableist, but I explain where the idea came from in my endnotes <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/76941221#work_endnotes">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Première Foi (Mad Whale)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A rundown of Jefferson’s first same-sex experiences. (Storybrooke’s Jefferson and Victor Whale’s too.) 972 words.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>Content Warning:</b> There are <b>two references</b> to underage <b>rape</b>. The second one happens in a brothel - (the characters swoop in to try and stop it) - but it's not graphic.</p><p>The character William is from the comic “Out of the Past” and first appears in <a href="#section0050">Chapter 50</a>. The original character Michelle is from a few past chapters as well. Jefferson hooked up with Victor in the Enchanted Forest in <a href="#section0009">Chapter 9</a>, and went on a date (sort of) with Dr. Whale during the Curse in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555469/chapters/68504873#workskin">Chapter 8</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jonathan Whale's first time kissing a boy is during a game of Spin the Bottle. He is 17 and experienced with girls. He is not a blushing flower, and freaks his partner out by deepening the peck his classmate gives him. The others whistle and cheer and the boy blushes. The boy spins the bottle again, getting a girl this time, to his great relief, while Jonathan laughs at him.</p><p>Jonathan's first time touching another man is during his first year in college, both drunk on shots of tequila. He goes further with someone one year later, pretending it's the booze, then secretly visits the local gay bar to lose his virginity entirely. He doesn't <em> not </em> like it, but it rarely happens over the years. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Victor Frankenstein's first kiss with a boy is a peck on the cheek when he is 13. They both deny it happened and never speak of it again.</p><p>His first time with a man is with a portal jumping thief named Jefferson. He's 26 years old, while the magician is just a kid, which is more obvious with his clothes off. The boy is impatient, but experienced. The encounter is illuminating and feels better than Victor could have imagined.</p><p>They don't deny it happened, but never speak of it again.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson Hatter is 11 years old when he first kisses a boy. It's barely a kiss, but he gets his ass kicked anyway. The boy flips out and calls Jefferson names. The village bully catches wind of it and beats Jefferson even harder. While living in that village, he doesn't try anything like it again. He's even hesitant with girls, even though they're very pretty. They're <em> all </em> pretty, and so is Jefferson. Too pretty for this village, which gets him mocked too.</p><p>The first time Jefferson has a man in his mouth, he is 14 years old and needs the money.</p><p>The first time Jefferson learns sex with men can actually be pleasurable, he is 17 and camping with some of his new mentor William's friends. Criminals don't trust each other easily, but they do have codes, and the weather is bad so these men need to stick together while the storm blows over. </p><p>William would normally share his tent with Jefferson, but notices the shy glances a boy is giving him by the campfire. They are both around the same age, and William has lived long enough on the fringes of society to stop believing what close-minded people think. When Jefferson realizes William is trying to set him up with the boy, it surprises him, in a good way. </p><p>"You two will have to share," William says, with great seriousness and a reason he makes up that could be real but obviously isn't. Jefferson and the boy don't do much more than kiss in that tent, but it's wonderful, <em> so </em> wonderful, though he's embarrassed to say. Jefferson is thinking too much like a girl.</p><p>His name is Patrick, and he is 18 and understanding. They would normally separate quickly after, running off to their own tents, but the rain is falling hard and their bedrolls are small so Jefferson wakes up with Patrick's arm around him.</p><p>But they can't stay. As they're leaving, William asks with a sly smile if Jefferson slept well. They don't speak of it again, or of anything like it, unless Jefferson gets cocky and starts bragging. His first time is with a <em> stunning </em> Elven man he meets in Azeroth. Nobody cares who you're fucking in Azeroth.</p><p>The first time he's in Patrick's position, he is 20 years old with some weird "scientist" named Frankenstein, who he asks to call the shots in bed and can't tell is actually a virgin. The guy is <em> that </em> good.</p><p>The first time Jefferson sees a little girl being raped like he was, in one of the seamier brothels, he tears the man away from her and ferally attacks. She and the other women don't appreciate such a brawl, but Jefferson kicks the man between the legs until William can pull him away. William apologizes profusely to everyone there, which Jefferson thinks he shouldn't have to. He is 19 years old, six feet tall, and better now at defending the defenseless. </p><p>When Jefferson is 21, he fucks a girl who's 17 and doesn't blink at the hypocrisy.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jefferson something-or-other first kisses a boy in high school, in much the same way Jonathan Whale does, on a dare. When his father finds out, he is disappointed but not surprised. Jefferson is a disappointment in many ways, so being gay is merely added to a growing list.</p><p>Jefferson isn't gay, and it confuses people until he meets others in New York City who are like him. Neither straight people nor gay people can quite figure him out, and he cares a lot about their opinions until one day he doesn't.</p><p>He has difficulty with alcohol and drugs, mental illness and money, so being bisexual falls further and further down the list of Jefferson's failures.</p><p>His first time is in college, but not when he's drunk. He's on an actual date, and sees the guy a few more times after that, until the guy he's dating finds out that Jefferson is crazy.</p><p>Lithium works pretty well, when he actually takes it, but then again, they shove Lithium down everybody's throat.</p><p>Lithium makes him feel like shit and slows his brain down too much. His girlfriend Michelle notices, but is grateful, because he's not manic. When they didn't know what it was and had him on Prozac, the antidepressant had only made his mania worse. </p><p>No man or woman will date him anymore, so gender doesn't matter. He's in some shithole called Storybrooke now, and the only guy like him is Dr. Whale, and what kind of fucking name is <em> Dr. Whale? </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <b>Author's Note 01/19/21:</b>
</p><p>What I'm about to share is personal, but I want to explain my use of mental illness in my fanfiction, and my reasons for writing about it. (This disclaimer comes very late, since this fanfic series originally went up in November 2012.) The reason I latched onto the idea of Curse!Jefferson having Bipolar Disorder was because I have it myself.</p><p>It was November 2012 at the time, and I had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder one year earlier, after struggling for answers for years. I had been in and out of therapy since I was 19 years old, and on and off different medications since I was 22. In 2011, when I was 26, I found a mood stabilizer that works for me and have been taking it ever since.</p><p>My concern this is offensive stems from this: I know that the character Jefferson in his introduction in S1E17, "Hat Trick," is very creepy and violent, holding Snow hostage and Emma at gunpoint. The audience is shown how <i>angry</i> and desperate Jefferson has become over the years, from magical curses, family separation, nobody believing him, and his mental breakdown in Wonderland. I <i>also</i> know that people with Bipolar Disorder do <i>not</i> appreciate being stereotyped as explosive and dangerous, even though, in my personal experience, we can be. </p><p>The idea spawned from Jefferson's scene with David in S2E2, "We Are Both," when he describes his experience of the Dark Curse as "Double the pain, double the suffering." And this, along with Jefferson ticking off <i>all</i> the Bipolar boxes, gave me the idea that Curse!Jefferson had a miserable life already, as part of his fabricated history. (I pulled this headcanon from literally nowhere, though, and it really only applies to my fanfics.)</p><p>So, that's why Curse!Jefferson has a mental illness in my fanfiction. (I'm also certain I became so attached to Jefferson because of my own experiences with "madness.") As for why I would write about it again in 2020, despite such misgivings, and make it even <i> more</i> explicit this time? I don't know, why do we "mad" people do anything? (Kidding aside, it's because I still want to explore my mental health through my writing, so I went back to this existing character to do it.)</p><p>-----</p><p>On a final note, I still find the dual identities from the Dark Curse fascinating. I like exploring mental illness not only literally, but through <b>metaphor</b> as well. I realize the overlap between real diagnoses and magic spells is where things get <i>muddled.</i> The Dark Curse just strikes me as so uniquely horrifying, yet distressingly relatable, that I keep returning to explore it. </p><p>Mental health is nuanced, of course, but that's what it all comes down to, in my experience - feeling like you've been <i><b>cursed.</b></i></p><p>In this case, with two states of being - either flipping back and forth, or powerfully possessed by both. You haven't <i>lost</i> your mind, it has e x p a n d e d. You've been saddled with a second one. She is unwelcome and unhelpful. You don't want her around - she makes things too confusing! - but you're stuck with her. She remembers all your shared experiences differently. She's so anxious, so paranoid. She tells you to either give up completely or never stop moving. She is disagreeable and irrational and she's there on the periphery all the time, ready to contradict your choices and contradict reality. There are always two of you - maybe there always have been and always will be - and you can't always be sure which you is you and which is her, or the point at which it even matters anymore.</p><p>I think that gives you all some idea why I picked <i>this</i> character to write about.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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